September 07 Mamas-Time Flies It is JUNE!! - Page 4

[mrsb422]

Originally Posted by lactivist

Hey if anyone needs anything from Frontier send me a pm.
Wendi

Oh, you're too sweet...I'm removing myself from co-ops for a while...don't tempt me!!!

[mrsb422]

Hi ladies...I don't have the energy for personals right now (sorry). You know I always do them, so that tells you just how out of brain power I am. Work was ridiculously draining today and I just am zapped. DS had a hard day too - I had to leave him this morning at daycare crying (OMG rip my heart out!!!!!) and then I could tell he'd just gotten over a case of the blues when I got to pick him up. I can't survive this!!!

I have my own blues too...Jess' memory is all I can think about lately. I miss her so much. I accidentally killed a lady bug yesterday trying to help it get outside and I just sat on the floor and cried. Everytime I miss her a lot, I find ladybugs so you see...

Anyway, I found a hooded short-sleeved zip-sweatshirt at Target today - bright pink with a purple butterfly on the one side that says "Fly Free." It just "spoke" to me so I bought 2 - one for me and one for Jess' other good friend, Bobbi. She says Jess appears to her as a butterfly so it was perfect. I hope she's happy and at peace...I really do.

Anyway...enough for 2 days...I am so tired. I did have a real breakthrough yesterday that I wanted to share with all of you since I am always bellyaching about DH here...

DH came home late from work, this week is nuts, but early enough to share some late-night take out with his wifey Over dinner it came up that I got into an argument with a close friend after I asked her to give her other friend my number. This friend and I had been talking at a party and she had a million BFing questions (she's due in October). I told her, "Hey, could you give Sarah my number before she leaves. She had a lot of BFing questions and I know you're one of those 'formula moms'." I was joking...I was even laughing as I said it, but my friend took it the wrong way. I ended up apologizing profusely. I wasn't trying to criticize her at all and it just came out completely wrong.

In any event, I was telling DH over pasta that we made up. He looked at me and said, "Jess, she isn't Jessica. Stop trying to find Jessica in everyone else." He's right. I am looking for a replacement and that isn't possible. I told him how lonely it is to be on this journey without her - that none of my other female friends or relatives are supportive of my mothering decisions. MDC provides unbelievable comfort to me, but I can't pickup the phone and call you ladies...ykwim? Anyway I told him that he just didn't understand...that he doesn't know the excruciating guilt, agony, and disappointment in myself that I felt the first time I nursed my brand new baby in a Sears bathroom. That I don't understand why society can't accept a mom nursing her baby in public - the most natural thing in the world. We will boil everything in sight to remove any spec of germs on everything a baby touches, but will send a nursing mom to a disgusting public bathroom to feed the same child. He looked at me and just said, "Wow." I had tears in my eyes. Then he said, "I'm so sorry. I never did understand. When you put it like that...you're right. Nurse wherever you want to, Jess. I'll never ask you to go in a bathroom again." It sounds cold, the way it is in email, but he was genuine and he looked like he was really upset with himself. I am so hopeful that this is the start of something new and that I really will be able to have his support.

Anyway, i know it is only sort of a LWAB story, but I needed to share...thanks for always listening. and : to you all tonight - Jess

[mrsb422]

Originally Posted by sunshine's mama

Anyone want a 4 year old??

She can be really sweet.....

My mom always used to tell me she was going to sell me to the gypsies...she's 1/2 Armenian...IDK if that's a cultural thing . I said it to DS the other day and couldn't catch the words fast enough as they were flying out of my mouth. I just sat back and laughed. sunshine...it'll be ok.

[mommajb]

Originally Posted by mrsb422

Oh, you're too sweet...I'm removing myself from co-ops for a while...don't tempt me!!!

I am coming back from what feels like a long hiatus w/o co-ops. It really became a 4 letter word around here. I belong to a couple of co-op groups that run such good deals. Honestly, I am quite good with money and understand I have to pay real money to cover check and charges but paypal still doesn't seem real to me and I get so excited about things. Luckily dh knows how we need the uv naturals and just tomatoes.

lactivist, I'll pm you for more details I may have an order.

[mommajb]

Hey, I was sold to gypsies, my pop would pay me a nickel to go play in traffic, I was told to go play until dinner was ready at 8 am,... I was loved but I think I talked all the time and I now understand.

I keep forgetting things. I wanted to send a to you Jess. It is hard to feel alone and missing someone. You cannot replace Mighty-Mama but I hope you make many supportive friendships and reach out to many people in her memory. Together the two of you have already made a positive change in how the world views breastfeeding women.

[mrsb422]

Originally Posted by mommajb

Luckily dh knows how we need the uv naturals and just tomatoes.

You really ARE lucky...my DH knows they are good deals, but just doesn't understand!! Everything that isn't paid physically in cash is "charged" in his mind. He doesn't get that a debit card is the same as cash and that is what is in my PP account. He understands the concept and how they work, but can't stop viewing it as a cc. So annoying...he's so clueless!! I missed the JT co-op...sooo bummed. I love that stuff! Thankfully the natural food store near me carries some of it, but it is a pretty limited selection. Price is certainly better than buying directly though so I'll take it! Hopefully someone does a co-op on that soon...I might break my hiatus for that

[sunshine's mama]

Originally Posted by mrsb422

My mom always used to tell me she was going to sell me to the gypsies...she's 1/2 Armenian...IDK if that's a cultural thing . I said it to DS the other day and couldn't catch the words fast enough as they were flying out of my mouth. I just sat back and laughed. sunshine...it'll be ok.

I'm a greek/italian mix and I was sold to the gypsies many times. It usually included me "running away" to the barn with the goat and sheep.... It has flown out of my mouth too.....and I stand in shock of myself...

Originally Posted by mommajb

I am coming back from what feels like a long hiatus w/o co-ops. It really became a 4 letter word around here. I belong to a couple of co-op groups that run such good deals. Honestly, I am quite good with money and understand I have to pay real money to cover check and charges but paypal still doesn't seem real to me and I get so excited about things. Luckily dh knows how we need the uv naturals and just tomatoes.

lactivist, I'll pm you for more details I may have an order.

Co-op is a four letter word. But apple rings and cherry granola are just too yummy to pass up. I have a lb of banana coins left that just won't get eaten I think.

Someone had refunded me some money and took forever to do it. I totally forgot about it until I went to pay for something I looked at how it was being paid and it said PAYPAL BALANCE and I was so confused bc nobody had paid me to make a tutu yet and I hadn't sold anything else. It was like FREE MONEY to me and it covered my purchase with change leftover....

YIPPE. just what I needed......there never seems to be enough paypal balance though to play how I want to play....

[*jeanine*]

jess - i'm sorry you've been sad lately it sounds like your dh really does understand now, and that's great!! (hopefully he remembers that next week, next month and next year. i know how dh's can be sometimes )

[~Katie~]

Jess, I'm glad DH is coming around and being more supportive of you.

I have three co-ops going on right now: Skirts, nursing necklaces, and these cool washable snack and sandwich bags. I figured since it IS my birthday month I might as well treat myself Speaking of birthdays, Andrew gave me my gifts tonight. He got me a sewing machine and serger, so now I can make diapers and baby carriers and all sorts of other fun stuff to keep me busy. We're going to Tucson this weekend to buy fabric and other goodies for me. Its still 6 days away but he has no patience, that's alright with me.

[shinky]

Originally Posted by KatieJD

Jess, I'm glad DH is coming around and being more supportive of you.

I have three co-ops going on right now: Skirts, nursing necklaces, and these cool washable snack and sandwich bags. I figured since it IS my birthday month I might as well treat myself Speaking of birthdays, Andrew gave me my gifts tonight. He got me a sewing machine and serger, so now I can make diapers and baby carriers and all sorts of other fun stuff to keep me busy. We're going to Tucson this weekend to buy fabric and other goodies for me. Its still 6 days away but he has no patience, that's alright with me.

Happy Birthday! I'm so jealous. We've been looking at machines... but somehow my husband ended up bringing home a miter saw instead of a sewing machine. Enjoy your gifts!!!

[mrsb422]

Mommajb - Thank you for your kind words. That means so much to me. If I do anything in this lifetime it will be to share her memory with the world through teaching others all the wonderful things she taught me. Motherhood is an entirely different and more enriching experience for me for having known Jess. Thank you so much :

Sunshine – I hear ya on the PP balance…I paid with a cc for my frontier order the last time and I wanted to use one that DH had already registered in his account. So I went into his account to send payment. After it was sent I realized that about 40% was sent funded…he had about $60 in his account and I ate it all up (literally and figuratively ). Hee hee…jokes on him!!

Jeanine – Yes, DH’s forget all too quickly. I know you can’t enlighten a person to the extent of his comments in one conversation. Accepting and supporting the commitment to BF when the baby needs it, wherever and whenever that may be, is a lifestyle choice that isn’t always easy. I am anxious to see how it pans out, but am just overjoyed with the fact that he said the words. DH is a really set-in-his-ways kind of guy and doesn’t accept change well at all. I’m not holding my breath, but I’ll just hold onto this moment to remind me that there is hope!

Katie – Happy early birthday!! What awesome presents!! That is wonderful that your DH got you stuff you’ll really use and was so excited he had to give them to you early. That is wonderful. I hope you have lots of free time to make all the stuff you want. I have 75 projects lined up and never get to them! …someday!

Shinky - on the miter saw. DH totally flaked out on Mother’s Day and since we coincidentally were in the mall the day before, he made me buy some things for myself so he could have an answer to “what’d you give her?” when the family inevitably asked. He told me he wants to do the same for himself for Father’s Day. I’m going to see if I can’t work a couple things in for me at the same time…sooo sneaky!!

Good morning ladies!! I have a ton and a half of things to get done here at work, but it is really quiet and I don’t feel like doing any of them. I know I won’t get it all done anyway, so what is the point?! J/K…I had some time to myself this morning after a day of meetings yesterday so I figured I’d write and check in.

Thank you to all of you who reached out to me in PM after my post last night :. You ladies are truly wonderful women. I really and truly appreciate your generosity, kindness, and support through all of this. Losing Jess is something I never thought I’d really have to deal with and almost 6 months later, the wound is still as fresh as the day she passed away. The old adage that you don’t know how much someone means to you until they’re gone is so true it is painful. I appreciated her in life, but I miss her in death with a pain that I cannot describe. I didn’t realize how much I leaned on her until she was sick. I let her lean back during that time and just though somewhere in my imagination I guess that eventually she’d get well even though I knew that was an impossibility. Jack is on his own path these days and seeing the boys gets increasingly difficult between work, family commitments, and the price of gas. I miss them so much and just pray that a day will come when we can all be together without effort. Oh well….

So today is a new day. I am grateful for that. My son is the light of my life and seeing that sleepy little face in the morning with the big silly grin just makes my heart swell. I cannot believe I had a life before him…I feel like I was re-born the day he came into this world. He gave my life purpose and meaning. I now know my mother’s heartache from all the disagreements we had in my youth/teenage years…the pain she dreads when my brother plans to re-enlist this coming spring…the fear in her heart as my sister goes for her driver’s license test in the fall. What a journey. What an incredibly enriching experience.

So, on LWAB…just to update you all on what you have to look forward to in the coming months…DS turned 11 months this week . I am in shock. He is a walker now!! He has this toy puppy that is on wheels and has a string for a leash. I almost took the string off…you know, choking, strangulation, all those dangerous things. He’s been pacing back and forth through the kitchen and living room carrying the dog by the leash. He doesn’t understand that he has to hold the end of the leash so that the dog roll so instead he holds it like an inch from the collar. It is too adorable. I took pics…will try and upload them this weekend. I got his birthday party invitations in the mail yesterday. My own design…so proud I’ll have to upload those too.

I hope you all have beautiful days today. It started out the day at 65 degrees in NJ so I am thinking its gonna be a hot one! :

[Sabo]

Hi ladies. I just did a quick scan of your posts. mrsb.
ishy, Lucy seems really talk and she has such a grown up looking face. So cute.

All right, I'm gonna keep this short, so here is the long story of the past weekend condensed:
Sunday: Uhaul offered a crap truck 27'. DH brought it back. Used a 14' with 2 trips and still have tons at the ap't.
Monday: Got more stuff from ap't and some cleaning, unpacking.
Tues: BF in labor at 7am.Car battery died before going to ap't (I have the only key). Go to neighbor to call dh to come home. Dh jumps car, then I hit car on deck while backing out. Cried and dh left me home while he went to ap't. 2:45 bf had her baby via c/s. Little girl 9 lb 7 oz. Have yet to meet her.
Wed: Work, go to ap't and gather some stuff, clean. Get a call from Mom: Grandma passed away. Call Dad. Services are Mon and Tues.
Today: Major accident on the thruway backing up traffic for miles (almost a full town). Took an hour to get to work instead of 1/2 hr. Need to go buy a car battery and get an oil change b/c Grandma lived in MA and I'm in Western NY.

Aili is teething and pretty cranky lately, wants to be held constantly, making unpacking difficult.

[lactivist]

Sabo ~ I am sorry about your grandma. I hope things smooth out for you.

mrsb ~ I am so glad your dh is starting to shift his perspective.

Katie ~ Happy Birthday. I am glad you got what you wanted. Enjoy making all your new stuff.

Nikki ~ It is great to see an update from you. Marshall is so darling.

Sunshine ~ I am sending you a big big hug!

I was definitely sold to gypsies, the circus and other various traveling groups. I also used to threaten to "pack my uitscase and run away". I also used to call my eyelashes lasheyes. I was a silly little kid.

Wendi

[mommajb]

Sabo, I hope things turn around for you. The good news is... You weren't in the terrible accident blocking the freeway.

Happy Birthday Katie!

[mommajb]

OMG that last post came out all wrong.

Sabo, I should not post with half a brain. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you have met the new babe and been able to hug your bf. What a day of ups and downs for you. Hang in there.

[~Katie~]

Thanks! My birthday isn't until the 10th but I think he's just happy that he's here and actually remembered. Every other birthday the Army has either sent him somewhere or he just didn't get around to doing anything for my birthday. He ordered me a cake too : But that has to wait until my birthday.

Sabo

[*jeanine*]

ugh. i'm babysitting today. ugh.

it's not so bad, but i'm just not a babysitter iykwim. she's 2 1/2. right now all the girls are napping and ds is doing some math. i don't know how people do daycare. the last thing i need is more kids i have a friend who is pg with her third - due the beginning of july. she's taking the summer off, but in fall she's starting up her home daycare again. she'll have one in half-day kindergarten, then she'll have her newborn, and her other will be about 18 months. plus daycare kids.
hopefully the regular daycare provider will be available tomorrow : is that awful? the funny thing is, when i was in college i worked at the on-campus daycare and looooooved it . i worked with the 1 1/2 - 2 1/2 year-olds, even. loved it!!! now? nope. my kids are enough, i don't need someone else's. when dh was in school he had a classmate who had 2 kids before school and 2 more while she was in school. her dh was a sahd. one time he said "i don't babysit" and he said it all snooty-like. i thought it was a little weird. now, i'm right there with him

sabo, i'm sorry about your grandma i hope aili feels better soon, so it makes everything a little easier for you

[*jeanine*]

woo-hoo! my parents found pirates and a ship and a treasure chest for on top of ds's bday cake! :

[greenmagick]

I am sooo glad no one saw what I did to Cian this evening

We went to DHs softball game and I had Cian in a ringsling on my hip, the diaper bag and blanket on my shoulder and was reaching in the back of the SUV to get two chairs. Of course they were all the way up against the back seat parallel with it, so I couldnt reach them and couldnt climb in all loaded down. So, I get the bright idea to use the whiffle ball bat to hook the handles and pull them to me. I got the first one ok, but the second one was kind of stuck and I was pulling hard when the bat slipped out of the loop and smacked right into Cian's forehead : Poor thing was so upset, he had just woken up and was all snuggled in, and pow! I still feel awful even though hes fine....what scares me is I probably wouldve used a regular bat if it had been handy and that wouldve been really bad....I didnt even think!

(of course it hit him where he already had a bump from several prior falls...I swear this kid is trying to give me a heart attack! He took a header off the bed yesterday and I caught his foot, stopping his head maybe 1/2 inch from the floor).

[mommajb]

Yeah, I don't babysit. I'm right there with you. When people ask I generally quote extremely unreasonable rates. Only one neighbor still asks me about summer each spring. She keeps hoping I will homeschool her child for her. Nope.

If I had realized you were looking for pirates I could have sent playmobil. Ds1 has pretty much outgrown it and ds2 would only eat it at this point.

Please excuse me lately. I shouldn't post. My brain is defective. Today I got so confused talking to my little girls I couldn't figure out if the word is aminal or animal. Cinnamon and spaghetti I can do.