What to reply to MIL....? - Page 2

[Denali]

Originally Posted by dds07

do a search for this on www.kellymom.com it has a whole section with articles and everything dedicated to the topic HTH

Thanks, will do

Originally Posted by _betsy_

To ward off any further comment by MIL, how about something like "Oh, speaking of his teeth, I've been meaning to ask you - everything I've been able to research says it has nothing to do with the breatmilk and it's all about genetics - and my side of the family has great teeth and never any oral problems, so what about your side?"
It makes it her son's issue as much as your own, and maybe it'd get her to shut up about it?

Hah....I talked to MIL on the phone today, and just started to mention that I read that it could be genetics and such....and she beat me to the punch with the statement "well, it can't be from MY side of the family....my kids never had any problems with their teeth". Dang...just can't get ahead of her

Will try again on Saturday

[Denali]

Update!

Update!

I am so upset....I had thought my MIL was my biggest problem, but no: Turns out, the pediatric dentist is even worse!

They actually called today that they had an opening later in the day, so I rushed over and DS actually got to see the dentist today. To make a long story short:

The dark spots are in fact cavities, and Dentist is 100 % positive that they were caused by nursing ("nursing decay"). He wants me to make "dietary changes", which, he explained, would mean at the very least stopping the nursing on demand and limiting the nursing to a few "real feeding sessions", but he would prefer it if I weaned him altogether.

What the f.....???

I did try to talk to him about those studies etc. but he completely blocked everything off, dismissed the studies as wrong, and actually was almost rude.....definitely not very friendly.

Add to that the fact that his "baby skills" left a lot to be desired as well (he didn't interact with my son at all, just restrained him by pure force when he treated him, and didn't even show one iota of compassion when my son was crying bitterly.......I think that was the first and last time this dentist has seen us in his practice

But now I have the problem that MIL is going to ask what the dentist said.....should I just lie to everyone and say he blamed it on genetics and not enough teeth brushing, or something like that....?

Wow....I'm just now lying here in bed, my son is nursing contentedly, and I can't believe that jerk actually is asking me to wean my child at 13 months of age

Oh well

[New_Natural_Mom]

Don't talk to her until you see another dentist for a smarter opinion .

[runes]

that dentist is full of it. that's all he had to offer? weaning? nothing else?

what an uninformed uav.

there are 2 awesome yahoo groups that deal with healing caries naturally, and both are filled with ap/extended nursing mamas as well as dentists and hygeinists that are full of info and support.

alternativekidsteeth

veryyoungkidsteeth

go and join them right now!!!

depending upon where you live, you might be able to get a referral for a pediatric dentist that practices holistically. we took dd to 3 dentists, all of which advised me to wean and wanted to put in 4 crowns under general anesthesia...i said HELL NO and found a great dentist who is supporting us to heal and remineralize her teeth nutritionally and with HealOzone.

and we're doing just that. dd is 2 1/2 years old, still nursing and we're doing a ton of stuff to help with the decay. mama. and feel free to pm me with any questions.

[Denali]

Originally Posted by New_Natural_Mom

Don't talk to her until you see another dentist for a smarter opinion .

Hmmm...easier said than done

She expects my call sometime today, they'll all be here on Saturday for a birthday celebration, and since there aren't any other pediatric dentists in our area, I will have to search for a regular dentist....so I'll definitely have to face her questions before then

I think I'll just take the answers from this thread and pretend that that's what the dentist said

[Denali]

Originally Posted by kidspiration

that dentist is full of it. that's all he had to offer? weaning? nothing else?

Well...he also applied some strong fluoride treatment to my son's teeth, gave some lower dose fluoride stuff that I'm supposed to put on once a day, told me to switch to fluoride toothpaste, and said that those two front teeth probably won't be able to be saved, but that he doesn't think we should do anything now because there are more dangers with general anaesthesia for 1 year olds than for 2 year olds......that was basically it :

Originally Posted by kidspiration

there are 2 awesome yahoo groups that deal with healing caries naturally, and both are filled with ap/extended nursing mamas as well as dentists and hygeinists that are full of info and support.

alternativekidsteeth

veryyoungkidsteeth

Great, thanks, I will definitely check them out!

Originally Posted by kidspiration

depending upon where you live, you might be able to get a referral for a pediatric dentist that practices holistically. we took dd to 3 dentists, all of which advised me to wean and wanted to put in 4 crowns under general anesthesia...i said HELL NO and found a great dentist who is supporting us to heal and remineralize her teeth nutritionally and with HealOzone.

That sounds great but I live in Alaska, there isn't even a second ped. dentist anywhere close, this idiot is IT for our area

I will put the question in the tribal area, maybe someone there knows of someone....

Originally Posted by kidspiration

dd is 2 1/2 years old, still nursing and we're doing a ton of stuff to help with the decay. mama. and feel free to pm me with any questions.

Will do, thanks very much

[zinemama]

I'm sorry about the dentist! No advice there, I'm afraid.

But on the MIL front, I think you need to set some boundaries with her. There is absolutely no reason you should be discussing your child's medical issues with her. None at all. If you wanted her to know, you would.

You need to greet each and every piece of her advice with a bright, "Oh really? Well, that's something to think about" and then swiftly change the subject. Keep doing this often enough and she'll get the hint. And even if she never does, so what? You won't be drawn into discussing it with her.

When she calls today, you can say, "Yeah, turns out these things are genetic. Gosh, I'm looking forward to the birthday party, are you going to bring that great bean dip?"

Then all week, you practice looking into the mirror and saying, "Let's not spoil this lovely birthday celebration by talking about dentists. More bean dip?"

[Denali]

Originally Posted by zinemama

When she calls today, you can say, "Yeah, turns out these things are genetic. Gosh, I'm looking forward to the birthday party, are you going to bring that great bean dip?"

Then all week, you practice looking into the mirror and saying, "Let's not spoil this lovely birthday celebration by talking about dentists. More bean dip?"

Lol....good advice
Good thing I still have until Saturday to practice, though

[SarahGuinn]

I only read the OP but it seems like we have something in common, crappy tooth genetics.

My son was 14 months old when he got a nursing carrie. We had it filled and I got very good at making sure his teeth were clean of anything other than bm for night nursing, which went straight until 26 months. Yes, the nursing is to blame, just as much as the genes and not adequately cleaning his teeth at night. It's all a factor.

My youngest never got one, even thought the genes are the same, mommy just did a better job.

For my son::

[lacysmommy]

If you can, find a different dentist, one who is respectful of you and your child. My DD's tooth was really, really bad, but the dentist saved it. If the dentist is good enough, and the decay isn't too far gone, they can do things to fix the teeth so that they don't lose them. Right now is the time to be your child's advocate, and be as strong as you can to make sure you are treated fairly, quickly, and correctly. It's amazing how quickly brown spots can turn into serious decay. My DD's teeth took only 2.5 months from the first time I noticed decay (and the dentist didn't even see it!) until they looked like the enamal was peeling off.

My prior dentist had the nerve to say my DD was "uncooperative." Um, she's 1. You're a pediatric dentist. You chose your career. You can deal with an unhappy 1 year old child who doesn't like people messing with her mouth. That's what most 1 year olds do when someone reaches into their mouths. We didn't have a choice of dentists to go to at that time (insurance only paid for one dental group) so we had to suck it up and see her lousy self until they fired us once we started talking lawsuit.

Anyway. I'm pretty mad about my DD's whole situation still, too. I blogged a lot about it, if you want to read about my experiences. My blog link is in my siggy. I also blogged about our gentle, successful nightweaning adventure, and if that is somethign you're considering that may also be helpful for you.

s to you mama. I know how stressful this can be, especially when your dentist is a UAV. I'm fortunate that my new dentist hasn't said one single word to me about nursing, and hasn't even asked how she got the decay she did. He just treated it, was professional, and did everything he could to save her teeth.

[Denali]

Originally Posted by lacysmommy

It's amazing how quickly brown spots can turn into serious decay. My DD's teeth took only 2.5 months from the first time I noticed decay (and the dentist didn't even see it!) until they looked like the enamal was peeling off.

I totally agree.....it's like you can almost watch it get worse from day to day
It's uplifting to hear, though, that the new dentist was able to save the tooth.....I do hope I'll be able to find a better dentist somewhere around here. Insurance restrctions won't be a problem, we don't have insurance anyway (and the idiot today charged me almost 200 $ )

Originally Posted by lacysmommy

My prior dentist had the nerve to say my DD was "uncooperative." Um, she's 1. You're a pediatric dentist. You chose your career. You can deal with an unhappy 1 year old child who doesn't like people messing with her mouth. That's what most 1 year olds do when someone reaches into their mouths.

I know exactly what you mean

Originally Posted by lacysmommy

I blogged a lot about it, if you want to read about my experiences. My blog link is in my siggy.

Thanks, I'll check it out

Originally Posted by lacysmommy

I'm fortunate that my new dentist hasn't said one single word to me about nursing, and hasn't even asked how she got the decay she did. He just treated it, was professional, and did everything he could to save her teeth.

That's what I want as well. Still can't believe how someone can call himself "pediatric dentist" and then work the way he did and recommend weaning a 13 month old child as "treatment" for tooth decay :

Thanks everyone for their input

Charlie

[Peppermint Leaf]

Originally Posted by PatioGardener

Genetics, which must come from you DH's side since your family has perfect teeth.

[yarngoddess]

I'm so sorry for your stress! and more sorry for your sweet baby's teeth decay. My children all have decay and it really is genetic.

One thing I have found is that CRACKERS and any "carbs" are actually WORSE than sugar! If your DS has a very deep pocket in his upper lip ( up by his nose ) the cracker bits will get stuck there and turn into that "bottle mouth" that your uav dentist was talking out his ear about.

Just because he's a ped dentist doesn't make him a baby expert. While you are looking for a good dentist- look for one that's a skilled SURGERY dentist- as that's the only way you are going to get DS's teeth worked on is under anesthesia. Less tramatic to them, and they can fix ALL the teeth at once- instead of visit after visit and stress and trauma over and over and over.

XYLITOL get some NOW. Start taking it YOURSELF as it will cross over into your breastmilk and aid him that way. Xyiltol is a natural sugar that's GOOD for your teeth. It's the only "suppliment" that's approved to IMPROVE your children's teeth(according to the state of California- and they don't approve ANYTHING) You can get Xylitol wipes, nasal spray, tooth paste, gum, candy, straight sugar like, and lots of other ways.
Here are a few Xylitol links:

http://askdrellie.blogspot.com/2007/...tol-spray.html
http://cleanwhiteteeth.com/babies.htm
http://www.xlear.com/fineanddandy/
http://xylitol.org/
http://www.xylitolinfo.com/cms/conne...itol_index.htm
http://www.teething-teeth.com/XylitolBabyTooth.html

these are just a few... I hope you check into it more yourself. Find a Dentist that's a "family" one- one that has his/her own children. Be STRONG- and DEMAND that you be present for ALL exams and treatments (excluding surgery) and REFUSE to let them restrain your DS again! I remember being treated like that at the dentist as a kid- I have genetic decay issues and it's NOT FUN- and I still, STILL(27 yrs old now) have nightmares about it...sometimes.

As for MIL. You need to have DH/DP tell HIS mom to back off. Tell him to thank her for her love, but that she isn't being supportive of YOU and DS, and that HE won't allow her to behave like that. My DH and I have a rule- My side of the family is MY problem- HIS side is HIS problem. We all know how to deal with our parents better than our spouse's do. This issue isn't about teeth or nursing, it's more about MIL's respect for YOU as a parent. She had her turn being the mommy- it's YOUR turn now. I agree with the PP about SETTING BOUNDARIES NOW as this is only going to get worse/more stressfull/and more difficult to swallow as time goes on. Maybe just telling her that she is hurting your feelings, or that you are "sorry, but it isn't something we are going to discuss" and change the subject or leave the room/ house or go home. MIL's and the extended family are difficult to deal with. I have found though the SOONER you set real limits the sooner that you can relax around her. And the sooner she will see you as an adult that knows what she's talking about. Hang in there!

please pm me with questions....

[Denali]

Originally Posted by yarngoddess

One thing I have found is that CRACKERS and any "carbs" are actually WORSE than sugar! If your DS has a very deep pocket in his upper lip ( up by his nose ) the cracker bits will get stuck there and turn into that "bottle mouth" that your uav dentist was talking out his ear about.

Wow.....that's interesting, I never thought about that....thanks

I had actually already started to research xylitol because of something I read in another thread, and I will definitely check out your links as well. I wish I had known all that before, maybe I could have caught the decay at an earlier stage and at least stopped it earlier by means like xylitol and other supplements.....I just never expected that children this young could have such a problem......hindsight is 20/20, isn't it?

Originally Posted by yarngoddess

As for MIL. You need to have DH/DP tell HIS mom to back off. Tell him to thank her for her love, but that she isn't being supportive of YOU and DS, and that HE won't allow her to behave like that. My DH and I have a rule- My side of the family is MY problem- HIS side is HIS problem. We all know how to deal with our parents better than our spouse's do.

This is a bit tricky.....unfortunately, my husband is not always as supportive as he could be. It's not that he doesn't want to be....I think, he has had mainly mainstream experiences, all the people around him are mainstream (including all of his family), and sometimes he's influenced by their opinions and maybe doesn't believe that I am not just spouting nonsense....?

I probably have to be thankful that he pretty much lets me make decisions about topics like nursing/weaning, etc......he certainly doesn't know anyone who has nursed more than a few months, and sometimes I think he's feeling a bit confused. I always quote official info, such as "the WHO says children should nurse at least 2 years" (he tends to believe that more than if it was just me saying it ), but I can tell he's influenced by people around us as well who say stuff like "What? She's STILL nursing???" or "Isn't she going to wean him anytime soon?" etc. :

That's also the reason why I "censored" the dentist's opinion yesterday, and instead told him what everybody on here has been saying

And concerning his Mom, he just dismisses her statements all the time. He says "she's old, just ignore what she's saying".

And I'm hesitant to push him because he's really good about some tricky subjects with my mother

Luckily we don't have that much contact with his Mom.....if she was pushing boundaries almost every day, it would be different but I guess I can live with the "once in a while" occurrences

Soooo.....I guess I'll just tell my MIL that the dentist said it's genetic, but that I didn't like him and will be looking for someone else. That should be sufficient

Thanks,
Charlie

[milkmommie]

I have had this same "tooth rot" problem with both my youngest. The things some dentists will tell you are crazy!! I am currently fighting cavities in dd's front four teeth.
I would suggest reading this thread

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=399989

We're doing homeopathic Calc Phos daily, xylitol, fluoride rinse (wiped on threeX/day with a qtip), cal-mag supliments for me and her. AND she's still nursing. We're managing to hold the cavities at bay. But I'm coming to terms with the fact that she may still loose them and I have to be okay with that.

When I was going through this with ds, I read somewhere about a Mom of 5 who let two of her kids with dental issues just totally loose their teeth to cavities. Their adult came in healthy and beautiful and they're just fine.

FWIW When faced with a choice between baby teeth that they only need for the first 5 to 6 years of their lives and an extremely beneficial long term nursing relationship, I would choose the physical and emotional benefits of breastfeeding EVERY TIME!!!


Sorry you're dealing with a difficult relationship with your MIL I know what that's like. Maybe you could use this situation to set some really solid boundaries with her. It sounds like this certainly won't be the last time she'll try and push her values and opinions on you when in comes to your parenting choices. Which by the way, they are YOURS!!

HTH

[Denali]

Thanks for the link to the other thread, I have read through the first 3 pages (24 more to go, instead of doing the dishes ), and there's lots of great information.

I guess setting boundaries is my weak point.....I'd never let MIL influence my choices, but as for really speaking up etc.....? Not so easy