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How do I make a hospital birth as close as possible to a home birth? - Page 2

post #21 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeguard View Post
If my dh was uncomfortable/scared about a hb it would weigh very heavily in my decision. I respect that it is his child too & do feel that the birth is very much about him as well. In fact in a lot of ways I am worried about his experience of the birth as much as my own as I feel in the long term it could effect our relationship. I don't believe it is a case of automatically trumping one person over another.
Why is that? Is he the one giving birth? Is he the one who has to go through being pregnant? No. So why on earth should he have a say in where the baby is born? Sorry but this kind of thinking harms women, in my opinion. And what happens to your relationship when you wind up being one of the 1 in 3 American women who wind up with an unnecessary C-section because you succumbed to dangerous and unnecessary hospital policies? The physical act of childbirth has very little to do with the father of the baby. His only role should be to support the woman 100% in WHATEVER decision she makes for the birth. And if he is unable to do that, he doesn't need to be involved at all.
post #22 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
His only role should be to support the woman 100% in WHATEVER decision she makes for the birth. And if he is unable to do that, he doesn't need to be involved at all.
I totally agree with this. Was my dh a little concerned about homebirth at first? heck yeah he was. But he knew how important it was to me and he knew it was MY birth way more than it was OUR birth. So he supported me and he read and asked questions until he was comfortable. And you know what? That particular birth brought us together to a level I didn't even know was possible. He supported me, we worked together, he caught the baby, and we did it together and it was amazing. I'm sure I could have had a NCB in a hospital, it was a super fast and easy labor after all, but it would not have been the same and there is no way dh and I would have had the closeness that we have now because of the way the birth did happen.
post #23 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
Why is that? Is he the one giving birth? Is he the one who has to go through being pregnant? No. So why on earth should he have a say in where the baby is born? Sorry but this kind of thinking harms women, in my opinion.
In our relationship we trust & respect each other in other arenas. All decisions are made together. We are in a situation where we are in a foreign country where hb is illegal - that does change things for us. We have to pay everything out of pocket & the legal implications if something goes wrong could be large. So Yes I do think this is a decision to be made together.

Perhaps we are unusual in that we are preparing for & discussing every aspect of the pregnancy & birth together. He understands the risks as well as I do & will be my #1 advocate if we end up in a hospital. I don't think that would be the case if I didn't include him the planning/dreaming process.

I may be the one physically pregnant & giving birth but the experience is as much about him becoming a father as it is about me becoming a mother.
post #24 of 62
I can understand deciding for myself where I want to birth and disregarding my DH wishes only and ONLY if he doesn't research his decision and is acting only out of fear. It is his child and he has instincts to protect that child too. It has to be a discussion but if DH and I are unwilling to see each other's point of view how does that bode for the marriage. We as Women have the ultimate dominion over our bodies and should exercise our veto power if we are uncomfortable with the position our DH is trying to force us into. But that said how many of us have actually married a man who would try to force us to do what he wants and disregard our feelings. I wouldn't have married a man like that. Compromise is part of a partnership, both parties have to be comfortable with the decision.

I would also like to say stay home as long as possible. I arrive at the hospital in transition with my 1st and I was still forced to fight off interventions. I was only there for 40 minutes before DS was born.
post #25 of 62
"I would also like to say stay home as long as possible. I arrive at the hospital in transition with my 1st and I was still forced to fight off interventions. I was only there for 40 minutes before DS was born."


That is exactly what happened to me..well not the 40 minutes part. I waited until I was in transition to go to the hospital and was there for3 hours. In that time, they put an i.v. (just saline.....i freaked out thinking it was pitocin) and kept bugging me I should have an epidural in case I needed a c/s. I yelled at the dr that I was NOT going to have an epidural because I was not having a c/s. And they didn't give me very long...I was only pushing for 28 minutes and my doula STILL overheard the dr/nurse talking about doing a c/s!: which my ob (who was not there) admitted that it would have been unnecessary and she didnt understand why they would push for c/s either.
post #26 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
Why is that? Is he the one giving birth? Is he the one who has to go through being pregnant? No. So why on earth should he have a say in where the baby is born?
Uh...because it's equally as much his child? Because his fears will affect the mother during the birth if he's very uncomfortable with the birth place? Because it's unreasonable to expect one spouse to respect the other's wishes on any subject if it's okay for the woman to arbitrarily decide, "sorry, you get no say on this subject"? IMO it doesn't bode to well for future parenting if one parent can just decide to override the other's wishes anytime they don't agree with them.
post #27 of 62
I kind of agree with both sides of the debate about whether or not the dad gets to have a say. I think that both parents should have the right to an opinion and make the decision together. I, however, do not think that him being scared is a good enough reason. What if the OP had just told her her DH that she is not going to the hospital because she is scared. I am pretty sure DH would ask for a better argument.

I was afraid of putting DD in daycare when she was 2 and I had to go back to school full-time if I planned on graduating. Rationality had to prevail.

It is the same thing here. The home vs hospital risk debate is pretty clear cut for a healthy woman with access to an emergency hospital if needed. Rationality, not fear, must prevail. This is not like he is against birthing naturally (if it possible to hold such an opinion) or that he is totally against homebirth and has vetoed it, he is just scared and that is cured by information.

You can ask him to try an make a compelling argument for a hospital birth. The burden of proof is on him.

Otherwise, you might want to explore all of the hospitals available to you and find the one you feel most comfortable in, refuse monitors, IVs and vaginal exams and make sure someone is there to deal with the medical people. Maybe if your DH comes with you to see the OB or visit the hospital and hears them tell you that they insist on those unnecessary things, he might change his mind. And, also, get out of the hospital as soon as you can (the hospital does not get to decide).
post #28 of 62
I have made decisions with my partner. He respects my wishes and has not tried to take over any control, and I respect his. Every relationship is different. Anyway, we are birthing in a hospital, although I have a ton of reservations I am going this way this time. We have a midwife I like a lot so that's good. I would never go with an OB after all of my research.

In response to your original question - how to make a hospital experience like a hb- I haven't given birth yet but when my friend gave birth her doula brought a bedside lamp, I think it was battery powered, she said this helped greatly because otherwise you have to have the flourescents on and she gave birth at 4am, really not a time you want a ton of artificial light.

This may be for my own thread, sorry if I'm hijacking! I hope this follows the original question. I'm trying to make the decision whether or not to hire a doula. Everyone seems to say to get one, definitively, but when I ask what the doula does they say that she gets the birthing couple snacks, gives massages and fights off the nurses. I'm sure that I can bring some snacks with me to the hospital if I prepack. My partner will be there for the massaging and the advocating. My big question is: What about the midwife? Won't she be there advocating for us and making good decisions based on what we have discussed? Is there some other issue no-one else has talked about?
post #29 of 62
Have a birth plan already typed out and discussed with your doc and the hospital you are going to deliver at! This is what I plan to do big time, so my wishes are met to have everything as calm and natural as possible. I'd also stay home as much as you can before going to the hospital. Home is so comforting, so it might even help you relax and progress faster to where it will be easy once you arrive at the hospital.
I've also heard of people bringing aromatherapy stuff with them, so that might help too!

Jessie
(single mommy to Angela, 3 years:and Emma, our angel in heaven)
:::::selective vax:

We are a pro-nursing family!:::
post #30 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by newclementine View Post
I have made decisions with my partner. He respects my wishes and has not tried to take over any control, and I respect his. Every relationship is different. Anyway, we are birthing in a hospital, although I have a ton of reservations I am going this way this time. We have a midwife I like a lot so that's good. I would never go with an OB after all of my research.

In response to your original question - how to make a hospital experience like a hb- I haven't given birth yet but when my friend gave birth her doula brought a bedside lamp, I think it was battery powered, she said this helped greatly because otherwise you have to have the flourescents on and she gave birth at 4am, really not a time you want a ton of artificial light.

This may be for my own thread, sorry if I'm hijacking! I hope this follows the original question. I'm trying to make the decision whether or not to hire a doula. Everyone seems to say to get one, definitively, but when I ask what the doula does they say that she gets the birthing couple snacks, gives massages and fights off the nurses. I'm sure that I can bring some snacks with me to the hospital if I prepack. My partner will be there for the massaging and the advocating. My big question is: What about the midwife? Won't she be there advocating for us and making good decisions based on what we have discussed? Is there some other issue no-one else has talked about?
My DH loved our doula. The fact is, men don't really have much of a clue about what women need during birth, and they can't stand to see you in pain, so when someone comes in with a medical way to 'fix' you, your DH might jump at the chance. A good doula will get to know you during your pg and then be there whispering encouragement in both your ears, cheering you on and helping your DH be what you need him to be during your birth. She is the voice of calm and reason in a situation that can easily be overtaken by fear and emotion. My DH (and I) thought our doula was the best $ we ever spent. (And we had a birth center birth with a mw). A doula is def. way more than snacks and nurse patrol.

One issue I can think of (and the reason I didn't go to a hospital) is that hosp. based MW's are still subject to the protocols, policies and procedures of that particular hospital, no matter how 'naturally-minded' any one particular practitioner is (and at least in MA they all practice under an OB). They could also responsible for more several women in labor at a time, and might not be able to be with you constantly for support and to fend off the nurses. For these reasons I think it is very easy to fall prey to the cascade of interventions in a hospital even with a MW (which happened this week to a friend), and a doula is one way to improve your odds of a NCB in a hospital.
post #31 of 62
Just to get back to the original question - how to make a hospital birth more like a home birth. I would start by talking to your care provider. See how they react. I've had two wonderful hospital births, but I'm very very picky about care providers. When I gave birth in January, my midwife was the one running around, dimming the lights, making sure I had music if I wanted it, and even ordering me a massage. You need to be on the same page with your care provider - if they are excited by the idea of a hospital birth that is as much like a home birth as possible, then you're in business. Otherwise, it is definitely not too late to switch.

I also wanted to comment on your wanting your son (I think son?) there. We had our four year old with us for our hospital birth and it was fantastic. Again, the midwife helped make sure he was in a spot where he could see, etc. Ask if the hospital will allow your child to be present, if that's what you want. Good luck!

Sarah
post #32 of 62
To strongly second the PP, choose your provider carefully. Asking open ended questions like "what do you do if a client's labor is taking a long time?" and "What do you do during the pushing phase of labor?" and "what positions do your clients use to birth?" can help you find out if the provider has experience and is supportive of un-intervened births.
Keep in mind that hospital based providers may not get much request for the type of birth you are looking for, so try to feel out their williness to work with you. Even those of us who want to provide good natural birth support as providers have to learn sometime, so you may have a great experience with someone who is wanting to be supportive but hasn't had the opportunity yet. Also, consider a non-surgical provider - preferably a midwife, but a family doctor may work as well. Those of us who don't do surgery are slower to recommend it or see it as the solution to everything.
As a hospital based provider myself, what I try hard to do is simply make sure anything I propose doing has a basis in necessity and avoid doing things because of rules or time limits, or what have you. If your provider is good at telling you the reasoning behind any decision they make, and you feel comfortable with and understand their reasoning, you may work well together in the end.
post #33 of 62
I had a good, unmedicated hospital birth. I've also had a homebirth.

There is no way to make a hospital birth "like" a homebirth. They are two totally different experiences. You can have a good hospital birth. You can have a NCB in a hospital. I would get a doula and read Henci Goer if you want to go this route.

It's still not a homebirth. If you want a homebirth, stay home. It's your body, not your dh's. He gets a "say" but not a "vote." My dh was terrified of the idea of a homebirth. I knew his fear was based on ignorance and was not rational. I did not let his fear dictate my choices. At the minimum I required that he do some reading and meet with a midwife. He decided to support my decision before he had to do that much work. He went to every mw appt with me though, and he was much more comfortable with the idea by the time we got to the birth. Now he is a huge hb supporter.
post #34 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by janasmama View Post
There is a birthing center in Hollywood -

420 S Grand Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90071
(323) 436-7425
AFAIK that one doesn't exist anymore. The only one I know of is:
Natural Birth & Womens Center
http://www.gr8birth.com/


I am personally not a fan of that one, but a lot of people love Tonya and her center. I can recommend a few Los Angeles Homebirth midwifes if you are interested in at least trying to have your husband meet with them and see if he feels any better.
post #35 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybee View Post
I had a good, unmedicated hospital birth. I've also had a homebirth.

There is no way to make a hospital birth "like" a homebirth. They are two totally different experiences. You can have a good hospital birth. You can have a NCB in a hospital. I would get a doula and read Henci Goer if you want to go this route.

It's still not a homebirth. If you want a homebirth, stay home. It's your body, not your dh's. He gets a "say" but not a "vote." My dh was terrified of the idea of a homebirth. I knew his fear was based on ignorance and was not rational. I did not let his fear dictate my choices. At the minimum I required that he do some reading and meet with a midwife. He decided to support my decision before he had to do that much work. He went to every mw appt with me though, and he was much more comfortable with the idea by the time we got to the birth. Now he is a huge hb supporter.
i totally agree with all of this and could pretty much have written it word for word!
post #36 of 62
I actually just posted in your other thread and then saw this one!

Depending on where you are birthing, how best to make the stay nice is different. A bedside lamp can work (and batteries are good because many places will not allow you to plug anything in to the wall) but at LICH, for example, you don't need it. LICH has great exam lights that you can turn into a corner and get nice soft lighting and then turn everything else off. You can bring a battery powered speaker set for an ipod and have music. Bring a nice big towel if you might get to use a tub (again depends on the place you are birthing). They almost never have towels and a huge soft one is perfect. Bring some food for after the birth. They have terrible food in the hospital and if you give birth at 2 am it is tough to get food. You'll want something yummy most likely, so this is a nice thing to bring along. bring your own blanket if you have one that you feel you'd like to have in the room. It can make it more personal in there. It might get dirty, so be aware of that, but it can bring a more homey tough to the hospital linens.

As for the doulas issue, I think that when in doubt, more help is always better than less. Your husband is your life partner and he loves you more than anyone or anything else in this world. It is going to be an overwhelmingly emotional experience for both of you and most men are brought to tears by the sight of their wives birthing their child. Expecting him to be your primary/only support person through much of labor might be tough. I did this with my first labor (just my dh and I and it was HARD on both of us). In the end we had to call in two other people to get bus through the last 5 hours and I vowed to never try that alone business again! With my second baby he was still my primary support person but we had other help so that he could do things like go to the bathroom or eat without me feeling alone.

With my first I thought my midwife would be with us and she was terrific but she would leave the room some times and that was really hard for me. She had to take calls, talk to staff, file paperwork, get supplies, take care of herself, see another client who came in in labor, etc. They are there much more than an OB but they are not a doula who offers continuous support.

You might consider at least having a friend (but make sure it is someone who can actually be there and actually stay - friends are flakey often). This way you have someone to get you things when you need them, to offer new energy to the situation, and to keep your spirits up.

Doulas can bring so much to the birthing experience - not just snacks and such. Most couples find they feel renewed and ready for the hard work of labor when their doula arrives. the doula supports you both, not just mom, and for most dads this is a HUGE help. If labor stalls or is slow, doulas can help with positioning and techniques to move labor along. it is hard tyo describe all the help a doula can offer because the help given is always different. Doulas help grab vomit buckets while dad holds moms hair and reminds you that vomiting is good for opening the cervix

Most dads find having a doula makes them a better support person because most doulas really guide dads to take care of their partners. Moms with doulas have a much better feeling about their partners afterwards (studies show) and feel closer to their dhs after labor than moms without doulas.

I am quite certian you can do it without a doula and that you have enough love and support within the two of you to make it through, but birth is something most women only do one or two (or three times) and you will always remember this day. You want to do more than make it through. You want it to be wonderful. You want to remember how loved and supported you felt and how confident you were.

Happy birthin'!
post #37 of 62
Quote:
Originally Posted by caedmyn View Post
Uh...because it's equally as much his child? Because his fears will affect the mother during the birth if he's very uncomfortable with the birth place? Because it's unreasonable to expect one spouse to respect the other's wishes on any subject if it's okay for the woman to arbitrarily decide, "sorry, you get no say on this subject"? IMO it doesn't bode to well for future parenting if one parent can just decide to override the other's wishes anytime they don't agree with them.
Since it is equally their child and the woman is the one whose body is going to be giving birth, why should the father get to dictate where the birth will happen? Being somewhere where the woman is not comfortable can hinder labour, and make it less safe for both mother and baby.

If the two people cannot come to a compromise, of course it is the mother who should make the final decision. It is HER body.
post #38 of 62
My heart is for a home birth. But because of our experiences with my dd I will be birthing in a hospital again. It is hard to let go of the hb. But it isn't a decision to be made. I will be birthing with mw's and will stay at home as long as possible. I think that my mw will come to the house first to see if I need to go to the hospital. They also do early release so if everything goes smoothy I can go back home it a couple of hours. I am really excited to labour at home as I was required to head to the hospital at the beginning of labour for medical reasons with my dd.

One thing I really liked which made me feel like I wasn't in the hospital was having the door of the room closed. It was our space and no one was watching over us. Having my own water (for drinking) and soap were really important to me.
post #39 of 62
the hospital birth that was most comfy and relaxing (somewhat like home) was my first. I wore my own clothes, or didnt wear anything. I had my own pillow and favorite pillow case. I still look back at the pictures and i look like i am at home in my own bed because i am not in their scrubs and my floral pillow behind me just looks unhospital like. I would also discuss if you have have the lights dimmed and the room quiet. when you arent listening to nurses and strangers hussling around your room and talking it feels more like home.

i had my mother, doula, midwife with me and my husband kind of got pushed to the backround till i looked up and yelled, "wheres my husband!?" so i would also change that to make myself feel better next time.
post #40 of 62
Thread Starter 

Is it possible for me to catch my baby in the hospital?

things seems to be looking better for us he's really wearing down. but just want to know has anyone caught their baby at the hospital themselves?I have been reading on some site and this lady said that she asked her doc to just stand quietly in the backgrond and to only come IF it is a emergancy and he had too and he said "ok". Has anyone caught their in the hospital?
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