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Stupid Things People Say at Births.... - Page 5

post #81 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by SalmonBayDoula View Post
I had a client who wanted to delay the bath and do it when they got home, after their hospital stay. The nurse was very insistent that it get done. The nurse ran through the usual "well, if your baby is not bathed, then we won't be able to touch him without gloves (yeah, that's a good thing!) and we will have to put the "infection control' sign on your door, (yeah, another good thing!, keeps the riff-raff out!) but when neither of those two comments worked on my client she said....


"Do you know where your baby just came out of? The same place that dirty tampons come from!!"

I almost died, right there in the room. My clients' jaw dropped and she looked at me, and I just rolled my eyes and mouthed "ignore her" and we moved on.

Seriously, this is so sick, sad and inappropriate on so many levels, that I can't even begin to unravel this!

Sharon
Did she then try and explain to your client that she was feeding her baby with her DIRTY PILLOWS!!! AAHHH!!!

post #82 of 512
Quote:
I was experiencing extreme hip pain and my last straw of hope was to put peppermint oil on my hips. I asked DH to go get it and he hollers from the kitchen "It says not to use if pregnant."
holy cow did that make my LOL!!!
post #83 of 512
I will always remember the midwife telling me not to push as she is trying to get gloves on and me telling her I wasn't. And then I felt the placenta fall out and she couldn't believe it she was telling me all about the women who scream trying to deliver the placenta.
It may just be funny to me though.
post #84 of 512
I had what ended up being a 43 hour induction from the time i got into the hospital to baby in arms. And i slept horribly the night before. Going in hour, probably 29ish, my dh was telling me how he was tired and was laying his head down between contractions and not responding right away when they started.

Riiiiiiight, he was tired

(Although, in his defense, he had a nasty cold and the cafeteria food gave him intestinal ills. But it wasn't really the optimal time to be comparing how bad he felt)
post #85 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by Little grey mare View Post
One stupidly annoying nurse said to me after I repeatedly requested the chux pad be change after they did AROM and it felt awful to be laying in a puddle - "There's no dignity in childbirth honey!" Ooooh that made me so mad because it was NOT my idea to be there in the first place!
Same exact thing happened to me!! Da*n nurses...I AM a nurse, and I can't believe one of my own did that to me.

Also, at the birth of my last DS, a friend of mine said "OMG, Jess!! You DID it!!" What was I going to do...NOT do it??
post #86 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by janasmama View Post
This would be referred to as "being born in the caul." There are lots of old wives tales that go along with what this means....I've heard that the person born in the caul will never drown (which is good because I was born in the caul and I love whitewater rafting and kayaking.) I've also heard it means the person will have some kind of very loving, nurturing profession (i.e. midwife, doula, etc.)

I wonder if anyone else know what some of the tales are for being born in the caul.
It seems I've heard one that says you'll have special spiritual gifts if you're born in the caul.

I love these, even if I've wanted to smack a few people. No idiot statements from my own experience to add. Sorry.
post #87 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by prairiemommy View Post
While my last baby's head was crowning:

OB: Wow, that's some scar! Have you ever had a bad tear! What was that, a third degree?

MW: No, she had a fourth degree tear with her first, second with her second and first with her third.

Like hello people - pushing here! Could we leave my wonderfully exciting history out of it until the baby's out? Nothing like that little list of stats to instill confidence.

Just FTR, I did not tear.
Brother! They didn't bother to notice the pattern, right? 4,2,1,0
post #88 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by SalmonBayDoula View Post
I had a client who wanted to delay the bath and do it when they got home, after their hospital stay. The nurse was very insistent that it get done. The nurse ran through the usual "well, if your baby is not bathed, then we won't be able to touch him without gloves (yeah, that's a good thing!) and we will have to put the "infection control' sign on your door, (yeah, another good thing!, keeps the riff-raff out!) but when neither of those two comments worked on my client she said....


"Do you know where your baby just came out of? The same place that dirty tampons come from!!"

I almost died, right there in the room. My clients' jaw dropped and she looked at me, and I just rolled my eyes and mouthed "ignore her" and we moved on.

Seriously, this is so sick, sad and inappropriate on so many levels, that I can't even begin to unravel this!

Sharon
The first part of your post reminded me. With DD1, I was planning a home birth. When I was in labor, I craved a bath. When my husband left to get the MW (our phone was disconnected), he told me not to take a bath unless the MW said it was okay. When he came back, he said the MW had said not to take a bath! (No, my water hadn't broken - First birth - only been in labor 5 hours or less - not even in much pain yet). I wish I was more rebellious (like I am now). I'd have just taken one.
If I had I probably wouldn't have had the c-section.
post #89 of 512
I had to have a blood transfusion for PP hemorrhage (HB transfer, doc decided, oh, let's just reach my arm into your uterus to grab the placenta, that can't hurt, right?) I lost a lot of blood and after I was coming around during the transfusion the doc said "This is man blood, so don't be surprised if you start feeling a little bit smarter." Ugh, if I wasn't so busy trying not to bleed to death I would have kicked his teeth out.
post #90 of 512
At the hospital birth with my first, the resident's words after checking me in triage were: "What is that cheesy discharge?... Oh, it's the head!" Then he went on and on the rest of the birth about how he'd "never" seen a head in triage before. He was also pretty shocked an hour later when he came in to check me again and I was complete. "Um... somebody call Dr. Z fast!" The same punk resident wouldn't "let" me leave the hospital -after my own doc had discharged me- until I could prove I could walk down the hall on my own.

But sometimes I just think birth attendants can't win for losing. Something that would otherwise be innocuous can just be so damn annoying when you're in labor. At my homebirth, my mom and friend arrived while I was in the midst of a very fast and intense labor. My friend got there first and said "Wow! Those are really close together already!" Panting from my spot on the floor, I just thought "You think?" My mom, trying to be helpful, said "Should you be breathing like that? Isn't there a certain way you're supposed to breathe?" That REALLY annoyed me, for some reason.

I think I'm going to give a specific script to my birth team for this next birth. Here are the ONLY things they're allowed to say (inbetween contractions)

--Answer a direct question by me.
--Tell me how great I'm doing.
--Ask me if I would like a drink or if I want a wet washcloth or need anything.

All other commentary is prohibited!
post #91 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by frontierpsych View Post
after I was coming around during the transfusion the doc said "This is man blood, so don't be surprised if you start feeling a little bit smarter."
That is absolutely horrible! I hope you wrote a letter of complaint. That man is lucky you didn't kick his teeth out, because he deserved it!

Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybee View Post
But sometimes I just think birth attendants can't win for losing. Something that would otherwise be innocuous can just be so damn annoying when you're in labor.

I think I'm going to give a specific script to my birth team for this next birth.
Yeah, I think you're right. When I was in labor with my first, my mom and DH were standing on either side of me having a conversation about something while I was in transition. Just the fact that they were speaking aloud was insanely irritating. Once I regained my ability to talk, I told them both to "Please shut up!" They both laughed (and obeyed) because I never talk to them like that.
post #92 of 512
i had just had a c-section due to severe pre-e 12 hours earlier, my dd is in the NICU, i haven't seen her since birth. two nurses are drawing my blood and we're chatting. i mentioned that pre-e is hereditary in my family (my mom had it twice) and one of the nurses says "well if you knew it was hereditary you should have adopted." :
post #93 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by frontierpsych View Post
I lost a lot of blood and after I was coming around during the transfusion the doc said "This is man blood, so don't be surprised if you start feeling a little bit smarter." Ugh, if I wasn't so busy trying not to bleed to death I would have kicked his teeth out.
I hope you wrote a letter of complaint, that is HIGHLY inappropriate!
post #94 of 512
Okay, I know this is not the UC forum, but UC (totally alone) is looking better all the time.
post #95 of 512
I had an epi with my first after 28 hours of back labor. Ended up in labor for a total of 31 hours, everything went fine.

With my second I had contractions but they didnt really hurt. They were annoying but I could talk through them. I had A LOT of bloody show so DH made me call our dr. He said to come and get checked. The Triage nurse said I wasn't in enough pain to be in real labor and that it was too soon (3 weeks early, even though I told her my other son came 4 weeks early) My contractions were lasting 1 min and were 2 min apart. I live 45 min away so I didn't want to drive home just to come back. I was dilated to a 4 so the dr admitted me (I had polyhydraminos).

Then I ended up going from a 6 to a 10 in thirty min. When I was pushing I kept saying "OMG! This hurts!!" like all surprised. the dr and DH were like "Um, yeah...its CHILDBIRTH" but because of my epi last time I hadn't felt anything

Also I am one of those people that as soon as the baby is born I don't hurt and delivering the placenta feels good.
post #96 of 512
this came from my husband during dd1's birth as I'm pushing and screaming in agony and he is holding my legs:

"Man, I really shouldn't have had those eggs in the cafeteria. I feel so nauseous. I mean, I really don't feel good. Do you know how long it takes for food poisoning to happen? My stomach is killing me."

I wanted to rip his nuts off. I am the one with a child's head lighting my crotch on fire and contractions that make me feel like my uterus is being ripped out of my back and he has a belly ache?

Seriously. I will never ever let him live that one down.
post #97 of 512
I was in transition at home with dd2, and we were frantically trying to get out of the house to the hospital....my husband was obviously freaking:

Me (on hands and knees on floor): grooooaaaaan!
Hubby: Why don't you have the shoes and coats ready to go!!!!!
Me (with major killing look/sarcasm: NOW is NOT the time to discuss house cleaning!!!!!
post #98 of 512
Quote:
Originally Posted by abimommy View Post
Did she then try and explain to your client that she was feeding her baby with her DIRTY PILLOWS!!! AAHHH!!!

: My DH calls 'em that.
post #99 of 512
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeydee View Post
this came from my husband during dd1's birth as I'm pushing and screaming in agony and he is holding my legs:

"Man, I really shouldn't have had those eggs in the cafeteria. I feel so nauseous. I mean, I really don't feel good. Do you know how long it takes for food poisoning to happen? My stomach is killing me."

I wanted to rip his nuts off. I am the one with a child's head lighting my crotch on fire and contractions that make me feel like my uterus is being ripped out of my back and he has a belly ache?

Seriously. I will never ever let him live that one down.
post #100 of 512
I remembered another one. My son's hospital birth was very fast. I spent 4 hours in labor and 1/2 an hour pushing before he was born. The doctor on call insisted that I had to have an external EFM so that I was practically on a tether and could barely walk around. She didn't even come into the room to meet me and DH until I was ready to push. I had planned to push squatting because I'd read all the advantages but between the blur of labor, the yelling match with the nurses, the external EFM jerking me back everytime I started walking (I almost broke it several times), I completely forgot I wanted to squat and just jumped up on the bed when the nurses got it ready. I had a doula, but she didn't bother to remind me of my birth plan either. Nice person, but wasn't much of a doula.

So, anyhow, I jumped up on the bed and pushed with all my might to force Little Guy out in 30 minutes. Ended up with a tear (imagine that). Little Guy crowned, then the doctor yanked him out which is what caused the tear. Next thing I know I'm trying to watch where my baby is going and the doctor asks out of the blue "Do you want drugs?" I answered "No" thinking why are you asking, I've made it clear this is a drug-free birth. Turns out she was asking if I wanted topical anesthesia before she sewed up my tear. She started sewing me up without any pain relief and I looked around frantically and yelled "What the F--- is she doing!" She was nice enough to give me pain relief after that .
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