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Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 15

post #281 of 512
The senior midwife at my first birth had a bad case of "don't wanna be here" or something:

"I can't check you like that!!!" (I was on my hands and knees and already pushing.)

"I can't catch your baby like that!!!" (I was still on hands and knees, but not for much longer, obviously.)

"You're going to have to actually WORK to get this baby out!" (Uh yeah, you may have noticed that I've broken a sweat, here.)

"OH just tell yourself to stop bleeding!" (Trust me, we've been talking about it, but my body says as long as you're yelling at me, it's going to keep pumping adrenalin.)

"No! Hold your breast out of the way! Don't make him choose between breathing and nursing!" ("Advice" given seconds into my first attempt at nursing my DAUGHTER.)

LOL, it's funny in retrospect, especially knowing she won't be at my upcoming birth.
post #282 of 512
I had a mean nurse (we called her "the mean nurse" the whole hospital stay) tell me that too! My DD was a preemie, hooked up to monitors because she stopped breathing for a minute. When I said I wanted to try to breastfeed her when she was about 90 minutes old, mean nurse said, "She needs to figure out how to breathe first." I told her we were going to try anyway! She did just fine. I only got to hold her for maybe 10 minutes before she was wisked away to the NICU and I was left completely alone with the midwife stitching me up for 45 minutes. My family and DH went with my DD which was good I guess, but it was a very bizarre feeling.

There are so many sad stories here.
post #283 of 512
Wow. I read the whole thread. Some of these stories are truly horrifying.

I'll add my own (stupid, not horrifying) annecdote when I get a chance.
post #284 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
This made me start crying. Now there's a nurse who was born for her job.
the L&D nurse i had after dd's emergency c-section was wonderful. dd was taken to the NICU about 20 minutes after she was born due to breathing issues. my nurse would go and look in on her and give me reports on how she was doing, she kept telling me how beautiful my baby was and how great she was doing. it was so reassuring to me. unfortunatly i didn't get to see dd myself until the next day because i was too unstable and had to be in the ICU overnight.
post #285 of 512
Quote:
this came from my husband during dd1's birth as I'm pushing and screaming in agony and he is holding my legs:

"Man, I really shouldn't have had those eggs in the cafeteria. I feel so nauseous. I mean, I really don't feel good. Do you know how long it takes for food poisoning to happen? My stomach is killing me."

I wanted to rip his nuts off. I am the one with a child's head lighting my crotch on fire and contractions that make me feel like my uterus is being ripped out of my back and he has a belly ache?
nak

okay, that one woke the baby up!

:

DH complained about being tired the next day... but quickly caught himself and said that i was the wrong person to complain to. he and the midwfe were great.

seriously though, some of these stories make me want to be a birth advocate.
post #286 of 512
oh yeah, i forgot. dh was hilarious.

after the birth and placenta, baby is nursing i my arms and the mw is about to sew up my wonky tear and is ready to give me a local.

MW: "now, this won't hurt much, just like a bee sting"

DH: "that's right honey, just like a bee stinging you in the vagina."

the whole room laughed. sisters, 2 mws and me.

trin
post #287 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trinitty View Post

MW: "now, this won't hurt much, just like a bee sting"

DH: "that's right honey, just like a bee stinging you in the vagina."
I just laughed until I cried. That is just about the funniest thing I have ever heard.
post #288 of 512
:
Ohhhh my gosh. That was a good one!! Thanks
post #289 of 512
really, i should stop reading this thread :
post #290 of 512
I can't remember anything from when dd was born. But before she was born, I was about 36 weeks, we were having sex and when I stood up blood just gushed out. My legs were completely covered and it was pooling on the floor. I immediately jumped in the shower and had dh call 911 because I was freaked out by all this bright red blood. It continued coming out in the shower and eventually stopped, I think I might have lost my mucous plug too.

When the very slow ambulance took me to the hospital the rude night nurse there asked me how much blood I lost and I said it had to be at least 1/2 a cup. She gave me a look like I was stupid and then said, "How do you know it was half a cup?" Why ask if you don't want my answer? Why ask if you aren't going to believe me.
The bleeding stopped and I went home without ever seeing a doctor and no information was given to me.

I do also remember being told by a nurse that I had flat nipples and that they were too small to breastfeed. At this point they were sticking straight out and were double the size they were before I was pregnant. I, of couse, do not have flat nipples she just didn't know what she was talking about. Instead she got us hooked on a sheild which caused all sorts of problems.
post #291 of 512
I'm only to page 3 but I am dying here!

Only one I can think of came out of my mouth. We had transferred in with my first (pain killer only....she was born within an hour of getting there) and the stupid nurse is asking the same questions over and over. After being asked for the third what my name was (she could have glanced up the page she was filling out and answered herself) I answered with, "Do you mind? I don't think we need to do this right now!" She started asking DH after that.

Fast forward a few minutes and the same nurse is trying to convince me I need to have my water broken. I asked why since I was just about ready to push and knew it wasn't needed. She replied with, "It'll help the baby get here". I just stared at her and said, "she's obviously coming, I think I'll pass".

After I got my pain killer I mentioned my blood felt cold, not I felt but my blood. I knew something was wrong. She rolled her eyes and told me that was normal. I reiterated it wasn't my temp. or skin that felt cold but my blood, it felt likke it suddenly weighed a ton. I passed out cold about 30 seconds later and required 2 bags of drugs to bring my blood pressure up high enough to even deem me alive. :
post #292 of 512
When I was in labor with my DD I had my back pressed up against the guardrail on the bed and I was on my side with my legs bent so my feet and were hanging off the bed (not sure if you can picture that)
A nurse came in and said I couldn't lie, "hanging off the bed"
I said it was a good position and it felt better this way.
she said, "well you must need c-section of your in that much pain"
post #293 of 512
When I was getting ready to push (on my back with no feeling from the waist down and my legs in stirrups) the nurse squirted Johnsons Baby Shampoo into my vagina. She was swishing it around, and my sister asked her what she was doing. She said:

"I can make bubbles!"


That's pretty stupid!!!!!
post #294 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by mytwogirls View Post
During the birth of my first daughter I was pushing like a mad woman (the babe was sunny-side up and BIG!) and I had been moaning loudly and being kinda loud. During a quiet moment, my OB ripped a HUGE fart and he (jokingly) blamed it on me saying "Don't push THAT hard." Everyone knew better and he was totally embarrassed. I now work for him and remind him of that "incident" every now and then.
That's HILARIOUS!
post #295 of 512
While I was pushing my DS out...DH took the digital "down there" to take a few pics and then came delightfully back to my side and said, "Look honey, he's RIGHT THERE...you're so close"

Like no *#)$, Sherlock. I know exactly where he is...I can feel his almost 10lb self trying to squeeze out of my vagina...I don't need a digital reminder of the fact:
post #296 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by Narn View Post
When I was getting ready to push (on my back with no feeling from the waist down and my legs in stirrups) the nurse squirted Johnsons Baby Shampoo into my vagina. She was swishing it around, and my sister asked her what she was doing. She said:

"I can make bubbles!"


That's pretty stupid!!!!!
Whaaaaaaat??? I've never heard of this. Shampoo? Why?!?!
post #297 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shilohsmom View Post
While I was pushing my DS out...DH took the digital "down there" to take a few pics and then came delightfully back to my side and said, "Look honey, he's RIGHT THERE...you're so close"

Like no *#)$, Sherlock. I know exactly where he is...I can feel his almost 10lb self trying to squeeze out of my vagina...I don't need a digital reminder of the fact:
He SHOWED you the picture?? :
post #298 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by Limabean1975 View Post
He SHOWED you the picture?? :
Oh yes, he showed me. Its too funny now...but at the time I was SOOO annoyed!
post #299 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by Limabean1975 View Post
Whaaaaaaat??? I've never heard of this. Shampoo? Why?!?!
I don't know. I posted about it a few months ago.

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=830292
post #300 of 512
Ohhh I have to add another one I just thought of when I was watching my first daughter's birth video. While I was pushing my 9lbs 2oz posterior girl out (and I am only 100lbs myself so you could imagine!) my hubby was watching me push and then looked up at me with HUGE eyes and said "Oh my god it is really true!"
I said "What is true?" as I am still pushing.
He said "Well, Mark (his fishing buddy) said women poop during delivery, but wow you just pooped a WHOLE bunch. I thought he was telling me a lie."
Ohhhh I could have kicked him in the head after that. :
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