i suck at gd

[Barbee]

i have never spanked, but i yell. rarely. but, i yell. tonight i yelled louder than i ever have before. everyone we know went to an outside play for our local homeschool kids. there was plenty to do but ds decided to throw a fit and we had to leave. the play had to stop until we were gone and it threw all the kids off. i am embarrassed and when we got into the car, i yelled at him all the way home. i felt frustrated because he wants something totally unreasonable and when i try to talk to him about it, he just starts screaming. there was no chance to put the fire out, it was out of control before it started, so we immediately left before causing even more of a disruption. it was awful. my head hurts. my ds is sad and i feel like the worst mom on the planet.

[allgirls]

I see your son is 2.5..same age as my daughter. Tough age.

don't be embarrassed by your son's behaviour, most people completely understand two year old behavior.

Was he possibly tired? hungry? overstimulated?

And don't be so hard on yourself. It's a hard road sometimes but the payoff is worth it.

[tuppence]

I just wanted to offer a because I was just where you are and I know how stressful it can be. R is just turning 3 now and things are much better but that 2 1/2, 2 3/4 stage was rough and we yelled a lot than I meant to. I felt awful about it and we sat down and came up with some strategies to change our reactions (our mantra--wow, you're being really 2 today!) that worked ok, along with reminding ourselves that it's just a stage. Now that he's 3 (in a week) the yelling has just about stopped and I feel like we're connecting again.

[DevaMajka]

Yeah, I yelled way more for a few months around 2.5 than any other time.
We had MAJOR tantrums in stores a couple times (complete with ds yelling "get your hands off me!") - oh that was fun lol. I was not very nice to him after that. oops.

If it helps any, I yell much less now. It's a lot easier to work with ds now. I don't think the yelling had any negative effects on our relationship.

At that age, I did really start to reevaluate my ideal parenting style. I was striving for CL, but it just wasn't working for me and ds (it works well for dp and ds). When I read Secret of Parenting, and started using some of his ideas for some incidents, I realized that I'm a much gentler parent when I allow myself to just insist sometimes, instead of trying to make everything agreeable to everyone.
SOP made it easier for me to not yell- yelling would defeat the purpose, and his ideas probably wouldn't work as well, yk?

Anyways, not saying that's the answer for you. Just that I had to be willing to reevaluate what was going to work for me, and be open to different parenting styles.

[naupakamama]

This is me right now too. I just moved to a new area and don't know many people and went to a LLL meeting. As the meeting was ending and people were starting to chat - and I really wanted to meet people my 2.5 year old had a complete meltdown. So we left to go home and I yelled outside and fought back so much of what I _wanted_ to say. Then we walked passed a jungle-gym and my DD was suddenly fine "mom, I wanna go to the jungle-gym".

I was ::

I will say that she is nearing 3 now and it is getting much better. The LLL meeting incident is actually rare now.

I hear you on the yelling it is my biggest internal battle. Of course now that my DD is growing up she will say "don't yell at me, don't you ever talk to me like that" and it breaks my heart.

[naupakamama]

I want to add that while I think yelling is not good, there is a difference between yelling to invoke fear and yelling to express emotion. I am coming to terms with the fact that kids should see their parents have the range of emotions and that that is fine. We can't be not upset when we are - that is false and not healthy.

My own dad is a yeller and I was terrified of him (massive anxiety issues that we know now). But I am realizing as I get older that my mom has a short fuse too but I was never scared of her and we are VERY close.

[jaidymama]

First of all, be forgiving and kind to yourself. Because that's where love starts--with yourself. Then make amends with your ds. I think it makes sense to apologize and how you made a mistake. Do some extra cuddle time, and get some rejuvenating time for yourself.

If you believe yelling is wrong, and want to stop, in general, then you need to fill your parenting tool box with all the necessities for you to keep yourself from doing it again. Especially because I'm sure there will be plenty more times in your child's life where your buttons will be pushed. And you'd want to replace the yelling with something better. There is a new book out about yelling that you may want to check out: Screamfree Parenting: The Revolutionary Approach to Raising Your Kids by Keeping Your Cool by Hal Edward Runkel

Something simple... when you feel yourself headed down the road that usually leads to yelling, stop yourself (physically and mentally). Go into another room, ask your family/kids for a moment, do some introspection, say a little mantra or a prayer, count to ten, stand on your head. Just give yourself enough time or change to regroup.

I know I have read a lot of parents here who seem to have it all figured out, and I think it's very real that we are not parenting goddesses. Life is made up of ups and downs, and getting through the down times gracefully is an art form I have yet to master. Best wishes to you and your family.

[Barbee]

mamas.. i just wanted to thank you for your replies. all of your experiences and advice help put it all into perspective. i think i'll order that book.