MY 6yo, is driving me CRAZY!

[UmmSamiyah]

She is pretty much a great girl. But she has this thing where she will completely ignore what you are telling her. I will give her directions and two minutes later, she will "forget" what you told her. it is so frustrating because she will be cleaning her room and so easily get distracted.i can't take it anymore. i will tell her to do something and IF she starts, it will not get finished correctly. I have become very lenient on what is acceptably clean. but i can't take it! i know she is a smart girl but she is also kind of a ditz. i know i am the same way. but i don't know what to do. i don't want to be mean to her, but i don't know what to do. HELP!!

[honeysesame]

i don't have any great advice but i do have a six year old!! lol. i feel like he got an extra layer of space or cotton or something around his head around the time of turning six so that he is even *more* distracted, can hear me even *less* of the time even if i'm two inches away and made sure to get his attention before speaking, and yes, his room seems to have gotten way messier also. so, maybe it's reassuring to know that some of it may just be the age.... i always find it reassuring anyhow, not sure why! btw, have you read "your six year old, loving and defiant"? it's one of those ames and ilg age books from the 70s. i really resonated with a lot of it. popping into my mind at the moment-- at 5, the mom was the center of their world (not sure this is true, but interesting thought) and at 6, they are the center of their own world. (but they are still really wrapped up (their terminology) w/ their mothers in both loving and blaming ways.) they have letters at the back and one is from a mom describing a girl and her messy room and they basically just say that at this age you have to clean it for them a lot of the time and then just set aside one day a week when you do it together. i also felt really liberated when we were at a party at someone's house and the girl's room was (to start with) a *complete* mess, piles ankle to knee deep all over the floor. i thought, oh, maybe their room doesn't have to be neat! (although w/ dd about to start crawling, that might not work so well in our house.) anyhow, just some ideas and empathy. they also point out and i've been trying to stay present with, just how loving and fun six can be too. the spaciness is frustrating (even though i do have it too-- and the messiness!) but when i try to remember he's often not doing it on purpose (and even if it is, it's still developmental!), i find it easier to repeat myself gently and with new inspiration for the 4th and 5th times....hth and hang in there!

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

My 8 YO son is like this -- very, very easily distracted. He can be in the middle of getting dressed for school and I will check on him to find him playing in his room, with his undies 1/2 up his legs, so he's sort of standing bowlegged to keep this undies at his knees while he plays with something, penis dangling in the wind. When asked why he didn't finish getting dressed, he says "I forgot." Its funny, but very frustrating!

I've pretty much accepted this is a personality trait that I need to figure out how to work with and how to help him work with. We make a lot of check lists -- morning routine, homework list, calendars, that sort of thing. If its critical he stay on task (e.g. we need to be out the door in 5 minutes) then I don't let him dress on his own--he comes into our room or bathroom where there are fewer distractions.

For things like cleaning, I still give very specfic instructions (e.g. put laundry in the hamper, put books on the shelf) and I don't give more than 3 at a time, I check back about every 5 minutes and remind him of what he is supposed to be doing. For the summer I think I may try a "clean my room" checklist that he can reference on his own. Not really a reward chart -- just a list that he can use to keep himself on track.

[UmmSamiyah]

Originally Posted by honeysesame

i don't have any great advice but i do have a six year old!! lol. i feel like he got an extra layer of space or cotton or something around his head around the time of turning six so that he is even *more* distracted, can hear me even *less* of the time even if i'm two inches away and made sure to get his attention before speaking, and yes, his room seems to have gotten way messier also. so, maybe it's reassuring to know that some of it may just be the age.... i always find it reassuring anyhow, not sure why! btw, have you read "your six year old, loving and defiant"? it's one of those ames and ilg age books from the 70s. i really resonated with a lot of it. popping into my mind at the moment-- at 5, the mom was the center of their world (not sure this is true, but interesting thought) and at 6, they are the center of their own world. (but they are still really wrapped up (their terminology) w/ their mothers in both loving and blaming ways.) they have letters at the back and one is from a mom describing a girl and her messy room and they basically just say that at this age you have to clean it for them a lot of the time and then just set aside one day a week when you do it together. i also felt really liberated when we were at a party at someone's house and the girl's room was (to start with) a *complete* mess, piles ankle to knee deep all over the floor. i thought, oh, maybe their room doesn't have to be neat! (although w/ dd about to start crawling, that might not work so well in our house.) anyhow, just some ideas and empathy. they also point out and i've been trying to stay present with, just how loving and fun six can be too. the spaciness is frustrating (even though i do have it too-- and the messiness!) but when i try to remember he's often not doing it on purpose (and even if it is, it's still developmental!), i find it easier to repeat myself gently and with new inspiration for the 4th and 5th times....hth and hang in there!

OMG! I thought i was the only one! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! I was almost in tears thinking I would break and that some how i was a failure at not teaching my child how to listen and stay on task. maybe her room is not that important. I will look up that book though. i love reading.

[UmmSamiyah]

Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom

My 8 YO son is like this -- very, very easily distracted. He can be in the middle of getting dressed for school and I will check on him to find him playing in his room, with his undies 1/2 up his legs, so he's sort of standing bowlegged to keep this undies at his knees while he plays with something, penis dangling in the wind. When asked why he didn't finish getting dressed, he says "I forgot." Its funny, but very frustrating!

I've pretty much accepted this is a personality trait that I need to figure out how to work with and how to help him work with. We make a lot of check lists -- morning routine, homework list, calendars, that sort of thing. If its critical he stay on task (e.g. we need to be out the door in 5 minutes) then I don't let him dress on his own--he comes into our room or bathroom where there are fewer distractions.

For things like cleaning, I still give very specfic instructions (e.g. put laundry in the hamper, put books on the shelf) and I don't give more than 3 at a time, I check back about every 5 minutes and remind him of what he is supposed to be doing. For the summer I think I may try a "clean my room" checklist that he can reference on his own. Not really a reward chart -- just a list that he can use to keep himself on track.

I had to laugh out loud on this post. LOL. I did notice that making lists for her to refer to helped out a little. i guess i will put more effort if that has worked for you also. i am just so happy to know I am not the parent with a highly distracted child!

[Ruthla]

It sounds like you may be expecting too much of her. Try breaking down her job into smaller tasks, and stay with her while she does it.

She could probably get her room cleaned in 10-15 minutes if you sit with her and tell her "pick up the stuffed animals off the floor." Then tell her "put the dirty laundry in the hamper." Then tell her "put the books back on the bookshelf". Etc etc. A simple "go clean your room" is much to vague.