I NEED to spend money on a daily basis to be happy/not bored

[Amila]

Hard to admit this. I have a spending issue. I need to do something to break up my day, and usually it is either food shopping, or going somewhere and spending money. Like at Target. Or Old Navy. Or the mall, a thrift store, Marshalls. Anywhere really. Even just going to the bookstore and spending $10 on a latte and muffin does it for me.

Yes there are other things I can do, and sometimes it works. Like when the pool opens in town that will be nice. I do take DD for walks and to the park, but it doesn't satisfy this need I have to spend money. It is killing our finances, creating conflict with DH, and making me feel guilty and bad about myself. It doesn't help that the gas to drive to these places is $4.00/gallon. DH has to drive for work, so I am the only one who can cut back on gas...which mean staying home all day. And being miserable.

I need help.

[p.s]

Firstly, when you save money, you are not doing a negative... i.e. saving = not buying.

Rather, when you save, you are buying freedom.
When you save alot, you are buying alot of freedom.
When we have saved so much that you can live off of what you saved, you have bought yourself independence.

Even if you save $10, $5, $500, you are buying yourself options. Options that could reap bigger rewards.

Apart from the above, would maybe counseling help? maybe talking through and understanding why you feel compelled? Then maybe figuring out a strategy to work on change that you desire?

[shayinme]

Goodness, you sound just like me. Heck, I just got back from taking dd to storytime and a walk, theoretically things that should be free? How come I just spent over $100? The only way I seem to not spend money is to not leave the house, granted my spending habits are far better than what they used to be but I still have leaks especially if I have any extra cash.

[mommy2abigail]

Amila, I know how you feel. I posted about it a week ago. The thing with me was staying home was so BORING!!! I knew if I could find a way to just stay home, everything else would be better. So, I started with a goal of staying home 2 days a week. At first it was so hard!!! But I invited friends over, set up a really fun activity for dd (messy parties!), or planned to bake/cook stuff all day long (which ironically also saves money!).

I had my friend come over and we did batch cooking while the kids played. Or we would meet at her house too, it meant I had to drive, but at least it was to a place that I didn't spend any money!

Slowly I increased the number of days we stayed home. It was a bit of an adjustment for dd as well. She was used to being 'entertained' by going places all the time. But I do think it was the best thing I did for her. She has learned to play on her own a bit more, and is getting more and more creative in her play. I do think I was doing more harm than good by providing stimulation all. the. time.

At the moment we are staying home 4-5 days a week. One day we go to church, one day to dd's gymnastics class, and usually we do something fun as a family on dh's days off (but we only use one car). It's hard to find things to do that are free, but I like the challenge. It keeps me on track to push myself to save even more, lower our grocery bill even more than last week, make my tank of gas last even ONE more day. I've turned it into a game, and that keeps me going.

My advice is to start slow. If you jump into it, you may get discouraged and quit all together. What can you do today to save $1? Put that $1 in a jar. What can you do to earn $1? Put that in the jar. I started babysitting. It is an extra $200 per week that I put away and save or pay off cc bills with. HTH and good luck! Join the No-Spend Challenge on this forum if you haven't already too, that helps with accountability!

[heatherweh]

Leaving my wallet at home helps. Then I have to find free things to do. Like if I'm going to the park I don't bring my purse that way I can't just swing by and get a flavored coffee on a whim kwim? The gym membership has helped me a lot with this, ironically. Of course it costs money $35 a month, but I go for an hour and half or so 5 days a week, so that is the one activity I get in each day that's "free" plus it is good for me and I think good for DS to get that time in a different environment. We try to use the envelope system here too, so when I do bring out money i know how much is in the envelope and therefore don't "waste" the money. Shopping online is just not an option, it is too hard to control.

OK, so going on a walk, call a friend and invite them over or invite yourself to their home, go to the library, so to the park. If you have to shop make it a thrift store and have a plan on what you want before you leave.

Try a challenge of some sort. I did a 3-month clothing fast (no clothes for 3 mos) and that helped keep me out of the stores alltogether.

[elisent]

I think I just found my tribe!

[hollianna]

I agree with a PP that it would be a good idea to figure out the root cause of why you are feeling the need to spend money. Just sheer boredom? Is there a need of yours that isn't being fulfilled?

I think it helps to have something to work toward or look forward to. Do you have any hobbies you enjoy? I like to crochet and sew, so I try to find frugal ways to do my hobby AND save money at the same time. It's like a game. For example, I bought fabric to make my own baby wipes so we don't have to buy disposable ones any more. It keeps me busy and will save us money in the long run.

I also like the idea of thinking of ways to make money instead of spend it. That could engage your interest so you're not bored, plus you'd be making a little cash to use on the occasions that you do want to spend money. wahm.com has tons of message boards for leads on finding work at home opportunities.

Invite friends over, find a hobby that interests you, and think of something you want in the future (a vacation, or something like that), because that can help you save money if you have something to work toward.

Good luck! Keep us informed on how you're doing.

[gossamer]

I will tell you that I have the same problem. I have found that it really is an addiction. I have been going to Debtor's Anonymous and seeking individual counseling because this is not something I want to pass down to my son. I wish you luck.
Gossamer

[zipworth]

I have the SAME problem. No judgement, just commiseration.

[captivatedlife]

hugs - and a quick idea???? maybe it'll help, maybe not.

Can you take a daily trip to the bank and deposit $10 into a special savings account - one you can watch grow? That's similar to what DH and I did - it became as addictive if not more to watch the money grow. Then buy yourself a small soda ($1) or something on the way home.

You're getting a treat - you're saving money.

good luck

[happyhippiemama]

running out the door to take DD to preschool, so just read the OP...

but me too.

I'm stopping at the coffee shop before coming home, so I can get in my spending fix before reading all the wise replies and feeling even more guilty than usual.

[A&A]

Sounds like you need a job! That will keep you busier.

[Crunchy*VT*Mom]

Good advice, Natalia! About staying home and taking it slowly. I need to be doing that myself

I don't think being employed or unemployed really matters...I'm a compulsive spender and when I worked I just had more money to spend and more opportunities to spend it.

[bwylde]

I find I'm having this problem. With me it's the compulsion to continue to add to our food (and other) storage. Part of me is scared that food prices are going to get so crazy we'll have trouble affording to eat so I have to stock up now!!! I am going to try to slow down. Part of it is, I know, boredom. The kids don't want to do anything unless it's shopping. We don't have a lot here in town. I have always loved to shop and since it's stuff we need and will use, I feel I can justify all these little shopping trips instead of a couple of big ones. I have other issues too which make me want to shop, but I know I need to soon start changing.

[freespirited]

I also feel your pain and frustration. Dh lost his job and is home now, but before that I spent long days at home feeling bored and I usually ended up driving around for hours going from thrift store to thrift store because I could afford to look and buy something. Before I knew it, I was spending hundreds a month at the thrift stores. I told myself it was ok because it was helping the community! I ended up with a basement full of junk too. I toted my kids around with me too, I was THAT desperate. I would even drive to meet dh for lunch just to have a place to go that day. Or I would drop dd at preschool and drive somewhere far away with some specific goal, but the underlying goal was just to take a drive. I have been sick with a flu for days now and all I want to do is have dh take me for a drive somewhere! I think more than spending money, you want a purpose to get out of the house. Could you go to the bookstore and just buy an ice tea? I used to do that, gather up some magazines and take the kids into the kiddie section and sit down and peruse magazines. We all had a nice diversion. Could you only go out 3 times a week instead of everyday? There is a book I can't wait to read by Eckhart Tolle about enjoying the moment you are in, no matter WHERE you are. I think that would have helped me a lot, because I think for me, the need to escape had a lot to do with my unhappiness. I am going out to buy the book as soon as I am well again. I need to shut off my thinking for awhile because since I struggle so much to do that, I look for external diversions. With gas prices rising, I don't think I can't ever go anywhere, but I do cut back now and I am hoping to find contentment with other things than shopping. Good luck to you and I both!

[1growingsprout]

Originally Posted by freespirited

I also feel your pain and frustration. Dh lost his job and is home now, but before that I spent long days at home feeling bored and I usually ended up driving around for hours going from thrift store to thrift store because I could afford to look and buy something. Before I knew it, I was spending hundreds a month at the thrift stores. I told myself it was ok because it was helping the community! I ended up with a basement full of junk too. I toted my kids around with me too, I was THAT desperate. I would even drive to meet dh for lunch just to have a place to go that day. Or I would drop dd at preschool and drive somewhere far away with some specific goal, but the underlying goal was just to take a drive. I have been sick with a flu for days now and all I want to do is have dh take me for a drive somewhere! I think more than spending money, you want a purpose to get out of the house. Could you go to the bookstore and just buy an ice tea? I used to do that, gather up some magazines and take the kids into the kiddie section and sit down and peruse magazines. We all had a nice diversion. Could you only go out 3 times a week instead of everyday? There is a book I can't wait to read by Eckhart Tolle about enjoying the moment you are in, no matter WHERE you are. I think that would have helped me a lot, because I think for me, the need to escape had a lot to do with my unhappiness. I am going out to buy the book as soon as I am well again. I need to shut off my thinking for awhile because since I struggle so much to do that, I look for external diversions. With gas prices rising, I don't think I can't ever go anywhere, but I do cut back now and I am hoping to find contentment with other things than shopping. Good luck to you and I both!

Can you borrow the book from the library FOR FREE??

[1growingsprout]

I totally understand mudane and bored. But when you go out, for a walk, etc can you pack a small snack and drink? That would elminate the need to buy something.

Instead of going out to buy something... can you go to the resale store and SELL something back (kids clothes toys etc) That way you get an outing but you come back with money.

[happyhippiemama]

Mine isn't boredom. I just have a highly-addictive personality, and this is the vice I haven't gotten rid of. I should go to DA like Gossamer.

[sweetfeet]

Hello my people! I have a secret...I blow money on stupid stuff.
If I don't spend at least a few bucks daily I feel let down as I fall asleep. I've always blown every last penny I had in my pocket. I can take $20 to Target and spend $19.98 every time. I like to get out of the house and we do go to the park and library a lot. But I like to make things feel special and so I spend a few bucks and get a treat for myself and the kids. Taking drinks and snacks from home feels 'lame' to me. I have a serious issue. I realize it now as my dh has asked us to do our own no spend challenge and I've justified buying lunch out on the first day.

[quelindo]

I can relate, though I don't feel the need to spend every day. And I have gone through periods of being incredibly frugal. But still, I've been there.

What helps me is to change the addiction from spending to saving. Concentrate on doing at least one thing a day that SAVES money -- hanging laundry to dry, chopping up a watermelon that's getting old to freeze for smoothies, walking to the library instead of driving, etc.

Hope you find some more good ideas on this thread!