Carys’ birth story
On Friday, May 9th at around 3 am I woke up in bed, having mild but regular contractions about ten minutes apart. They made me smile. That night in the bathtub I had had a conversation with my baby girl and explained that while I wanted her to stay inside of my body as long as she needed to, the next day was her “due date.” I told her we were excited to meet her but that if she stayed in past her due date people would start to pester me about induction and I wanted her to be the one to decide when to arrive. I finished by telling her that I trusted her and my body to birth her safely and when the time was right! At 4am, my older daughter cried out from her room. She had a cold so I decided to go in and giver her Tylenol. As I did that, the contractions stopped for a half-hour. That was discouraging. Following my midwife’s advice, I poured myself a glass of red wine and went back to bed. By 6am the contractions stopped completely and I fell asleep.
On Saturday morning we went to our friend Eli’s third birthday party. Our friends were all disappointed to see me there and still pregnant. After the party we went grocery shopping then came home. At 3pm, while our daughter was napping, I decided to try and lay down for a bit. Almost as soon as I got in bed the contractions started, about 5 minutes apart. I got up and told my wife that I was having contractions and we wondered whether we should alert her folks in case they needed to come get our daughter, or whether it was just a false start again. I called and gave my midwife a heads-up. She told me that I could indeed stall out again, but to watch for when the contractions “changed” and assured me I would know when it was time to call her.
Melissa’s parents came and got our daughter after her nap and I busied myself making a quiche. I remember trying to chop the veggies quickly and trying to organize myself and my thoughts in between contractions. With some relief I popped the quiche in the oven and went upstairs to ask my wife to call the midwife again. I was thinking about getting into the birth tub but I didn’t want to get in too soon for fear of stopping my labor. That was sometime around 6pm. For the next couple of hours I labored upstairs, with my wife. Mostly I wanted to pace in between contractions and push against the wall during them. My wife pushed on my lower back, which was comforting. I was surprised that I didn’t want to use the birth ball or any of the positions we learned in our yoga class. I found myself concentrating on the idea “through.” Go through the pain, not over under or around it. Go through the contraction. My baby was moving through my body, towards my birth canal.
The midwife arrived just after 8pm, I believe expecting to check me and then return home for a while. I told her I wanted her to check me so that I knew I could get into the tub. She told me a little story about a client who was too “in her head” during her birth, and that birth progressed faster when you didn’t try and analyze it. I remember spacing out as she spoke and thinking “You’ve told me this story before! I have to concentrate to explain myself to you, so just hurry up and tell me I can get in the tub!” She checked me and I was 6 cm. She wasn’t going anywhere and I was free to get in the tub!
The water was marvelous. I can’t imagine giving birth on dry land, without the benefit of being weightless and surrounded by warm water. I got out twice to try and pee but only made it all the way to the toilet once- I was too afraid of having a contraction out of the water! I remember laboring with my wife in front of me, out of the tub, and our midwife’s assistant, sitting across from me. I would start to vocalize and my wife would match my sounds, but in lower registers to keep my voice from getting too high. Debbie, the assistant, checked the baby’s heartbeat several times and my pulse a few times, too. I was surprised by the fact that I was really really polite while laboring. I wasn’t trying to be, but I was using my “please” and “thank you’s” with everyone! At one point Debbie told me that I didn’t have to be nice, just tell them what I wanted. But for some reason my monkey brain uses manners. Go figure!
I remember throwing up a little bit of the grape Recharge I was drinking and thinking “This can’t be transition yet, why am I throwing up?” But apparently that was transition because it wasn’t long before I looked at Debbie and said “I feel like I need to push!” To her credit she hid her surprise pretty well, but I caught her raised eyebrow as she went to talk to my midwife, who was napping and listening down the hall. The next contraction was manageable without pushing, but after that I had no choice, I had to push! I had wanted to wait for the go ahead from my midwife because I had it in the back of my head that if I wasn’t fully dilated pushing too early could cause all sorts of problems. I could hear Debbie and Liz down the hall chatting quietly as contraction after contraction demanded I push! I said to my wife “What the f*#$! is with them? Why aren’t they in here with us?!” But I was pushing anyways. I reached down and felt inside my vagina and felt something that was hard as a rock- or what I thought must be a skull. Mind you I felt my other daughter’s head while she was in my wife’s birth canal and it felt completely different, but I was still surprised when what I thought was a skull turned out to be her amniotic sac and burst against my fingers! At that point I was pushing with all my might and didn’t want to stop in between contractions. I reached down again and felt her head and decided that I wanted that baby OUT! I pushed a few more times and her head was out. I reached down and felt her head, covered in soft, fine hair that was waving in the water. It was amazing. And then she moved. I freaked out a bit, never having considered that she could be partway out of my body but still moving around. As she bumped up against my perineum I asked in a panicked voice “Oh my God! Her head is out, what do I do now? It feels like she’s trying to go back in!” My midwife assured me she was stretching me and just to wait for the next contraction. And that she wasn’t going to try and climb back in! Two more pushes and her shoulders and body were out. Amazing.
Just before she was born I said "Don't tell me what time it is, just tell me if it's after midnight." It wasn't. It was 11:34 when she was born. I was really excited that she was born on the 10th, not the 11th. I have a thing for even numbers
The next few days were where things got rough. I had a strange reaction to her birth and my pulse was high, my blood pressure was low, and I couldn’t sleep for three days. I got sick and ended up with a 102 fever, and really badly hurt nipples. I started using a nipple shield and had an in-home visit with a lactation consultant. She wisely advised that I pump and let my wife finger feed her for one feeding each night so I could recover. Unfortunately the combination of the shields and the fever (IMO) lead to supply issues. By two weeks she had only gained 2 oz over her initial loss of almost 10% of her body weight. She wasn’t pooping and her peeing wasn’t satisfactory. So, we decided to supplement with 2oz of formula each day while I pumped and took a lactation tincture. Over the long weekend she gained 6 oz, we got off the nipple shields, and I was able to get a little more milk when I pumped. At our lactation appointment on Tuesday she got almost 2 oz in one feeding- even after her early morning nurseathon. I started on Domperidone and I’m hopeful we won’t have to supplement at all within the next week! I will never ever take breastfeeding for granted.
All in all we're doing great. I couldn't have asked for a better birth experience.
On Friday, May 9th at around 3 am I woke up in bed, having mild but regular contractions about ten minutes apart. They made me smile. That night in the bathtub I had had a conversation with my baby girl and explained that while I wanted her to stay inside of my body as long as she needed to, the next day was her “due date.” I told her we were excited to meet her but that if she stayed in past her due date people would start to pester me about induction and I wanted her to be the one to decide when to arrive. I finished by telling her that I trusted her and my body to birth her safely and when the time was right! At 4am, my older daughter cried out from her room. She had a cold so I decided to go in and giver her Tylenol. As I did that, the contractions stopped for a half-hour. That was discouraging. Following my midwife’s advice, I poured myself a glass of red wine and went back to bed. By 6am the contractions stopped completely and I fell asleep.
On Saturday morning we went to our friend Eli’s third birthday party. Our friends were all disappointed to see me there and still pregnant. After the party we went grocery shopping then came home. At 3pm, while our daughter was napping, I decided to try and lay down for a bit. Almost as soon as I got in bed the contractions started, about 5 minutes apart. I got up and told my wife that I was having contractions and we wondered whether we should alert her folks in case they needed to come get our daughter, or whether it was just a false start again. I called and gave my midwife a heads-up. She told me that I could indeed stall out again, but to watch for when the contractions “changed” and assured me I would know when it was time to call her.
Melissa’s parents came and got our daughter after her nap and I busied myself making a quiche. I remember trying to chop the veggies quickly and trying to organize myself and my thoughts in between contractions. With some relief I popped the quiche in the oven and went upstairs to ask my wife to call the midwife again. I was thinking about getting into the birth tub but I didn’t want to get in too soon for fear of stopping my labor. That was sometime around 6pm. For the next couple of hours I labored upstairs, with my wife. Mostly I wanted to pace in between contractions and push against the wall during them. My wife pushed on my lower back, which was comforting. I was surprised that I didn’t want to use the birth ball or any of the positions we learned in our yoga class. I found myself concentrating on the idea “through.” Go through the pain, not over under or around it. Go through the contraction. My baby was moving through my body, towards my birth canal.
The midwife arrived just after 8pm, I believe expecting to check me and then return home for a while. I told her I wanted her to check me so that I knew I could get into the tub. She told me a little story about a client who was too “in her head” during her birth, and that birth progressed faster when you didn’t try and analyze it. I remember spacing out as she spoke and thinking “You’ve told me this story before! I have to concentrate to explain myself to you, so just hurry up and tell me I can get in the tub!” She checked me and I was 6 cm. She wasn’t going anywhere and I was free to get in the tub!
The water was marvelous. I can’t imagine giving birth on dry land, without the benefit of being weightless and surrounded by warm water. I got out twice to try and pee but only made it all the way to the toilet once- I was too afraid of having a contraction out of the water! I remember laboring with my wife in front of me, out of the tub, and our midwife’s assistant, sitting across from me. I would start to vocalize and my wife would match my sounds, but in lower registers to keep my voice from getting too high. Debbie, the assistant, checked the baby’s heartbeat several times and my pulse a few times, too. I was surprised by the fact that I was really really polite while laboring. I wasn’t trying to be, but I was using my “please” and “thank you’s” with everyone! At one point Debbie told me that I didn’t have to be nice, just tell them what I wanted. But for some reason my monkey brain uses manners. Go figure!
I remember throwing up a little bit of the grape Recharge I was drinking and thinking “This can’t be transition yet, why am I throwing up?” But apparently that was transition because it wasn’t long before I looked at Debbie and said “I feel like I need to push!” To her credit she hid her surprise pretty well, but I caught her raised eyebrow as she went to talk to my midwife, who was napping and listening down the hall. The next contraction was manageable without pushing, but after that I had no choice, I had to push! I had wanted to wait for the go ahead from my midwife because I had it in the back of my head that if I wasn’t fully dilated pushing too early could cause all sorts of problems. I could hear Debbie and Liz down the hall chatting quietly as contraction after contraction demanded I push! I said to my wife “What the f*#$! is with them? Why aren’t they in here with us?!” But I was pushing anyways. I reached down and felt inside my vagina and felt something that was hard as a rock- or what I thought must be a skull. Mind you I felt my other daughter’s head while she was in my wife’s birth canal and it felt completely different, but I was still surprised when what I thought was a skull turned out to be her amniotic sac and burst against my fingers! At that point I was pushing with all my might and didn’t want to stop in between contractions. I reached down again and felt her head and decided that I wanted that baby OUT! I pushed a few more times and her head was out. I reached down and felt her head, covered in soft, fine hair that was waving in the water. It was amazing. And then she moved. I freaked out a bit, never having considered that she could be partway out of my body but still moving around. As she bumped up against my perineum I asked in a panicked voice “Oh my God! Her head is out, what do I do now? It feels like she’s trying to go back in!” My midwife assured me she was stretching me and just to wait for the next contraction. And that she wasn’t going to try and climb back in! Two more pushes and her shoulders and body were out. Amazing.
Just before she was born I said "Don't tell me what time it is, just tell me if it's after midnight." It wasn't. It was 11:34 when she was born. I was really excited that she was born on the 10th, not the 11th. I have a thing for even numbers
The next few days were where things got rough. I had a strange reaction to her birth and my pulse was high, my blood pressure was low, and I couldn’t sleep for three days. I got sick and ended up with a 102 fever, and really badly hurt nipples. I started using a nipple shield and had an in-home visit with a lactation consultant. She wisely advised that I pump and let my wife finger feed her for one feeding each night so I could recover. Unfortunately the combination of the shields and the fever (IMO) lead to supply issues. By two weeks she had only gained 2 oz over her initial loss of almost 10% of her body weight. She wasn’t pooping and her peeing wasn’t satisfactory. So, we decided to supplement with 2oz of formula each day while I pumped and took a lactation tincture. Over the long weekend she gained 6 oz, we got off the nipple shields, and I was able to get a little more milk when I pumped. At our lactation appointment on Tuesday she got almost 2 oz in one feeding- even after her early morning nurseathon. I started on Domperidone and I’m hopeful we won’t have to supplement at all within the next week! I will never ever take breastfeeding for granted.
All in all we're doing great. I couldn't have asked for a better birth experience.
. It sounds like you have support and things are on the way to being resolved, though.
