I don't like my DS's friend...

[familylove]

DS is 5 1/2 and just graduated from preschool. We live in a neighborhood of kids of all ages and he sometimes plays with some of the older kids (supervised by momma, of course). With summer upon us, these kids are home every day and I find them coming to our house. My problem is with a young lady who is 8. She is extremely rude ("please" and "thank you" have never graced her lips), sullen, disrespectful (a lot of back-talking and questioning my requests) and she helps herself to whatever she finds in our house. I also have the distinct feeling that she is "using" my DS b/c she likes his toys and he is someone to play with when her "real" friends aren't available. (She quickly leaves our house without so much as a "goodbye" when she notices her other friend is home). I am ashamed to admit that she and I bump heads every time she's at our house; she really rubs me the wrong way. I try to remind myself that she has a difficult homelife (dad lives far away and her mom isn't the nicest person), but she still drives me nuts. I know I can set up some "House Rules" to clarify my expectations of kid guests, but I have the feeling it is going to be very frustrating to see those rules through. The other problem is that when her other friends aren't available, she shows up at our house several times a day and won't leave unless I, literally, push her out the door.

I don't want to squelch my DS's friendships and I want to be kind to his friends, but she is presenting a real challenge. Please help me think of some ways I can respect DS's friend choices while not losing my cool.

Thanks in advance!

[CarrieMF]

Set up the rules, ie if you want something you have to ask & she won't get it until she uses manners. If she is disrespectul or won't follow the rules she has to leave even if you have to push her out.lol

If she is coming over more than you like tell her that she can't come over now & she has to go home, she can come over later or tomorrow.

be firm & she'll get it eventually.

[Carlyle]

If she's coming over at inappropriate times, you could have a reversible sign on your door. On one side you could draw a sun, meaning "Hey, we're having social time now, feel free to knock if you want to come and play" and on the other side you could draw a moon, meaning "We're having family time right now, please don't knock." That way you can have some times of the day when you feel perfectly fine telling her that you're having family time, and you can prepare yourself for her visits before you flip to the sun. I wouldn't suggest shutting her out completely (who knows, maybe you can be a positive person in her life?), but if having several visits a day is interrupting important family time, this could be one way to keep some time set aside for you and ds.

[amcal]

I would write some "House Rules" on a chart and display them. Next time she comes over tell her you've started implementing house rules and review them with her. Let her know that your DS is only available to play if she's called first to check if you're available. If she knocks unannounced, your DS will not be available. Set rules for other behavior as well.

I also really like the sign on the door idea.

I would also not hesitate to let her know that only polite, respectful behavior will be tolerated in your home. If she is rude, you will politely ask her to go home.

[marybethorama]

Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries

I've known a couple of kids like that.

They played outside at my house (don't know if this is an option for you or not)

I supervised pretty closely to make sure that they weren't being too mean

I wasn't mean but I was very firm about when it was time to leave-if the behavior got out of hand, I'd ask the kids to come back later

Also if I didn't want them to play, I'd tell them to come back later

[familylove]

Thank you for the great suggestions mommas! I had already put up a sign on the door and that has worked well...for now.

I definitely will make up some house rules. I was thinking about keeping it simple like:
1. If you make a mess, you clean it up.
2. Use "Please" and "Thank you"
3. Respect each other and DS's mom and dad (I'm not sure how to phrase this to get across the point that sassing/backtalking isn't acceptable
4. If the sign is on the front door, please don't knock
5. DS's bedroom door is to remain open at all times

Unfortunately, I can't keep the kids outside b/c we don't have a yard, per se. I've been trying to see this as preparation for later years when friends will have a lot more influence over DS.

Thanks again!

[amcal]

Sounds great! As far as #3 I would simply put that everyone is expected to be respectful. Backtalk, sassing or rudeness are not acceptable. Or even something like "Use your manners." and then when you go over the rules with her, just let her know that sassing, backtalk etc... are not acceptable in your home.

[Peppermint Leaf]

we had an issue similar to this when DS was younger - so when his friends came to the front door I would set a time limit right off the bat. Like "sure come on in and play for an hour and then we have other plans" .. I would then put a timer on and give them a 10 minute warning... and then send them on their way.

It kinda helped me to know there was an "end" to the visit