What would you do? I'm feeling a bit lost.
A little background...
My SIL is approx 7 months pregnant with her first child. I really do not like my brother (the words, despise and hate would not be too strong) but he and I tolerate (barely) each other for the sake of my father. My brother is extremely arrogant who thinks the world owes him because of his birth order. He thinks my father should value my DS less as he was born to a girl and does not carry the "family name" - My father feels differently regarding this and loves my DS regardless. He is violent, hot tempered and a compulsive liar. There is a whole crapload of history but it would take too long to explain it all.
I'm unsure how or if I should approach my SIL. I live in another province from them and rarely see them as it is, as they are very low on my "people whom I'd like to see while visiting" list.
She is throwing herself a baby shower in June which I will not be attending. This shower will have beer served as she gets it for free from her work. It is a gift grab and quite obviously so. My mother would not attend if she did not feel she was obligated to do so.
SIL is young, immature, naive, materialistic, vain and very much into keeping up with the Joneses (sp?). They both love to have the spotlight on them and will behave in ways you cannot imagine if the spotlight is on someone else (my wedding day was one such memorable event). They announced their pregnancy to everyone when she was only 5 weeks. They gloated and laughed that friends of theirs had just lost their baby at 13 weeks and they thought it would be so much harder to get pregnant.
I believe they are in some financial trouble but we are unlikely to hear anything until things are beyond repair. My dad will inevitably bail them out by refinancing his home again
Back in December, SIL had said to me that she wanted a homebirth and was getting a midwife. Needless to say, I was both shocked and impressed as this was not in her character. It seems now that she is having a planned c-section (for what reasons I do not know) - Hollywood perhaps??? My mother is a strong advocate for BF and has asked her point blank whether she intends to BF. SIL's answer was a half-hearted "I'm going to try."
I do not think she has any support or decent information regarding BF. I do not think she has done any research as to what to expect. She has not asked me a single question but knows that DS (2.5 y/o) breastfeeds. I do not think she will BF beyond the first obstacle. She is the type to take her doctor's advice as gospel and not question anything. My brother has made numerous negative remarks to me about DS's extended BF. I'm afraid she will be F/T FF upon discharge from the hospital.
I don't know what to do. Is she worth my time and effort? I'm pretty certain it would be like talking to a brick wall. I have so much support, information, education and experience I can offer but would all this energy be better spent on a mama who really wants it all to work???
THANK GOD they are having a girl and the circ debate does not need to be discussed. I am certain they would have circ'd had it been a boy.
Help. What would you do?
LP
A little background...
My SIL is approx 7 months pregnant with her first child. I really do not like my brother (the words, despise and hate would not be too strong) but he and I tolerate (barely) each other for the sake of my father. My brother is extremely arrogant who thinks the world owes him because of his birth order. He thinks my father should value my DS less as he was born to a girl and does not carry the "family name" - My father feels differently regarding this and loves my DS regardless. He is violent, hot tempered and a compulsive liar. There is a whole crapload of history but it would take too long to explain it all.
I'm unsure how or if I should approach my SIL. I live in another province from them and rarely see them as it is, as they are very low on my "people whom I'd like to see while visiting" list.
She is throwing herself a baby shower in June which I will not be attending. This shower will have beer served as she gets it for free from her work. It is a gift grab and quite obviously so. My mother would not attend if she did not feel she was obligated to do so.
SIL is young, immature, naive, materialistic, vain and very much into keeping up with the Joneses (sp?). They both love to have the spotlight on them and will behave in ways you cannot imagine if the spotlight is on someone else (my wedding day was one such memorable event). They announced their pregnancy to everyone when she was only 5 weeks. They gloated and laughed that friends of theirs had just lost their baby at 13 weeks and they thought it would be so much harder to get pregnant.
I believe they are in some financial trouble but we are unlikely to hear anything until things are beyond repair. My dad will inevitably bail them out by refinancing his home again
Back in December, SIL had said to me that she wanted a homebirth and was getting a midwife. Needless to say, I was both shocked and impressed as this was not in her character. It seems now that she is having a planned c-section (for what reasons I do not know) - Hollywood perhaps??? My mother is a strong advocate for BF and has asked her point blank whether she intends to BF. SIL's answer was a half-hearted "I'm going to try."
I do not think she has any support or decent information regarding BF. I do not think she has done any research as to what to expect. She has not asked me a single question but knows that DS (2.5 y/o) breastfeeds. I do not think she will BF beyond the first obstacle. She is the type to take her doctor's advice as gospel and not question anything. My brother has made numerous negative remarks to me about DS's extended BF. I'm afraid she will be F/T FF upon discharge from the hospital.
I don't know what to do. Is she worth my time and effort? I'm pretty certain it would be like talking to a brick wall. I have so much support, information, education and experience I can offer but would all this energy be better spent on a mama who really wants it all to work???
THANK GOD they are having a girl and the circ debate does not need to be discussed. I am certain they would have circ'd had it been a boy.
Help. What would you do?
LP
:
for being in this dynamic in the first place. (something's wrong with that sentence, but I'm too tired to figure it out)
: Sometimes people surprise you. I know some who is pregnant who I didn't expect to be super apish, but she's been excited to accept (and READ) every book I've given/lent her. I'm not used to people listening to me I guess 
All you can do is try in the way that seems most appropriate, and sometimes you just have to let it go.
and mayhaps a year subscription to Mothering? She may just like having something to read during her "me" time in the bathtub after the baby comes.
