The JUNE Infertility One Thread - Page 3

[hope4light]

Poetgirl ~ hang in there, just remember to be kind to yourself and try to forget the negative and not give it too much weight. We're here for you to get it off your chest and help you to hang on to the sanity while dealing with this. I think it is so easy to grasp onto something, be it negative or positive, that someone says who appears to really be in the know. Just remember, our RE's can't even tell us when we'll get pg and carry full term, so all we can do is try to think positive and keep struggling ahead.

Can you tell I'm getting ready to start a cycle? I'm a little more hopeful than other days

Willthiswork ~ how are you hanging in there?

fierrbug ~ I'm sending you : to get rid of that infection so you can move forward!

biomama ~ I hope that your still feeling better today!

burtsgirl ~ how are the meetings? We don't have any near us right now, and I've wondered how sad yet promising they can all be at the same time.

And hugs to everyone else that I may have missed or haven't posted in the last couple of days!

[EastbayK]

Updated to here

Lots of ups and downs for everyone this week!

baturay- we started dealing with the cancer in Feb. of this year, so if you have the time and inclination, you can check out my blog archieves starting there.

willthiswork- any updates yet?

Poetgirl and BurtsGirl- I hope this is finally your month!

fierrbug- hope that infection clears up soon and you are able to get back on track!

I'm 10dpo today but don't even feel like testing. In fact, I wouldn't have even realized what day it was except that this morning DH reminded me. This morning I sent Kidzilla off to California for 5 weeks to visit bio-dad. It's bittersweet- nice to be free from parenting but I miss him a lot too. I hope I have good news to share when he comes back!

Kim

[BurtsGirl]

Originally Posted by biomama

BurtsGirl, welcome! I have also looked into RESOLVE, but haven't been to a meeting. I'm thinking about going next month if we are unsuccessful again.

I'm feeling better today, but that's probably because I was distracted at work. I'm starting to be much more worried about money though. The IUIs are do-able each month, though they are a strain. I just can't imagine the financial toll of IVF... I hope we don't have to, but I want to mentally prepare. We are already starting to tighten up and spend less, and will have to institute a major savings plan if we have to do IVF. Sigh...

Biomama, I highly recommend resolve meetings, if not for anything else than to have a place to let it all hang out. I feel like I hold my breath a lot but in my meeting it's a much needed release.

Also money is always an issue in IF but it sounds like you guys are taking it in stride and good for you for planning to having a savings plan in place. We're in the same spot, if we have to do an IVF we'll have to take 4-5 months off from TTC in order to save up for it. I wish insurance would cover it.

Originally Posted by poetgirl

I did something today that maybe I shouldn't have. This woman from Nepal called the Mother of Ayurveda (because she was the first woman in the world to be an ayur. practicioner) was in Berkely
What do you think?

poetgirl, I don't know anything about Ayurveda but after googling it, it looks like it's an Indian version of TCM. Not sure if they are the same but I have to agree with biomama that it doesn't sound like she got enough information from you to make a complete diagnosis. Did she look at your tongue? How much time was spent in the appointment with you talking about your treatment, health, diet, etc? Those are all really important. My acupuncturist made a diagnosis after the first meeting but she did a lot of listening, took my pulse on both hands, and asked a ton of questions. She also tweaks it every so often because things are starting to get better and improve. I think you're correct in not putting too much power into it. Take from it what you feel you need and leave the rest.

AAM: I had the best acupuncture appt yesterday. She so excited about my chart which looks so beautiful, gradual, and rolling instead of sharp, spiky points. This is our fourth month in acup. and I've seen some definite changes in my body and outlook. So her excitement was exciting! Last month I had a mega increase in EWCM and this month my temps are looking so easy and flowing. I told her I almost thought my thermometer was broken. She said my pattern has changed now and did points with the needles that we've never hit before. I told her my hopes were getting kind of high this month but that I was trying to keep them in check. She said hope is good but instead of hoping for a baby, focus on knowing your body better, knowing/feeling when you O even without the OPKs and keeping you chart flowing. So that's what I plan to do. I'm normally always focusing on the end result and apparently that's not always a good thing, especially when the BFN or AF comes. We've been working on trying to stay in the present and focus on the journey not the result. It's hard, I wont lie, but it's getting easier. At times I'm so scared this is all a hoax and my chart will start flipping out any minute or all the good signs we've seen are just a fluke but I'm trying to stay calm and relaxed about it all and take it one day at a time.

Hope everyone has a good day!

[BurtsGirl]

Originally Posted by hope4light

burtsgirl ~ how are the meetings? We don't have any near us right now, and I've wondered how sad yet promising they can all be at the same time.

Our meetings are small. We have a max limit for members that's around 9 women. This is a new group that just formed in April and is lead by a woman who moved here from Chicago and wanted to give back to the org that helped her so much. She has an 19 month old from her third IVF. There hasn't been a meeting over 5 people yet. We've set rules for when partners should come and talked about having guest speakers come in on different topics related to our interest. We've also outlined a protocol for when someone get's pregnant and how it's announced and when they will be able to come back and for how long.
It is kind of sad but it's so reassuring to know you're not alone. Friendships have been formed and bonds are in place. We learn from each other and each others experience. I've learned so much just from listening to some of the other women who've been at this longer than I have.
It's totally therapeutic also to be able to release things that other people just don't get, like the frustration, desperation, guilt, and anger we all feel about ourselves, our bodies, and our journey.
We meet once a month now, although I wish it were more often. There's power in numbers and to know that there are so many out there in the same boat as you is really uplifting and powerful. It takes the scared, weak feeling and eases that a little. The resolve website offers a lot also. They have webinars and newsletters. You also receive a regional newsletter in the mail.
I'd be happy to answer any other questions about the meetings.

[willthiswork]

Hi girls

I still haven't tested yet! I'm waiting til thursday which will be 16 days post collection. I'm still getting cramps and had some ewcm today so I don't know what to expect!

Jennifer, I wouldn't pay any attention to her. She couldn't possibly tell that from your pulse.

How's everyone else doing?

[Tandy]

i'm new

we have been trying to conceive for over a year after 2 miscarriages (because of a genetic blood clotting disorder~we found out later)...and the last was conceived while on metformin...the clotting is manageable with blood thinners if i get pregnant again...

i am currently on metformin but my doc wants to talk to me about "new options"...

and i am worried about that...

i have a mood disorder which would make clonopin (which i have a feeling that's the next step) difficult...

also, i am not too happy about the risk of having multiples either...

so, i have been crying for 2 days off and on...because of the stress and disappointment of starting my period...

i am happy to have a place now to come and share....and hear stories of others...

i plan on going to my first resolve meeting in july...

[biomama]

Tandy, I hope your stay here is short and sweet, and that you find support here. I find the first few days of my period to be unbearable, but it usually passes pretty quickly, as you gear up for the next cycle.

willthiswork, good luck! keep us posted... I'll be thinking about you!

BurtsGirl, thanks for all the info about the meetings. It sounds like a really helpful thing to have...

hope4light, any updates?

Kim, anything to report? are you going to test? or just wait? Are you enjoying the freedom? A friend of mine just sent her kids off to see their dad for a month, and she says she loves the first week and then she gets bored and lonely...

kristenok18, what's new with you?

songbird45, did you get your test results?

everyone else? anything new?

I'm on my last day of clomid, then the U/S next Monday. Most likely trigger shot on Monday also, then IUIs on Tues and Wed. I think my goal should be not letting myself think too much about what will happen if we fail this cycle too... it's hard not to fall down that hole though.

[Tandy]

thanks for the warm welcome!

[poetgirl]

THANKS EVERYONE SO MUCH! You all really helped me let that whole thing go. DH and I talked about it a lot and we agreed that we're not going to put too much stock into it. After this Clomid cycle, we'll be back on a few natural ones, so if certain suggestions seem relevant then, I'll see what feels right. The One quite funny thing was she said to massage my pelvis with sesame oil, so that night DH and went to try it, but the bottle was full and the room was dark and soon we had oil all over ourselves. Let's just say it spiced up the BDing quite nicely. Afterward, he said "she knew what she was doing...just rub yourself with sesame oil, hehe" LOL.

My whole cycle is moving really fast this month. I took Clomid day 2-6 and lo and behold, yesterday on day 8, I got my LH surge. So I looked at my prev. charts and I'd got surges at 3dpclomid twice and once 6 days past, so we had to just go with it though I worried whether the egg could really mature in that time or not. At the IUI today, the NP said my cervix looked ready to ovulate, soft, high and good cm, so we did it. Onto the 2WW...

Welcome Tandy!

Thinking about you Maeve!

GL Biomama with the post-clomid, pre-IUI phase.

Burtsgirl, I love acup. Great news about your lovely chart and positive changes! Excellent news.

to all

[poetgirl]

Originally Posted by hope4light

Poetgirl ~ hang in there, just remember to be kind to yourself and try to forget the negative and not give it too much weight. We're here for you to get it off your chest and help you to hang on to the sanity while dealing with this. I think it is so easy to grasp onto something, be it negative or positive, that someone says who appears to really be in the know. Just remember, our RE's can't even tell us when we'll get pg and carry full term, so all we can do is try to think positive and keep struggling ahead.

Can you tell I'm getting ready to start a cycle? I'm a little more hopeful than other days

Hope4Light, Nice to hear from you and thanks for the wise words. Glad you are feeling a little hopeful these days. I'm sending you :for your next cycle!!!

Burtsgirl, To answer your ques. the time spent with her was about 45 min. I did tell her a lot about my fert. history thus far, she looked at my tongue, eyes, and did my pulses. {my acup. says my pulses are "wirey" but not in a way that would proclude me from preg. from a TCM POV BTW }. In the ayurvedic world, I think she is v. respected but upon more reflection I feel she made some judgments about me from the get-go and didn't really have me down quite accurately. She kept going on about how nervous and anxious a person she felt I was and needed more self-expression. I was like, urm..lady I'm a poet! For a living! I couldn't be more expressive, and I was a dancer before that. The nervous thing didn't jive either. : I kept thinking in my head 'she's not seeing me,' and have been thinking since: I KNOW WHO I AM.

Songbird, What's going on? Did you O yet? :

Tiara, for being in stuck mode. I'm so sorry. It is such a hard place to be. BTW, you rock too

[Tandy]

poetgirl~thanks for the welcome...

i am just reading posts getting to know everyone...

[BurtsGirl]

willthiswork, sending : for your testing today!

Tandy, welcome.

poetgirl, good luck on your IUI today! : Loved the oil story, .

Last night we had an impromptu gathering at our house and a few of our friends came over for dinner and fun. They were curious so we showed them the tank the sperm comes in and everyone danced around it, . It felt so neat and I felt so supported and loved. I also called to get the count on the two vials we have and they were much higher than I expected at 45 mil and 60 mil! The bank guarantees 20 so these are pretty darn good numbers to have! I'm getting more and more excited for this cycle and it's so hard to stay level. I want to stay level. And I not even in the tww yet! Any suggestions on staying balanced and level and not going over the edge?

Hope everyone has a great day.

[Julia'sMom]

Originally Posted by willthiswork

I still haven't tested yet! I'm waiting til thursday which will be 16 days post collection. I'm still getting cramps and had some ewcm today so I don't know what to expect!

: and : for your testing today! Do you get a beta done or are you pos?

poetgirl - good luck with the 2ww. I'm glad you figured out your ovulation, even though it was early.

Tandy - Welcome! Infertility is hard, no way around it. I did do clomid for a few cycles. I don't know how it would affect your mood disorder. However, I felt the risk of multiples while on it was very minimal. If you are monitored while taking clomid you can tell how many follicles are maturing and cancel the cycle if it's too many for your comfort. In the past I only had 1 on each side mature.

EastbayK - How are you doing?

Hugs and good luck to all those in the 2ww and for those on hold or in limbo. We still have a couple of weeks to get some June success stories!

[songbird45]

Tandy - welcome, I hope you find support in this group. I know I have.

Poetgirl - the alternative medicine stuff is sort of hard to swallow for me. There are some things I believe really have an effect (what we eat, for instance, and possibly acupuncture) but I wonder if it's for the reasons that the natural practioners say ... I'm not sure how much I believe in "energy flows" and stuff like that. My general philosophy on this sort of thing is to ignore the things that aren't helpful and use the things that are. Sometimes easier said than done, though. Good luck in the tww!

BurtsGirl - I have no idea how to stay level. I always totally get my hopes up, against my better judgment, then have them come crashing down again.

biomama - Good luck with the IUI. I know what you mean about not dwelling too much on "what ifs" .. I feel like every failure is another option taken away.

me - I'm not responding to the femara. My follicles looked the same today as they did last Friday. They're going to prescribe Provera then get me on the next higher dose of the Femara (5mg). Does anybody know what the max dosage is for this drug?

[Aly22681]

Hola everyone, sorry I have not been around more but between traveling (I went to a different state to do my IVF) and having to share a computer with my MIL, I just havn't had much time to post, however, I PROMISE I'll better.

Songbird45: I responded really well to Clomid but not at ALL to Femara and not even to mention it made me CRAZY!!! 2.5 mg of Femara is equal to 50 mg of clomid, I have heard of some people as high as 10 mg of Femara.

As for me: I have started stimming for my IVF cycle, Tenative ER is 6/23 but honestly I have a feeling it will be sometime before that say around the 20-22 maybe. Stimming is going fine, I'm on 300IU Gonal-F and 150 IU Repronex and 40 units (or .4) of Lupron. I stim REALLY well so I was thinking that 300 IU is super high for me, and the DR is not monitoring me until after I have taken 4 days of it. But I trust him, he seems to be a really good Dr. When I was on Follistim I did 4 days of 150iu and ended up with 10 eggs, but who knows, I guess the more eggs the better. I'll do more personals later.

[songbird45]

Random thought: how would you feel if you found out your RE was pregnant? My cousin is an endocrinologist, and I talked to her last night about my story. She just had her second a few months ago, and she me that she skipped the "reproductive" part of her rotation when she was obviously pregnant, because she didn't think that infertility patients would deal well with her when she's clearly pg. I agreed with her... I think that would be just horrible.

[Tandy]

i feel better now that a few of you have explained that the risk of multiples on clomid is not really high...i was under a different impression...

anyway, who knows if that is what the doc is going to recommend anyway..for this month she said to keep on the metformin, test with op kit, BD (is that the right abbreviation for the act we all are familiar with?), the night of the positive and the night after (i always wonder if morning counts too)....then use the crinone (natural progesterone cream to lower the risk of miscarriage) on the third day after the positive assuming there is a temp rise all 3 days....

i know this drill..i have been doing it for a while...

i have cried off and on the last 3 days (bc i started my period) and finally reached out and went to dinner with a friend last night)....

i did my yoga class this morning and feel somewhat geared up to start this cycle again...it's so hard...and to keep positive during it all is difficult...

i have to say that coming here and hearing others who share my struggle has already given me strength... thank you....

[Julia'sMom]

Originally Posted by songbird45

Random thought: how would you feel if you found out your RE was pregnant? My cousin is an endocrinologist, and I talked to her last night about my story. She just had her second a few months ago, and she me that she skipped the "reproductive" part of her rotation when she was obviously pregnant, because she didn't think that infertility patients would deal well with her when she's clearly pg. I agreed with her... I think that would be just horrible.

My RE is male, so that's out. However, a couple of nurses are visible pregnant. It really doesn't bother me. I'm kinda hoping that they are lucky to be around. Although, I do admit it depends on where I am mentally for that appointment. There are days when I totally hate pregnant women. there are also days where I can share in their joy and daydream of when I will be there...

[bungalowmama]

I'm new here, but seeing as I just started cycle 12 of TTC I could really use the support. My husband and I have been together for seven years and married for five. We decided to TTC last August on his 33rd birthday (I'm 25, btw). It was scary and seemed like such a huge leap after preventing for so many years when I was still in college. I was just so sure I'd get pregnant right away since it happened like that for my sister who has three kids (despite a pronounced bicoronate uterus) and my mom who had four. But it didn't, obviously. I've been charting since the start of 2007, but were were charting to avoid for the first six cycles. Before that I had a Paragaurd IUD and I'm worried that having had that is causing problems - my doctor said it was fine for women with no kids, but since then I've read otherwise. It caused extremely painful cramps and I had it removed after six months.

I have ovulated every month I've charted and seem to have excellent CM. My luteal phase can be on the short side, but my OBGYN says it's normal and that from looking at my chart I should have no problem getting pregnant. DH just had a sperm analysis on Tuesday and we are awaiting the results. It was part of an exam from his urologist after the blood work at his annual physical showed lower than normal testosterone. So I guess they're investigating the cause right now. Our insurance covers zero infertility, so I'm glad the urologist was able to order the SA.

So right now we're in a holding period I guess. I'm scared about getting the SA results. If they're good, and I am actually ovulating, what's the problem? If they're bad, then we'll have to pay for IUI or IVF or whatever out of pocket and that scares me. It's hard to not feel disappointed. I had this romantic idea of conceiving naturally and as a matter of course. But that's not in the cards I guess. I can say that when we do finally conceive, that we will have one of the most loved babies in the world. I know my screen name seems funny with the "mama" already in there, but I think I signed up for MDC during the first cycle when I was so sure that I was pregnant or soon would be. Hopefully it will be accurate soon.

[BurtsGirl]

Originally Posted by songbird45

Does anybody know what the max dosage is for this drug?

When I was on it my RE said his max was 7.5

Tandy, I'm so glad you're finding the support you need here. It always makes me feel better to know I'm not alone in this.

Originally Posted by Julia'sMom

My RE is male, so that's out. However, a couple of nurses are visible pregnant. It really doesn't bother me. I'm kinda hoping that they are lucky to be around. Although, I do admit it depends on where I am mentally for that appointment. There are days when I totally hate pregnant women. there are also days where I can share in their joy and daydream of when I will be there...

:

bungalowmama, Sorry you have to be here but I hope you'll find the support you need, I sure have. : that the SA comes back with the results you're looking for.