What to reply to MIL....?

[Denali]

Hi everyone,

I need some advice

My MIL is driving me crazy. My son is almost 13 months old, and almost from the beginning, she was pushing unacceptable "advice" (such as wanting me to give him rice cereal at 4 WEEKS of age, or recommending "a beer a day" to build up milk supply, wondering how long "one should nurse", etc.)

Mainly, I have been ignoring her, and I'm still happily nursing.

But now I have a problem (sorry, long introduction):
My son has 4 upper and 4 lower teeth, and several weeks ago his upper front teeth started to get "dark spots" on the bottom. He is very difficult to handle for teeth brushing, so I worry about cavities. I tried to make an appointment with a pediatric dentist but haven't managed to get in yet (there's only one in our area, and we have an appointment "just to fill out paperwork" next week.....who knows when the "real appointment" will be). Meanwhile the dark spots are getting worse.

Now, the reason why I'm posting here:
Today my MIL called me, asked about my son's teeth and the dentist, and then proceeded to tell me that she read/heard somewhere that "nursing causes this rotting of the teeth" :

I was shocked/dumbfounded......I know that pretty much all my in-laws think that it's about/past time to wean my son (she dismisses the studies about the advantages of breastfeeding for mother and child as nonsense), but to tell me - essentially -that his teeth problems are MY fault....? That hurt

Do you have any good comeback, or other advice....?
I will see her a week from tomorrow for my birthday, and I'd like to be better prepared than today on the phone

Thanks,

Charlie

[stormborn]

You can "borrow" my ped dentist who assures me that even night nursing doesn't cause rot. If you crosspost in the dental forum I bet someone can link you to studies too.

I would just keep ignoring her though; I know with my MIL any response I give just seems to buy me more of her unwelcome opinions.

[tallulahma]

Originally Posted by stormborn

You can "borrow" my ped dentist who assures me that even night nursing doesn't cause rot. If you crosspost in the dental forum I bet someone can link you to studies too.

I would just keep ignoring her though; I know with my MIL any response I give just seems to buy me more of her unwelcome opinions.

My pediatric orthodontist said this same thing.

He said it is mostly genetics...

sorry you are dealing with a "know it all"... my mother is exactly the same, i have found ignoring/not talking to her at all about this stuff is best. Any "info" I past to her was me "freaking out on her"..

GL

[shllywlly]

My DS has the same problem with his teeth and he was formula fed. My DD is 17 months still nursing and no black spots on her teeth. We took DS to the dentist and he said his teeth were fine. It was just some staining and nothing to be worried about.

[mommabear207]

I also hear its staining and that only formula causes rot. She must have misread/misinterpeted formula &juice rot to included BF. BF is ok on teeth, prehaps its a new food or juice staining?
while you could print off articles and lists of the benefits of BF it sounds like they would fall on deaf ears. So you'll prob. just have to ignore her and do what feels right to you. You could try telling her that you'd appreciate her support and that a lot of things have changed since her days of raising babies. i.e. it use to be on tummy to sleep and now its back to sleep. Same w' statrting foods early now it may cause digestion problems and higher incidence of allergies. She might not know how to apporach you when she was taught diffently - to her you are saying "what you did is wrong"/" you don't know what you are talking about". so maybe try to answer her with why you want to do it your way and why not the other way and if that doesn't convince her remember that you have to do what you feel is right and she had her chance to do things her way and she should respect that. (sometimes saying that offends them a little at first but its true and they know it and will usually be more understanding and /or back off. she may just want to be included. good luck! i know what you're facing!

[JBaxter]

He is ONLY 13 months old. If he has issues with his teeth it has to be a genetic issue. Every baby I know still has a boob ( or bottle) at that age so tell your MIL to bug off( or dentist if they suggest that). I was a hygienst for a long time ( 16yrs) and only a hand full of times did I see bottle decay and it was always that from a bottle usuaully filled with crap ( soda , chocolate milk, Koolaid) In all the years I worked I dont think I ever saw breast milk decay it was always bottle that children had a 3 or 4yrs old

I hope its only stain or a little tartar that needs taken off. It is possible for little ones that young to get stain and or tartar.

[PatioGardener]

Genetics, which must come from you DH's side since your family has perfect teeth.

[PatioGardener]

And for your peace of mind, here is a great article by Dr. Brian Palmer, a breastfeeding friendly dentist:
http://www.brianpalmerdds.com/bfeed_caries.htm

[Denali]

Originally Posted by PatioGardener

Genetics, which must come from you DH's side since your family has perfect teeth.

LOL....good one

Thanks everyone!!!

I did print the article from the link (marked the main sentences in red and bold ) and will hand it to her.......maybe that'll at least show her that I'm not alone in my opinions.

And yes, I do agree that at least part of the problem is "generational".....in her days things were just done differently and they didn't have as much information as we have today (her YOUNGEST child is 46 years old, her oldest almost 60!) Oh well....since she already had six other grandchildren before our son came along, she usually doesn't take that much interest in him Maybe (novelty has worn off...?), thus I don't get her "advice" that often

But yesterday I was just really ticked about her insinuation that the teeth problems might be caused by my "excessive nursing".....I am sooo careful with everything, besides nursing he doesn't get anything with sugar, if he has a bottle, there's only water in it, no sugared juices, etc. So I guess I just was a bit sensitive to her "suggestion"

Maybe I'll also use some of mommabear's wording next time ("you have to do what you feel is right and she had her chance to do things her way and she should respect that")....we'll see what she says to that

Again, thanks everyone for your input and support...I feel much better already
(And I also hope that it's only staining....even though it does not look like it )

Take care,

Charlie

[jrose_lee]

Weston A. Price was a dentist who did HUGE studies on teeth. He traveled the world and discovered that it is all about nutrition and genetics. Basically, you inherit the previous generations nutritional state and the health of your teeth is based on that. Many tribes around the world didn't brush at all, but ate VERY healthy and no processed food etc. NO cavities, no nothing. Maybe some food in the teeth, but a white healthy smile. It is ALL about nutrition over generations and generations (even if you had fed ds very healthy and ate extremely healthy yourself.....it takes 4 generations I believe of very healthy eating to help I think...)

Anyway...I'm just basically saying that he has proven through his research around the world that it is nutritional degeneration for years and years that causes problems with teeth. It has absolutely nothing to do with your wonderful healthy and life giving breastmilk....day, night or otherwise

http://westonaprice.org/

http://www.ppnf.org/catalog/ppnf/

[paquerette]

Is there any fluoride in your water? Fluorosis causes brown spots. http://www.fluoridealert.org/dental-fluorosis.htm

Whatever it is, it's certainly not from breastmilk.

[Denali]

No, we have our own well, no fluoride there

Thanks, you two,as well. I am definitely better armed now for the next "stand-off" with my MIL....and I just hope that I'll be able to get an appointment with the dentist sometime soon. I've been waiting for a month already, just for the appointment "to go over paperwork" (they refused to let me fill it out and bring/fax it in, they apparently do an "interview"). :

Thanks,
Charlie

[lacysmommy]

What it COULD be is sugar from foods mixed with breastmilk (since you said it is difficult brushing his teeth) that is causing possible decay. My DD2 had the same dark spots, showing up at the same age, and despite early treatment (with an incompitent dentist), she now she has two fewer teeth in the front and she just had $1300 worth of dental work done two weeks ago. I'm not sure if in her case nursing was the culprit, but my DD1 had the exact same decay, to a lesser degree, but she nightweaned when I was pregnant around 14/15 months of age. DD2 did not nightwean until after I decided to nightwean her at about 21 months of age. I also have to pin her down with my legs over her arms and her head locked between my legs. I hate to do that, but seriously, her teeth already have so much damage I can't not brush them, you know?

In my kids' cases, it is probably genetic, as DH has terrible teeth as well. My teeth are totally fine.

Breastmilk by itself won't cause cavities. It is when it mixes with food that it will. I'm not saying any of this to agree with your MIL (because I don't-- I think she was very insensitive and I would have been hurt, too), but to let you know my story so that your son's teeth don't suffer like my daughter's did. FWIW, I still nurse my DD to sleep, but I only nurse her to sleep after brushing her teeth. I brush her teeth about 3-4 times a day now, and she still hates it, and tries to get away every time.

I'm sorry, I know you didn't ask for advice about your son's teeth, but I've BTDT and couldn't not share what I've been through with you. She just went under general anesthesia two weeks ago for this, so it's still really fresh in my mind.

[go0ber]

lol i would do something passive-aggressive like say, "oh that's an old wives' tale," sort of emphasizing the "OLD" part and hope that the point i got across was, "you are a dinosaur and there's new information out there so how about you stfu." but i dunno. my MIL has issues with her age and dh wants to teach ds to call her something like "granny" when he is old enough to talk just so that she feels old. lol. fortunately she is very supportive of breastfeeding. not sure about EBF but that's a ways off anyway.

[Denali]

Originally Posted by lacysmommy

Breastmilk by itself won't cause cavities. It is when it mixes with food that it will.

Oh my gosh....you story does sound very familiar.....and I have always mixed the solids with breast milk, plus the nursing......

I am really scared now about what the dentist will find. You can watch the spots getting worse from day to day

I went to that stupid "paperwork appointment" at the dentist's office today (still don't understand why I couldn't have filled that stuff out 4 weeks ago), and got the earliest possible appointment for him afterwards.....which is July 18!! This is crazy......his teeth might be rotting away, and they won't see him anytime soon

Originally Posted by lacysmommy

I'm sorry, I know you didn't ask for advice about your son's teeth, but I've BTDT and couldn't not share what I've been through with you. She just went under general anesthesia two weeks ago for this, so it's still really fresh in my mind.

Thanks for sharing your story with me. If you have any other info, details, advice, etc., please send me a message, I'd appreciate it

[Denali]

Originally Posted by go0ber

say, "oh that's an old wives' tale," sort of emphasizing the "OLD" part and hope that the point i got across was, "you are a dinosaur and there's new information out there so how about you stfu."

Lol.....I like that one, too

[sapphire_chan]

Probably a silly question here, but do they have finger toothbrushes for babies like they do for cats and dogs? Something where you can just kind of prod your finger around gently in their mouths and loosen up things stuck in the cracks?

[dds07]

do a search for this on www.kellymom.com it has a whole section with articles and everything dedicated to the topic HTH

[_betsy_]

They do have finger toothbrushes.

Worked well for us right up until DD realized if she bit down, it hurt me!

To ward off any further comment by MIL, how about something like "Oh, speaking of his teeth, I've been meaning to ask you - everything I've been able to research says it has nothing to do with the breatmilk and it's all about genetics - and my side of the family has great teeth and never any oral problems, so what about your side?"

It makes it her son's issue as much as your own, and maybe it'd get her to shut up about it?

[julie128]

Originally Posted by Denali

No, we have our own well, no fluoride there

Thanks, you two,as well. I am definitely better armed now for the next "stand-off" with my MIL....and I just hope that I'll be able to get an appointment with the dentist sometime soon. I've been waiting for a month already, just for the appointment "to go over paperwork" (they refused to let me fill it out and bring/fax it in, they apparently do an "interview"). :

Thanks,
Charlie

There might be naturally occuring flouride in your water, but then, you'd see spots on your teeth, too.

As a PP said, diet, and the diet of our immediate ancestors play a big role in the health of our teeth, not just our overall health.