Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 18

[Pinion67]

yeah- he is okay - but aftewr 15 years it would be really cool if e could find te laundry hamper!!!!!!

[Pinion67]

ok- that made me laugh out loud- toad squat rocks for giving birth!

[shelley4]

with DS's birth, we transferred to the hosp. because of slight mec. in the fluid, just "for observation" (i totally regret it now), but while we were there, i had a stupid nurse. i had really hard back labour.. to the point that i never once felt a contrax in my belly, it was all tail bone.. ouch! anyways, i closed my eyes between contrax, to rest, and the nurse was like "oh, she's sleeping", and i said "no, i'm awake, i can hear everything you say", but she kept insisting that i kept falling asleep... weird! but the bad part was that while i was pushing (for 2.5 hours!), she was telling me "to get really mad at your baby!!!"... why in the world would i be mad at my baby, for wanting to be born?!??!

and with DD1's home birth, my MW's assistant showed up in early labour, just to check how things are going. i never liked her throughout the whole pregnancy, and didn't want her there. i was working through a contrax with some nice, low, productive moaning, and she kept telling me to stop talking during contrax. um, i wasn't talking, i was moaning, and it felt GOOD! she wanted to check me, which i was ok with, but she wanted me to change position so that it would be easy for her... i was comfy where i was, so i told her to "leave, now. i don't like you!". i was so happy with myself, and DD was born an hour later, with the good MW in attendance.

[aurora_skys]

Originally Posted by OtherMother'n'Madre

I said no, but that it was bulging at my cervix. Her eyes get big and asked how I knew that so I told her I checked myself.

"Not only is that unsterile but pregnant women can't reach there cervix, much less tell what is going on. I'll have the dr. come check you."

Me and my dirty fingers must be REALLY flexible or freaky.

That sounds really strange to me, I assumed almost everyone could reach their cervix - pregnant or not. Its not like vaginas are a foot long or something Maybe that nurse had never taken the time to "explore" herself lol

[PookieMom]

Originally Posted by aurora_skys

That sounds really strange to me, I assumed almost everyone could reach their cervix - pregnant or not. Its not like vaginas are a foot long or something Maybe that nurse had never taken the time to "explore" herself lol

Well of course not! That's just very un-sanitary. It's much cleaner and healthier to let the Dr., on call Dr., resident, that other resident, an intern or two, a few nurses, and that other person (hey, he was wearing scrubs).....stick their "clearly" clean fingers up there

[Narn]

Originally Posted by aurora_skys

That sounds really strange to me, I assumed almost everyone could reach their cervix - pregnant or not. Its not like vaginas are a foot long or something Maybe that nurse had never taken the time to "explore" herself lol

I'm not going to try it to find out. The idea of touching my cervix gives me the willies.

[mandam]

A littl OT rant

I just need to vent a little.

I had an unplanned c-section. We did so much preparation to avoid that outcome but the deck was NOT stacked in my favor. A good friend of mine had her first today. She was the opposite of me. Little planning, wanted the drugs, very interventiony dr, the whole package. She gets a vaginal birth. I am a little bitter. Her s.o. told me the delivery was a little difficult. She pushed for over 3 hours and was cut, so she probably tore even more. So I just get off the phone with her and she says "next time I am getting a c-section." Yeah because that's so much easier. I'd have taken her birth situation over being sliced open while strapped to a table any time. I know she didn't mean anything by it but arggggg.

Okay vent over. I just needed to let that out somewhere where I wouldn't be seen as a bitter you-know-what

[elisent]

Originally Posted by aurora_skys

That sounds really strange to me, I assumed almost everyone could reach their cervix - pregnant or not. Its not like vaginas are a foot long or something Maybe that nurse had never taken the time to "explore" herself lol

It's hard for me to reach mine the third trimester. Not only do you have to reach around the bump, but also the cervix goes way high up there. Usually I can just barely reach it unless I work at it for quite a bit. It is cool, though, and especially helpful when I had constant preterm contractions and wanted to know if I was dilating more without running to the OB's every day.

[whalemilk]

I haven't tried in the third trimester yet but it was always hard for me to reach at ovulation when I was charting. Short fingers, short arms, tall vagina I guess. LOL.

[aurora_skys]

huh.. thats actually really interesting that some ppl can reach theirs and some cant.. i never considered it before! now im thinking like "what if i have a freakishly 'out there' cervix?!?" lol.

but not to hijack the thread anymore because i love love love these threads :>

[Marlet]

Told ya'll I was freaky...me and my freaky cervix. We compliment each other nicely I think.....I can twiddle her and she can tell me dirty stories about exploding membranes.












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[Pinion67]

i had 5 vb but 5th living baby decided to lie sideways ! they went in (owww) turned him - he flipped back, one more round and 10 hours in i was up for the c section (the first part of him out was an ear) but i am with you- i cant imagine choosing to be strapped down and cut open, to feel so removed from the process- my husband couldnt handle video so i did not get to see him born at all and 14 people in the or saw him before i did- not to mention the prolonged recovery time and hospital stay ( i have always been a one day in/out minimal or no meds person. No one comes for our births and we had 4 others at home who needed a mom not an invalid . I do not understand any appeal to any surgery !

[majikfaerie]

Originally Posted by OtherMother'n'Madre

Told ya'll I was freaky...me and my freaky cervix. We compliment each other nicely I think.....I can twiddle her and she can tell me dirty stories about exploding membranes.

:

ROTFLMFAO!!!!!!
:

[A_Random_Phrase]

Originally Posted by merry-mary

Let's see ... probably the resident who did a cervical check on me at the hospital. I did a natural birth in a hospital and worked with a doula. Resident charges in and announces she is going to break my bag of water. I informed her that no, no she wasn't breaking my bag of water, but she could examine me when I was ready. I was due for a contraction and started to have one when she was checking me. I yelled for her to get her hands out - NO NO NO OUT OUT OUT GET OUT is what I said. She looked positively disgusted. When I finished my contraction I told her to go ahead and resume the check, which she did in an extremely rough manner and it took her forever (my doula thinks this was purposeful, as she has never ever seen a longer cervical check in the 30 some years she has been involved with laboring women).

At the end of her cervical check, Resident tells me "you really need to get yourself under control.". Um, sure! My husband followed her out and told her under no circumstances was she permitted back in our room; if I needed to be checked, my doctor or the attending on duty would do so, and if she so much as stepped foot in the room, either he would escort her out, or security would.

Wonderful husband you have there! :

[CorasMama]

My nurse kept telling me to stop screaming. In her defense, I was really, really loud (they heard me down a block-long hallway, around a corner, behind operating room doors). In my defense, it was the only thing that helped me.

The only pain relief I really wanted was like a little local at my perenium as she crowned. I asked for that, and the response was, "well, if you'd bothered to come in before you got to 9.5 cm, we could have given you an epidural!" Right, bcs I need an amputation for a paper cut!

[CorasMama]

My nurse kept telling me to stop screaming. In her defense, I was really, really loud (they heard me down a block-long hallway, around a corner, behind operating room doors). In my defense, it was the only thing that helped me.

The only pain relief I really wanted was like a little local at my perenium as she crowned. I asked for that, and the response was, "well, if you'd bothered to come in before you got to 9.5 cm, we could have given you an epidural!" Right, bcs I need an amputation for a paper cut!

[TenderHearted29]

At my first birth, after being on pit for 12 hrs and only being 4 cm dilated, my husband decided to go to the bathroom, read the paper and shave. While he was gone, my brother in law came by to keep me company. I was pretty numb due to the epi, but I suddenly felt like the baby was falling out of me. I told my BIL to go get someone quickly and instead he picked up the sheet and looked. : I was completely horrified. He turned white, started sweating and yelling for help in a freakily high voice. I ended up w/ a forceps "assisted" delivery an hr later. My Doctor had sterile drapes all over me and when I went to grab my ds off of my belly, he hit my hand with a clamp and said "Don't do that, you know better. It's a sterile field." I am a nurse, so I said "what in the world is sterile about childbirth?" He then started cussing at me in Spanish. I ended up having a 4th degree epi. My next OB was wonderful. She ended up inducing me though and went home after I had been on pit again for 12 hrs and was only 4 cm. Suddenly I was complete and DS2 had crowned. My Doctor was in the shower at home, with her beeper on vibrate. When she got out, she noticed the beeper had vibrated off the bathroom counter onto the floor. She ran into my room about 5 min later w/ wet hair saying "I didn't even get to put my deoderant on"....I didn't end up with an epi or tearing...I never even actively pushed. Much better the second time around...

[GISDiva]

After my awesome natural birth my best friend who was there called her sister to let her know that we had a healthy baby boy. Now, her sister told me to get an epidural before I was even pregnant. So when my best friend told her that I had a great drug-free labor she says:

"She's not even taking a Tylenol?"

The midwives had a good chuckle over that.

[Sesshoumaru's Girl]

Not sure if this is "funny" but . . . . . .

A few yrs ago, my BF Mel was having her second baby and instead of getting drugs, she decided that orgasms would be a great way to cope with the pain, well she was very subtle about it (made sure the sheets covered her up)

Well when her nurse found out she was "taking things in hand" she started lecturing her about how dangerous it was to "mess around" during labor and that it wasn't appropriate. Mel, her DH and I just LOAO, it was just too much. Come on, it wasn't like she was doing it in the damn hallway! Her hubby and I didn't even know what she was doing until the nurse started bitching. Well her nurse told the Dr and when he came in the room he gave Mel a high five and said " Cool!" I thought the nurse was gonna have a heart attack! LMAO!

[fruitful womb]

Originally Posted by Sesshoumaru's Girl

A few yrs ago, my BF Mel was having her second baby and instead of getting drugs, she decided that orgasms would be a great way to cope with the pain, well she was very subtle about it (made sure the sheets covered her up)

Well when her nurse found out she was "taking things in hand" she started lecturing her about how dangerous it was to "mess around" during labor and that it wasn't appropriate. Mel, her DH and I just LOAO, it was just too much. Come on, it wasn't like she was doing it in the damn hallway! Her hubby and I didn't even know what she was doing until the nurse started bitching. Well her nurse told the Dr and when he came in the room he gave Mel a high five and said " Cool!" I thought the nurse was gonna have a heart attack! LMAO!

: : OMG : breath, : Way to go mama!