Originally Posted by blessed
And this would not have worked. His mother has talked to him about hitting ad nauseum.
What worked was the realization that: WOW! When I hit someone it is a BIG DEAL. They don't just talk to me, or remind me, or encourage me to do something else. They get really angry. Gee, it must really hurt when I do that. I'll think twice about doing that again, because it really bothers me to see my friends and loved ones this upset.
Bolding is mine. TALKING to a child works WONDERS for SOME children. OP's DS seems to be responding to actively dealing with his FEELINGS, EMOTIONS, and INNER THOUGHTS. GUESS how that happens? BY TALKING. OP has never ever said that she just gave him a pat answer of "Oh, honey please don't hit" and left it at that. SHE DID NOT, and your post here is implying that she has said something that she hasn't.
I have a HUGE
problem with this concept that children will learn once an adult becomes angry. My children litterally SHUT DOWN if they sense that you are angry. SOME people don't respond well in situations that are angry or where they feel that they are being intimidated. WHY should it be OK to be angry and intimidate a child? especially when it has the tag of "learning" I think that the OP is doing an awesome job of teaching her DS the deeper value of WHY we don't hit, not just that we DON'T.
Originally Posted by Kessed
Yes - at 18 months this is normal behaviour...
The OPs child is MUCH older than 18 months. He's 4.
And that's a HUGE difference.
Again, this I TOTALLY disagree with. This is a 4yr old BOY. BOY's are different than girls, and in some family's the difference is so startling it can knock your socks off. I have both boys and girls, and my girls are very verbal and rational beings. They listen and learn by the second time of doing something "wrong", but my boys are TOTALLY different. BOYS tend to be VERY physical, they don't talk as much or as often as girls (or as well in the early years either) and when they are dealing with some pretty complex emotions they often resort to hitting. DON'T misread this- it's not OK to hit, but I really, REALLY think that you are missing a HUGE element here.
What ever happened to sharing our opinions about a situation WITH OUT making the OP feel bad, isolated and just generally crappy. This thread has almost become inappropriate in it's continued arguing, and indifferance to the real person's feelings. OP is very right, if this was my thread I would have stopped responding at page 4. Some people cannot deal with this continued garbage back and forth. WHAT are we learning/gaining from eachother in this thread? SUPPORT? not really. No where does it say that we all have to disagree, but we are supposed to be here as a support system, not as a system to break down someone. MDC is starting to become a more angry place, more judgmental and more "MY way or YOU'R WRONG" kind of a place.