My SIL is about as mainstream as they come... (long) - Page 2

[CellarDoor]

send her the loaner books before she gives birth (so she has time to read them) and send her the link for celebrity baby blog...the woman who runs it is AP and always features celebs who do AP stuff (and other celebs too...)

[nataliebassoon]

Wow, I hear so much negativity coming from you that I seriously doubt whether you could be a positive influence for your SIL by talking to her. I agree with the other posters- send her a book and do your best to be a good role model.

[Britishmum]

I don't honestly see what is the problem with the shower? I think it would be nice of you to go, and to go with an open mind and heart. Any baby deserves celebrating, whether it's with beer, champagne or orange juice.

If you aren't prepared to go to her shower, then honestly, I don't think you have a relationship with her, so I'd forget trying to 'educate' her. If she makes choices that are different to yours, her baby will still (presumably) be loved and cherished.

If you truly want to be part of the life of your niece and want the best for her, then you should go to the shower with a lovely gift, which could include an AP book if you wish, but should not be designed to 'educate'. Gifts should be given from the heart, not as a means to try to persuade the other person to agree with your own opinions, imo.

I can understand that you don't want a relationship with your brother, but I think you need to make a choice - whether to maintain a relationship with your SIL for its own sake, or whether you are just too different to get along, and let it drop.

[Britishmum]

Originally Posted by indiemamma

Let it go - in a few years when the kids are older, there will be an obvious difference during family get-togethers. You do the right thing. This is one of those situations where its not your problem how they raise their baby.

Sorry its such a lame situation, though!

Do you mean that the OP's AP'd children will be better behaved, or different in some way than those of the SIL, if they are raised more mainstream? If that's what you meant, I don't think we can assume any such thing. Children are children, and there are all sorts of personalities that shine through, regardless of breastfeeding, cosleeping, or any other methods of raising them.

I think we seriously delude ourselves if we believe that our AP lifestyle will lead to us having kids who will outshine those who are raised by more mainstream parents. This is something that bugs me sometimes about AP parents - that they assume that their kid's friendliness/confidence/'good' behavior/good eating habits/fill-in-the-blank are due to their wonderful AP practices, and that other children's 'faults' are due to their parents' mainstream ones. IME this is really flawed thinking.

IMO the differences that AP lifestyle choices make to a child are not something that can be measured or readily observed. The same goes for mainstream affects on children, except in the most extreme cases, like severe discipline or detachment.

Apologies if this was not your meaning.

[LittlePeanut]

Originally Posted by nataliebassoon

Wow, I hear so much negativity coming from you that I seriously doubt whether you could be a positive influence for your SIL by talking to her. I agree with the other posters- send her a book and do your best to be a good role model.

Umm thanks but the background was intended to give insight into our relationship and understand why helping her may not be so easy. I am not a negative person by nature and admittedly, he does not bring the best out in me but I find your post very judgemental and condescending.

LP

[LittlePeanut]

Originally Posted by Britishmum

I don't honestly see what is the problem with the shower? I think it would be nice of you to go, and to go with an open mind and heart. Any baby deserves celebrating, whether it's with beer, champagne or orange juice.

I am not going since not only do I live over 3 hours by PLANE away but I will be in another country (an additional 6 hours by plane) spreading the ashes of my MIL. It has nothing to do with the beer being served.

The beer comment was only added to explain who they are since no one here knows them... They will not give anything if there is nothing in it for themselves. They will complain about the gifts given to them at this event as they did with their wedding if they do not feel it's up to par.

I realize that everyone can only know as much info as I have offered up and this is why I felt some background info was necessary (even if it is indirectly pertinent to BF)... To set the stage, so to speak.

Thank you to all who offered positive ideas and input on what I should do as that's exactly what I had asked for.

LP

[boingo82]

If gloating about miscarriages and valuing children based on the family name is "mainstream", heaven help us all.

[Britishmum]

Originally Posted by LittlePeanut

I am not going since not only do I live over 3 hours by PLANE away but I will be in another country (an additional 6 hours by plane) spreading the ashes of my MIL. It has nothing to do with the beer being served,

OK, that wasn't clear in your OP. It sounded like you werent' going because you don't approve of her organizing her own shower and serving beer.

My advice was I think positive, and was meant to indicate what I think you should do.

Given that you are going to be in another country, my advice would now be to send a lovely letter and a gift, maybe including a Sears book, but make the gift one from the heart for your new niece because you want to give the gift, not because you want to educate your SIL.

[SkiMama36]

Originally Posted by Britishmum

Do you mean that the OP's AP'd children will be better behaved, or different in some way than those of the SIL, if they are raised more mainstream? If that's what you meant, I don't think we can assume any such thing. Children are children, and there are all sorts of personalities that shine through, regardless of breastfeeding, cosleeping, or any other methods of raising them.

I think we seriously delude ourselves if we believe that our AP lifestyle will lead to us having kids who will outshine those who are raised by more mainstream parents. This is something that bugs me sometimes about AP parents - that they assume that their kid's friendliness/confidence/'good' behavior/good eating habits/fill-in-the-blank are due to their wonderful AP practices, and that other children's 'faults' are due to their parents' mainstream ones. IME this is really flawed thinking.
IMO the differences that AP lifestyle choices make to a child are not something that can be measured or readily observed. The same goes for mainstream affects on children, except in the most extreme cases, like severe discipline or detachment.

Apologies if this was not your meaning.

AMEN! You articulated what I've been thinking for a long time....Thank you, thank you, thank you!