Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 24

[mamak05]

At my hospital birth (no drugs) I heard the on-call dr and nurse conferring that labor would go faster if they broke my water. He came over to me and said "We're concerned about meconium in your water and want to break it so we will know if we need to get our special suctioning equipment." No, thank you, I said. He tried again. No, I said.

When my water broker during pushing it was clear and DD did not need any suctioning. I'm so glad I overheard the conversation, because I wasn't scared by the scare tactic.

I did tell him when I went back 6 weeks post-partum that trying to scare a woman in labor is not what he should be doing. Don't know if it made a difference.

Great thread. Thanks to all who shared.

[Kirsten]

Originally Posted by chpiper

My own birth had some memorable moments too...my first birth was 47 minutes long... (INTENSE) I arrive at the hospital ready to push, contrax on top of each other, really in the throws of labor and some nurse brings a paper to me with a bunch of faces on it asking me to show her which one resembles how I am feeling...I said circle the one that has a head coming out of her vagina...

This is my favorite in 24 pages! God, I laughed. And had to repeat to dp.

My births were great so I don't have any bad stories of my own to add. But I attended a friend's birth - and that doc....

She couldn't be bothered to come in the middle of the night, so my friend was told not to push, not to push. Met the on call doc and he seemed nice. I told her she should go ahead with him, but she wanted to wait for her doc. Big mistake... Her doc finally shows up. Mom is pushing. She is worried and unsure if everything is going ok. She asks the doc - no answer. I tell her everything is fine, but she is scared because the doc won't answer her - so she assumes the worst. Repeat, repeat, repeat. I was just seething. So baby is out TO HIS EARS and the doc very roughly SHOVED HIM BACK IN, my poor friend SCREAMS, doc cuts an epi, baby is born. I was beyond horrified, and wanted to punch her and cuss her out, but figured doc would have me removed from the room and my friend clearly needed someone with her to tell her things were ok - though clearly they weren't! THEN as the doc is stitching her up - get this - says "I am the best there is at repair." No shit Sherlock - you unnecessarily cut all women whether they need it or not, so you have plenty of practice! And her doc is a woman. After my friend is cleaned up and it is all over, the nurse tells me I did a great job helping my friend. I thanked her; she was nice and did the best she could under the circumstances. The doc has the nerve to chime in, agreeing with the nurse's compliment. I gave her a dirty look and walked away. If I'd started - with just even one little comment - it would have been a floodgate, and I didn't want my friend to remember a slew of namecalling and a fist fight as her birth memory.

[majikfaerie]

okay kirsten. you win
that is the worst. :

[Thursday Girl]

Originally Posted by furfeet

oh and another male OB-vs-vagina story...
my mom's co-worker had just delivered and while sewing up her episiotomy the ob said "there, I made you pretty." She heard a few snipping sounds right before he said that. She doesn't know what he did, but she was actually grateful that he had "improved" the appearance of her vagina in some way after her baby's birth. :

My friend was sewn up with what do they call them "the husband knot", yeah sex was painful for her long after things healed b/c she had been sewn up too tight.

[minkajane]

This one didn't actually happen at a birth, but postpartum. I went in to see my Ob/Gyn because I was having a lot of pain with sex 3 months postpartum. The first thing she said was "Did you have an episiotomy?" I looked at her like she had three heads and said, "Um, YOU did my C-section." She just shrugged and said, "Oh." Do doctors even LOOK at their patients' charts before their appointments?

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Sioko

When I was deep in labor land with DD1 and obviously uncomfortable (well duh) I found it particularly dumb that after being asked if I wanted an epi. and me saying "No thankyou. No epi." the nurse would always then look at my support (DH and mom) and ask THEM, "Really? Is she sure?" Like I wasn't capable of knowing my own mind. What'd she expect them to say, "No, she's telling a joke. Give her the drugs." or "Actually she's insane and answering the voices in her head, give her the drugs."

The really sick thing is that if you hadn't been up for talking, the nurse wouldn't have respected your support people telling her that you'd made your feelings clear, but just because you said something she didn't agree with, all of a sudden your support people are supposed to know what you really wanted. nurse.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by furfeet

oh and another male OB-vs-vagina story...
my mom's co-worker had just delivered and while sewing up her episiotomy the ob said "there, I made you pretty." She heard a few snipping sounds right before he said that. She doesn't know what he did, but she was actually grateful that he had "improved" the appearance of her vagina in some way after her baby's birth. :

Have you ever wanted to ask your mother what she was getting up to that the appearance of her vagina was a concern?

[tex.mom]

I've seen someone watching the monitor tell the mother "okay, that one's over..." (contraction).

DUH!!

[white_queen_22]

Originally Posted by tex.mom

I've seen someone watching the monitor tell the mother "okay, that one's over..." (contraction).

DUH!!

At my sisters hospital birth she had pitocin added to "get things started" and so, was on a monitor. At one point near transition her husband said *staring at the machine* "Wow! This is a big one!" The eloquent response "No Sh__ Sherlock"

hehehehehe

[Sioko]

I think the contraction counting machine thingy is dumb. Unless you have an epi. you know when you're having a contraction and exactly how "big" it is.

With DD1 I hated it when the little numbers on it were like 200 and something and you think, "Hey! That's a really big number! I can handle this! It won't be so bad..." and then they come in and RESET the stupid thing and now the contractions you were proud of yourself for only breathing through and not screaming.... are only a 10.... : "Oh crap... they can't be serious? Is it going to get all the way to 200 again?!?! Oh crap...." :

That did nothing for my confidence as a first time birther who had decided to be drug-free!

[PatienceAndLove]

Originally Posted by Sioko

I think the contraction counting machine thingy is dumb. Unless you have an epi. you know when you're having a contraction and exactly how "big" it is.

With DD1 I hated it when the little numbers on it were like 200 and something and you think, "Hey! That's a really big number! I can handle this! It won't be so bad..." and then they come in and RESET the stupid thing and now the contractions you were proud of yourself for only breathing through and not screaming.... are only a 10.... : "Oh crap... they can't be serious? Is it going to get all the way to 200 again?!?! Oh crap...." :

That did nothing for my confidence as a first time birther who had decided to be drug-free!

Just so you know, when I read "oh crap" I heard it in a minnesota accent. Made it even funnier.

[alexaskj]

dd was a hospital birth, and from the minute i got into triage, they started talking about pitocin.....so frustrating. anyway, after a million refusals and much walking, I passed my OB in the hall, and she looks at me and my dh, rolls her eyes (!) and says "I'm going to be here all night with you two..) I was so angry! and then later, as i'm hitting transition, she is trying to get me to take an epidural, telling me it's my last chance, and that I should anticipate at least another 2-3 hours of hard labor and then at least 2 of pushing and that she doesn't see me making it through without an epidural or at least 2 shots of stadol. I told her no, and as soon as i said it, she turned to walk out and told the nurse to order two doses of stadol........and hour and 23 minutes later, my baby girl was born.....drug free, mind you.....and they had to call the OB 3 times to get her to come. ugh......needless to say, I do not see that OB anymore.

[Thursday Girl]

Originally Posted by alexaskj

dd was a hospital birth, and from the minute i got into triage, they started talking about pitocin.....so frustrating. anyway, after a million refusals and much walking, I passed my OB in the hall, and she looks at me and my dh, rolls her eyes (!) and says "I'm going to be here all night with you two..) I was so angry! and then later, as i'm hitting transition, she is trying to get me to take an epidural, telling me it's my last chance, and that I should anticipate at least another 2-3 hours of hard labor and then at least 2 of pushing and that she doesn't see me making it through without an epidural or at least 2 shots of stadol. I told her no, and as soon as i said it, she turned to walk out and told the nurse to order two doses of stadol........and hour and 23 minutes later, my baby girl was born.....drug free, mind you.....and they had to call the OB 3 times to get her to come. ugh......needless to say, I do not see that OB anymore.

what a UAV!

[barefootpoetry]

Originally Posted by minkajane

This one didn't actually happen at a birth, but postpartum. I went in to see my Ob/Gyn because I was having a lot of pain with sex 3 months postpartum. The first thing she said was "Did you have an episiotomy?" I looked at her like she had three heads and said, "Um, YOU did my C-section." She just shrugged and said, "Oh." Do doctors even LOOK at their patients' charts before their appointments?

At my first prenatal appointment with my second pregnancy, I saw the same CNM who attended DS1's C-section. She walked in, held out her hand and said, "Hi, I'm ____, I don't think we've met." DS1 was sitting next to me, and I patted his knee and said, "Actually we have, you helped deliver this litle guy." The look on her face was priceless. I guess I don't expect CPs to remember all their patients, but it was still really amusing.

[LilacMama]

I was at a med-free birth today where the doctor was in an awkward position, attempting to turn an OP baby, while the woman was in transition and (obviously) quite uncomfortable. He started complaining about some tennis injury and how what he was doing was killing his hand. I was shocked -- I thought he was joking at first. What a thing to say to a woman in transition!

[Thankful'n'Blessed]

Oh wow! This thread is both hilarious and totally disgusting. Here's one from my SIL's birth:

After being strictly warned that our MIL/FIL were not welcome to be in the hospital waiting room...or even the parking lot for that matter (!), they some how ended up at the hospital anyway (Don't ask me!) So right after the birth(of a BIG football-shouldered baby boy) my SIL, trying to be thoughtful and nice, decided to let MIL in the room to meet the baby, even though she was still in the delivery room. MIL - a retired nurse and mother of 3 BTW - walks in and says in a voice of complete disgust, "Where did ALL that blood come from!?!" Um, yeah! Would you like to ask any more stupid questions? SIL says she's done trying to be nice. I don't blame her.

[mntnmom]

Originally Posted by Thankful'n'Blessed

Oh wow! This thread is both hilarious and totally disgusting. Here's one from my SIL's birth:

After being strictly warned that our MIL/FIL were not welcome to be in the hospital waiting room...or even the parking lot for that matter (!), they some how ended up at the hospital anyway (Don't ask me!) So right after the birth(of a BIG football-shouldered baby boy) my SIL, trying to be thoughtful and nice, decided to let MIL in the room to meet the baby, even though she was still in the delivery room. MIL - a retired nurse and mother of 3 BTW - walks in and says in a voice of complete disgust, "Where did ALL that blood come from!?!" Um, yeah! Would you like to ask any more stupid questions? SIL says she's done trying to be nice. I don't blame her.

What? nobody told her were babies come from?

[onetwoten]

Just after the birth, nurse is looking over the mom's paperwork. Looks up, and in horrified voice, "Oh- you live on XXXX Street? Do you live in the BAD part? Isn't that a BAD street?"

What's the mom supposed to say? "Oh yeah... I live there. It sucks, people get shot, there's tons of drugs, my apartment is small, and my neighbors beat each other, but hey, you do what you gotta do!" ?!?!

It's a KNOWN bad area of the city, And my guess is, unless you've been there for a very long time, you're there because it's what's in your price range at the time. Way to ruin the mom's state of bliss by embarassing and worrying her.

[goobergrl6]

I have two. During my first labor I was pushing and pushing. I guess I was saying some funny stuff between contractions because all I remember is the whole room laughing every time. Well after pushing a while they kept telling me I was almost there and I finally yellled "You have been telling me that for and hour I don't Fing believe you anymore...." so they brought there mirror over so I could see and I pushed again and he was crowning, well he must of had something on his head and for some reason in my haze it looked weird because I yelled out" OMG he looks like a rodent!" (it was the top of his head) I thought everyone was gonna fall over laughing at me. My OB still calls him my little rodent.

During the same labor I was yelling while pushing. Yeah I know you are not supposed to and it uses up some of the energy you could be using to push but there were no drugs involved and IT HURT! So the nurse next to me has the NERVE to keep telling me not to yell....well she finally kinda yelled at me and was like "STOP YELLING" I turned to her and I showed her what yelling really sounded like. I told her " I WILL FING YELL IF I WANT TO FING YELL IT FING HURTS!" yeah let's tell a women in labor to be quiet...um NO!

[kalirush]

Originally Posted by goobergrl6

During the same labor I was yelling while pushing. Yeah I know you are not supposed to and it uses up some of the energy you could be using to push but there were no drugs involved and IT HURT! So the nurse next to me has the NERVE to keep telling me not to yell....well she finally kinda yelled at me and was like "STOP YELLING" I turned to her and I showed her what yelling really sounded like. I told her " I WILL FING YELL IF I WANT TO FING YELL IT FING HURTS!" yeah let's tell a women in labor to be quiet...um NO!

Jeez, yeah. One of my first pushing contractions, I just let out this looooooong scream, and the OB gave me this nasty, condescending speech about not doing that. I knew it was counterproductive. I didn't intend to keep doing it. But *#$@ you, #@(%#. I would have told her what you told your nurse except that I was totally nonverbal at that point. I thought it, though. Like CRAZY.