Explaining teen pregnancy?

[ceilydhmama]

My 6-year-old has a good grasp of how pregnancy occurs (although she is still suspicious of the penis part because she can't understand how her friend with two mums would bother with something that "stupid")

But now she is interested in knowing how a friend who got pregnant at 16 could have had it happen (our friend describes her pregnancy as unplanned but says her daughter is very wanted...)

She's brought it up several times, so obviously I'm not nailing it. Her main concern seems to be how to avoid being pregnant before she's ready - but the mechanics of birth control seem to be beyond her...

Any btdt stories on how to tackle this?

[thixle]

I'm just going to ramble because I've had no real experience with it--

Maybe she thinks she could get pregnant, because she is "young" and someone she knows is "young" and pregnant?
Have you asked her what she thinks? Does she know she has to go through puberty (and loose her teeth and regrow them, etc, etc) before she even has to think she could possibly be pregnant?

Since she knows a lesbian couple with child(ren), I'm sure it makes it much more confusing in her head. She's only 6, old enough to understand, but imaginative enough to add her own spin. Maybe she's worried about being naked, changing at the swimming pool, and getting pregnant? Thinks that any nude physical contact could make her pregnant? (Wow, bathtime could be weird, too)...

Does she know you have to physically "be ready" to be pregnant?

[vegemamato]

I don't have much advise..

but we got our daughter a book about sex when she was six. it has comics and explains all of the 'technical' stuff, including puberty. it even touches on gay/lesbian relationships.

anyway, we read it every day for a few weeks and it has been on her bookshelf ever since. I'm assuming that her questions were answered. the fun part is that I became pregnant around the same time that we bought the book (at a garage sale) so she got to learn all about what my body was doing (and what her daddy did, hehe).

anyway, I hope your daughter isn't too concerned.. I have to say though, that is cute (in an oh-no, not-this-conversation kinda way).

good luck..

[twilight girl]

Different, but analogous situation:

My FIL died last year of brain cancer. DD wants to know why he died. I told her he got a terrible disease and doctors don't know how to fix it.

She got a cold the next day. She asks me, "mom, I don't have a disease like Grandpa P. right?" I explain to her that no, she just has a little cold virus and her body is strong to fight a cold, and that Grandpa P. had cancer which was too strong for his body to fight.

My DD is also 6. I try to give her the facts as truthfully as possible, but on a level she can understand. I'd rather have it open for discussion between us so if she has fears or concerns we can address them. If I don't give her good enough answers, it could lead to fears ... like worrying that her cold is cancer and she's going to die.

So, I'd get a book and give as much detail as you think she can digest. OR, let her ask the friend.

[hubris]

Not sure what aspect of the situation is the stumbling block for her, that sounds frustrating for you to try to figure out! Have you read any books together? Robie Harris' "It's So Amazing!" gives a lot of information, and maybe that one would help her to fill in whatever blank is missing. Birth control does seem like a pretty tough concept for a kid, though - how have you approached it so far?

[Ruthla]

I would explain the basics of human reproduction- egg, sperm, basics of intercourse, add in sperm bank info to explain the 2 mom family. Then explain that some teenagers have intercourse (feel free to add in "even though they probably shouldn't do that" if that jives with your value system) and that's how they get pregnant. I'd also explain that couples don't get pg every single time they have sex, which is why some people have sex even when they don't want babies.

I dealt with a similar situation when my oldest was about 6. I became pg outside of marriage, and obviously had to tell my kids about their upcoming baby sibling! She asked me "how did you get pg if you're not married?" I said to her "How do you think it happened?" Then she thought for a moment and had this "aha!" look on her face.

But, in all fairness, I was an adult and a Mommy already and had a steady male partner, which probably made my pg seem far more understandable than a pg teenager, especially if she's "single."