Thanks CrazyRunningMama! We're out of town two weeks at a time at work and our server blocks this site. Well, we're trucking along with this month. I go back on Monday to see if my 3 13mm follies have grown any. They are talking about doing an HCG shot, but with three follies all the exact same size, it makes me nervous. I mean, that could be three. Of course, with them all the same size they may all release anyway. Oh well, we said we'd be okay with triplets, we'll see. I posted in TTC 12+ months this:
I agree that the disallusionment with trying and failing comes and goes. We are continuing to try, we're seeing an RE, but I have to say that I just had to release it. We are different in that we do have a child already. For me, it made me feel selfish to be SO devastated about this all the time. We just had to put TTC in a different place and keep it there. No more LH tests and all that stff, we just have to do what we can do, and if it doesn't happen, we've come to terms with it. We've decided how far we are going to go, really finances determines that. Having said that. I have 3 follicles that are at 13mm at day 12. I've never had anything that good. My cycles are 30+ days Clomid or not, so day 12 would be really early for me, SO we're hopeful, but not getting our hopes up. It's hard to explain and I never used to understand what people meant when they said "keep hope but don't get your hopes up." We're there and it's been freeing in many ways. I'm not sure if that makes sense or helps, but it came and went in waves before, so maybe this phase will be short lived. It helped me to put away all the baby stuff that I have been storing in the room that would be the new baby's room since we moved into this house. That room has been like a shrine to the child that may never be for over a year, and I had to let it go. I boxed it all up and put it in the attic. I went through the play room and took out all the toys that are too little for DS any more and put them up too. I was leaving them there for when we had another one. I didn't get rid of them. I just put them out of sight, and it has really helped. I quit looking at so much baby stuff online and fantasizing about how I would do the nursery. We're redoing DS's room right now and he's moving to a twin bed. I've had to just say that "I have no control over this. God is in control. He always has been from the beginning. I just failed to see it, and even if we don't have another child, it doesn't make God less God. I may not understand it, but it's not about me." (no flames, that's my world view and how I get though this.) I also started getting daily e-mail encouragement from Sarah's Laughter (a Christian infertility website). They really helped me get some perspective, and compartmentalize TTC so that I could function. I was about to become non-functional in a lot of ways. I feel better now. I'm not sure if that helps anyone else or not, but maybe. :-D I just thought I'd share as this realization has really helped me not go completely nuts and focus on my son, who incidentally had to have 2 stiches right under his eye Thursday. He has to be wrapped in a sheet and held down by me, DH, and "Helga" the nurse who about cried because DS had a bruise where she had to hold him so tight. Not her fault, he's very, um, strong. I mean at 26 lbs I believe he could take down just about anyone. :-D Don't have to worry about him in a fight.