Family of Flakes :(

[*Melissa*]

My babe is just over a week old, and my family has already flaked out on me. MIL is not only too busy to even stop by, she's too busy to even check out the photos of the baby I put online... even though she plays video games online every day - for hours. She's one exit up the highway but she's "too tired" to stop by to help. She actually had the nerve to tell us she was resting up for work Monday on Saturday morning... at 11 am. His grandmother and aunt haven't even bothered to call even just to say congrats!

My mom had told me she was going to take a week off of work to give me a hand! I was so happy, but she's totally flaked on me too! She took off for a half an afternoon... and brought my *sister's* laundry to do! My sister is 28!!! She made such a big deal about not being able to be there for me when my first son was born due to circumstances but she's doing the same thing all over again!

I had PPD with DS1 and my counselor had told me I had to ask for help... but it's hard not to take it as a personal rejection *and* a slap in the face when I do and just get strung along. I could have really used a little help today. I'm tired and irritable and both babies have been screaming. DS1 really needs some attention and love; the new baby won't stop nursing. Instead, I've been virtually alone since the birth.

I am so hurt.

[NatureMama3]

I'm sorry your families are being such frosted flakes. :

Any chance you live near any MDC-mamas?

[K's Mom!]

Awww Melissa, I'm so sorry your family is bailing on you. I second the idea of calling friends and MDC mamas who live close to you to help. I hope you get some help soon.

[Sheal]

Have you considered asking a few trusted friends instead? I'm going to assume DP works during the day and that there is a DP involved - maybe DP can help out in the evenings? Even if it's the laundry or dishes? A once over with the broom or vacuum?

Even getting help with the small stuff is a huge helping hand - just knowing that DP or a friend is willing to sweep your floor for you or vacuum the living room is a peaceful mind and less thing to do.

I know where you are coming from, the only time someone helped me was my first emerg c-s and it was someone I wasn't expecting it from - my evil - I can't stand her - SIL. For 4 weeks she did my cleaning, laundry, meals for the week, brought in the mail, ect, ect. I was shocked that she offered and even more shocked that she even wanted to. Sometimes help comes from the strangest of places.

Perhaps even a mother's helper? Parent Advocate Services (where another parent comes in and helps out)? Even a nanny part time (3 days a week for afternoons?)

[*Melissa*]

There's no one around to help... I hired a postpartum doula for this very reason, I knew I'd be completely alone, but she doesn't start until June 4th and can't begin any sooner.

I really should have expected this, seeing as I had no help with DS1 either... I just really believed my family when they said this time would be different. It's like opening the wound back up. I wish they wouldn't have even bothered offering rather than getting my hopes up thinking that someone would be there and then having them not be, you know???

I went through three mothers helpers with DS1... teenage girls have more important things to do than babysit, show up on time, etc. All three of them "forgot" to show up half the time, etc. It was another huge disappointment.

Now they are all avoiding my calls because I tried to ask them about it.

Both babes are screaming. I am so tired.
:

[LionessMom]

oh hon i am so sorry. just rest. do only what absolutely needs to be done. will your older child take naps with you and baby? keep bfing and resting. make yourself smile at that precious bundle in your arms and at the older one too. let him feel the love. and call someone..even if it is a hotline. it will help.

[NatureMama3]

Do you go to a church? You could see if there's any retired grandmas available to hold babies, etc.

[Shanana]

I'm so sorry mama . It sounds like they are rubbing salt in an open wound . Sometimes family just sucks .

[blizzard_babe]

sorry your family is not stepping up

[JennaW]

Melissa,

I'm not in your DDC but I happened to catch your post...Anyway, if you by some small chance happen to live in the Sacramento area, please PM me, I can come help you. I'm a pregnant first time Mama that stays at home (as in I don't have any kids outside the womb yet but I'm not working right now).

I know you probably don't live near me but if you do, I would be happy to lend you a hand from one Mama to another

[smeisnotapirate]

Let us know approx. where you are so we can maybe help you out by looking for contacts. It's hard to feel alone, and hard when it comes from family.

[cj'smommy]

mama. I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

My MIL is doing the same thing though our baby isn't here yet. She took a week off work to help my SIL when she had her baby (just 2 weeks ago) and told us she would take some time for us as well. My mom is going to help when the baby is born, but we planned on my MIL's help when when the baby has his surgery as well. Guess what? She can't help us anymore.

I think the biggest blow for me is the hurt that we dont' seem important enough for her to help us out. Thankfully I have friends who can pitch in while we're dealing with surgery, because I don't know how we'd handle that and two other small children as well - but it's sad that she just doesn't have time for us.

- have you talked to them about it and stressed how much you need them?

[Galatea]

I am sorry about your family. I guess now you can be sure of them and not get your hopes up again. As sad as that is.

So where are you? We can surely find another mom to come and help.

[adtake]

Hugs Melissa...hang in there. Those first few weeks are so hard!

Where in Ohio are you? We have a bunch of DDC moms there!

We are here..come fuss, cry, and scream at us all you want!!

HUGGSSS

[BroodyWoodsgal]

I'm so sorry you are being left alone like this...this is the very very last time a woman should not have help that she asks for...especially from family. Please don't let their really stupid and awful behavior let you feel like you are not important or like this is not a huge event...it IS huge, it IS special and you ARE worth caring for...these people obviously just don't have their priorities straight at all.

This pregnancy has been a real learning experience for me....I have learned that just because a woman gave birth to you, doesn't mean that she is going to mother you. I'm sick of waiting around for the day my mother will wakeup and start caring. I know I will mother my children and that's what I'm going to do now...I can't imagine being so flaky and cold and weird as my mother has been to me during this, the baking of her first grandchild. I know not to expect much but excuses from her once the baby comes...and I'm okay with that. I don't want her around...her energy frazzles me.

Like another PP said...help can come in strange forms...people here will help you, if they are close to you...plus, can you go anywhere? Like a LLL meeting, or anywhere where there are other mommas you can connect with? I know it doesn't help around the house...but maybe getting out of the house for a little to go and meet with mommas who don't care if your hair is a mess and who will totally understand where you're coming from..? I don't know. What is your partner saying about all of this? I'm sure DP is also stressed...but maybe you guys sitting down and really talking about what this is doing to you emotionally would help you to feel a release?

I wish I could scoop you up in my arms and carry your away to some place soft and quite, where you could sleep and feel rested. I'm really sorry that we don't all live in the same awesome town, we would all be at your house right now, cleaning and hugging your babies while you napped! I know it doesn't help to day dream like that....but I hope you can sense that energy from us and that it brings you some amount of peace and warmth to your heart. We care and we wish this were better for you.....try reaching out outside of your family...some of the best family I have are friends...people who started as strangers.

[Shanana]

Originally Posted by AverysMomma

I'm really sorry that we don't all live in the same awesome town, we would all be at your house right now, cleaning and hugging your babies while you napped!

Wouldn't that be the best?! We have seriously considered moving to a co-housing community for just this reason. But with the real estate market so bad right now, it would be foolish to try to sell our house. Maybe some day ...

[MrsSurplus]

I'm so sorry! Could your husband talk to his mother...your mother...anyone who could help?

I'm so sorry - what a horrible time!

[LionessMom]

Originally Posted by AverysMomma

I'm really sorry that we don't all live in the same awesome town, we would all be at your house right now, cleaning and hugging your babies while you napped!

ita. i would come help if i lived close enough.