Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 4

[sarahn4639]

Originally Posted by attachedmamaof3

My middle son's birth was EXTREMELY precipitous and at one point, my husband was on the phone telling the MW to HURRY...(I'd reached up inside and touched the baby's head/amniotic sac)...he comes running into the bathroom where I am on hands/knees and says "The MW says DON'T PUSH!"

I said (honestly trying not to push) "I'm TRYING not to push but my body is MAKING me!" He ran back to the phone and apparently passed that message on verbatim.

Whelp, to make a short story even shorter, about 10 minutes later--AFTER the baby was born, my MW runs in with one shoe on, bursts through the door, storms down the hallway and sees me in bed nursing.

The look on her face was priceless and she goes (kind of in a mock angry voice) "I thought I told you NOT to push."

[llamalluv]

Originally Posted by jessjgh1

Actually, for my first birth I asked what they did and was told that they typically break the water at some point before pushing. When I asked why she told me because if they don't the water pops and explodes all over the hospital room leaving a big mess. (or something like that).

Um....that happens even if they DO "break the water." My mom says my father got SOAKED during her labor with me - they induced with pit., then stripped membranes, and finally broke the water - and she said it hit the ceiling. That's what they get for trying to pry me out early. (I was allegedly 44 weeks, but I only weighed 8 pounds)

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by mleavell

I had a transfer to a hospital from my birth center. Ended up needing a c-section. The nurse came in to get me ready and asked if I was ready for my "happy-dural." Uh, no. I am not happy about this, just give it to me. Later, some male doctor (I think it was an MD) made a comment about me getting a "perineal bypass." You know, even if I had chosen these things, that is not appropriate talk.

I would've written a letter to the hospital. You're having major surgery and they're making up cutesy, unprofessional names for things? Not acceptable.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by Little grey mare

Although one thing - I was experiencing extreme hip pain and my last straw of hope was to put peppermint oil on my hips. I asked DH to go get it and he hollers from the kitchen "It says not to use if pregnant." I told him "just bring me the damn stuff already and I'll put it on myself!" lol

"I'm not going to BE pregnant in another hour!!" You're having contractions and he's worried about you using something that can induce labor? So cute, so utterly annoying for you.

[g&a]

"well, there's our 4am c-section. haha."

not funny. i guess I'm just a statistic.


"the cut is down nice and low, you'll be out in a bikini this summer."

ya. right. and he didn't seem to get it why i wouldn't be in a bikini in a month.


and from my vbac:

me, yelling: "I can feel the baby coming down!"

nurse: "what do you mean by that, I need you to explain..."

this was during one of those transition contractions where your body just starts pushing that baby out.


g.

[Funny Face]

A midwife to a mom who thought she was in transition and the midwife just did a cervical check.

"Okay, I have a confession to make. When you came in and I told you you were an 8... I lied. You were a 3... I just didn't want to discourage you! But now you're a 5!."

Good lord...

[mytwogirls]

Originally Posted by moodyred01

A midwife to a mom who thought she was in transition and the midwife just did a cervical check.

"Okay, I have a confession to make. When you came in and I told you you were an 8... I lied. You were a 3... I just didn't want to discourage you! But now you're a 5!." Good lord...

That is just plain MEAN! I would be so pissed off.......

[Funny Face]

Originally Posted by mytwogirls

That is just plain MEAN! I would be so pissed off.......

Oh I totally agree. I would have been livid.

[SAHDS]

Stupidest thing at my DD's birth:

Right after she came out, my mother looks at me fondly and says, in an annoyingly soothing tone, "Is the pain gone?" I wanted to scream "NOOOOOOO!", I just delivered an 8 lb. baby; of COURSE the pain isn't gone. And here comes the placenta...

Seriously, was she even conscious when she had her children???

[jumpincholla]

After a very short, intense labor when my midwife stood WAY back and didn't help me even when I told her I was crowning, or when the baby came out. I caught dd myself with a 2nd degree tear as I had no idea about slowing down...she's stitching my three tears up (which takes an hour and she says:

"This is my favorite part!"

Ack! I still can't believe she )#$&#$(%*#($) said that!

[UUMom]

Originally Posted by SAHDS

Stupidest thing at my DD's birth:

Right after she came out, my mother looks at me fondly and says, in an annoyingly soothing tone, "Is the pain gone?" I wanted to scream "NOOOOOOO!", I just delivered an 8 lb. baby; of COURSE the pain isn't gone. And here comes the placenta...

Seriously, was she even conscious when she had her children???

Maybe she had my kind of births? The pain absolutely disappears for me once the head is born. The placenta sliding out feels great...not painful...just really good and awesome. With my last, I even got up and walked into another room to deliver the placenta-- I felt no pain whatsoever after the crowning burning.

Everyone is so different. She was trying , maybe (and maybe she is a mean bitch & just rubbing it in, I don't know) to say something postive or helpful? My mother cried when I was in labor with my first. She felt that empathic. Maybe your mother was grasping at emotional depletion straws?

[Full Heart]

When I was in labor with my 2nd my mother said I wasn't in enough pain yet. My dh ran her out of the room. It was my most difficult labor. HB transfer, 36 hours long. Transfered after 12 hours stuck at 7 cm. Yea I wasn't in enough pain :

At my last birth I guess I was pretty funny cause I made everyone crack up a few times. At one point I asked for deodorant and my mw said, "Oh don't worry about us we don't care." I said, "Its not for you, Its for me. I can smell myself."

[AntoninBeGonin]

During my natural hospital birth with Little Guy I spent 15 minutes of active labor in a yelling match with the nurses who were insisting I needed both an external electronic fetal monitor and an IV. I told them my regular OB had agreed to a ... what's it called when you just have the start of an IV? And to have the baby checked by doppler once an hour. Unfortunately, my regular OB wasn't there, and the one who was there (who has a 80% cesarean rate ) treated me like a ticking time bomb.

Originally Posted by mytwogirls

During the birth of my first daughter I was pushing like a mad woman (the babe was sunny-side up and BIG!) and I had been moaning loudly and being kinda loud. During a quiet moment, my OB ripped a HUGE fart and he (jokingly) blamed it on me saying "Don't push THAT hard." Everyone knew better and he was totally embarrassed. I now work for him and remind him of that "incident" every now and then.

: I love potty humor.

[sapphire_chan]

Originally Posted by AntoninBeGonin

During my natural hospital birth with Little Guy I spent 15 minutes of active labor in a yelling match with the nurses who were insisting I needed both an external electronic fetal monitor and an IV. I told them my regular OB had agreed to a ... what's it called when you just have the start of an IV? And to have the baby checked by doppler once an hour. Unfortunately, my regular OB wasn't there, and the one who was there (who has a 80% cesarean rate ) treated me like a ticking time bomb.

And I'll bet they couldn't see a correlation between procedure and c-section rate.

[bvnms]

When I was having Beverly and the nurses kept yelling at me to stop pushing because the doctor wasn't there yet. : He got there 2 minutes after she was born.

[janasmama]

It's so funny how so many people, including RN's (of all people you'd think they would at least know) think that a doctor is actually needed when a baby comes out. Like if there was actually some kind of emergency you are already in the hospital, the nurses know how to call someone, right?

After having babies and feeling the urge to push, I could never tell a laboring mother not to push. Although this time I am going to try with all my might to breath the baby down when I feel the pushing urge.

[LucyRev]

I walked into the hospital at 9cms, and my body had already started involuntarily pushing. As soon as I got into a room I start ripping my clothes off, and a nurse holds out a cup and says.....

"can you submit a urine sample?"

: I said NO! : I guess she was used to gals sauntering in during early labor. My midwife came in and rescued me soon after that

During DD1's birth, a nurse kept saying "don't forget why you're doing this!" I really wanted to knock her out. How could I forget that I'm birthing my child and not just taking a crap or something? duhhh!

[prairiemommy]

While my last baby's head was crowning:

OB: Wow, that's some scar! Have you ever had a bad tear! What was that, a third degree?

MW: No, she had a fourth degree tear with her first, second with her second and first with her third.

Like hello people - pushing here! Could we leave my wonderfully exciting history out of it until the baby's out? Nothing like that little list of stats to instill confidence.

Just FTR, I did not tear.

Or with my second the nurse told me that I should get my epidural now (11 at night) b/c "the anesthesiologist is going to go home" and if I want it later on in the night I'd "have to wait longer."

And with my first:

The vacuum extractor kept losing suction and they realized there was a leak in the tube or something. So the anesthesiologist said, "Just give me a roll of duct tape and I can build you a vacuum extractor!" which actually made me laugh.

This was also a teaching hospital so I got to hear the list of body parts that had to be put back when they were stitching me up - ie: "Just put the sphincter back there and give it some stitches....". I looked at Dh and said, "They didn't just say that did they? They really don't mean mine, do they??". I was floored. And the parade of med students in to see the fourth degree tear was oh so pleasant too in the days to come (cue OB saying, "And this is what a fourth degree tear looks like!").

[SalmonBayDoula]

As a doula, I have heard a ton of stupid things,but this takes the cake!

I had a client who wanted to delay the bath and do it when they got home, after their hospital stay. The nurse was very insistent that it get done. The nurse ran through the usual "well, if your baby is not bathed, then we won't be able to touch him without gloves (yeah, that's a good thing!) and we will have to put the "infection control' sign on your door, (yeah, another good thing!, keeps the riff-raff out!) but when neither of those two comments worked on my client she said....


"Do you know where your baby just came out of? The same place that dirty tampons come from!!"

I almost died, right there in the room. My clients' jaw dropped and she looked at me, and I just rolled my eyes and mouthed "ignore her" and we moved on.

Seriously, this is so sick, sad and inappropriate on so many levels, that I can't even begin to unravel this!

Sharon

[janasmama]

What the....?

Originally Posted by SalmonBayDoula

I had a client who wanted to delay the bath and do it when they got home, after their hospital stay. The nurse was very insistent that it get done. The nurse ran through the usual "well, if your baby is not bathed, then we won't be able to touch him without gloves (yeah, that's a good thing!) and we will have to put the "infection control' sign on your door, (yeah, another good thing!, keeps the riff-raff out!) but when neither of those two comments worked on my client she said....


"Do you know where your baby just came out of? The same place that dirty tampons come from!!"

I almost died, right there in the room. My clients' jaw dropped and she looked at me, and I just rolled my eyes and mouthed "ignore her" and we moved on.

Seriously, this is so sick, sad and inappropriate on so many levels, that I can't even begin to unravel this!

Sharon