16 month old testing limits...I need to not get mad!

[Livviesmom0207]

DD is doing what I consider to be very age appropriate things...but I have a hard time not losing patience. At dinner for example...she will be eating fine and suddenly start throwing her food on the floor. She does it in such a way that YOU know that SHE knows it's wrong but she wants to see what will happen. Then it's the bowl. You take it away, and she shrieks hysterically until you give it back. I feel like a NO machine. I'm not sure what to say other than no.

BTW, it's not because she's done eating or full...this can happen within the first couple of bites.

She does a lot of that sly look+"I'm touching/doing what I'm not supposed to what are you going to do about it".

This doesn't sound like much, I'm sure...but I'm not sure how to handle it without the constant no.

[_betsy_]

It's so hard to keep your cool when you KNOW they are just trying to pucsh your buttons, isn't it?

Be consistent with your reaction, I guess. If she's throwing food, say "We eat food, we don't throw it." And if it continues, ask if she's all done.

I foiund that if I could manage to stay calm, the "look, Mama, I'm doing this thing that you hate!" stuff tends to pass more quickly.

[allgirls]

get a dog

Seriously though..my youngesst daughter did this(well one of my older ones did too but we had a dog so I didn't really have to deal because the food wouldn't hit the floor) and I just ignored it. When they get "that look" in their eye it means they are looking for the response so change it up on them..completely boring response/no response. Clean up the mess and move on.

See if that works..depending on how persistant she is it may take longer but I found this worked better than the reward of your reaction, bad or good it's thrilling for them. This made it go on a lot longer

Also..teeny bits of food on the plate at a time. i would set a plate beside me for the baby and then give her little bits of it as she ate. So the mess would be manageable.

Good luck! Fun age but so exasperating

[krystyn33]

As far as managing your own emotional response, it is hard, I hear ya!

What helps me is to at first do nothing. I shift into observer mode to kind of separate myself from the annoyance/anger/frustration. Hmmm, you are dumping your water all over your shirt right before we need to leave, or whatever the situation is--it is kind of like acting--pretending to be calm when inside I'm like AAAARRRGGGHH. I take deep breaths and sigh a lot--DS will imitate the sighs on days which are particularly challenging and I do it a lot--it is funny. But I do not want to "react"--it is better to respond to his behavior from a place of calm & clear headedness. That's my goal--I do react at times when I can't catch myself first.

And I pray each night for patience and a sense of humor.

[kungfu_barbi]

a couple observations:

Originally Posted by Livviesmom0207

SHE knows it's wrong but she wants to see what will happen...

i'm just not sure that this assessment is accurate. does a sixteen month old really have the cognitve ability to "test" her parents like that? i don't think so.

it just seems to me like you are possibly assigning adult-type meaning and intent to her actions...and then you are reacting to that. if you shifted perspective - reframe how you see the behavior - you might not feel quite so frustrated...

Originally Posted by Livviesmom0207

...I'm not sure what to say other than no.

i agree that saying 'no' all the time is ineffective. how about finding the opposite? instead of saying 'no throwing' - say 'keep the food on the plate.' instead of saying 'don't spill' - say 'hold the cup with two hands.'

i don't think a 16 month old's brain comprehends 'no' the way an older child can. if you need her to quit doing something, i think 'stop' is a better word...

peace

[Poogles0213]

Originally Posted by kungfu_barbi

a couple observations:
i agree that saying 'no' all the time is ineffective. how about finding the opposite? instead of saying 'no throwing' - say 'keep the food on the plate.' instead of saying 'don't spill' - say 'hold the cup with two hands.'

i don't think a 16 month old's brain comprehends 'no' the way an older child can. if you need her to quit doing something, i think 'stop' is a better word...
peace

I have read that people (and young children especially) respond much more favorably to a "positive" command rather than a "negative" one. That is to say, that instead of saying, as above, "No Throwing," which immediately makes the child THINK about throwing, which is fun, so they want to do it some more, you say "Keep the food on the plate," which not only tells them EXACTLY what you expect from them (after all, "No throwing" doesn't mean I can't DUMP the food on the floor, or put it in my hair, or....) but it also takes the original action out of the picture.

I hope that made sense

[Livviesmom0207]

[QUOTE=allgirls;11329325]get a dog [QUOTE]


We have one, haha. That's how she got the brilliant idea to throw food, she wants to feed the dog.

[Missy7222]

Hi, she's 16 months old, she's learning. She's not trying to be manipulative, she's seeing that what she does gets a reaction.

I would simply tell her no throwing food, if she does it again, tell her that next time you will take it away and when she does it again, and she will, follow through and take the food away. It won't take her long to know that the reaction she is getting isn't going to be favorable to her. Don't underestimate her thinking ability. Even at 16 months, they are very smart!

Be consistent and if she cries, let her cry, she will get it and if won't take long.

Hope this helps

Missy

[kiwiva]

ITA that telling her what you "do" do works better than no. My 19 mo DD keeps putting little rocks in her mouth. When we get excited and want her to stop it is totally ineffective and she then continues to do it for the reaction. My approach is to calmly ask for the rock to be removed and telling her rocks stay on the ground. The food throwing really did not last long in our house. Eventually they figure out that yes, food splats on the ground every single time they do it and it is a less exciting experiment. While she was doing it, I used the same calm approach. Food stays on plates, please or whatever and calmly picked it up.

I also think it is much easier to deal with these types of behaviors when you remind yourself that they are not doing it to be annoying, they are experimenting with the world (often, that is the case anyway).

There was a great article in the recent Mothering about changing your reaction to things. The mom, rather than losing it would take a deep breath and say to herself, "thank you for challenging me to deal with xyz" so rather than being angry with the child, she chose to find something positive there. I have done this recently when tested and it helps.

[tropicaldutchtulip]

Originally Posted by allgirls

get a dog

We have one it she does help a lot! heehee! For my girls when they started to throw food they were done, so we took the food away. Also we gave them two throws and then said "bye-bye". We do that not just for food but for most everything. That helped us a bunch and they know we mean it!!! We try not to react so much, the more we react the more they do it! Now if I can just get that through my dad's head???!!!