I'm doing GD, Now What?

[jaidymama]

I find that I have been committed to doing GD all along, and yet now that my son is 3.5 he's growing into a different kind of child than what I know how to handle because my impulses aren't always GD because that's not how I was raised.

So I'm wondering, here I am raising my child up in this way, what am I to expect from him as he grows up to 7, 10, 16? I mean, I like cooperation obedience on some levels... I mean when people compliment me that my child is well behaved, I LIKE those compliments. But what is the bigger picture? Where is the balance when he already believes he can do anything he wants to.

I guess I just feel like I've set him on this path and I feel like I have to "chase" after him to know how to parent him. And I don't like not knowing how to respond or what to say or do in the heat of a moment.

I have a stack of books here, but no time to read them. Are there cliff notes? What does a 6, 10, 16 yo GD child look like/behave/respond?

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by jaidymama

But what is the bigger picture? Where is the balance when he already believes he can do anything he wants to.

I'm not sure I understand this -- is he behaving as if he has no boundaries or is he just a typical 3 year old with a "king of the hill" mentality? The 3 year mentality does get better. And I don't think that you'll find anyone on this board whose children exist without boundaries. It's really a question of what approach people take to making the boundaries clear to their child.

Originally Posted by jaidymama

I mean, I like cooperation obedience on some levels...

Don't we all!

The key for me is that I want my child to be able to cooperate because they understand WHY it's a good idea, or because their own inner sense of morality tells them it's a good idea. I don't want them to blindly follow someone else because that's not a good idea. I want them to think.

But to get a thinking child, you have to let them think. You have to let them make mistakes. You have to talk about what you're thinking and why, and give them a chance to practice those skills.

Example: We had some end of the year school events tonight and so it was 8:55 and the kids still hadn't gotten ready for bed. I'd given a 5 minute warning, but when I said "ok, it's pajama time", ds (7) responded "No!" and then he added "I was just about to hang some stuff up on the wall." I suggested that he get his pjs on quickly and then hang his stuff up, and he agreed. Now, 3 years ago, he wouldn't have been able to explain his reason for exclaiming NO when he'd already had a warning. Now he can. AND he chose a snack that he could eat WHILE hanging his pictures up because at some level he understood the need to not drag out bedtime.

Do I always get this level of cooperation? No. But as my kids get older, it gets better. Am I always as level headed (or maybe just slow) as to not overreact when my kids announce "no!" Of course not. My stress level definitely plays in to things.

But I think you need to have faith that this is the right path. That your years of empathy and respect will be returned eventually as your child gets older.

Originally Posted by jaidymama

I have a stack of books here, but no time to read them. Are there cliff notes?

Check out some of the stickies at the top of the board. There are some good websites, I think.

Also a really good book for getting phrases for the "heat of the moment" kinds of things is "How to Talk So Children Will Listen". It has the benefit that every point of each chapter is illustrated in cartoon-like manner. Get a copy and put it in your bathroom. Even if you only read 2 minutes a day, it'll help.

[DaytonsMom]

Also a really good book for getting phrases for the "heat of the moment" kinds of things is "How to Talk So Children Will Listen". It has the benefit that every point of each chapter is illustrated in cartoon-like manner. Get a copy and put it in your bathroom. Even if you only read 2 minutes a day, it'll help.[/QUOTE]

I second this book! Great and easy read. Really helped me already! Good Luck for me i think the biggest thing is being patient, and trusting yourself and you child.