How young is too young to help around the house - Page 2

[USAmma]

I have a 7 yo and a 4yo and they do a lot of chores. Mostly it's things that pertain to messes they themselves make or care that is required for them. If they refuse or fight me, there are consequences. It depends on what it is that determines the consequence. When 7yo was leaving all her clothes lying around I started to collect them off the floor and keep them. Soon all she had was school uniforms to wear even when not in school! Now she's great about putting clothes in the hamper.

Both of them together clean their bathroom every Saturday. They get spray bottles and rags and wipe down all the surfaces, and 7yo cleans the bathroom floor (I scrub the tub).

7yo puts away her laundry. 4yo folds the dish towels and puts her shorts and undies in her drawer.

They both clean their rooms before they get their allowance once a week. It's a very small allowance and I don't expect perfection. I do expect some semblance of tidiness.

When they were littering toys everywhere in the house and not cleaning them up, I banned toys in the house except in their rooms. If I see a toy outside of their room they get a warning, and then the toy is taken away for a period of time.

7yo cleans her birds' cages once a week and feeds them daily.
4yo feeds the fish daily.

They both wipe down the dining table daily.

We use allowance as something that is earned, not something that they have a right to. Same with computer time, phone time, or TV time. On Friday my dd was really really rude to me all morning and evening. After several warnings and taking things away, she had the gall to ask me to drive her to Target to buy something with her allowance. I asked her, after she was so rude to me and hurtful to my feelings, why should I drive her anywhere?

There have been times when they were taking me for granted and being disrespectful, and later they would want my help with something. I would say no, I don't feel like helping someone who hurts my feelings on purpose. I'm not your servant, I'm your mom. I have refused to cook meals for my 7yo so that she has to make herself a sandwich for dinner. This was after she made a huge mess with popcorn all over the floor and couch and would not clean it up. She just refused and said it was my job. I have picked up her stuff and confiscated it if, after several warnings, she does not pick it up and put it away.

They are both great kids and most of the time they are respectful and they chip in with housework, and the main motivation is pride in their work. But sometimes they do need to be reminded that life is not just all about play. Every person needs to do their part and treat others with respect and gratitude.

Oh, someone asked how much for allowance. 7yo gets $2/week and 4yo gets $1/week. I have the right to reduce or take away allowance if they are not doing their part. Just like dh has to do a good job at his workplace to get paid, and I have to work hard to get good grades in college.

[SAHDS]

DH and I have a reward chart for the kids. It's a daily chart with 6 daily chores (reading 20 minutes, cleaning their room, clearing dinner table, not fighting, etc.) Each item gets one sticker and they get rewards when they reach certain levels. So, if they get to 25, they get to choose the movie on Friday night (we watch a DVD w/ popcorn every Friday), if they reach 50, it's breakfast in bed, if they reach 100 they get to buy a new book. I like it a LOT more than just handing them money. This way, we keep track of tasks instead of "did you do your chores today...kinda". Also, mine are 7 and 8 and don't really need money. They get enough for birthdays as it is.

To answer your question of how to start now; I have no answer, Mine both started very early also (about 1-1 /12 years old) with putting all of their toys into their 'toy basket' and graduated onto watering plants, setting the table to vacuuming. Today my daughter weeded and swept the patio while my son filled up 5 buckets with orphaned pine cones strewn across our landscaping. Meanwhile, DH was mowing the lawn and I was weeding and sweeping the walk. I think it helps a LOT if you're doing it with them. Makes it more family oriented and motivates them more.

I wish I had better answers. The only advice I can give is to be consistent; whatever you may choose, be consistent.

[pigpokey]

My 3 year old can clean up the playroom but I don't have him do too much else. 4 year old can put away laundry and other things ... . I don't remember age 2 being worth much in terms of help.

What I do is say "We have to pick up the house before we can do (next fun thing) and it is not fair that I do it. I am doing (list of jobs) you can do (job) and brother can do (job)." If I get a tantrum I try to come up with an alternatively useful job that we can agree on but I do not cave and do it myself. I refuse and eventually they pull themselves together and do it. 5 minutes for the 3 year old, 10 or more minutes of work for the 4 year old.

[veganf]

Originally Posted by Pumpkin_Pie

Really? At age 1? I would love my son to do something as simple as let me throw toys in his toy box without flinging them right back out again. How do you get a 1 year old to help?

Dunno, they've just always been interested in helping at that age. As soon as they could pull themselves up to the dishwasher they'd start taking out the silverware and trying to get it in the drawer. All 3 did it around the same age. I guess they just watch and copy.
And they've all loved taking turns sitting under the table with the vacuum watching it suck up all the old food they've dropped.
Certainly they enjoy making messes too. 1 year olds excel at trashing rooms faster than you can keep them clean. But I find they also like filling things up too, or moving items from place to place--it's just a matter of focusing that interest productively.

Yesterday I found my 5yo scrubbing the dusty tv with a wet paper towel. He got carried away and even went behind and did all the hard-to-reach spots (I just had to remind him to be careful of the wires).

[GooeyRN]

When it comes to toys, I go by the rule if you can't properly take care of them, you can't play with them until you can. So I pick them up, but that is the last time I will be picking them up for awhile, b/c they will be put away to an area where dd can not access them. For a 9 year old, there is no reason why their dirty laundry can't hit the basket. They don't hit the basket, they don't get washed. The child then must wear dirty clothes.

When it comes to helping around the house, whether it is dishes, dusting, mopping, whatever, maybe let them choose two jobs that they don't HATE doing. It would be less trouble getting them to do something if they didn't HATE doing it. No one likes doing housework, but everyone has one or two things that they don't HATE.

[marybethorama]

Originally Posted by Solose

You mentioned that your mom is messy. Kids learn the most by example,

Heh. You could eat off my mother's floors. I am a total slob (getting better but I'll never be like my mother)

Somehow I missed that lesson.

I do agree that getting the house to be less chaotic and cluttered can help. Once a routine is in place it's much easier to maintain. It's very hard to deal with a very cluttered and messy house. it can be totally overwhelming.

[Alyantavid]

My 6 and almost 2 year old help out, so yeah, I think yours are old enough. We started early with picking up toys. Now we just do basic things, picking up after themselves, taking their dishes to the sink, unloading the dishwasher, setting the table. These are all now pretty well ingrained so I'll start my 6 year old on his own chore soon with allowance.

[warriorprincess]

I agree with starting young. The longer you wait, the more resistant to chores kids get.
We use Chore Wars - www.chorewars.com. You earn points for doing chores ( the whole family participates) and gain levels. It's like a reward system, but gaining levels is the reward.

[Tigerchild]

Well, to be honest I think if you're just starting out with the 10 and 6 year old you cannot really expect them to be happy or even particularly easily compliant with the idea of picking up after themselves. It's a royal pain in the butt, very few people like to do it, and it's an imposition and a hard habit to get into.

However....

I think that it is fair that you shouldn't have to live with their stuff drowning you and eating up a great deal of your time.

I think the most fair thing would be to call a family meeting. Explain that the clutter in the house is driving you batty, you know that it will be hard for EVERYONE (including you) to change your habits, but it's time to institute new rules for "stuff".

I'd personally start with common areas. Once that's under control, you can move to rooms. Even though my kids have been expected to help out from the time they were toddlers, like a PP mentioned I do have to resort to the Big Basket solution. (I give one warning, set a timer, then I go to pick up. Whatever I pick up goes into the big basket, and is not touched for a week, then they have to earn everything back. In fairness, I also do this with MY things, and allow my daughter to use a basket for me.)

Have you done a toy/clothing purge in awhile? Sometimes when there's an explosion of things everywhere it means that they have too much stuff. Conversely, sometimes it means that you have too little in the way of easy storage solutions or the wrong kinds. Normally before dinner (we pick up right before dinner) I am wigged out at all the crap everywhere, however...my kids can pick up the stuff and put it into baskets on their shelves in under 10 minutes. I don't make organization demands of them, I figure that's their business, as long as they are able to pick up quickly. I also do frequent toy purges and proactive toy purges before holidays, birthdays, and grandparent visits.

I refuse to nag. My 6 year old went through about a month of testing where she refused to pick up, she refused to do her assigned chores, ect. Well, she had very few toys and books left in her room, and a lot ot earn back, she missed all birthday parties for a month as well as a few other outings, and the clothing pickings were slim until she starting bringing her clothing to the laundry room on wash day. (the first day she had to go to school in all clothing she dug out of the laundry hamper was the last day of the boycott. Not that it was terribly dirty, I doubt anyone else noticed but her. *I* didn't even notice, but she told me.) I'm pretty sure at some point both of my boys will go through something similar, and that's okay with me. I respect their decision to make different choices, but at the same time I respect my own time and not saving them from the consequences. It's certainly taken a lot of stress out of my life.

I've also found that with putting dinner dishes away, if they forget to clear their spot, I'll just pleasantly say, "I'll get that for you. By the way, can you put the milk and ketchup away for me, please?" tend to get a response rather than "If I've told you once to clear your spot I've told you a thousand times why don't you ever help me do this right now blah blah blah blah." And sometimes it doesn't...but I'm able to be more calm and unstressed because I've taken the burden off myself as far as not picking up their clutter and laundry that I can deal with doing a little extra dishes now and then.

You can also ask your kids if they're overwhelmed, and if they need help with the initial organization or deciding how do do things. Sometimes if they are standing with the deer in the headlights look I'll ask if they would like me to give them one job at a time, because I understand that it's hard to look at so many things to do at once. That seems to help as well. And I try very very hard to be a good sport when they catch ME breaking the rules, and if I am not in the moment I apologize. And as I said before, I hold myself to the same rules, and have asked for their help in establishing MY new habits too.

I think living in someone else's house might be difficult though, especially if you think your mom might interfere. :/ That's a different dynamic right there...because you can't really give HER rules unless she's willing to play along, and she might undermine you.

[mightymoo]

Originally Posted by Lingmom

Here's an idea, though some may find it too extreme... but I've had good luck instituting a what I call the "super-fast pick-up game". I set a timer (for one minute or 5 minutes or whatever is appropriate) and my kids race around picking up all of the toys/books/clothes left out in a room. Then the game is that whatever they don't pick up, gets put in a box and temporarily goes to the attic... (though sometimes I sneak things out of the box that I know they need). That way, if my kids choose not to pick anything up... it's okay. Or if they want to hang out and play with a toy... fine. It takes the pressure off of me being upset or not upset, it's not about me or about what I ask them to do... it's just the rules of the game. A couple rounds of this game over a few weeks and you can leave off the boxing up toys and just stick to the timer part.

I have my kids only be responsible for their toys/books/clothes. I figure the vacuuming and kitchen and the rest of the house is my own responsibility.

We have had success with this method with DD (Age 5). Not so much with DS (Age 3). I call it the '2 minute pickup' and we just all run around and try to pick things up as fast as possible for 2 minutes. Generally, we won't get done by the end of 2 minutes, but DD will be saying 'Lets try again!' and we go another around. Part of what helps is we put on fun music and REALLY try to go fast. DS is generally more stubborn and just doesn't get into it. There isn't even a consequence, we just do it.

I personally don't keep any toys in the kids rooms, the kids rooms have books and clothes, stuffed animals, etc. Some toys will make their way in, but they don't "belong" there, so eventually they find their way back out. We have a playroom (in our old house that was the unused dining room, in our new house its the finished basement) and all the toys stay there. I find this easier because from my perspective everything lives in one place. Also, it means that their rooms are a breeze to keep clean, just basically picking up clothes and nothing distracts them from going to sleep at night, they can look at books, there isn't much else. The nice thing about that is the bedrooms are confidence builders I think - they are easy to keep clean and my 4 now 5 year old can easily clean her room herself. The 2 now 3 year old needs help still. The playroom is a challenge, but at least its not a mix of clothes and toys, its just toys.

My biggest problem is inattention on my part. I don't like having to get them to clean, so I tend to let it go, this then sets a precident of not keeping the place clean. I think similarly you may find that you find cajoling and threatening them into cleaning so arduous you give up, which reinforces to them that its a successful tactic. So when you do your family meeting and you put these processes in place, commit yourself mentally to really sticking to your guns for a good period of time, becuase I think there is a certain breakthrough period before they will realize this is not going away and perhaps that arguing and delaying is not the easier path. As a kid, we were a lot like your kids, our house was always a pit and it seemed like mom was constantly on us about cleaning, but I think a lot of it was that she never really took the time to enforce the rules she set down and the result was often just a lot of yelling, which we learned to endure and tune out. I think being there with them, being mindful and keeping to your word is the key, its just hard because we all really do want to just say 'pick this up' and then go do something else we need to get done, but it takes a lot of mindfulness to be able to reach that level.

[crazycandigirl]

I believe that everyone who lives in the house should contribute to the upkeep of that house. It is so awesome to hear that others feel the same way.

Starting out very young is important. DD2 can not do to much to help out (as she is only 8 months) but I explain what we am doing and what I am cleaning as she watches me, DH or her sister do chores. Right now that is usually watching what I am doing with one arm while holding her with the other.

When they become walking mobile they can put toys into toychests, help to put laundry into laundry baskets ect.

Soon wiping down tables and moping/sweeping the floors. (it is so cute when a 2 year old mops the floor! they are so eager to help- but dont expect it to be spotless )

so on and so forth.

DD1 (who is almost 9) keeps her room clean, does her own laundry, helps to clean up her sisters room, helps with the dishes, sweeps the floor, mops, etc. What ever needs helping with- she does it. She is so awesome!

We don't give out privileges for getting chores done. I figure that no one gives me a treat for washing the dishes. but if the kitchen isn't clean, we cant bake cookies, and if clothes are not washed then its hard to find your favorite shirt. It works for our family.

ps- I wanted to add that our house is not crazy neat- we are busy living life as well- we just all contribute to what gets done

[tropicaldutchtulip]

Originally Posted by crazycandigirl

moping/sweeping the floors. (it is so cute when a 2 year old mops the floor! they are so eager to help- but dont expect it to be spotless )

My almost 2 YO's helped me sweep the hallway yesterday and did a great job! They so love to help and are great little helpers!

[Silvercrest79]

OMG!!! Our 7 y/o has had those EXACT same chores since she was 6 too. (and here I've occasionally thought I was being too harsh )

[Silvercrest79]

[spu]

My 5.5 yo's are responsible for all their stuff. My 18m old wipes the floor under his high chair with a wet paper towel or sponge. (he's not the greatest, but he gets the idea - and he loves anything wet!)

My 5.5 yo's are expected to do most of these things below. If we have a playdate, and it becomes disastrous and I'll go in and clean up for them)

- sort and/or put away their laundry (sometimes we do this together if it's a lot, or if they helped me with ours)
- put clothes from the washer into the dryer
- help put away daddy's laundry (they love doing this!)
- bring up their dishes from the table
- clean up their playroom
- feed our dog (before she died )
- put their outdoor toys back in the garage

Often times, if they sense I'm stressed, they'll swiff the floors or wipe up their 18m old brother's spills, and they even ask to vacuum!

My 18m old will put legos away (even if it's only 2 or 3 by the time we all finish cleaning up) and he'll put his toys in the bin. He doesn't realize it's clean-up time yet, but he likes the idea of copying everyone else, and it feels like a game.

If they've been doing really well during the week, I'll surprise them and clean up their room or put away all their laundry, or make them a cake!

I like the suggestions from the PPs - I'm going to try some of those as well!