Single mother by choice chatty thread

[nolonger]

Come out, come out, wherever you are!

I see us periodically around MDC so I know I'm not alone. I thought I'd try to get us on one thread for some lighthearted sharing.

Terran is four months old, still EBF, and comes to work with me in the sling. I only work four days a week, so of course I can't put dd through college and keep ds1 in therapy on that, but it sure has slowed the hemmorhage of my savings.

KD wanted to come visit, meet Terran, and try for a sibling this summer, but my fertility hasn't returned yet and I'm still on the fence about TTC. If I'm paying his transportation expenses, I want to wait for a visit until Terran is old enough to remember it!

I did my first (extremely small and modest) canning session with the baby on my lap yesterday and realized that there will be no ex to tell THIS baby that making cherry jam is for dorks and no toxic granfdfather telling THIS baby to "spend as much time as you can with your father just to make sure you don't grow up to be like your mother".

I'm not saying it's easy now or that I think it will always be easy in the future, but so far raising my OWN child (as opposed to my ex's) totally rocks!

The down side is, of course, the weight of the responsibility: if he goes through an angsty emo teen phase like his brother, he's going to hate me for singlehandedly bringing him into this world. He wouldn't exist if I hadn't wanted/needed him so badly. Period. I can't even blame it on a moment of passion since I didn't have sex with KD.

So how are you doing?

[Fishie Kisses]

Well, since I left, STBX has not made any effort to contact or ask about his son. Jordan is now 4 months old and has no clue who daddy is. I'm good with that. I am having to work FULL time, but the money is great and I have an AWESOME support system for childcare. A great friend of mine watches him during the week and my parents watch him on weekends.

My son is happy, healthy, and thriving more than I could have imagined! I am blessed that I had the strength and support to do this on my own!

[nolonger]

You go, girl! Belated congratulations; we were TTCing together and I didn't even know about Jordan until now.

[ShyDaisi]

Hello!

I am a single mama by choice in that I got pregnant (not on purpose) and then chose to be a single mama rather than choose other avenues (since "Mr. Sperm Donor" doesn't exist).

Micah is a little over 13 months old and just started walking this week! He took his first steps just before his birthday, but then he got really sick (the flu, I think). He lost about 12% of his body weight and a lot of his muscle mass, so he kind of regressed. Last weekend he stood up with out holding onto anything and took a couple of coaxed steps. Then, Wednesday, we went to the zoo and I set him on the ground to take a couple of pictures -- he stood up and walked away!! We are up to about 14 steps or so...

I have definitely struggled with the weight of the responsibility, but am slowly adjusting to my new life. We have good days and we have bad days, but as he is getting older the bad days are becoming fewer and farther between. I think that between the emotional stress and my son being on the high needs end of the spectrum made the first year really difficult for us.

Occasionally I stopped in this forum, but found it mostly to be discussions about ex-husbands and boyfriends and situations that involved divorces and custodies -- which doesn't apply here, at all. Soooo, I think that this thread is a great idea!! It would be nice to have a thread in which the conversation can revolve around issues that stem from doing this on your own and triumphs as well.

[sunkissedmumma67]

Boy, do i envey you single mamas and by choice too! Smart, I 'am in an abusive, pathetic relationship with my youngest's ( 3 yr.) father. I was a single mama by choice,(kicked my ex husband out) 5 yrs. ago. It was hard financially and balancing everything by myself, but it still was much better, and i was much happier than living the way we are now, (drunk, abuser, ect.). We had alot more peace in the house then! I'm trying to get out now, but he always says, if i break up the family, i'll be sorry! It's not even a real family with him in it, he does not treat my older children well at all. Infact my now 19 year old son moved out the day he turned 18 and lived in his little truck for several months and now lives in a little old trailer on a friends property, with no electricity ect., rather than live with my current partner. I don't blame him, i would have done the same thing! When i got pregnant with my 3 yr., i had a nice house and was a very independent single mama, with happy kids, everyone warned me don't move in with him just because you got pregnant, i was stupid and didn't listen, gave up my job, house, ect and moved in with him. It was the second biggest mistake of my life! It's great to have 2 parents when it's a healthy, happy situation, but when it's not it's better for the kids to just have a loving, caring mama! It sounds like you all are! So i just envey and admire you all!

[dharmagrlpa]

I'm a single mama by choice and loving it!! My "sperm donor" was just some man who I had a very casual/brief realtionship. He is aware of my son and will be present in form as "godparents", since he has a wife (who knew/knows he has women out on the road) who also wants to love this little child of mine.

It's a wonderful set-up, they will be a support for us,but not a decision maker and that makes things so much easier for me.

I really wish we could have our own little forum on this ,since I have no ex's to talk about or questions of divorce, ect.

I look forward to getting to know all of you!

Blessings and have a beautiful day!

[nolonger]

kd and i met through a yahoo group, although i did googlestalk him and know (as best as i can) that he is who he claims to be. we have maintained contact through email and phone and it's nice to have someone to share photos and milestones with, since my only sister died sixteen years ago. I was afraid of him during my pregnancy, but now I find our limited interactions pleasant and am glad that Terran has contact info and photos (including one of twin girls the donor helped bring into the world who are a month older than my son and look so much like him that uit makes me laugh) if he is ever interested.

I also know in retrospect that frozen sperm would not have lived long enough to fertilize the egg that became my son, nor would the money have held out long enough for me to conceive.

It took fifteen cycles to conceive and, of course, I used more than one donor. I did not set out to have a biracial child, but it wasn;'t a huge deal to me. At one point a girlfriend who was trying to help me find a local donor mentioned that it was somewhat difficult finding someone who was willing to give up all rights and donate only through AI and not NI (I'm an abuse survivor; sorry, but NI was not something i could do) and was STD free and white and...

"But he doesn't need to be white! I never said he had to be white!"

I chose the donor that "took" because he was the right distance away and donating for the right reasons, not because of his physical appearance, but Terran is kinda cute. He looks like me in different ways than his siblings do.

I don't foresee any problems with KD, but of course there are no guarantees. When I first discovered the internet, I spent a fair amount of time on Single Parents boards giving what I thought was good advice and hoping to save other mamas from what happened to me with dd1. I have since learned that my advice was flawed: when exy got ahold of ds1 last year, I had the custody order and all the ducks in a row that I didn't have with dd1, but the police would not enforce the law.

[Al Dente]

I'm looking into getting pregnant next year when the IUD is removed, so I'm subbing!

[KayCSmommy]

Single by Choice...

I am also a single mother by choice, although my pregnancy wasn't on purpose. I went through a funk after my mother passed away, and allowed a younger immature guy live with me. Long story short we started dating, and then he sabotaged the birth control in order to try and trap me. (Which his best friend, who I knew very well; and actually had known longer than he had told me what he had done.) As soon as I found out I kicked him to the curb. (Although it took my step-dad to finally get him out of my house). I found out during this time that I was pregnant with my son. I had intended on telling the bio-dad, that I was pregnant, but he was very mean and nasty towards me, and then he refused to talk to me, and eventually wouldn't talk to anyone who was friends with me. (I figure Ohh well his loss) Being the only parent has had its ups and downs but, I loved it. Then I met my new boyfriend when my son was 3 mo old, and we started dating when he was 9-10 mo old. My son just turned two on Thursday, and he is extremely attached to my boyfriend. (We don't live together, but see each other regularly) So I have a little more help then I used to, and the good part is my boyfriend does what ever I say when it comes to my son. In fact he has had him overnight the last two days because I work this whole weekend, comes in handy not having to pay for a babysitter.

[BunnySlippers]

Im here.
Ill be concieving my second some time later this year or early next year.
I being a mom and on my own. There are times help would be nice, but ah well.

[zeldabee]

I'm another quasi-SMBC, got pregnant not on purpose with someone with whom I had a casual relationship. But I signed up for single motherhood, 100%!

I've posted before on a SMBC thread, but was told I wasn't a "real" SMBC because I didn't plan it or conceive by AI, etc. I can respect that many went to great effort to become mothers, and I didn't really, but at the same time, I don't identify in the same way with people who have ex- or custody issues, get CS or don't, etc.

Anyway, I hope I can participate in a thread like this. I love being a single mom, and have no desire to seek out a partner. If I had the resources I'd consider having another kid, or would, but I'm 45 and peri-menopausal, so it's academic anyway. If my financial situation changed for the better, I'd love to adopt, because my boy would love to have a sibling.

[BunnySlippers]

When I concieved dd I was in a pretty serious relationship, I chose to go it alone (for very good reasons) in my first trimester. DDs dad is not involved in her life in any way (thankfully)
This second one will be concieved with the intentions of being single.

Last night I would have loved to have another adult in the house. I was having one of those 'I don't want to be the responsible one' moments.
I work full time days, part time nights and I keep dd with me at all times. Yesterday I worked my day, as it was Monday I had a ball game to play, so I played ball in the evening. Then I went to my part-time night job (cleaning offices). I did my bit there, then I ran to the grocery store- the one that is open all night- grabbed a few things.
I came home to find my dog had diahrea'd and urinated all over the floor. three puddles of each. I could smell it as soon as I opened the door, I had to make my way across the dark room to the light switch with out stepping in anything.
It was so gross and I wished I had someone to clean it up.I just wanted to go to bed.

The rest of the time I my life