I'm really upset right now (like crying in front of my kids upset)...
I feel like things are spinning out of control and could really use some ideas.
I have twin boys that are 32 months and lately they have really discovered how to get each other (and therefore me somehow) going. ds1 is smaller, more into reading books and can concentrate on projects/activities for longer, ds2 is very active, loves to climb, explore, take things apart, wrestle and doesn't like to sit still very long.
There differences alone make some days difficult for me. I feel like a lot of times I sit and hang out with one while the other plays alone. I feel that when ds2 gets going on one of his destroy and conquer modes it is partly because he wants more connection with me. Sometimes I don't realize this until a little later, after getting upset with him for getting into thing after thing, for tormenting his brother, etc.
The one I'm really having trouble with is ds2, he is actually a very sensitive kid, gets his feelings hurt easily, loves to hug and cuddle, says all the polite words on his own (sorry, please, thank you, I love you), however he isn't listening to us at all lately. If he is heading over to something that he shouldn't be doing (dunking things in the fish tank, grabbing his brother's book, pouring water onto the floor, etc), if I say his name several times he doesn't look up, I go to him to stop him and he gets very upset, but then after a calm eyelevel talk he goes right back to it. He pushes his brother a lot, hits a lot, screams in his face, bullies him, grabs whatever he is playing with (seems like for the fun of it), runs away holding whatever he grabbed laughing all the while. Both boys actually love to wrestle (do with their dad a lot and lately that's what ds2 wants to do all day long) but ds2 will get extra rough and is a lot bigger and will start to hurt ds1 who will scream and use his words well saying "get off, stop, it hurts" and he won't, I will be heading to them repeatedly asking him to get off, "your brother asked you to get off, you need to let him rest, did you hear him?" and he will completely ignore everyone and just keep doing it, or if I pull him off he will get upset and head right back to it.
Writing all this I feel like it sounds pretty "normal" for this age... but its constant and he doesn't stop and he doesn't listen, and I find myself getting really upset at him every day (yelling) and nothing I talk to him seems to affect anything. Somedays I just want to physically separate them (I've tried it even) but they do love to be together. Even ds1 after getting repeatedly hurt again and again will go back for more. He has bad scratch cuts all over his face right now because in a rare moment ds2 was busy with his dinosaur puzzle (that he is very posessive of) and he wanted to be left alone and ds1 was trying to do it too. I was in the kitchen trying to get dinner ready and went in there trying to help them work it out several times, asking ds1 to come help me, trying to find something else for him to do, asking ds2 if there was a piece that ds1 could place...
ds2 also hits at me when he's upset but prefers hugs (doesn't go into tantrum rages at all). Both boys have gotten pretty good at using their words, so I feel like some of this patience stuff works, but I feel so overwhelmed right now and like I can get a jump into doing things right or helping the situation.
If you are still reading this I really appreciate it... just to sum up, I would love some ideas for fighting siblings and when kids are just not listening at all where you feel like you have to yell and even that doesn't work.
I feel like things are spinning out of control and could really use some ideas.
I have twin boys that are 32 months and lately they have really discovered how to get each other (and therefore me somehow) going. ds1 is smaller, more into reading books and can concentrate on projects/activities for longer, ds2 is very active, loves to climb, explore, take things apart, wrestle and doesn't like to sit still very long.
There differences alone make some days difficult for me. I feel like a lot of times I sit and hang out with one while the other plays alone. I feel that when ds2 gets going on one of his destroy and conquer modes it is partly because he wants more connection with me. Sometimes I don't realize this until a little later, after getting upset with him for getting into thing after thing, for tormenting his brother, etc.
The one I'm really having trouble with is ds2, he is actually a very sensitive kid, gets his feelings hurt easily, loves to hug and cuddle, says all the polite words on his own (sorry, please, thank you, I love you), however he isn't listening to us at all lately. If he is heading over to something that he shouldn't be doing (dunking things in the fish tank, grabbing his brother's book, pouring water onto the floor, etc), if I say his name several times he doesn't look up, I go to him to stop him and he gets very upset, but then after a calm eyelevel talk he goes right back to it. He pushes his brother a lot, hits a lot, screams in his face, bullies him, grabs whatever he is playing with (seems like for the fun of it), runs away holding whatever he grabbed laughing all the while. Both boys actually love to wrestle (do with their dad a lot and lately that's what ds2 wants to do all day long) but ds2 will get extra rough and is a lot bigger and will start to hurt ds1 who will scream and use his words well saying "get off, stop, it hurts" and he won't, I will be heading to them repeatedly asking him to get off, "your brother asked you to get off, you need to let him rest, did you hear him?" and he will completely ignore everyone and just keep doing it, or if I pull him off he will get upset and head right back to it.
Writing all this I feel like it sounds pretty "normal" for this age... but its constant and he doesn't stop and he doesn't listen, and I find myself getting really upset at him every day (yelling) and nothing I talk to him seems to affect anything. Somedays I just want to physically separate them (I've tried it even) but they do love to be together. Even ds1 after getting repeatedly hurt again and again will go back for more. He has bad scratch cuts all over his face right now because in a rare moment ds2 was busy with his dinosaur puzzle (that he is very posessive of) and he wanted to be left alone and ds1 was trying to do it too. I was in the kitchen trying to get dinner ready and went in there trying to help them work it out several times, asking ds1 to come help me, trying to find something else for him to do, asking ds2 if there was a piece that ds1 could place...
ds2 also hits at me when he's upset but prefers hugs (doesn't go into tantrum rages at all). Both boys have gotten pretty good at using their words, so I feel like some of this patience stuff works, but I feel so overwhelmed right now and like I can get a jump into doing things right or helping the situation.
If you are still reading this I really appreciate it... just to sum up, I would love some ideas for fighting siblings and when kids are just not listening at all where you feel like you have to yell and even that doesn't work.
I wish I had the answer for you. I bet someone will, but I had to reply and say I understand the part about a lo pushing the envelope until someone yells at them, even though its the last thing we want to do. Then everyone feels sad 
. We are going through this w/ my 5yr old now. I hate it.
