I don't know if she'll BF

[cjanelles]

I'm going to a baby shower in a couple of weeks for the wife of one of my husband's friends. They all used to be really close, but we're not really seen them in a year or so. Still, I know them both, but don't know them really well anymore...not well enough, really, to pick up the phone and call to find out if the soon-to-be Mom is planning on bfing.

It's a ladies-only party, so DH won't be going. I'll be the one showing up with the gifts, and usually I include a few books that I find really important to parenting/new babies when I give baby gifts. When my best friend had her baby a few months ago, I gave her her own copy of Dr. Sears Baby Book, plus two breastfeeding books. She has used those books every day since her baby was born, and she says that there's one BF book that she couldn't have gotten through the first month without it...

So, I want to include this great BF book in the baby shower gift, but I don't know if she's planning on bfing or not.

I guess I'm figuring that if I just go ahead and assume that she is going to BF and give her the shower gifts I normally would if I *knew* she was BFing, then perhaps my assumption might spark some serious consideration, or at least a conversation, if she hadn't considered it already?

Or do you think I'm just wasting my money??

[elizaMM]

This is a really good topic. I'm going to a shower next month where i harldy know the woman. How do you approach this with people you don't know that well?

[cjanelles]

Glad I'm not the only one who is wondering. LOL

What I did think to do, though, to help with my dilemma, is check the online registry at her chosen stores to see if she's registered for any BF items. I found that she registered for an electric breast pump and other BF supplies (pads, bags) and she also registered for many different kinds of bottles. So, I'm thinking that maybe she intends to pump? I mean, that's what her registry suggests, anyway.

Maybe she's going to try both. Who knows? All I know is I'm going to buy the things I would normally buy for a new mom and I'm also thinking of including a little letter explaining why I bought the items I did and some resource links--you know, why I didn't buy any Baby Magic or J&J products, that sort of thing). I have a 1 yr old, so I just went through this whole baby-thing, so it's kind of fresh in my mind. On top of that, I see her getting a lot of, ahem, bad information, so I want to be a different kind of positive influence (she's registered for "What To Expect the First Year," which leads me to believe that she's already got "WTEWYE." Sigh. Oh well, can't save 'em all--LOL).

Still curious how others handle this kind of situation...

[Claire and Boys]

She could be planning to go back to work. Or the bottles could be an in case thing. I would probably take it from that that she is going to bf.

[gingerbane]

I would go ahead and give her what you were planning to. If she's not planning on BFing she might read the books and it could change her mind. My cousin didn't BF her first but she got a lot of information about it and ended up BFing her second.

[Rev1053]

I would go and buy as if she was planning on nursing. I figure its the normal thing moms should do with their babies so why would you think any different?
I was planning on nursing with my first but being a first time mom I still registered for bottles! Who knew I wouldn't need them?
Plus I figure a book is a good education point even if she isn't planning on it. She may see you as a reference point if she has questions if you give her the books.

[krystyn33]

If we want BFing to be the norm, then it should be treated as a normal common thing. I think that's a wonderful gift idea.

[~Em~]

I'd call the hostess and ask, "Hey I wanted to get her some books about breastfeeding because I found them so helpful when I had my own baby/ies, but I just wanted to confirm that she was planning on nursing the baby before I did my shopping."

I completely agree that it should be the norm and you should buy as if it were the norm, but OTOH, you really don't want to waste your money if she is just going to give them to Goodwill. An AP baby/parenting book that isn't focused only on BFing might cover all your bases, though.

[SashaBear]

HMM I hate for you to spend money on the BFing books and she not even look at them.
Check the registry for clues.
My suggestion is to give her the Baby Book, some breat pads (everyone needs them) and some handouts on BFing.

[cjanelles]

Thank you everyone for the suggestions!

I just wanted to post an update...

I sent an email to the mama-to-be and it turned out to be a freaking novel. LOL I have SO many resources that I always share with my mama-friends and I haven't talked to this woman at all during her pregnancy, so my email to get some more info turned out to be pretty long and full of info.

She emailed me back and was really chatty and thankful for all of my information, and then hit me with tons of questions about bfing. She is intending on bfing, so that makes me happy to know.

I sent her a link to Mothering and the MDC. I also sent her many more links, including the anti-circ links (they're having a boy), a link to a rating system for baby products and toxins, the link to Ask Dr. Sears...so on and on.

I'll probably print out some of the handouts that everyone uses here on BFing and anti-circ to include in her basket once I put it together.

Guess I should have just gone right to the source, huh? LOL

[Ruthla]

Sounds like a great update!

If in doubt, I would have gotten something like "The Baby Book" and some general baby care items (or mommy care items) that have nothing to do with feeding.

[~sweet pea~]

edited: sorry... didn't read the whole prior post.. never mind

[sweetpeppers]

I think the Baby Book is a good one. It's your ordinary all purpose reference guide, but with plugs for breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and baby wearing. Even if they don't do any of that, they can still use it for the other information in it. And it will make them aware of other options they weren't aware of.

[moderngal]

The Baby Book is a great intro to AP/ nursing/ gentle care. I give it to everyone at baby showers.

[Carita]

Originally Posted by moderngal

The Baby Book is a great intro to AP/ nursing/ gentle care. I give it to everyone at baby showers.

me too!!

[cjanelles]

Originally Posted by moderngal

The Baby Book is a great intro to AP/ nursing/ gentle care. I give it to everyone at baby showers.

Oh, me, too!!

It's the first thing I buy when I hear someone I know is pregnant. I've given it as a gift about 4 times in the past year.

She has registered for the "What to Expect the First Year" on her BabiesRUs registry, so I hope she doesn't get it. LOL However, after talking with her via email, I'm hoping she'll be leaning a little more towards the AP side of things. I'm just worried that her DH is the kind of person who is going to be very hardcore mainstream, CIO, "what's a sling? duh," kind of parent. I'm hoping that I'm wrong. But that's what I'm afraid of...

[elanorh]

Originally Posted by cjanelles

<snip>

I'm just worried that her DH is the kind of person who is going to be very hardcore mainstream, CIO, "what's a sling? duh," kind of parent. I'm hoping that I'm wrong. But that's what I'm afraid of...

You could always include the "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD in your basket, with a "for DH" card for him to watch. One of my sisters is married to a very mainstream guy, and I know that watching that DVD really helped him a LOT. He got teary-eyed thinking about comforting his baby, and looked forward to helping calm baby down.

I think among their friends, they are the crunchy weirdos who bf'd for "a whole year with each kid!" .... for my family, they are the mainstream kids.

[moderngal]

You could always include the "Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD in your basket, with a "for DH" card for him to watch.

:
DH *loved* it. I think it really made him happy to know he could soothe DS too. Obviously dads can't nurse, but I think including them in gentle caregiving is a great way to get them to come to the AP side of things. We were very mainstream before having DS 3 years ago- I think the Sears books and Happiest Baby book really helped move us to AP/ NFL.

[sunnymw]

I give, at every shower, a basket with The Baby Book, breast pads, Lanolin, and 1 thing they registered for (usually burp cloths, goes along with the boob thing there). If I could afford to also give HBotB, I probably would, depending on the dad

But anyway, even if the mom doesn't end up BFing past a few days, everything ends up being used.