I'm afraid to ask this question... - Page 3

[MKury]

OP, you, your dh and your sex life will be fine. Like pps said, remember to kegel as much as possible and do them correctly. And be really thankful that your dh does not have an over endowment- my dh is perfect, but it was rough for the first 6 months post partum. And never be afraid to ask anything on MDC...

[EBeth0000]

I had a 2nd degree tear and I swear they stitched me up smaller than I was--we have the opposite problem. So I actually was kinda grumpy about that this whole past year, and we've had to do things differently to get our sex life back to a place we both enjoy it.

No matter what happens during your birth, your sex life will be different after the baby anyway--just give yourself time to figure it out together and maybe try some new things to work with it. I always hate that people in our culture seem anti-vaginal birth as a way to preserve their sex lives when the women I've talked to (and the men) don't seem to think that there's a huge epidemic of loose vaginas after kids! Sorry for the crudeness of that, but doesn't it seem like that's what's implied when women (and men) talk about how giving birth "ruins you down there"? It drives me bonkers!

[Miss Chris]

I also don't really notice a change vaginally (it's the boobs that moved for me )

But I did notice that sex overall got better for me after the baby was born. My orgasms are easier and stronger, I talked to a friend of mine who has had 3 kids and she said the same thing. I don't know if its from a new degree of trust between me and my sweetie or if it has to do with physical changes but I'm not complaining, that's for sure!

I have had brief instances of leaking a little pee but what I find happens more often is I have more noticeable cm, I guess maybe the vaginal opening is more open now so when I'm on my fertile days it can get pretty humid down there (I know, I know TMI) so there have been occasions when I thought "dangit! I peed" and when I checked it was actually a lot of creamy or eggwhite cm.

Things change after baby, some things you'll like a lot, some not so much, but usually it turns out ok. You can't stress about it in advance because, as others have pointed out there is a huge range of experiences and you won't know how it will be for you until afterward.

I also get very annoyed by the societal tendency to make nudging comments about how babies will "ruin" or "destroy" the vagina. Vaginas are designed for birthing, that is part of their job.

A vagina is not that different from an anus, except that it is stronger and more amazing. No one seems to worry that if they poop every day their rectum will get all loose and saggy. Having a baby is just as natural as pooping and the result is so much better

Good luck
Miss Chris
mama to maggie (3/1/06)

[mytwogirls]

Originally Posted by Miss Chris

No one seems to worry that if they poop every day their rectum will get all loose and saggy. Having a baby is just as natural as pooping and the result is so much better

I nearly peed my pants after reading that! Off to do more exercises I guess...

[Laggie]

Originally Posted by Miss Chris

No one seems to worry that if they poop every day their rectum will get all loose and saggy.

Well... I think that if I had a poop that hurt as much as childbirth I WOULD be pretty worried, actually.

But what I'm getting from this thread is, it could go either way. You just never know.

[jwpsgurl]

I wouldn't worry, do tons of kegels, and then do some more!!!

[luckysam]

There is anything wrong with wondering about this. It's a good question to think and ask about, and an understandable concern that you don't want to lose your great sex life! After four babies, with the third one being an induction, I kind of had a ..um..vaginal blowout!..It doesn't look the same, and the opening seems so much bigger, with the top of it being prolapsed and visible. Despite all of that, our sex life is great! I guess things are tighter in there than they seem!
The first time after our last baby was "roomy", though it was only about 3-4 weeks pp. Within the second month I was fine. Even the first time though it was more about me and my fears then him and the actual experience. Big hugs mama! I think things will be great!

[Meg_s]

took a while to come back for me, not just kegels but my lower abdominals had to get tight as well... my body isn't a spring back sort of body but over time.....

[Catherine12]

Originally Posted by frontierpsych

my vagina went back to normal ASAP.
My belly is what got all stretched out!

:

[paquerette]

Originally Posted by Laggie

Well... I think that if I had a poop that hurt as much as childbirth I WOULD be pretty worried, actually.

But what I'm getting from this thread is, it could go either way. You just never know.

You may have, and just didn't know it. Time for TMI story... my first pregnancy, I remember a particular episode of gastric distress about 6 mo or so. Horrible stomach pains, horrible pooping, an entire day of misery. I remember thinking at the time "what a wuss I am! If I can't even handle this without whining and crying and wanting to die from the pain, how am I going to have this baby?" Well, labor came and it was nowhere near as bad as that day had been. You never know, so true.

[NatureMama3]

I have never noticed a change and when I asked DH he said he's never noticed a change..

and our sex life is better than ever IMO!

[NatureMama3]

Originally Posted by Laggie

Well... I think that if I had a poop that hurt as much as childbirth I WOULD be pretty worried, actually.

WORD! : (never had to call an ambulance for a poop before)

[tinyshoes]

Originally Posted by Turquesa

Seeing a phys. therapist helped. I had urinary incontinence, and the PT helped tighten things up like nothing else.

After my 2nd was born, my pelvic floor was sooooo saggy and I was horrified by it. I sought help from a physical therapist (recommended to me by my CNM) and learned how to kegel properly...

...and I also learned that my core body strength was very weak, and so my pelvic floor looked weak, when in fact, my pelvic floor was the only muscle group keeping me upright and standing!

My "crotch" PT referred me to her coworker PT who helped me re-learn how to use my glutes, my hamstrings, my abdominal muscles, back muscles, and all the rest.

Once those muscle groups were working, magically, my pelvic floor was not sagging anymore.

[Xenopus]

I have heard that after epi's especially in the 60's and 70's, docs liked to suture up women even tighter than they had been when they came in, it was called the "Happy Husband." ick.

My MD (female) did a good job with those two stitches I had (from a natural tear), everything went right back to normal as far as DH and I's love life is concerned.

The real problem was getting the energy up to make love! But that is a whole other thread.

-Xen