Getting a roomate?

[lah7]

Did any of you look for other single moms to live with after your separation/divorce? I'm trying to keep my house right now, and while I can do it without a renter, it will be almost impossible. As in, we'll wear shoes with holes and eat beans and rice impossible. I'm trying to cobble together an advertisement for another single mom to move into my house. Has it worked for any of you? I'm less interested in it starting as a co-parenting situation and far more interested in just finding a roommate who understands that kids make a mess and make noise.

Tips? Successes? Failures? Things to lookout for?

[MayBaby2007]

I ran an add for a couple of weeks. Had a lot of calls and people who said they were going to come see house but never showed. Had a couple people come look but decided against it. Had a known female drug dealer call me (only knew that because of cop friends). Had a couple of single fathers call but I wasn't okay with that. The add said, "Single mom seeking single MOM"...but the dad's still called. Had a couple of weird phone calls. Had some men trying to "hook up" with me I decided to stop running add after 2 weeks. I'm sure I would've found a good single mom roomate if I would've ran the add longer but I kinda chickened out

I felt kinda scared having a "voice on the phone" come to my house...all the while knowing I was a single mom. If you do have someone come look at your house, have another adult there with you...just to be on the safe(r) side. And it goes w/o saying: if you do move someone in, make sure you get a criminal history background.

It can't hurt to try. Put an add out there and see what kind of responses you get/get a feel for the people who call. I would still love to meet another single mom and hopefully make a lifetime friendship and raise our kids together. That would be my ideal situation. We'll see. Good luck.

[kissum]

I didn't get look for a roommate, but does it have to be another mom? You might find just another single woman who doesn't mind being around kids. I dated a guy for awhile who lived with a single mom and her two kids. So I know you can find people out there who don't mind little kids.
Good luck!

[LoveOhm]

I would not discount single dads, just single people in general and one that has not been mentioned a college student.... here are some situations I have seen work.

Situation #1
My uncle has a roommate who is a single mom with a 6 year old and they do amazing together.

Situation #2
I also have a family member who had a male roommate that was a single dad who only had his kids on the weekends... he spoiled both his son and her daughter like crazy, was a positive male role model for her daughter, kept the mama feeling safe living alone & set the standard for how other men had to treat her and her daughter if she were to date.... she ended up marrying my other uncle!

Situation #3
A friend of mine had a crazed work schedule as a nurse so she found it most cost effective to move in a college student who paid a reduced amount of rent in exchange for childcare. When my friend stopped working in nursing she moved a different college student in and charged rent but would also occasionally hire the college girl as a sitter for a night out.

All three situations worked well for the people in the moment. If I had my way I would go with something like option #2 but I would / could possibly be open to other situations if they "felt" right. There is also a site in the resources for single moms to house share / roommate together... that may be a good place to post an ad as well as the find your tribe section here.

[pranamama]

I thought about it, I had another mom that would have shared w/ me but I was in a crazed legal situation and couldn't move out of the school district. You my want to check out Co-Abode.

[BelovedK]

I was going to do it, had a sweet, helpful young guy who had lived with a friend with 2 special needs kids, he used to help her out watching the kids/housework, etc. I actually jumped on him when he had to move out of her house (only because her bf moved in and they ran out of room)

I ultimately changed my mind because I realized that I relish my Wed night when the kids are with their dad and I can just sit there, alone...quiet....

This guy is talkative and sweet, and always around. I realized that I need some private time (plus I thin k I am going to make my extra room into a storage room for my shoes and my dance costumes

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

I am trying to find someone right now. It would make my life phenomenally better to have someone in the room that is barely used. But not many people respond to my seven paragraph ad. Maybe they think I've got too much baggage?

I'm considering placing ads in certain places, mainly the liberal arts areas of local universities. I'm thinking most anthropology students won't be too shocked by us, YK?

[zeldabee]

I had a roommate when my son was a baby, and it didn't work out so well, mainly because I think I wasn't cautious enough. It was a young woman who was on welfare, and said she was getting support from her daughter's father, but actually wasn't. I felt sorry for her, and let her move in. She turned out to be a party girl, smoked in the apartment, fed junk food to her infant daughter, and spanked her. She moved out abruptly, owing me a month and a half's rent.

Still, I'd try again, if I could find someone with whom I was compatible. It's hard to do, though...it seems there's always some little thing that gets in the way. When I've put ads on craigslist, I've gotten replies from women who were in abusive situations, wanted to move in with no money or income, stuff like that. I really steer away from that, I don't want it in my life.

Others either didn't want to live in the same area, or were incompatible in some other way. Then there's the fact that I have a cat who doesn't get along with other cats. It seems that a lot of people are either allergic, or hate cats, or they've already got a cat. My cat's terribly inconvenient, but I won't have her put down just to get a roommate.

I'm still trying, though.

[paakbaak]

try CoAbode
http://www.co-abode.com/

[stirringleaf]

no advice on the how, just that i moved in with a friend that is a single dad, two months agoo.

its going ok. we have been friends for about 10 years so i pretty much knew what i was getting into. but still it is hard to give up my privacy! i am a really private person. i dont want someone elses 9 year old using my personal soap in the shower, and i dont like when my roomate moves my comb to another place, and i really dont like having someone else always around and knowing if my boyfriend is over or sharing in on my time with my son. i dunno. its hard and i cant wait until i gain some financial stability and can move out, but i think i am going to do this for at least a year. in the end, its completely worth it and i got really lucky,. my roomate is a truly nice guy. this is his house though. he owns it. so i dont really feel like its "my" home the way i would if simply sharing a rental with others.

live and learnn. its really not terrible. there are great t hings too, like having someone around makes me less freaked out at night. and having someone around is nice cuz we help each other with the chores. my bedroom is pretty private so i can get alone time there. and we have done a good job making house rules about bed time and so on but that was hard at first. the house is bigger than anything i have lived in for the last 2 years of living alone, the yard is nice. i can have people over and feel good about it. etc.

my son barely wants to hang out with me though because theres a kid here half the time. something i both love and hate all at once because i have him only half time anyways! so now its like we get time together one day a week tops. and bedtimes . hard. he is happy though, playing outside for hours on end with his roomate!

[eccomama]

i'm debating the same thing but it's because i am being forced out of my current living situation. i'm trying to find another place but the market is saturated with renters because of foreclosures. i interviewed with few moms but none were a fit. i am not ruling it out but i'm a private person and have a more AP approach to parenting which most ppl frown upon. plus my social worker is giving me hell for cosleeping so the rooming situation is further complicated by that. i cant' afford a two bedroom, let alone renting 2 rooms in a house. sigh. before i was married i had roommates and it always ended up in a very unpleasant way so makes me even more reluctant but finances are pushing me into it.

[stirringleaf]

just FYI i think it can actually be cheaper to rent 2 rooms in a house than rent a 2 bedroom apt. me and ds each have a bedroom and i pay about $175 less than i did at my 2 bedroom. of course, my friend is giving me a deal a little, but not really.

[stripey]

Depending on your area, try looking for programs that need homestay families for international students. We've been hosting students who attend an English language school-- they are older (most are 21+, all are 18+) and rather independent. I only accept female students. I provide breakfast and dinner but it isn't that much extra work-- it's actually a nice motivation to cook real meals. Occasionally a student will accompany us on an outing but mostly they have their own activities and are rarely home.

I feel more comfortable knowing that the program office at their school will offer support and will move a student right away if the placement doesn't work out. Also, if I don't HAVE to accept a student every month-- if I want my home to myself or need the extra space for visitors I can just opt out whenever I want.

I live in a fairly expensive urban area and the homestay room pays for 40% of my monthly rent.