"what's wrong? BABY! You gonna cry?!"

[turquoise]

GRRRRRR

DS - 4 was playing in a moon bounce with a bunch of other kids. They got playfully pushy - all of them bumping into eachother and nocking eachother around (something I wasn't happy with but let it go on for a while since they all seemed to be doing it "nicely" ya know?) Well wouldn't you know DS got his head nocked and he started holding back the tears by huffing and puffing (something he just started doing and it kinda bothers me because I don't mind if he crys when he's hurt and I don't know why he suddenly wants to hold them back). Anyway, this other kid (about 5-6) comes up and gets in his face and starts pushing him saying in that mean voice "What's wrong BABY! You gonna cry!?" I let it go the first time, but he kept pushing and getting in DS's face so I pipe up and in my most effective drill sergent voice I say "Hey, no pushing! All of you!" to both DS, and the little boy, and everyone else involved.

So when do kids start trying not to cry? Is this normal for DS, or do you think other kids at school have been picking on him? He has said "only babies cry" to me before. To which I replied, "no, it's not nice to whine and cry when you don't get your way, but everybody cries when they are sad or hurt. Mommy cries, daddy cries, everybody cries."

Part of me knows that he's naturally going to want to "toughen" up at some point, but I'm not sure when. On the one hand, I don't want to hold him back, but on the other I don't want him to toughen up too much too soon. Am I being over-protective?

[cat_astrophe]

That's a tough one. He's probably learned this from the boys in school, not neccessarily from being picked on. It was probably best that he didn't cry right then, as he would have been humiliated by that other boy. I don't think you are being over protective. Maybe you could talk to him about expressing his feelings in a safe place, such as at home with you. In fact, it might be better coming from his dad, as he will relate more to a man. Boys are tricky, aren't they? I wish I could be more help. Try to get Daddy to talk to him "man to man".

[kama'aina mama]

I don't know about the 'when do they start holding back tears' thing but I do't think you are being overprotective. I woulda stepped in sooner. Cuz I'm pushy.

[Piglet68]

I'm not sure where they pick that up from, but sad to say, I think it's just a pervasive attitude in our society. Weird, huh? We say "only babies cry" and then use CIO to make sure they do!

As for what happened, my mama bear instinct started raging just reading that. I probably would have told that boy off, and said something to make him feel silly for saying that, like "who told you that? that's such nonsense! and how mean of you to tease someone like that!".

[eilonwy]

I agree with Cat_astrophe; I'd have Daddy do the talking for this one. There are some times when anything Mom has to say is going to come out wrong or make the wrong impression, and I think this is probably one of them. I haven't had to deal with this yet with my son, and hope to head some of it off by homeschooling, but I think I will have his father talk to him about "being tough" when it comes up. (After, of course, an in-depth discussing between Daddy and I to determine where we stand. :LOL).

[oceanbaby]

but I think I will have his father talk to him about "being tough" when it comes up. (After, of course, an in-depth discussing between Daddy and I to determine where we stand. ).

Ha ha ha. That's exactly what I was thinking about having dh talk to ds about certain things as he gets older.

[Gendenwitha]

Hmmm... how did I know before looking that you lived in the South.

Thank the gods I'm in the northwest. I think I could have suspended my no-spanking rule for that brat.

[turquoise]

Re: Hmmm... how did I know before looking that you lived in the South.

Originally posted by Gendenwitha
Thank the gods I'm in the northwest. I think I could have suspended my no-spanking rule for that brat.

Hey now!!! What's the south got to do with it? Kids don't call eachoter "babies" in the Northwest? :LOL

The funny thing is when I told everyone no more pushing (they were all guilty of it) the pushy kid tucked tail and was good the rest of the time he was there. Looking back, I don't think his parents were there and he must have thought that he was sooooo cool being the oldest kid in the group and just got a little overly cocky.

[Liz]

Low blow on the "south" comment! That kid could be from anywhere.

To all you "Mama Bears" who would step in: remember that you are reinforcing your child's role as the weakling if you always come to their rescue. Turquoise's son did not ask for her help. He was trying to handle it himself. If she had stepped in sooner she would have made him appear weaker in the eyes of the other children and his own, undermining his efforts. I think saying something to ALL the children about pushing was exactly the right thing to do.

To your original question about when they start to hold back their tears, I'm guessing it's different with each child. My ds is only 3.5 but I have already noticed he cries more than other boys. I don't care but I have noticed it. And I remember being embarassed because my older brother cried in public like even when he was 10. I think as long as you try to get him talking: "Did it get a little rough in there?" and help him express his emotions after the fact.

I remember my little guy at 2.5 going off for a playdate with his grandmother telling me stoically "I'm not going to cry, Mummy." I have never discouraged him from crying so I don't know where it came from but it broke my heart!