Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 19

[fruitful womb]

Originally Posted by TenderHearted29

At my first birth, after being on pit for 12 hrs and only being 4 cm dilated, my husband decided to go to the bathroom, read the paper and shave. While he was gone, my brother in law came by to keep me company. I was pretty numb due to the epi, but I suddenly felt like the baby was falling out of me. I told my BIL to go get someone quickly and instead he picked up the sheet and looked. : I was completely horrified. He turned white, started sweating and yelling for help in a freakily high voice. I ended up w/ a forceps "assisted" delivery an hr later. My Doctor had sterile drapes all over me and when I went to grab my ds off of my belly, he hit my hand with a clamp and said "Don't do that, you know better. It's a sterile field." I am a nurse, so I said "what in the world is sterile about childbirth?" He then started cussing at me in Spanish. I ended up having a 4th degree epi. My next OB was wonderful. She ended up inducing me though and went home after I had been on pit again for 12 hrs and was only 4 cm. Suddenly I was complete and DS2 had crowned. My Doctor was in the shower at home, with her beeper on vibrate. When she got out, she noticed the beeper had vibrated off the bathroom counter onto the floor. She ran into my room about 5 min later w/ wet hair saying "I didn't even get to put my deoderant on"....I didn't end up with an epi or tearing...I never even actively pushed. Much better the second time around...

Y'k, you're a perfect candidate to do a Home Birth.

[majikfaerie]

Originally Posted by Sesshoumaru's Girl

A few yrs ago, my BF Mel was having her second baby and instead of getting drugs, she decided that orgasms would be a great way to cope with the pain, well she was very subtle about it (made sure the sheets covered her up)

Well when her nurse found out she was "taking things in hand" she started lecturing her about how dangerous it was to "mess around" during labor and that it wasn't appropriate. Mel, her DH and I just LOAO, it was just too much. Come on, it wasn't like she was doing it in the damn hallway! Her hubby and I didn't even know what she was doing until the nurse started bitching. Well her nurse told the Dr and when he came in the room he gave Mel a high five and said " Cool!" I thought the nurse was gonna have a heart attack! LMAO!

freakin AWESOME!!!!
that dr rocks (um, she did high-five him with the other hand though... right? )

[amberskyfire]

My mother loves to tell the story about when I was born. It wasn't so much what my father "said" as what he did. My father was always really bad about remembering to refill the car's gas tank and they ran out of gas on the way to the hospital. My mother was FURIOUS but my dad didn't think it was such a big deal

I had an unassisted birth and before the birth, I coached my husband on what to say and do. I told him that when I hit transition and started saying "I can't do it" that he had to tell me I was almost done and that I was doing a great job. I told him that I needed quiet, so he shouldn't talk to me while I was in labor.

I ended up having a FIVE HOUR transition and the whole time he kept asking me questions like "do you need to go to the hospital? Should I call an ambulance? Do you need me to call the midwife? Are you SURE you don't need to go to the hospital?"

He also kept saying infuriating things like "so how long is this gonna take? Aren't you done yet? So when are you gonna do this thing?"

I kept telling him to SHUT THE BLEEPITY-BLEEP UP but he just wouldn't listen. It was horrible. Finally, he asked me two questions at the same time after I'd been in transition for five hours and I lost it. I started to cry - the only time I cried during the birth.

Next time, he is NOT allowed at the birth :

[UnassistedMomma]

Originally Posted by majikfaerie

freakin AWESOME!!!!
that dr rocks (um, she did high-five him with the other hand though... right? )

I wondered which hand too! :Lol

[stiles' mummy]

Originally Posted by PookieMom

The oddest thing for me was the first labor I ever witnessed. It was my friends little sister. She was around 17 and was in a lot of pain. She was moaning and crying and her grandma came in to "comfort" her. Yeah, she sat by her bed and held her hind, gently stroking it while she whispered in her ear, "you play you pay, sweety, you play you pay" over and over again. nice.

What a Beeaattchh! That is just...sick. I would have slapped the grandma silly.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by amberskyfire

I ended up having a FIVE HOUR transition and the whole time he kept asking me questions like "do you need to go to the hospital? Should I call an ambulance? Do you need me to call the midwife? Are you SURE you don't need to go to the hospital?"

He also kept saying infuriating things like "so how long is this gonna take? Aren't you done yet? So when are you gonna do this thing?"

I kept telling him to SHUT THE BLEEPITY-BLEEP UP but he just wouldn't listen.

And you didn't end up getting physically violent? Do you just have that much self-control or is it that hard to move during transition?

Does he realize it's probably his fault transition was so long?

[PookieMom]

Originally Posted by Sesshoumaru's Girl

A few yrs ago, my BF Mel was having her second baby and instead of getting drugs, she decided that orgasms would be a great way to cope with the pain, well she was very subtle about it (made sure the sheets covered her up)

Well when her nurse found out she was "taking things in hand" she started lecturing her about how dangerous it was to "mess around" during labor and that it wasn't appropriate. Mel, her DH and I just LOAO, it was just too much. Come on, it wasn't like she was doing it in the damn hallway! Her hubby and I didn't even know what she was doing until the nurse started bitching. Well her nurse told the Dr and when he came in the room he gave Mel a high five and said " Cool!" I thought the nurse was gonna have a heart attack! LMAO!

That's Hilarious!!!

[elisent]

In labor with my first, my husband insisted on cleaning the house and washing the dishes before he would take me to the hospital. He was afraid his family would come over to visit as soon as we got home and didn't want it to be messy. This was while I was in transition.

My FIL has said that with his third he left the room for a while and came back to find his wife pushing. The baby was born - another boy - and then he realized it wasn't his wife!!??!! He ran out and find his wife's room, and they had a baby girl.

[Belle]

The morning after my m/c & d&c I had just gotten to sleep at about 4:00am after about three days with no sleep whatsoever. I was horribly uncomfortable and my roomate wouldn't stop talking. She had her TV blaring all night and kept turning on the light. A nurse came in to draw my blood at 5:00am and woke me up. I complained about being too tired and she argued with me about how much more tired she was than me.

[Sesshoumaru's Girl]

Lmao!

About the hand question, well I honesty don't remember, but it was and still is so funny!

Her Dr was great, he practiced more like a midwife than an OB, which got him alot of flack from the other MD's here in town. Sadly, he moved out of state last year! He was one of the FEW Dr's that I would have considered having.

[amberskyfire]

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan

And you didn't end up getting physically violent? Do you just have that much self-control or is it that hard to move during transition?

Does he realize it's probably his fault transition was so long?

Hah, yeah I did think about getting physically violent, but I could hardly move. I was in extreme pain. My baby was posterior and I was laying on my side on the bed and that, I believe, is what caused me not to progress. Once I realized the problem, I went and sat on the toilet to get her head to press against my cervix and after that things went pretty quick.

I don't know what was worse, my husband or the fact that the midwives came to the house when they KNEW I was having an unassisted birth and were supporting my decision to do so - to "check on how things were going."

My husband did halfway redeem himself by going out into the driveway and telling them to go away. Oh, I could write a book about things that infuriated me during my labor

[majikfaerie]

Originally Posted by elisent

My FIL has said that with his third he left the room for a while and came back to find his wife pushing. The baby was born - another boy - and then he realized it wasn't his wife!!??!! He ran out and find his wife's room, and they had a baby girl.

that is freakin hillarious!!!!!
what did the other woman say about some total strange guy walking in while she's birthing???

[lisa_nc]

We were trying to get to the hospital with my last birth. I checked myself in the car and I could feel the head and water bag and I knew I was around 8.

Me: I don't think we're going to make it!
DH: We're going to make it!
Me: Dear God, we're not going to make it!
DH: We're going to make it!

About ten minutes later, I want to push and I start tearing off my clothes.

DH: Wait! What are you doing?!
Me: We're...not...going...to...make...it. Pull...the...#$@#...over!
DH: WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT!!

The baby comes out.

DH: We didn't make it!
Me: Will you *&#*ing pull over NOW?!

Then I got to be naked in front of about 30 policemen, firemen, and EMTs. And I didn't even get a date out of it.

[Limabean1975]

Originally Posted by lisa_nc

We were trying to get to the hospital with my last birth. I checked myself in the car and I could feel the head and water bag and I knew I was around 8.

Me: I don't think we're going to make it!
DH: We're going to make it!
Me: Dear God, we're not going to make it!
DH: We're going to make it!

About ten minutes later, I want to push and I start tearing off my clothes.

DH: Wait! What are you doing?!
Me: We're...not...going...to...make...it. Pull...the...#$@#...over!
DH: WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT!!

The baby comes out.

DH: We didn't make it!
Me: Will you *&#*ing pull over NOW?!

Then I got to be naked in front of about 30 policemen, firemen, and EMTs. And I didn't even get a date out of it.

THIS is pretty funny. "We're going to make it, We're going to make it, We didn't make it!" Eat your words, DH!

[amberskyfire]

Ah, I just remembered this little gem from my husband while I was in labor. I had a video camera up and running that I had set up to catch the birth and I gave DH the digital camera to take pictures.

He kept snapping shots of my face while the baby was crowning and at one point I growled at him to "get back there and get some shots of this!" He leaned over behind me warily, gave me a look of utter disgust and said "oh no...you don't want to see THAT!"

I screeched "YES I DO!!!!!!" and if looks could kill...

Boy, that sent him back there with the camera quick as a flash. Then he said all kinds of embarrassing things like "this would be a perfect porn shot - if a baby wasn't coming out" and "oh, you're going to LOVE that one" (in a disgusted sarcastic voice). I totally forgot about it until I went back a few hours later to watch the birth video and found that he had also determined that I wouldn't want video of the actual birth and had AIMED THE VIDEO CAMERA UP so all you could see was my waist and everything above it - no baby!!! He also stood right in front of the camera and blocked it with his butt about half the time

[amberskyfire]

Originally Posted by lisa_nc

We were trying to get to the hospital with my last birth. I checked myself in the car and I could feel the head and water bag and I knew I was around 8.

Me: I don't think we're going to make it!
DH: We're going to make it!
Me: Dear God, we're not going to make it!
DH: We're going to make it!

About ten minutes later, I want to push and I start tearing off my clothes.

DH: Wait! What are you doing?!
Me: We're...not...going...to...make...it. Pull...the...#$@#...over!
DH: WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT!!

The baby comes out.

DH: We didn't make it!
Me: Will you *&#*ing pull over NOW?!

Then I got to be naked in front of about 30 policemen, firemen, and EMTs. And I didn't even get a date out of it.

And why on EARTH did they need 30 policemen and firemen? What were they going to do, take the baby's prints and hose it off for you?

[soso-lynn]

Originally Posted by amberskyfire

And why on EARTH did they need 30 policemen and firemen? What were they going to do, take the baby's prints and hose it off for you?

That's funny. Good question though. Everytime I hear of stories of babies born in the car (on the news), they always talk about the police dude or fireman or ambulance guy who saved the day.

[mama*ashleigh]

*noob*

Oh my goodness, some of these are just cracking me up!!!
And oh man, some of these are really pissin me off!!!

I'll add my own...
I can't remember anything of note from DS1s birth...but DS2...well, DH thinks he's reeeealllly funny! And apparently the midwives did too!

When I finally consented to the mw breaking my water:
Me: I feel like I just lost 25 pounds!
DH: Me next!!!

When I would start swearing/telling DH to shut up:
DH: If you don't change your attitude I'm rolling you out in the hall. You can come back when you are ready to be nice!

I laugh now, but at the time I was not amused!

[lisa_nc]

Originally Posted by amberskyfire

And why on EARTH did they need 30 policemen and firemen? What were they going to do, take the baby's prints and hose it off for you?

My husband called 911 because I was carrying twins and we still had one more on the way. I couldn't deal with doing both births in the front seat of the car unless I absolutely had to. One of the policemen told my husband that they get so many terrible calls, that they love to come to baby calls because they get to be a part of something good for once. It's true what they say about transition though. I really did not give two craps that people passing by in cars (it was 1AM so there weren't many) and a whole host of strangers saw me completely naked. Now I am a little about it.

[Awaken]

Originally Posted by amberskyfire

My mother loves to tell the story about when I was born. It wasn't so much what my father "said" as what he did. My father was always really bad about remembering to refill the car's gas tank and they ran out of gas on the way to the hospital. My mother was FURIOUS but my dad didn't think it was such a big deal

So, where did you end up being born? Did they make it to wherever they needed to go in time?