anyone decide not to have their 2-3 year old present for the birth?

[caedmyn]

I'd like my DD will be just short of 3 to be there at the birth of her sibling if she wants to be, but there are some logistics and other issues so I don't know if in the end we'll plan to have her there or not. I kind of felt like it might help them bond if she was able to see the birth...but anyhow, for those who choose not to have an older toddler present for a sibling's birth, how did it work out? Would you make the same choice again, and did you feel that it affected their bonding at all?

[srlpenny]

We did not have any of our children present for the birth. I just didn't think I could deal with them while in labor. We have no family or friends w/out their own kids in the area to take care of my 4, so we hired a childcare doula and she was awesome.
Christian ended up being born in the middle of the night so she only had to help with the 1 who woke up (the 16m old).
oh and BTW no problems with bonding here even though they didn't seem him arrive

[Mommy2anangel]

My DS will be 2 yrs 8 months when this baby is born and I haven't really decided, but I'm leaning to not having him present, just maybe check in from time to time to see that mama is doing well. He's very high needs and will want to be with me or DH if he sees us and I'm not sure I can handle that during the labor. I may ask my mom to come and spend some time with him but she lives11 hours away...so we're not sure yet.

[robynlyn80]

i'm not even pg, but anticipate my son will be about 3 when he have another. i'm planning to hire a doula who is comfortable with doing whatever i need- whether being an actual doula or helping with ds. we have no family here and no one i would feel comfortable sending him to. my dh isn't the greatest labor support and i think i will try to encourage dh to be supportive for ds and use the doula for labor support.

[BensMom]

mine were sleeping down the hall and even tho it was only 9pm, i chose not to have them woken up. i just didnt need anything else to deal with while i was in that moment.

but they both met her in the am and love her to bits. no idea if this is cooincidence or not, but my ds is sooo much more smitten w/ his homeborn sis than the one who was born in the hosp.

[mangokiwi]

When I had Alfred 8 months ago, I fully planned on having Quinn (then 3 turning 4 in 4 months) at the birth. My water broke at 2:30 in the morning and contractions started getting strong and regular right away....AS SOON AS my daughter got out of bed at around 8:00 am, and started asking mommy for breakfast, toys, read me a book, and lo and behold my contractions STOPPED....completely stopped. It didn't feel right because I knew that I had to focus all the attention on myself, and although my sister and boyfriend were there to help out with Quinn, all she wanted was Mama. So I called her father and he came out and picked her up.....as soon as she was out the door the contractions started up again. It was pretty amazing. My heart may have wanted her there but my mind and my body certainly didn't. This time, Quinn will be almost 5 (in Jan) and she has really changed a lot in the past year since becoming a big sister......much less demanding and more independent. I'm going to try to have her here for the birth, but if it's not working again, then I won't hesitate to have somebody take her for the day or night. I'm going to keep an open mind on the whole thing.....but she REALLY doesn't want to miss it....we'll see. I would say it depends on the child, depends on the day, and depends on how you feel about it at that time......you'll have a better idea the closer the time comes. Good Luck!

Susanne

[slave2myprincess]

i'm still up in the air about having my DD there. She recently saw the video of her birth and went hysterical lol. So when my husband and i saw that we automatically thought her being there for the birth might not be good idea. But it seems as though we might not have a choice because...we don't have any family close by. My daughter has diabetes and know one in our family really knows how give out her medicine. So dh and i are going to have a sit down and consider everything sometime soon. Good luck hun, i hope everything works out for the best !!!

oh and i wanted to add my DD would be 29 months when this baby is born.

[mommathea]

We're planning on having our 4,3, and will be almost 2yr old at home with us, but not "at" the birth. I don't know what their reaction would be, and would be hard to deal with them if they have a melt down say like durring transition.

[loraxc]

I did not have my 4yo present at my labor or homebirth by my choice. This meant waking her up after she was asleep and taking her to a friend's house. She actually went to preschool the next day and did not come home till about 3 pm (baby was born at 4am). Although I'm a little sorry she missed seeing the birth, as I think she would have liked to see him being born, I really, really needed her to be out of the house so I could focus on the labor, which went wonderfully btw. I would do it the same way again for sure. She has bonded really well with her brother.

I know someone whose 4yo was at the homebirth and there was shoulder dystocia and mom hemmorhaged. While everyone was fine, the child was pretty upset and now says she doesn't want to have kids!

[LoveChild421]

I did not want my almost 3 year old ds1 at the birth. He is a very sensitive child and just cannot handle seeing me even stub my toe or cry at all. I knew that I couldn't focus and let my body do its thing if I had to "keep it together" in order to not upset him. I just needed to know that he was taken care of and not hearing me moan and such. I was worried I would get in transition and yell out "get him out of here" or something like that and then the poor little guy would just have to be outside the room knowing I was hurting. I had my mom pick him up and take him to her house when I was sure it was really labor.

I called and had my mom bring him back over to see his new brother right after I had gotten cleaned up and such. I don't think it affected their bonding at all. I really think Grey would have resented his brother if he had been there to see me be in so much pain.

[kalirush]

My daughter will be nearly three and a half when I birth this next one, and I definitely don't want her there. She won't be old enough to understand it (maybe your kid would be at that age, but my daughter isn't very verbal or communicative) and I think it would freak her out out of context.

Besides, if she's around, I have to pay attention to her, and I'll have things to do.

[smeep]

I was pregnant and the baby would have been born within a week or two of my son's 3rd birthday. I miscarried, but if I had not I definitely would've had Ezra there at Thames's birth.

[Cutie Patootie]

I'm pretty sure I will not be having my 3.5 dd and 5.5 ds at our homebirth in January. I want to think that I would be able to handle it, but I know I wouldn't be able to. I snap when I can't focus in pain and I don't ever want the chance to do that with my littles watching. I would want a wonderful memory for them and I am afraid I would ruin it by screaming "get them out of here!!!" at the top of my lungs. :

[Red Sonja]

DS was 22 months when DD was born. I had a quick (2 hour) middle of the night labor and he slept through it all.

This time he will be just a couple months shy of 4 and DD will have just turned 2. I'll have a friend of mine over here to help keep them entertained (if they are awake) in a different part of the house during the birth. If they or I want, then she can bring them down to see me for a minute then take them back up if any of us get overwhelmed. DS has already assumed that he'll be in the birth tub with me, which I'm definitely not interested in, and both of them are still nursing and I don't like to be touched during labor so I'm really not wanting anyone to nurse then! But coming down to see me for a few minutes is fine, and then right after the birth to meet the new babe.

[amitymama]

I'm pretty sure I'm not going to have DD at the birth. If she sees me in pain or even looking sad she has to constantly hug and reassure me and I don't want to snap at her to leave me alone if I'm just not in the mood to be touched and asked "Okay, mummy?" a million times.

[apelilae]

Based on other's advice and opinions, we're playing it by ear. If I go into active labor after he's asleep, we'll just let him sleep. If I go when he's wide awake in the middle of the day, it will just depend on how I'm feeling. I have my ILs and two friends on call for around that time to help in a pinch just in case. We'll also have an overnight bag ready for him too.

[loraxc]

I should add, too, that part of the reason we woke her up and took her to a friend's house is that our house is SMALL and I am LOUD when in labor. She would certainly have woken up--and baby was born at 4 am, so...

[red_canuck]

I planned to not have my 2 year old at my birth, but due to timing logistics, he was in the house for the majority of my labour. Interestingly, and annoyingly, whenever he was awake/around, my labour slowed way down. When he was asleep/out of the house, my labour sped back up. For me, I couldn't concentrate fully with him in the house, I wanted to be in "mom" mode instead of "birthing" mode.

[Belle]

My dd was 3years,2mo when her sister was born. I went into labor at 3:30 in the morning so she was asleep. She woke up about a half hour before her sister was born. My MIL kept her in her room until I was crowning and one of my MWs went to get her. We had impressed on her in advance the need for her to be quiet for mommy. She was very excited and did just fine.

[homewithtwinsmama]

I had hoped to have all four of mine there two months ago. My ten year old twins would be fine, they were at their first birth at age 6 and did great. But, my labor kept stalling for 3 days when the younger two would wake up and get active (ages 2 and 4). Finally I sent them to Grandma and had the baby on day 4. She lives close and I would have sent for them to be with us but I got very loud and freaked out during transition/pushing and was afraid to scare them. They came back 20 minutes after birth.