How young is too young to help around the house

[Celtain]

I have a 9 almost 10 year old ds, a 6 year old dd, and a 3 year old ds.

I have tried everything to get them to help around the house. Helping them while the help me, rewarding, praising, outright bribery NOTHING works.

Everytime I ask them to help it is tantrums and fighting or they will pick one thing up and then get lost in that one thing. I'm at my wits end. I live in a clutter mess. Even if I clean the house top to bottom, my mom "watches (read sits on the computer and does nothing but yell) the kids" in the afternoon before I get home from work. The kids trash the house and I come home to chaos everyday.

I am open and desperate for ideas, please HELP!!!!!

[mamababamba]

I am really struggling with this right now too. This morning we had a successful 15 minutes which was supposed to be 10. We competed to clean our rooms. We both actually got a lot done. I also asked a few other kids at school what their jobs were and some said things like washing the windows. I am thinking maybe if I find some less than usual jobs he can do at least that might be a start in contributing more to the household load. Ds loves to wash the kitchen floor for example.

[LynnS6]

I think your kids are definitely old enough to help. What I don't know is how to get of the dynamic that you're currently in. I will tell you what we do, in case that helps.

Our kids are 4 and 7. They've been "helping" with chores since they were tiny. Until age 3, we didn't ask for much help, but they wanted to and we encouraged it. Part of our bedtime routine since the kids were about 2 was 'clean up time'. When they were 2, we did most of it and handed things to them. Really, it wasn't until ds was about 6 1/2 or 7 that he was able to be given a 'chore' and go off and do it. Dd at age 4 needs constant supervision and quite a bit of cajoling still.

This is what we do now and it's working reasonably well (meaning I'm not breaking down into a screaming maniac on a regular basis any more):
We have 15 minutes of 'chores' every night. The WHOLE family participates. We've recently moved it to right after dinner rather than the first thing of the bedtime routine and it's helped. Ds and dd then have an incentive because they can't go outside and play until the chores are done.

I've made a set of chores for each day to make sure the major things get done, and we each draw chores from the hat. Some of 'real' such as "pick up 10 toys from the living room floor" or "clean the toilets in the bathroom". Others are fun/funny - "sing the ABC song" or "rest for 2 minutes". That seems to keep ds (7) interested enough to be involved. Having grown-up chores too - not just picking up stuff, but vacuuming, mopping, doing laundry helps too. We take one day a week "off".

We're not pristine, but it helps. I'm also working on decluttering. With less stuff out, there's less to pick up!

Can you sit down with your kids and have a meeting and have them brainstorm with you as to solutions for keeping the house cleaner without you having to turn into a screaming banshee?

[Celtain]

I really like the meeting thing. Make them more involved with the decision making. And yes, I am totally over the whole banshee thing!! LOL

I like the chore hat too. I have been trying to declutter but living with my mom it is like shoveling snow during a blizzard, no matter how much I get rid of she always brings in more than I can get out. And don't even get me started on the junk mail. I have already cancled 16 yup that's right 16 catalog subscriptions!!!

[Lingmom]

Here's an idea, though some may find it too extreme... but I've had good luck instituting a what I call the "super-fast pick-up game". I set a timer (for one minute or 5 minutes or whatever is appropriate) and my kids race around picking up all of the toys/books/clothes left out in a room. Then the game is that whatever they don't pick up, gets put in a box and temporarily goes to the attic... (though sometimes I sneak things out of the box that I know they need). That way, if my kids choose not to pick anything up... it's okay. Or if they want to hang out and play with a toy... fine. It takes the pressure off of me being upset or not upset, it's not about me or about what I ask them to do... it's just the rules of the game. A couple rounds of this game over a few weeks and you can leave off the boxing up toys and just stick to the timer part.

I have my kids only be responsible for their toys/books/clothes. I figure the vacuuming and kitchen and the rest of the house is my own responsibility.

[Solose]

You mentioned that your mom is messy. Kids learn the most by example, so if you are living with your mom who doesn't mind living in chaos, the kids are probably picking up on that. I think you need to talk to your her and explain that she needs to make more of an effort to clean up and encourage the kids to clean up.

[Celtain]

::::

Originally Posted by Solose

You mentioned that your mom is messy. Kids learn the most by example, so if you are living with your mom who doesn't mind living in chaos, the kids are probably picking up on that. I think you need to talk to your her and explain that she needs to make more of an effort to clean up and encourage the kids to clean up.

no disrespect but

::::

Moving in with my mom was probably the most colossal mistake I have ever made. Two years ago I thought living with my mom would be better than living with my drunk pot head of a husband. Let's just say this is a fine example of out of the frying pan and into the fire. I just have to tough it out at least until the end of the summer and then I am outta here and it will be so much easier to just control all our chaos than it will be to deal with hers.

[lindberg99]

Do you do allowances? If my kids don't help out (mainly keeping their laundry in the hamper and keeping their rooms picked up), they don't get allowances.

[Celtain]

Originally Posted by lindberg99

Do you do allowances? If my kids don't help out (mainly keeping their laundry in the hamper and keeping their rooms picked up), they don't get allowances.

How much do your kids get?

[BookishVonLiberal]

My 6yo has to put away her own clothes and unload the dishes from the dishwasher and put away the ones she can reach. She also feeds the dog and makes sure the cat and dog have water. Those are her jobs.
For $1 a day, she can also choose to clean the cat box.
I started having her pick up her own toys, not totally alone but with my help, when she was very young, like 2.
I personally do not like tying chores to money because I think everyone in a family needs to pitch in just because they share living space. Everyone eats and wears clothes, so everyone needs to pitch in with laundry and dishes. Like I told dh last night, "don't like doing dishes? Then don't eat."

[veganf]

We started at age 1 with simple things like unloading the dishwasher and wiping messes on the floor. Then move on to putting toys away, vacuuming, etc.

We have various approaches when tidying needs to be done:
- everyone pick up 10 things
- the 5 minute clean up (with a timer)
- the 1 song clean up (play 1 song on a CD and everyone races around while that song is on picking up)
- one job (ie. vacuuming, sweeping, one room of toys, etc.)

But sometimes there is a lot to be done and they're not interested, like when there are just sooo many toys everywhere. I'll admit it, I threaten to take the toys away if they won't help pick them up; they know I'm not joking because I've done it.
Or sometimes there will be an obvious reward, ie. after X room is clean we'll go to the playground, or play video games, or go outside and play with flashlights, etc.
I think consistency, whatever your approach, is key. But having a few styles of "clean up time" helps to keep it from getting really tedious.

The 5yo gets an allowance, and if he is reluctant to be helpful around the house, then he does not get his allowance that week.

[Kessed]

We clean as a family...

So DH and I will start cleaning - and then DD (18mo) wants to help out. So she helps with the dishwasher and putting her toys away. If I'm dusting - she wants a rag to help too.

[natural_momma]

I only have a 5yo, so I don't know how much this will help, but...She gets $1 a week in allowance. I don't make allowance payment for doing chores b/c chores are what we all do so that the family operates smoothly; no one gets paid for them. But, there are times DH or I could/would pay someone to do our chores: cleaning person, lawn person, dog groomer, etc.. So, if DD does not want to do her chore (feed & water the dog), she can pay someone to do it. My rate is $.25 per feeding, and so far she has never chosen to part w/the quarter. While I might have to remind, I never have to nag. So far, so good
The plan is to increase formal responsibilities as well as allowance as she gets older.

I also try hard to lead by example (which I struggle with) in keeping up with my own chores, involve the kids and make it fun--put music on to clean, play scavenger hunt etc., and I try to make it a when/then situation (when the toys are cleaned up, then we can take out paint) I am working hard at improving my 'lead by example', since I am not a cleaner-upper myself.

[Pumpkin_Pie]

Originally Posted by veganf

We started at age 1 with simple things like unloading the dishwasher and wiping messes on the floor. Then move on to putting toys away, vacuuming, etc.

We have various approaches when tidying needs to be done:
- everyone pick up 10 things
- the 5 minute clean up (with a timer)
- the 1 song clean up (play 1 song on a CD and everyone races around while that song is on picking up)
- one job (ie. vacuuming, sweeping, one room of toys, etc.)

But sometimes there is a lot to be done and they're not interested, like when there are just sooo many toys everywhere. I'll admit it, I threaten to take the toys away if they won't help pick them up; they know I'm not joking because I've done it.
Or sometimes there will be an obvious reward, ie. after X room is clean we'll go to the playground, or play video games, or go outside and play with flashlights, etc.
I think consistency, whatever your approach, is key. But having a few styles of "clean up time" helps to keep it from getting really tedious.

The 5yo gets an allowance, and if he is reluctant to be helpful around the house, then he does not get his allowance that week.

Really? At age 1? I would love my son to do something as simple as let me throw toys in his toy box without flinging them right back out again. How do you get a 1 year old to help?

[claras_mom]

Originally Posted by Pumpkin_Pie

Really? At age 1? I would love my son to do something as simple as let me throw toys in his toy box without flinging them right back out again. How do you get a 1 year old to help?

It can be a matter of temperament, I think. Dd has liked to help for a long time--and she was mobile early.

[lolar2]

Originally Posted by Pumpkin_Pie

Really? At age 1? I would love my son to do something as simple as let me throw toys in his toy box without flinging them right back out again. How do you get a 1 year old to help?

DS is 1 and I just watch him when he tries to imitate me cleaning; when he does I make it into the Activity of the Moment, if you see what I mean. Even if that means we spend fifteen minutes vacuuming up two Cheerios, he still is helping, KWIM?

[Kessed]

Originally Posted by Pumpkin_Pie

Really? At age 1? I would love my son to do something as simple as let me throw toys in his toy box without flinging them right back out again. How do you get a 1 year old to help?

My DD was a flinger until about 2 months ago. If we put her toys away she would run over and pull them all back out.

But at about 16 months - something changed and she started to "put back"... Since then it's really exploded. We encourage her - and we try to put toys away every 30 minutes or so - so she get's lots of practice.

[phathui5]

I think as soon as kids can walk, they're ready to "help." My 2.5 year old (after some teaching) can set the table for dinner, help the big kids clean up toys, mop with me using his little mop and vacuum with the attachments on.

My older two (4yrs and 7yrs) can declutter a room. Granted, it can take some prodding to get it done and some guidance as to where things go, but they can do it. And when I work with them, we can clear a room in 15 minutes.

[blessed]

It's ironic that I'm running across this thread tonight.

Today 4 yo dd folded an entire laundry basket of her clothes, carried the basket into her room (she only weighs 30 lbs herself), and put everything in the correct drawers. Totally of her own accord.

That was unusual (I actually videotaped part of it, it was so cute). But she does normally carry her own dishes to the sink, pick up a few toys, so forth. So I think you can start pretty young.

[tropicaldutchtulip]

My girls that are almost two in a couple of weeks help me with everything around the house and have been for several months now! They don't have "chores", but do clean up and such. "E" especially has to have everything in it's place and all in order!