rights of non-custodial dad never married

[skyedawn]

Hello

My ex and I never married but have a soon to be three year old boy. I receive child support and we never went to a lwyer. We seperated two years ago. I do not want him to have joint custody and I want to control visitation. He is a good dad but I want to make decisions for my son. I am not saying he can not have input but he is quite controlling and manipulative and is a master at getting things his own way. Currently, due to lyme disease and epstein barre my ds has spent more time with him as i recover. We had a revised schedule where he spends thursday to sat afternoon over his dads and also monday day and night. Before this was only one night and and time weeknights while i worked then came home with me. I do not agree with many of decisions he makes....and not best for my sons well-being. I believe because I am custodial parent and we never married I have sole custody but may be wrong. Any ideas, suggestions, advice? Thanks

[PoppyMama]

I believe you will find that you are not the legal custodial parent any more than the father is and that a judge could go either way. From what you've said it sounds like if you went to court you would have joint legal/physical with a pretty much 50/50 arrangement.

[mtiger]

If he petitions for it, he will almost certainly be given joint legal custody - requiring you to make important decisions jointly. He may well get joint physical as well. At the very least, he would get eow and an overnight during the week. Plus alternating holidays, and extended time in the summer.

[karen ann]

It probably varies a bit from state to state. Is the father listed on the birth certificate? Did you and he sign an acknowledgment of paternity?

You might want to find out your state laws on the subject. It was probably detailed in the acknowledgment if you signed one. If you did, this will likely be filed along with the birth certificate (you would probably have to pay for a copy).

Here in Mass., an unmarried at time of birth mother has full custody unless there is a court order stating otherwise. A properly signed, notarized, and filed acknowledgment of parentage is sufficiently binding for either party to bring a custody or child support case.

[fireflybaby]

I have a similar situation. My son's father and I were never married. After we split we worked out an agreement on our own and never went to court for support or visitation. I recently asked a lawyer about the situation and he said an unmarried mother automatically has full custody of the child regardless of whether the father is listed on the birth certificate or not. If the father wants legal custody rights he has to file for it in court. (that may vary by state)

You could tell your ex that if he takes you to court for custody than his support payments will also become part of the case (not because you will bring it up but because the court always looks at support with custody cases) and will become legally binding (which it sounds like they are not now) and may be more than he is currently paying you.

Jennifer

[PassionateWriter]

maintaining the current "visitation" schedule, however, will likely lead a judge to favor 50/50 custody, so if thats not what you want, i would change that ASAP.

and i think your description of your ex is the description A LOT of ex's.

[skyedawn]

what is typical visitation for fathers of small children

Hi All,
I was wondering if you could offer some examples of typical visitations for fathers of very small chidlren (my son will be 3 in summer) as far as overnights and days. My ex and I were never married and he wants more overnights than I am comfortable agreeing too. I want to know typical schedule. We never went through courts but he seems him several times a week and wants three nights and I disagree.

[One Art]

As I understand it, a typical, non-50/50 situation would have your x having one night during the week and one weekend night, plus either every other weekend, or one weekend day per week, depending on what you and your dc can handle. Hope that helps!

[LoveOhm]

Originally Posted by emilyrose

As I understand it, a typical, non-50/50 situation would have your x having one night during the week and one weekend night, plus either every other weekend, or one weekend day per week, depending on what you and your dc can handle. Hope that helps!

I am sorry emily you lost me.... are you saying

the ncp would have:

one weekday overnight
one weekend overnight
plus every other weekend or weekend day

[One Art]

Sorry! I meant:

one overnight during the week
one weekend overnight
plus EOW, OR one weekend day per week (splitting the weekend)

is that more clear?

[LoveOhm]

Yes I think we were saying the same thing I jut got lost....

I was thinking most people who did not have 50/50 (or a variation close to that) had EOW or EOW plus one afternoon or one overnight during the week....

I doubt my ex would even ask to see dd that often in the agreement... if we ever decided to create one.

[fireflybaby]

The schedule my ex and I worked out on our own is he has ds Monday nights and Tuesday nights and every other Saturday through Saturday night. DS is 4 1/2 now and it is working out great but we didn't start out immediately with this schedule. When ds was 3 we started with one weeknight then later went to two weeknights then later added the every other weekend thing. It was very difficult for me to be away from ds for overnights in the beginning but lucky for me my ex was very understanding and let us go slowly and work up to more time.

[KayCSmommy]

Originally Posted by skyedawn

Hello

My ex and I never married but have a soon to be three year old boy. I receive child support and we never went to a lwyer. We seperated two years ago. I do not want him to have joint custody and I want to control visitation. He is a good dad but I want to make decisions for my son. I am not saying he can not have input but he is quite controlling and manipulative and is a master at getting things his own way. Currently, due to lyme disease and epstein barre my ds has spent more time with him as i recover. We had a revised schedule where he spends thursday to sat afternoon over his dads and also monday day and night. Before this was only one night and and time weeknights while i worked then came home with me. I do not agree with many of decisions he makes....and not best for my sons well-being. I believe because I am custodial parent and we never married I have sole custody but may be wrong. Any ideas, suggestions, advice? Thanks

If you went through courts than you will have to look at your court papers to find out. If you havent gone to court then it depends on where you live. Most the time the mother has all rights to the child until there is another court order in place. Although if the father signed the bc and has been proven to be the father, than really nobody has more rights than the other. In other words you would have equal custody.Usually that is how the courts like it 50/50.

My sister and her x who were never married, has 50\50 custody with the x and they each have her equally she has her four days one week then the dad gets her for three, then the next week my sister has her three days and the father has four; and they have alternating holidays.