can i whine for a minute?

[pixiepunk]

I have to preface this by saying that, for the most part, i get along just fine with my MIL. She lives pretty far away, so i only have to see her a couple of times a year, and she generally loves and respects me, even if she doesn't always agree with my methods, and thinks my kids are amazing and looooves to brag to her sister about how great they are.

BUT....

she is one of these people who believes that the earth revolves around her. everything is about her, she really isn't able to see things from other peoples' points of view. when i was "late" with Elowyn, i felt like i was being stalked - she just wouldn't stop calling because *she* was so anxious for the baby to come. when i stopped answering the phone, she started bugging DH at work on his cell. then the baby was here, and she was obsessively calling to ask what her name was (it took us a few days to decide, naming our kids is very important to us and we feel we need to get to know the baby a bit before we decide). the reason she was so obsessed about it was because she "had a dream" that her grandmother told her the baby should be named Meadow Rose (Rose was her grandmother's name). We like Rose, ended up using it as a middle name, but didn't like Meadow. So anyway, when we told her the name, she sounded really kind of annoyed. Which pissed me off since we did in fact give our baby her grandmother's name.

then she said she wanted to come and stay for a few days or a week to "help me out." i realized her vision of helping me was holding the baby while i did everything, but she is a good cook so i figured maybe i'd at least get a few good meals out of it, and we decided she was going to come a couple of weeks ago. the day she was to arrive came and she called to say they had a pipe burst and she would come the next day. the whole entire week went by without a phone call. luckily i wasn't relying on her help or having her here for any reason! so finally i called her, and she wasn't even apologetic about blowing us off, didn't even really explain why exactly, and said maybe she'd come this week. didn't hear anything more from her, so we assumed that she wasn't coming, and we made plans for the week - DD1's birthday is today, we're having a party for her on saturday, and i've got appointments and things scheduled tomorrow and friday.

so she calls at 9pm *last night* to tell us she's coming today. not ask us, mind you. in fact she said she was staying the whole weekend, but we told her we were having DD1's party on saturday, and it is outdoors at our riverfront property (no bathrooms, no comfy chairs, etc) and we will be camping out saturday night. MIL is not an outdoorsy type, and is extremely overweight and has many health issues, so she is going home saturday morning when we leave to go set up for the party.

so my whole week of plans is screwed. now i feel guilty about going to the chiro tomorrow, as i will have to drag her along. and i had planned a playdate afterwards, which i can't go to - MIL is only going to get to see the kids for two days, she's not going to want to sit in my friend's house watching the kids pay attention to other kids instead of her. i was also planning to go to Costco on friday to get stuff for the party, but MIL can't possibly walk around Costco -she seriously gets winded walking from the car to our door. so what do i do with her? leave her at home for half the day? leave her sitting in the car at Costco? and i actually planned on having a babysitter come for a few hours on Friday night to watch the older two so DH and I could have some time to get stuff together for the party. I don't want to cancel on her, and if i do i feel i'll need to pay her because i scheduled this a while ago and two days beforehand it's not like she's going to be able to get another babysitting gig.

so all of that is the very long-winded way of saying I'm really pissed

thanks for reading if you've managed to make it this far! feel free to tell me how awful your MIL to make me feel better about mine

[elleystar]

Mine's so bipolar passive-aggressive center-of-the-universe loony, that we haven't spoken to her in about a year. (DH's wish. After that last freakout, I was more than happy to go along with it.) Which meant she was not invited to our wedding last summer, and only gets updates on us through DH's brother, with the tiny snippets of info that he even gets.
Does that help? Personally I'll take my situation over yours any day! Best of luck to you...I know you'll find a way to make it all work!

[katiesk]

ahh...i so enjoy reading everyone's accounts of their mils and feeling so outraged on your behalf!

dp's parents just bought a house in homer, which is where dp and i live. they randomly bought the house one weekend when they were down visiting. their home is 4 hours away. they said they want to retire here in a few years, and in the meantime, dp and i (and baby!) are living in the house. so they come visit fairly often. cool. they are really nice and obviously very generous to let us live in this house. (we are paying the mortgage while we live here) but it is so awkward when they are here, because they are constantly thinking of things they want to do to the house - or rather, that they want us to do to the house, like install doorstops everywhere, and level the refrigerator every time they are in town, apply toxic chemicals everywhere, etc. and his mom! she is constantly making passive aggressive comments about cleaning. she likes to ask me how i do something and then tell me how in her experience, her way of doing it is much better. it is sooo nice of them to let us live here, but i wish they would just let us live here and not have opinions about everything we do in this house. they were totally freaked out that i had the baby on the living room floor! ha ha. and they're really weird, they bring their own sheets and bedding and stuff when they come and change the (clean!) bedding out...for some reason they don't like me sheets? or towels? or coffee pot? they bring their own coffee pot and have it set up in the kitchen and are apparently offended that i store it under the sink when they are not here. geez. because we really need two coffee pots sitting out at all times. they also don't like my or dp's cooking, as they don't eat any vegetables, or healthy food whatsoever, but we can't afford to eat out at EVERY meal, so it gets a bit awkward. they also spent the entire weekend asking me if i ever put the baby down. dp's mom kept telling me that the baby needs her space. really? she is so tired of being held? she wishes that i would quit cuddling her already and just let her chill? wow. she is not 13. she is six WEEKS old. barely. i'm pretty sure she only loves to be held. geez. and his dad told me that my baby is manipulative and that i am like pavlov's dogs. she has trained me to pick her up every time she fusses. really? i told him that i want her to know that i will respond when she needs something. good god, am i supposed to teach her that mostly everyone ignores her when she is distressed? soooo annoying! they were here for like six days, and this vent is proving to be very cathartic. although, i have hijacked the thread, i'm afraid. oops.

good luck everyone, with your well intentioned (or otherwise) family members.

[Incubator]

Anything I might have to say is a UAV. I'm 100% serious about that, I've had posts about my in-laws deleted on the assumption that one of them might be a member here. I feel your pain, though.

[~NewMa~]

WOw, I was just gonna post a rant of my own about my MIL
She too is a bipolar loon and drives me nuts.
I think she's trying to take over as mother to my son!
I already warned hubby that if I walk in on her breastfeeding the baby I'll never speak to her again!
She has pretty much kept her distance because my hubby has been strict with her for the first time in his life so it's not like she's dropping in unannounced, but she's one of those people you can only tolerate in very small doses and so when she's here I just can't wait for her to leave.

The day after the birth when we asked her what she wants to be called (i.e. mommom, nana, grandmom) she said she was thinking she would be called "MA". :
WTF!!! I"M MA! I GET MA, MAMA, MOMMY, MOM ALL THOSE ARE MINE!

And now she's taken to sitting and watching me nurse with a burp cloth on her shoulder so she can grab him up to burp him as soon as he's done. So annoying!!!:

She's also practically taking notes on how I comfort him so she can mimic my techniques. :

And she thinks it's strange that it takes me 10 minutes to pump 2 oz of breast milk. She's like " I don't understand why it takes you so long. Me, I could go ahead and hand express 2 oz in less time than that"
I told her I don't think that's normal let alone typical!!!

GET OFF MY BACK LADY!

[xekomaya]

Originally Posted by ~NewMa~

I think she's trying to take over as mother to my son!
!

Okay I think your MIL wins a creepy award. I don't know what I'd do about that...

Pixiepunk - that's so crummy! After not coming and not calling I'd be really reluctant to reschedule my week around her, especially if she can't just join you on your regularly scheduled activities. Hope she does spend her time cooking for you and maybe help restock the freezer

[Jennisee]

Originally Posted by xekomaya

Pixiepunk - that's so crummy! After not coming and not calling I'd be really reluctant to reschedule my week around her, especially if she can't just join you on your regularly scheduled activities.

: I say, yes, let her sit in the car at Costco and watch your kids' playdate. Maybe it'll teach her to be more respectful of your family when she wants to make plans. By changing all your plans, you're just encouraging her to do it again in the future.

As for me, I'm not speaking to either my MIL or my mom right now. My mom threw a plate of food at me at Christmas after I told her, "No, it is NOT ok to crash your ex-husband's Christmas party." My MIL sent me nasty emails trying to bully me out of homeschooling, and we've had major problems with her trying to be a mother do my DD, trying to outdo us and beat us to DD's firsts, ignoring some of our rules.

[tinyshoes]

these old ladies sound over the top, but they still qualify as 'greedy grandmas'...the kind of grandma that is just so greedy for the baby they cross the line.

[pixiepunk]

thanks for commisserating, and for sharing your horrible MIL stories - it makes me feel better

so, i don't know WTF is up with this, but they decided to leave this morning. she didn't even want to wait until the kids woke up to say goodbye : she said she didn't want to get stuck in rush hour traffic this afternoon, which i totally understand, but it doesn't take 9 hours to drive from here to there. i'm sure if they'd waited another hour or two they would've been fine. and originally she said they weren't leaving till Saturday. In fact, yesterday she was talking about going to the Mennonite market to buy a few things, and possibly driving up to a nearby town where she actually lived when she was a little girl. So i was pretty surprised when i came downstairs and they were basically standing at the door with their bags in their hand. Thankfully i've been putting off calling the sitter because i felt so bad, so i guess i'll be able to use her this evening after all.

i did drag them around a lot yesterday. i gave them the option of staying at the house, of course, but the kids refused to stay here without me and she didn't want to stay here by herself, so we all went out together. MIL actually suggested that i pump a bottle and leave 4 week old DD2 with her. i didn't want to get into a big thing with her so i just told her i don't even know where my pump is atm (which is true) and that i haven't even bothered to buy any bottles (also true). but what i felt like saying is "are you @$%^ing crazy?!?!"

*but* she did help me clean a little (she even mopped my kitchen floor, which desperately needed it). and she cooked us breakfast yesterday morning and made a big pot roast for dinner last night, and handled all the dishes the two days she was here. all of this was very much appreciated.

but i have to confess, i'm glad she's gone.

[Incubator]

Hey! Look at that, I'm not crazy to be irritated by some of these very things, imagine that! :

Congrats on your successful visit! I'm glad it wasn't all that bad.

[New_Natural_Mom]

Originally Posted by ~NewMa~

She's also practically taking notes on how I comfort him so she can mimic my techniques. :

This I actually think is pretty cool. At least she is trying to do what *you* do instead of what she wants to do.

I don't like my MIL but I just try to bite my tongue. We have to go out there this Saturday b/c my DH wants to. Happily we aren't going to their house (it is always DISGUSTINGLY dirty) b/c my DH and I are so seriously allergic to their cat.