It has been 3 months since I asked R to leave the house. And I am feeling great! There have been so many lonely and horrible and depressing moments, days...but I've gotten through them. I got on antidepressants for ppd all around the same time, 3 months ago. Geeze, what a transformation, and it feels like its been an eternity, but its only been 3 months...I can't even imagine what the transformation will be in a year! Well okay, I can, and it looks beautiful.
Since I started respecting myself and being true to myself, listening to that inner wisdom that I so easily ignored in the past, I have received so much inspiration in my life, and though I am "broke" by most standards, I am so happy. I feel so free, so ME. I feel like I can finally breathe now! I can't believe how much I have held my breath for the past 3 years, since I got pregnant with ds1.
I am finally looking forward to the future with gusto rather than dread. I finally LOVE waking up each morning, even when I'm groggy. I look forward to the day. I enjoy spending time with myself, and with my children. I am building myself back up to my original being, so to speak. I had no idea just how low I was sitting until I could look back on myself. The pattern continued, and I denied it. I talked about how I broke a pattern (I had an abusive relationship before this one), but didn't even see that it was still continuing. How ironic...kind of eery. Makes me feel like a fool some days, but then I give myself a break. I can take responsibility NOW even if I didn't then. And thank god for that!
Just wanted to share, because I was feeling pretty low for a long time and now I can't believe how much clearer everything is, so peaceful!
Since I started respecting myself and being true to myself, listening to that inner wisdom that I so easily ignored in the past, I have received so much inspiration in my life, and though I am "broke" by most standards, I am so happy. I feel so free, so ME. I feel like I can finally breathe now! I can't believe how much I have held my breath for the past 3 years, since I got pregnant with ds1.
I am finally looking forward to the future with gusto rather than dread. I finally LOVE waking up each morning, even when I'm groggy. I look forward to the day. I enjoy spending time with myself, and with my children. I am building myself back up to my original being, so to speak. I had no idea just how low I was sitting until I could look back on myself. The pattern continued, and I denied it. I talked about how I broke a pattern (I had an abusive relationship before this one), but didn't even see that it was still continuing. How ironic...kind of eery. Makes me feel like a fool some days, but then I give myself a break. I can take responsibility NOW even if I didn't then. And thank god for that!
Just wanted to share, because I was feeling pretty low for a long time and now I can't believe how much clearer everything is, so peaceful!
: Shell!!! SO wonderful to read this post!!! You are such a strong, wonderful Mama!
So glad you're at peace with your decision and I wish you all of the joy, love, and happiness this world has to offer!
