Originally Posted by smokeylo
We have been dealing with similar issues, with our own spin of course... DH's parents are Christian evangelicals who raised him in a very fundamentalist way, homeschooling, etc. They were extremely narcissistic and his childhood really was awful. We don't know how we will raise our children to respect and love their grandparents while at the same time saying we don't believe in 99% of what they do. It's hard because they're much more open to our alternative lifestyle choices (like homebirth, delayed/selective vax) than my parents (western med, but not dogmatic about it), so in some ways we line up with them, but in big important ways we dramatically CLASH. This has made it hard for DH to figure out where he stands as a father - he wants to rebel against his parents' way of doing things, but the choices we make sometimes align with their views, so he feels frustrate and complicit.
This is the problem with the "Let's just look at everything my parents did and do the opposite" mentality. Instead of going that route, I examine motivations; Sometimes you come to the same conclusion as someone you disagree with, but for an entirely different reason. Mike's father and sister, for example, are against sending children to public school. I happen to be against sending children to public school *by default,* but it amounts to the same thing for them. They're in favor of some people homeschooling; I'm in favor of some people homeschooling. We have entirely different reasons for this, but I try not to delve.
They are also very much in favor of private schooling, thinking of it as ideal; I'm very much against private schooling, for very specific reasons which they disagree with intensely. We will NEVER find common ground there, so I try to leave things at this: Mike and I are trying to make the best decisions for OUR children. Where school is concerned, they're willing to accept that Mike and I have some sense (I am smarter than they, and Mike has a degree in education).
Religion, on the other hand... yeah, I don't think I'll get started on that here, as it's likely to get me banned. I've blogged about it more than once, though, and posted about it, too.
We're never going to see eye to eye, though, and I am SO SO SO ready to take my kids to Farm and raise them there, openly pagan, and see if they want to invite their grandparents to moon services and fire circles.
Come and preach hellfire and see if you get anything other than a bemused smile and condescending pat on the head.
Ugh. Now that I'm thinking about the ILs and religion again, I have heartburn. I've got to stop doing this to myself.
|Life is just plain changing and DH HATES CHANGE. He's going through his own big problems quitting smoking and dealing with depression... UGH. While I am feeling peace and love and optimism (mixed with apprehension about quitting school) because I'm so blown away by being a Mom, he is seeing life crumble and feeling very fearful. I am sympathetic to that but also sick of the doom and gloom mentality. Bleh.
This will probably sound weird, but there's a whole chapter on this sort of interaction in How to Talk so Children Will Listen and How to Listen so Children Will Talk.
I just can't remember their advice.
In fun news: Mike taught the kids a new knock knock joke, but they don't quite get it-- it's the interrupting cow joke, but the kids are so knock-knocked that they wait for you to finish saying "interrupting cow who?" before saying "moo!"
*sigh* Bear needs toys. This place is FULL of toys, and I'm loathe to buy new ones... but we have nothing remotely appropriate for a tiny person. By the time Bella was interested in toys at all, she was much bigger and she was not just putting thigns into her mouth. Bean had some toys which would be suitable, but they were briefly used and are long since gone (he was never a "put things in your mouth" kind of kid,and played happily with marbles and Matchbox cars when he was six months old
). I hate the idea of bringing toys into this house, but sheesh. It's going to have to be done, the kid's been playing with clothing and books and who knows what else. *sigh* Any thoughts? Inexpensive, easy to find, yet ideally not plastic? Am I hoping for something impossible?
He has *one* wooden rattle, a bar with rings on it, so variety should be the easiest part.