Secondary Infertility Summer 08 Thread

[crazyrunningmama]

Hi!
I thought we could use a new thread. A few of us find it helpful to have a place to discuss issues particular to secondary infertility. Welcome to all!

[baturay]

There's one for you here:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=882839

[kristenok18]

Thanks for starting the new thread, CrazyRunningMama!

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

Thanks for starting this :-)

[CalebsMome]

Thanks CrazyRunningMama! We're out of town two weeks at a time at work and our server blocks this site. Well, we're trucking along with this month. I go back on Monday to see if my 3 13mm follies have grown any. They are talking about doing an HCG shot, but with three follies all the exact same size, it makes me nervous. I mean, that could be three. Of course, with them all the same size they may all release anyway. Oh well, we said we'd be okay with triplets, we'll see. I posted in TTC 12+ months this:
I agree that the disallusionment with trying and failing comes and goes. We are continuing to try, we're seeing an RE, but I have to say that I just had to release it. We are different in that we do have a child already. For me, it made me feel selfish to be SO devastated about this all the time. We just had to put TTC in a different place and keep it there. No more LH tests and all that stff, we just have to do what we can do, and if it doesn't happen, we've come to terms with it. We've decided how far we are going to go, really finances determines that. Having said that. I have 3 follicles that are at 13mm at day 12. I've never had anything that good. My cycles are 30+ days Clomid or not, so day 12 would be really early for me, SO we're hopeful, but not getting our hopes up. It's hard to explain and I never used to understand what people meant when they said "keep hope but don't get your hopes up." We're there and it's been freeing in many ways. I'm not sure if that makes sense or helps, but it came and went in waves before, so maybe this phase will be short lived. It helped me to put away all the baby stuff that I have been storing in the room that would be the new baby's room since we moved into this house. That room has been like a shrine to the child that may never be for over a year, and I had to let it go. I boxed it all up and put it in the attic. I went through the play room and took out all the toys that are too little for DS any more and put them up too. I was leaving them there for when we had another one. I didn't get rid of them. I just put them out of sight, and it has really helped. I quit looking at so much baby stuff online and fantasizing about how I would do the nursery. We're redoing DS's room right now and he's moving to a twin bed. I've had to just say that "I have no control over this. God is in control. He always has been from the beginning. I just failed to see it, and even if we don't have another child, it doesn't make God less God. I may not understand it, but it's not about me." (no flames, that's my world view and how I get though this.) I also started getting daily e-mail encouragement from Sarah's Laughter (a Christian infertility website). They really helped me get some perspective, and compartmentalize TTC so that I could function. I was about to become non-functional in a lot of ways. I feel better now. I'm not sure if that helps anyone else or not, but maybe. :-D I just thought I'd share as this realization has really helped me not go completely nuts and focus on my son, who incidentally had to have 2 stiches right under his eye Thursday. He has to be wrapped in a sheet and held down by me, DH, and "Helga" the nurse who about cried because DS had a bruise where she had to hold him so tight. Not her fault, he's very, um, strong. I mean at 26 lbs I believe he could take down just about anyone. :-D Don't have to worry about him in a fight.

[rubidoux]

Great topic! taming the crazy out of control ttc emotions. I have also seen it come in waves and I wish more than anything that I could have better control over them. When I'm doing well, I usually don't know how I got there but I'm just happy that's where I am.

For the first couple of years I did ok. Ds was still very young (we started ttc when he was 6 mos -- i used to tell people i'd rather them too close together than too far apart, ugh), and I thought my cycles were probably still off for a while in there, etc. About two years in I started thinking there was something wrong, but it wasn't until we got to three years and Milo weaned that I started feeling devestated. All the sudden everyone I knew was pregnant and some of them were pg a second time since I started ttc. And then for about six or eight months I was just overwhelmed by sadness and hopelessness.

During my first IUI cycle which was two months ago, I was pretty caught up in it in the beginning and then somewhere in there I just let go of it. And I felt good and it was such a relief. I thought that was gonna be it for me, like I had let go and it wasn't going to have that kind of power of me anymore. I was even fine when we got our negative. But this cycle I've been doing another IUI and it was going so much better than my first one and somehow I got caught up again. As happy as I was that I had several big follies going, I was pretty bummed at how much I was caring about it. Now, though, at the beginning of the 2ww, I'm feeling a little more balanced. I hope I can keep it up. There's nothing like a 2ww to mess with your head.

[crazyrunningmama]

rubidoux, good luck with the 2ww. It's so hard. I know what you and Calebsmom both mean about letting it go. It's like it's all you can do. But also (as my therapist says) it's important to let yourself feel what you feel and cry the tears you need to cry. Like I have time for THAT with a toddler, eeeekkkk.

[SoCaliMommy]

rubidoux~ Good luck with the 2WW.

If you are seeing a RE when did you pursue that?

Last month i had a annual pap with a new OB and i told her that i had just had my 3rd m/c and she referred me to a high risk OB.. umm yeah total joke: he took history and then did bloodwork only 4 vials and of course what even tests he did came back fine.
DH is suppost to be making a appt for a physical and he is going to talk to his dr about getting a SA done.

I'm trying to stay hopeful this 2ww,this month makes 11months of ttc with 1 m/c.

[chel]

Hey, I'd like to join you guys.
I've been TTC for 15m with a m/c 10m ago. My Dh isn't completely on board, kinda figures since we don't have a second dc by now, we shouldn't get our hopes up. If it wasn't for the m/c I would probably feel the same way, but since I got pg within 3m of TTC, I have more hope. I have PCOS and Dh had a varicocele (that may or may not be causing problems).
I was on met when I got pg this last time. I think stopping (cold turkey) might have caused the m/c. Ideally I would have liked to get pg without it, but the past 10m kinda nixed that plan. I'm going to start back with in next cycle.
Since Dh doesn't want to "try", that kinda limits my options. I just started using the ClearBlueEasy monitor, but my cycle was too long this month.


Does anyone have issues with their current dc/s being too involved with having a sibling. My dd really wants a sibling and has just learned "all" the details about s e x .

[dburd]

I don't have a clue about the abbreviation. I am going to be 39 next week and have been trying for over a year to have a third child. I have twin boys that just turned 4 years old. I don't know what my next steps should be.

[Julia'sMom]

Originally Posted by dburd

I don't have a clue about the abbreviation. I am going to be 39 next week and have been trying for over a year to have a third child. I have twin boys that just turned 4 years old. I don't know what my next steps should be.

to MDC.

To find out the abbreviations look at the top of the page in the "stickies". There is a thread there defining a lot of them. Before long you'll pick it all up and now I just need to remind myself that my dh (darling husband) doesn't know them.

The ladies on this board are trying a variety of things to help, from charting to herbs to medications and procedures. If we had some idea what you've tried, we might be able to help with possible next steps. Typically after a year, you can see your regular ob/gyn and get a referral to a RE for help. First I'd check if insurance will cover anything. If not, you might want to try some other natural ways first. Check out the first post on the "Infertility One" thread to see where a lot of the ladies are in their journey.

[crazyrunningmama]

Originally Posted by dburd

I don't have a clue about the abbreviation. I am going to be 39 next week and have been trying for over a year to have a third child. I have twin boys that just turned 4 years old. I don't know what my next steps should be.

WELCOME!!! The abbreviations are hard.

General abbreviations used around the boards:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=522590

You could have said you are ttc#3 and you have twin ds's.

Abbreviations specific to fertility/infertility:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=442954

I hope you find the support you need.

[dburd]

Thank you for the welcome. I have had the hsg test and he could see that one side was completely open.. the other he was not so sure but the tube looked clear.. I have also had the test to make sure my husbands swimmers and swimming in the mucus.. FUN.. which was fine.. I don't know how far to push the issue since I really don't want to increase my chances of multiple.. I have twins naturally the first time..

[*violet*]

Hi guys, thanks for starting this thread! It makes me feel better to know I'm not alone. We're on the 2ww right now...but my chart is unpredictable and confusing as always. One thing I'm trying to figure out, and maybe one of you can help me is if you can get a clear positive ovulation from an opk and NOT have a temp. spike. I'm trying to tell myself right now that maybe it's my thermometer or the fact that I've been bed hopping the last few nights with two restless kiddos, but I really don't know what the answer is to this one.

Originally Posted by CalebsMome

I'm not sure if that makes sense or helps, but it came and went in waves before, so maybe this phase will be short lived. It helped me to put away all the baby stuff that I have been storing in the room that would be the new baby's room since we moved into this house. That room has been like a shrine to the child that may never be for over a year, and I had to let it go. I boxed it all up and put it in the attic. I went through the play room and took out all the toys that are too little for DS any more and put them up too. I was leaving them there for when we had another one. I didn't get rid of them. I just put them out of sight, and it has really helped.

You know, CalebsMom, I just did the same thing this week (before reading your post). We took down the crib that has never been used anyway, the changing table, the baby toys and all of the bins of baby clothes that were sitting in our baby room that was technically ds2's but we never really used it anyway. It made me sad, but also happy in a way. It's nice not to walk past the room 20 times a day and feel awful about the baby I want so much. I felt like I was taking control, if that makes sense.

[crazyrunningmama]

help with lies

Okay, I feel stupid and rather guilty about this, but you are the only folks who really get it.... in brief: I am about to start an IVF cycle and I don't tell, even my family. Only two of my friends know and one has her own small kids. What the heck am I going to do with my 2 year old dd when I go for ER and ET? When I went for my consult/teach, a good friend watched her and I lead her to believe I was going for an HSG (told her it was such an awful test I needed dh's support) I will need to make up a reason to ask someone to babysit (my dh and I both work but we juggle childcare between us). I can't think of a good reason why dh and I would have to go to a dr's appointment and get a babysitter. We only ask close friends or family to watch her, and we don't have a back up daycare or "real" babysitter. Perhaps this is silly to obsess about, but I am trying know to clear away stressors from my mind before I actually start the cycle.

[kristenok18]

Originally Posted by *violet*

Hi guys, thanks for starting this thread! It makes me feel better to know I'm not alone. We're on the 2ww right now...but my chart is unpredictable and confusing as always. One thing I'm trying to figure out, and maybe one of you can help me is if you can get a clear positive ovulation from an opk and NOT have a temp. spike. I'm trying to tell myself right now that maybe it's my thermometer or the fact that I've been bed hopping the last few nights with two restless kiddos, but I really don't know what the answer is to this one.\

It's possible that your temps are off, but it's more likely that you're body geared up to ovulate and then for some reason, it didn't happen. I always second guess myself, too, and then later when I get a very clear temperature shift, I get really frustrated because we didn't time bd anywhere close to where it needed to be. Also, can the friend with kids help out? It could be a playdate for the kids while you're doing your appts.


crazyrunningmama- do you need to tell them a specific reason why you are at the appt? Or will they pry if not given enough info? You could just say that you're having some fertility testing/procedures done and leave it at that if they are not the type to push further. Or can you say you have an appt regarding something else, and just say that dh has a meeting that he can't get out of? You can also tell your friend that dd is getting to the age where it's harder to have her in appts. Hopefully you'll find a way to keep the questions at bay!

[Perdita_in_Ontario]

CRM - not stupid - I think it's actually pretty common. We were in the same boat.

In the worst case scenario - I did both ERs without DH there. Both fell on the weekend and he looked after DD. He dropped me off and picked me up of course, but he didn't stay for the procedure. Frankly, it didn't bother me at all - in fact I would easily do it again. The nurses at our clinic are marvelously supportive and in some ways I didn't mind just zoning into my own little 'place'. ET - we brought DD and he wasn't going to go into the room for that either - she was welcome in the recovery room so they hung out with me beforehand and then I was going to go in alone - at the last minute (think I told this story already) the embryologist suggested her 11-year-old could watch her in the recovery room - it was only a 10-minute procedure and the nurses kept an eye through the door. We were lucky that there were no other couples scheduled that day! It also helps that DH doesn't have to 'produce' on the day because we are using TESA sperm. But it was manageable, and it wouldn't have bothered me if he couldn't come in.

It's not an easy situation...

[Pica]

Originally Posted by crazyrunningmama

I can't think of a good reason why dh and I would have to go to a dr's appointment and get a babysitter.

I've been to the "dentist" ... A LOT. My teeth are terrible!

Sometimes DH goes to drive me because I have to get gas ...

My story is very similar to many of you, I don't post much but thought I'd come out of lurking for this one!

[crazyrunningmama]

Originally Posted by Pica

I've been to the "dentist" ... A LOT. My teeth are terrible!

Sometimes DH goes to drive me because I have to get gas ...

My story is very similar to many of you, I don't post much but thought I'd come out of lurking for this one!

Super!!! I feel a root canal coming on... that way I would also have an explanation for sending dh in to pick her up while I moan in the car. Thank you!

[Julia'sMom]

I appreciate the discussions about childcare since I too am in a similar situation. In fact, it might be even worse than that. My dd's daycare (home daycare) is closed for 2 weeks in July and my parents are coming to watch her for a few days so I can work. Well, if I stim quickly that may very well be the same time as my ER or ET. So, while childcare will be taken care of, I might have to share my situation with my family, which is definately not my first choice. I'm trying to think of soemthign else that could account for me needing to rest and recuperate that isn't too serious, as to alleviate any concerns. Any ideas? Especially since the ET may be very close to my dh's family reuion, which we are hosting. I need a good reason to sit on my butt and not work much without alarming anyone.