Originally Posted by mykdsmomy
I have to add something here. I'm a mom to many children. I've babysat several children.....I have friends with large families. Hitting is wrong but it happens ALL. THE. TIME.
Children are LEARNING. They are learning how to control their impulses. It is not uncommon for preschoolers to hit or push when they are upset. It is way over the top inappropriate for anyone (imo) to FLIP OUT if their child is on the receiving end of a typical preschool behavior.
My kids have been hit by other children. I don't flip out on the child.....I will remove the child from the situation and explain to them that hitting is wrong and hitting hurts and possibly enforce a time out......but I wouldn't dream of verbally abusing a child because they hit my toddler.
If you think your own child would never hurt another child or hit , then good for you.....then don't babysit other children because it can and does happen. (eta: my oldest is girl and she never hit....was very passive and sweet.....I learned about more aggressive typical preschool behavior from my son and my friends boys...lol)
Exactly. I was thinking along these lines as I read this thread. It is sad that things got so angry, but children do hit. If I had been the babysitter, I don't think I would have been so enraged unless my baby was bloody or bruised. It doesn't sound like that is the case. I would have been stern with the child (not yelling) and told him ... well, ideally, I would have found out what happened first but we don't always do that. But with "knowing" that the 18 month old child hit first, I would talk about that. Maybe she was playing. (Maybe she hit because she has been hit or had seed someone hit and so she was imitating). Maybe he did something she didn't like. I'd explain to him that we don't hit. If we have a problem with a child we try to find peaceful ways of dealing with things. I would also have talked to the 18 month old. I wouldn't have banned the 4 year old from my home unless he had a habit of hitting. Hit the toddler once, learning lesson. Hit the toddler twice, "Are you sure you want to visit here?" Hit the toddler three times, "Bye bye." (I'm assuming typical 4 year old hits here)
The mamabear rage did come out in me once when two boys I didn't know were fooling around with each other and one smashed my baby's hand in the door by slamming it on her (she was crawling age and we were at her grandma's house and I didn't have time to move her away from them). (And she screamed bloody murder - it could have broken her hand) I grabbed him and pushed him up against the door before I realized what I was doing (both his parents were in the room). Luckily, sanity returned but I did angrily tell him not to ever do that to my baby again (he was 7-8 years old, I'd guess). But I'm not proud of losing my sanity. I never am.
I wouldn't want to throw around accusations but it seems to me that the mom has many issues with you (perhaps she's feeling guilty or feels like the two of you are secretly at war) and her feelings just kept building and building until she exploded at your child. And then used that as a reason to make a dig at you. And now to end the friendship. It may blow over, but even if it does it would be good if you could find friends with views similar to your own. Jealousy or guilt can really escalate - or even a growing anger because you are "doing it wrong." When I was around three, I prayed for a trike for Christmas. I told my mother I was going to get one. She said we couldn't afford one. I told her it was okay because God was going to get it for me not her. She had a friend there and the friend told her that she should spank me for talking to her like that. Mom replied, "If God told her he's going to give her a trike, who am I to say anything?" (I did get the trike, by the way - and not through anything my mother did). After I grew up (I'm the youngest), I visited the lady and she often marveled at how we grew up to be such nice adults and her kids had grown up not, when she had raised her kids right and my mom had not.