Originally Posted by Pookietooth
Can I join you ladies? We have been TTC#2 on and off for over a year, and never used b/c at all after ds was born in 2003. I have PCOS, and used fertility drugs to conceive ds (Repronex). This time around, I've done clomid (even though it didn't work before) as well as Femara and finally Follistim. I had a m/c after the first round of Follistim, and this second round I'm just having a period, although I saw some white tissue in my flow that may have been a tiny embryo. I am 42, will be 43 in December, so my time is running short. I am pretty down about it right now. So sad that my ds doesn't have a sibling.
I think for me, IF the second time around is harder, because before I could avoid, for the most part, being around babies, pregnant women, and the like (since I had no kids and was working full time). OK, so I actually had two coworkers who were pregnant at one point during my IF treatments, but it was somehow different because my focus was on my work and I could sort of avoid them. Now, though, I am around moms all the time when taking ds to the park, to playgroups, to the coop preschool, and it just is so painful for me to see them. For some reason, I get extra upset when I see a parent hit their child or something else I don't support -- I think "I could be that baby's mama and I would never do that -- why didn't that mama get the PCOS not me?" That is really ugly, isn't it?
I haven't posted in this thread in an age and tbh I have been lurking a bit recently as we are on a kinda 'pause' - see sig.
But I just read your post and couldn't not empathise
. My DD was born in 2003 and definitely I find second time round IF very difficult, just as you say you're around preg ladies, babies etc all the time and life just can't stop for our DC. It breaks my heart every single second of every single day, but DD is my strength to keep going. Also as for 'really ugly' about being upset by seeing another parent doing something you don't support & that you could be a better mamma, I suppose it could be seen as 'ugly' but I think it is very natural. It has happened to me recently with my BF and we haven't seen her since she announced she was pg again as all I could think was dread on the behalf of that child (that sounds awful) but her & her DH are definitely of the belief 'spare the rod & spoil the child' - their DS is only just 2 and *I* believe lives in fear of his parents. He actually asked me for a hug one day when he saw me cuddling DD for no reason other that she was in a room full of realtive strangers & needed some reassurance. Now, not everyone would agree that the gentle, compassionate etc way of raising children is right but I know her kids would be enjoying childhood relatively carefree, as I believe they should, if they parented in a less aggressive manner.
Sorry to have gone completely off topic, but just couldn't not share that I find myself with the same feelings frequently.
BTW I'm not claiming to be a flawless parent!
Anyway, hope your journey to #2 isn't too much longer.