Perimenopause? Or just crazy & burnt out?

[mama41]

(warning, tmi ahead.)

Now that I'm emerging from the craziness of the divorce, I really have to face the fact that my PMS is totally out of control, and has been for the last, oh, 6mo-yr, maybe. Some months I feel like I'm PMSing, physical symptoms and all, for two weeks, and I swear I can feel the ovaries popping out the eggs. Ow. This isn't like me, and I think it's really starting to have an effect on dd. I just started my period yesterday, after a three-day migraine, and a couple nights before I had a horrible dream where I just laid into dd. I woke up thinking I'd scarred her.

The next evening -- just before I got my period -- I was washing her hair, putting on the tea-tree oil shampoo, and she freaked out about it, tried to run out of the bath. I mean she was really scared of something (later on I figured out that she figured it was like the Nix, and was afraid it would burn her eyes if she didn't have a washcloth to hold over them), but I just lost it. Used my Scariest Mama Voice and told her to sit down and be quiet and stop arguing with me, just talked over everything she said, and really, it was not calm. It was the Do Not Push Mama Over the Edge voice/face. I think I really frightened her. It wouldn't be so bad if there were more family around, but with just her and me, that's got to be really frightening for a little girl. And she's definitely been jumpy the last couple of days. I'm wondering if I'm in perimenopause. I've always sucked at keeping track of my cycle, but I think it's still more or less regular.

I have a gyn appointment set up for July (!) but in the meantime I'm wondering how much of this is hormonal (and if so what to do about it) and how much is just depletion. I've been working a lot lately, we have these damn lice, I'm not getting enough sleep, my friends are distracted with their own problems, I'm dispirited at the thought of having to try to wrangle her principal before she even starts kindergarten (math-related). We've also got a visit to my mom & grandma coming up, and I'm not reeeally looking forward to it -- it's a difficult trip, and there'll be no childcare relief the whole time except when dd's sleeping. We really do need to go, though; I don't know that my grandma will make it another year, and I've got the time now. Also, my house is not a testament to Flylady.

Argh. I just, really, this mental-PMS thing...last week I was starting to think there was something seriously wrong with me. Now I'm tired and distracted, but more or less myself.

[BelovedK]

It could be peri enopause. I think I am going through it, are we close to the same age? I am 41. Hormones can make you For me, my periods are coming regularly, but closer together, and I have been battling with depression instead of crankiness. I also think a sign may be having a heavy flow and then it stops suddenly, mood changes, and pms gets worse and longer.

It could just be a normal hormonal shift though (or a response to lack of sleep and stress *most likely*). Peri menopause can take a long time, and the symptoms ebb and flow. Check out Christiane Northrop's books on the subject (I think i spelled her name right)

[violet_]

I don't know a whole lot about it, though I've heard people rave about "Screaming to be Heard: Hormonal Connections Women Suspect, and Doctors Ignore" by Elizabeth Vliet. It talks a lot about perimenopause and hormones. Check it out.

[DanishMom]

I suffer from PMS/perimenopause too. Prematurely as I'm only 34. My flow is stronger, fluid retention, I have tons of psychological symptoms. My DP thinks it is tough too.

It sounds very much like you are suffering from perimenopause. I think that divorce or other kinds of emotioanl stress can make these symptoms much worse but it is still hormonal.

I've tried all kinds of herbs (vitex and st. john's wort) and supplements. The one that actually makes a difference is calcium. It is also the one that is well researched (placebo controlled studies). You need to take 1500-1800mg a day. I think exercise can help some too.

I hope you will feel better - I know how awful this is. My problems start at ovulation too. I'd wish it was just a few days instead of two whole weeks!

Good luck. Maybe you can explain it to your daughter in an age appropriate way?

Anne

[sweetc]

Hi mama41,

I think the stress gets to all of us in one way or another. I don't know if it's peri-menopause or not, but I have found that stress and lack of sleep increases my PMS systems (migraines, heavier flow, extreme "cranky" moods, lack of patience). Acupuncture has helped me a lot! I schedule an appointment about a week prior to starting my period, and, well, everyone in my house is happier when I make the time to take care of myself that way.

Hang in there,

Christine

[mama41]

Thanks all. BK, yes, I'm 40. I do notice that adequate sleep makes a big difference, though for that week or so, some months, I still walk around with a massive chip on my shoulder, and I really struggle with keeping the snarl down. I've been thinking about using St John's Wort for the worst of it (I don't seem to respond well to it after a few days; antidepressants and I don't get along too well, even at subclinical doses).

I recall reading something about how women who can't tolerate b/c pills have a tougher time with perimenopause, and that makes sense to me. A little hormonal shift makes a big difference here; I couldn't take the low-dose pills for more than about 6 mo. in my 20s. I was a mess -- crying about everything, gaining weight, yelling at my bf, just falling apart.

violet, thanks for the book recommends, I'll check them out.

Anne, I'll look up the calcium. I do exercise daily but it's not like it was five years ago, when I walked everywhere, too -- I'm hoping that with dd going to K in the fall, and me with two 2-mi walks a day bringing her there and back, things will improve. She's smart for 4, but still 4, so even though I can explain it to her, Scary Mama is still scary. I do find some relief in the thought that by the time she's in the full swing of adolescence, I'll likely be safely into menopause.

Yeah, I totally feel fine today. Calm, happy, normal, no migraine, no feeling like if people don't quit bothering me I'm going to bite someone's head off. The weirdest part about all this for me is that I spent so many years without any trouble from periods -- even my flight instructor, meaning to give a compliment, said, "Something about you, m41 -- you're never on the rag." (Not really the most sensitive to women, pilots, but he meant well.) Well, this is the price for the ability to bring new life into the world, I guess.

[One Art]

mama41, I have horrible pms. I second acupuncture, or, what really works for me is naturopathy. It's not surprising that St. John's Wort doesn't work well for you, it has negative side effects for most people and my naturopathic doctor rarely recommends it to anyone. Stbx acted kind of neurotic and even more depressed when he was on it at various points. I just flipped out on dd1 the other day also, and from the sound of it our dds are similar in age (she'll be kindergarten age by fall also). Poor thing. Sleep is definitely crucial, and unfortunately I'm not doing well in that department either. Good luck!

[Jster]

Don't have a suggestion about the perimenopause/hormones (although mine have gone crazy at times!) but reading the post I wanted to offer a suggestion about lice, we battled it for a while. OLIVE OIL! Copious amounts, leave it on as long as you can stand, makes it super easy to comb out, non toxic, the little buggers can't breath, and doesn't kill your hair (and your skin gets sooo nice and smooth!) We had to do this on both kids and on my mom (who we found out kept reinfecting all of us, yuck, her hair was majorly infected!), DH (who has long hair) and I (also long hair) kept them at bay by just brushing with nit combs all the time.

Also, you might check out the Parenting and Rage thread, not sure where it is but it has been a lifesaver for me in the past.

[BelovedK]

Parenting and Rage is in Personal Growth.

[DanishMom]

I had no idea that st. john's wort was bad for others than me - thanks for sharing the info emilyrose.

Mama41: I looked it up for you. 1800 mg. of calcium a day. Vitamin D aids the uptake so you should add that too. Vitamin B6, 100 mg. is great too.

I hope something will help you. Maybe your daughter can get some idea if you compare it to being overtired. But you are right - it's still scary for children to see their parents upset for whatever reason. I do think it's better for the child to have the situation explained or they can make up all kinds of psychological explanations - often blaming themselves.

Anne

[pranamama]

personally, chocolate is my first choice, and if I remember to take fish oil regularly it seems to help with skin, mood, everything.

[meandmine]

I can so relate to all of this. I think is could be all that you say: hormones, stress, depression, not enough sleep. It is all those things in my life. And rage is an issue for me, too.

Gonna go look at that thread!

My counselor reminds me that this is probably the toughest time -- the first two years post separation and to give myself forgiveness and assure myself it will get better for all of us.

Gosh, I hope she's right.

M

[SimpleJoys]

Have your thyroid checked by someone who knows and prescribes bioidentical hormones. It could be the beginning of sub clinical low thyroid. Low thyroid can mimic perimenopause and other problems. Also, can cause depression, anger and other things such as weird periods, very heavy flow. But be sure to go to someone who understands that you dont' have to have the full blown thyroid disease and be off the charts blood wise to have symptoms.

[mama41]

hi, angilyn, and thanks. I may go have that checked again. I had it checked last year, after putting on a few suddenly and having a lot of hair fall out. It turned out to be stress-related, though, plus being unusually sedentary during a big job. All my numbers came back dead normal or better. Stress went away and job was over, and all went back to normal.

I feel good today, too -- energetic, calm, easy. I'll see how it goes over the next couple of weeks and see if there's a change midmonth. I haven't really been paying attention, but it seems to me that some months are much easier than others -- the ones with painful ovulation seem to suck for the rest of the month, physically and emotionally.