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Originally Posted by swampangel  Allgirls, it sounds like your kids are similar ages. How did you do this with a toddler? I struggle with my toddler pulling hair and hitting...it's really hard because my older child can't really use his skills that effectively yet with his brother because of the younger one's limited skills at this point.
Anyway, thanks everyone...very helpful stuff!
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My kids are similar in age...my littlest will be 3 in October and her sister will be 5 in July.
What I found was that at that age I had to be right there as soon as I sensed it escalating..not to take sides or interfere but to make sure there was no hitting going on. My little one was a bit of a slugger around the 18mos mark to 24 mos maybe, but not terribly so and generally if she was well fed and not tired they were absolutely fine..so I watched the clock a lot to make sure snacks were on time etc. and naps were paramount.
I also spent a lot of the little one's naptimes with my older daughter and if there had been problems we'd talk stuff over, a lot of "Martina is frustrating when she...Isn't she" and me letting her get this stuff out. We talked a lot about patience and that she was just two. I taught her about trading toys...I explained that she didn't understand taking turns at 2 and that we could help her learn. I did a lot of getting her involved in the problem solving and let her vent her issues.
One advantage I had is that I have very verbal girls. They are both very expressive and can get a lot of their frustration out that way. My littlest one can string together a large paragraph quite well..that is a HUGE advantage.
If we were having a really tough day Marti got to ride in the Ergo a lot which is like baby atavan for her..it really relaxes her
It's a process and it takes time to develop. The key I found in the book was to get involved as soon as it starts to bother YOU. Don't let it escalate. Get in then and seperate and don't wait for the intensity to go up. Of course sometimes you miss but it really cuts down on it getting out of hand.
It does take some practice. It didn't flow naturally at first but now it's just the way I do things..it's like anything new.
I like the way SWR was about allowing children to verbalise their emotions and I incorporate that as well.
My older one said just yesterday "I wish sissy was 4" and I said "then you would be 6" and she said "no I wish she was 4 when I was 4 so she could just understand"
kids are so cute!
In our home, neutralizing the situation usually involves having kids take a break from each other. But it often also includes comforting one or more kids, giving hugs, listening and validating feelings--helping kids calm down, and know that their feelings matter. It's just the problem-solving part that we save for when everyone is calm enough to think more clearly.
