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Unplanned Pregnancy? Check in here!

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
I just thought I would start this thread for those of us finding ourselves unexpectedly pregnant. I have read a lot of posts lately, including my own, where we are unexpectedly pregnant and trying to deal with it. So, I hope there are some of you out there who want to share!

My story. DH and I have a 3 year old son and thought we were done at one. We found out a month ago we will be expecting number 2 in january, even though we used bc.

I find this pregnancy very different from my first one. I am almost 8 weeks now, so I think I have accepted the pregnancy, but I find myself so much more overwhelmed than I did with the first. I don't have health insurance for this pregnancy which is adding another stress to the whole thing. DH is ok with the whole thing, we were both shocked, scared, even angry.

So how about you? I thought maybe some other mamas out there might like to share here. Although I know I will Love this baby, the road getting there is not so smooth.
post #2 of 29
I don't know if I fully belong here, as this one wasn't planned but we weren't exactly trying to prevent either. I was really hoping for next year actually. Our first ds was completely unplanned and unwanted. I can identify with the feelings, as I've had many for both pregnancies.

Ds is the light of my life and I am so glad he came into our lives....I had no idea what I needed until he came. But the pregnancy with him was hellish for a variety of reasons.

This pregnancy has been vastly different as well, so it's been a hard adjustment. It's not great timing either, so that's been a hard adjustment, attitudes are still struggling for adjustment.
post #3 of 29
We were charting to prevent and here we are.

My partner and I were ready to be done. I was content with my two boys (ages 10 and almost 3). I'm not thrilled yet. I think I'm about 5-6 weeks along - still haven't contacted the midwife.

There are a few reasons taht this is making me nervous - I have no insurance, the 3 year old still nurses and cosleeps...we have no space in our tiny home. Not sure how we're going to tackle this one.

I know (hope) things will fall into place and after our initial shock we will warm up to the idea of a third baby...we're just not there yet.

I still feel completely (physically) normal, so it's harder to come to grips with it. With my last two pregnancies, I was sick morning, noon and night for the majority of the pregnancy. Although, I realize it is still early...

Hugs to you others that are also finding yourselves in this situation.
post #4 of 29
:raises hand:

I was on birth control pills and missed a month... I had always heard that it took a few months for a woman to start ovulating again so when we made our little "mistake" I wasn't too worried. But sure enough, six weeks later I still hadn't had my period again...

The biggest challenge for me has been DH. I've always wanted kids, but he was always unsure. I mean, he didn't want kids, but he wanted to stay with me... so we were stuck in this kind of limbo where we wouldn't "commit" because of the kid-issue, but didn't want to break it off because we love each other very much. We talked a little about terminating the pregnancy, but by the time we knew for sure I was pregnant (7-8 weeks) it was later than we were comfortable pursuing that option. So here we are!

I think I have been very lucky, though. The baby has helped us get out of limbo - now DH is 100% committed to this relationship since the kid-decision has been taken out of his hands. And he's committed to having more than one child with me, because he figures if we're going to have a family, it should be one with sisters and brothers.

He was TERRIFIED for the first 4-5 months and didn't want to even talk about the baby... but now (at 7 months) he is getting really into it. He's still scared of the unknown, but he isn't convinced it's going to ruin his life either. He loves to rub my belly and he thinks it's amazing that the baby obviously knows his voice - one of the only things that will calm the baby down when it's kicking is DH's talking to it! He's coming up with names and talking about schools, music lessons, the whole nine yards. I'm so relieved!

So things were a bit scary at first, but everything seems to be working out in the end. I'm so glad - I'm 28 years old, and if we hadn't had this little "accident" I was going to have to make DH choose between "child-free or me" pretty soon. The biological clock was ticking!!!

So yah, that's my story...
post #5 of 29
Althought this pregnancy was very unexpected, at 31 weeks I'm very attached and excited about this one. This is my third child, I have two girls, ages 6 and 3.

I had an IUD in when we concieved and I also have no medical insurance at this point. The first trimester was very scary. I did a lot of frenzied research about the IUD, whether to leave it in or take it out. All of the information I found seemed to say that, while the risks were lower if the IUD was left in, the complications may be later in the pregnancy. Basically, if the IUD came out I would have a high risk of miscarriage, somewhere from 30-50%; if it was left in there was a lower risk of late-term miscarriage or stillbirth. I decided to take it out and that was done at 8 weeks.

I was in no way ready for this pregnancy and I was pretty angry about it in the first few weeks (really until I could feel movement at about 13 weeks). I still didn't want to lose it, mostly for selfish reasons, I was afraid it would be traumatic or that I might need a D&C afterward. That's so hard to actually say [type], but it's true.

Baby stuck around and now our risk of complications is quite near normal. We are planning a homebirth (my first two were in the hospital). I love my midwife and doula and I'm really getting excited to meet this odds-beating baby. I'm really excited for breastfeeding again, I've discovered that's something I've missed.

At first this pregnancy was hard on my relationship with my husband. We'd been struggling financially and he was also having a hard time controlling his drinking. We fought alot, I think he was overwhelmed and I felt isolated. I was afraid we might need to split up, at least temporarily. After we made it through the winter, things keep getting better. We're a lot closer now than we were when we were pregnant with our second daughter.

I've sort of come full circle accepting this pregnancy. I feel really blessed.
post #6 of 29
child #3 in the belly and was TOTALLY unprepared for this, emotionally, mentally, the works. We were thinking about another child sometime in the future, but weren't ready yet, and had been protecting. Note: condoms REALLY ARE only 97% effective. that means 3% of the time you could get pregnant... i'm living proof. *sigh*

The thing that gets me is, I know there are SO MANY people out there who want and deserve babies RIGHT NOW and they can't get pregnant!!!

Its not that I won't love this baby when he/she is born. I will, and I will be enamored with them, and treasure them and thank God for them every day.

But I'm also aware of my limitations and I'm scared about how I can possibly handle this with a sweet special needs girl that requires a LOT of attention and another lovely little girl who is growing so fast I can hardly keep up with her.

I'm going to be starting a schedule and challenging the kids to be more independent, but there are some changes ahead we were definitely not ready for.
post #7 of 29
::raises hand::
this is definitely an unplanned pregnancy! my boyfriend has just finished his third year of college, i was planning on starting nursing school this fall. i work a fairly low-paying job and s/o wasn't working at all! though this week he started his summer job with the university he's attending, so he gets paid plus he gets credits. he's 20 and i'm 19, in a lot of ways i feel like we're barely grown up yet. we found out for sure on march 19th, though i had a strong feeling about it from the time i conceived. i've always been extremely in tune with my body. and yes! as stated above condoms are ONLY 97% effective!
the first couple of days of knowing were hard. we considered terminating, but i just couldn't go that route. its taken some getting used to. my boyfriend obviously wasn't thrilled, but he has definitely come around. i'm 14 weeks today and he's always rubbing my belly and kissing it. he's thinking of names and is actually getting excited now! after the first couple of days i made a conscious decision to be happy about this baby as i don't want it born into negativity. i'm looking forward to being a mama, and i know we'll be just fine.
this whole experience has brought us so much closer and i'm sure we'll only continue to grow together.
post #8 of 29
This is our first and was definately unplanned. We had planned on having our first in a year or two. We'd also planned to switch to the health insurance plan with no deductable, not ours with the mondo deductable, before we een started trying. I wasn't charting, but I had a general idea of when I was ovulating. I'd stopped taking my pill (I still have no idea why) and was waiting for my period to show up so I could start a new brand. Well we were too lazy to get up and get a condom and the minute we finished the calendar flashed into my head. I looked at my husband and said this is the week I can get pregnant and I know I am. He didn't believe me until we heard the HB 9weeks later lol. I'm thrilled about this and the husband is slowly adjusting. At first he was so freaked out.
post #9 of 29
9 years after I was told I wasn't ovulating and highly likely to be infertile due to severe hormonal problems, and after several years of unprotected sex with DH, and after many years of perhaps 1 or 2 periods per year if that... I finally figure out after 2.5 months of painful boobs and insane mood swings that I'm pregnant. It just didn't occur to me before that it was possible.

DH's face when I told him:

So, again many years after finally happily coming to terms with the concept that we'd be childless for life, we'll be first time parents in approx. 7 weeks.
post #10 of 29
Yup unplanned here too. Not like I should be surprised we haven't used birth control in 2 years! But we were in a space where we both SO wanted another child but felt like it was a bad idea at the time (I'm stretched so thin by my business, running a daycare 11 hours a day with 6 kids all by myself... and having all these anxiety/depression issues) that we just didn't have the heart to remind each other to use a condom when we had sex!

If I wasn't working I'd be over the moon with happiness! Orion will be in kindy, it would be perfect timing for a little one (a christmas babe!! ), but I don't know how I'm going to continue running my business. I was so short tempered during Orion's first years due to lack of sleep even going to bed with him for 12 hours a night, and already my patience is stretched to its limits now with so many little ones all day (17week old, two 1.5 year olds, a 2.5 year old and my 4 year old and a 5 year old). But it doesn't look like its going to be possible for me to cut back what I'm doing when the babe arrives except for having a part time assistant (and having them work full time for a month or so, so I can be open during part of my maternity leave with my MIL filling in the other 15 hours per week).

Very nervous. Very worried. About breastfeeding successfully, esp with the business going, about enough sleep, about being awake hours beside when the daycare is open and spending time with my son and husband, about my anxiety/panic attacks/depression, worried about the lack of freedom to get out of the house (its the only thing that kept me sane when Orion was wee).
post #11 of 29
Yup, this was unplanned for us too... But it's not like we hadn't talked about having children sometime in the near future, so while it was a surprise, it was a pretty happy one. We're both totally psyched now, and really looking forward to this new life with this new little person!! We're not married, either, so our parents in particular definitely asked us about that. But it's not really something we're into. We both feel that we can have a committed, loving relationship (with a child) and not be married. And although I know having a baby is going to change a lot of things in our life - our routines, and how everything "works" for us - I also know that we can adapt to anything, and we are embracing whatever this experience will bring. So, everything feels wonderful - I feel like we're more in love every day...
post #12 of 29
Yeah, this one is unplanned, although we werent actively avoiding it, we should have known better.

I'm still not thrilled at all. I even avoid this forum because I don't want to think about it.

I"m also miserably sick this time around. I feel like my firstborn is getting the short end of the stick. It's not the right time, the right place, or the right house. I mean, I live in a town that has a hospital that doesn't deliver babies. The pack u up in an ambulance and ship you off an hour or so up to the largest city. So my options for how to birth here in this area is extremely limited.

--dont' even get me started on the closed-mindedness of this town.

Plus recently I have to deal with the CRAP of gestational diabetes again, plus I have placenta previa this time around. AND my kidlet weaned himself as I have no more milk. I feel totally resentful sometimes.

But I have faith that I'll fall for my baby the same way I fell for my ds.
post #13 of 29
Joining, I just found out Thursday that I'm PG although, I had a feeling I was- implantation bleeding (had it with DS too) and horribly sore, large boobs. DH said he thought I'd get PG sometime soon, just not this soon!! We did not plan #1 so it's not like we haven't been here before, kwim?

When I saw the plus on the test there was no smile, just a deep breath and then "oh noooooooo." It's just horrible timing for us, as it sounds like for a lot of us. DH is still in school, working for a company he hates, we live with his parents in a 2 bedroom house- mind you we already have a 5 year old- and no insurance.

When I told DH he had mixed feelings too but, we are warming up to it and thinking of names already. I just keep thinking how scared we were with #1, we both were in college and, again, living with his parents, we had no money saved up, no insurance and were very young. If we could pull through then we can do it now.

Now I'm starting to get very emotional and excited. Looking forward to breastfeeding, cloth diapering, and meeting this little one. DH asked me tonight what I thought this one would look like, I just can't wait to find out
post #14 of 29
I am worried sick.....I found out on Thurs. I had slight bleeding on 5/18...thought it was period, it went away. My nipples felt extremely sensitive all week so decided on test.My issue is my age. I was 40 in Jan. Hub will be 50 in Nov. We have 10 and 7 year old. Never planned on another. If this happenned 3-5 years ago,well then ok. But now we are torn between termination and going ahead...without insurance.
post #15 of 29
This is us! We weren't exactly avoiding but neither one of us thought it would actually happen, we hadn't used bc ever and have had 1 pg in 6 years (ended in m/c 2 years ago). We were not at a good point in our relationship emotionally or financially as DH was out of work and we were considering a divorce, but this baby has really turned things around for us. We are closer now than ever and I could not be happier. I am still worried about finances even though DH is working its not really a good paying job and we haven't even really started to buy for baby yet even though he's due in October. But I'm sure things will work out in the end and I'm glad we had this surprise baby
post #16 of 29
I'm here too! DS is 9 yo and we thought we were done with him. Then we decided to have one more and my DD was born last year. So early March we found out we are expecting again, then late March we found out it is TWINS!!!

From a family of 3 to a family of 6 in less than 2 years. YIKES!!

We are getting excited, but sometimes I get totally terrified.
post #17 of 29
Originally Posted by thefragile7393 View Post
I don't know if I fully belong here, as this one wasn't planned but we weren't exactly trying to prevent either. I was really hoping for next year actually.
This is very similar to my situation as well.

Dh and I are newly weds (11/07), and he's active duty USAF. When we got married we new he was up for a 6 month deployment to Afghanistan sometime this year. We had really been hoping to not conceive before his insurance would pick me up in Jan. so I could start some form of bc. Ah well... so much for that. It took all of 3 weeks of marriage for me to get pregnant. We found out he'd be gone from the end of Jan. to sometime in Sep. with the baby due in late August. But we've been very blessed so far though, he was sent home earlier this month, and will be home for the rest of the pregnancy and the birth.
post #18 of 29
Thread Starter 
Sorry I havn't checked back in awhile, computer troubles. Welcome everyone. I hope to keep this thread going, I think we all have some unique issues, and its nice to hear we are not alone.

The the condoms are 97% effective thing, I hear you! It was a month off of nuvaring for me (I have side effects and was taking antibiotics at the time, so I figured I would take a month off) and we used a condom EVERY time, I wouldn't let DH near me without it, lol. So what are the odds that I ovulate a month off of birth control, and then get pregnant using a condom. Man oh man.

Seems to be there are several others here without insurance, how are you handling it? The financial aspect of the is starting to overwhelm me as the bills start to come in. Luckily the hospital we are using has a charitable care program for uninsured people, but this whole thing is still going to cost us mucho.

I definatly am having a hard time getting excited. I think maybe because I feel so lousy. I have accepted it, but not embraced it. I am hoping it will get better when I start to feel better. I am also having a bit of a hard time with how excited everyone else in our families is. They all know it is unplanned and I am stressed, but are over the moon. They all knew we were probably not going to have another, and thought that was a bad choice, so they like this outcome. Don't get me wrong, I am starting to think this was maybe meant to be, but it would be nice for people to understand how we feel about it.

So again, glad you all joined me here!
post #19 of 29
uggh joining.

I am looking forward to reading through your stories. I am trying to come to terms with my own pregnancy, which I don't fully believe yet. I really did not want to be pregnant. I have two daughters and a wonderful DH, and we are trying to get on top, stay on top. My oldest dd goes to a private school that we do work for in exchange for her tuition. I was hoping to try and get a position working inside in two years when my younger dd goes, but it won't be possible with a new baby. Also many days I have trouble dealing with the two.

I feel bad not being happy about this, I know it will come eventually. I also don't have insurance and am trying to find out what the medicaid income requirements are in Florida. Also have to decide where to birth, as far as I know there is only one place left.
post #20 of 29
Unplanned as well.

I was on a low dose bc pill, and here I am. (I asked my dr multiple times if I shouldn't be on a higher dose pill, because I'd gained weight and was worried that the hormone in a low dose wasn't high enough - she insisted it was fine. So when I went for a pregnancy confirmation and asked "could it have been that there wasn't enough hormone in the pill to keep me from ovulating?" she said, "oh, totally - that's completely possible."

I'm 22, ex boyfriend is 23. Ex boyfriend and I broke up ages ago, but were still seeing each other occasionally. He's not involved (went 3 months without calling me at all, until he broke that streak by calling on Mother's Day) and just said a week and a half ago that he's pretty sure he's not going to want to be involved with our daughter's life. He was pretty horrible to deal with when I found out, so I was actually relieved when he quit calling.

I just saw his parents for the first time since August or so on Thursday - they want to be involved in the baby's life and are very disappointed in their son.

My friends and family have been great to me and have supported me so much. I still live with my parents and sister, and my parents actually are finishing our basement right now and turning it into an apartment so my sister can move down there and I can turn her old room into a nursery.

I only work part time and still have 8 classes to go until I graduate with my bachlelor's. I've always wanted kids, but I didn't expect to have one this soon, especially not in this situation.
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