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Sept 04 mamas - summer thread - Page 9

post #161 of 202
I've heard that too, that going from 2 to 3 is easier, but I'm not sure how that can be! I just keep thinking of logistical things, like how do we all nap together? I'll have to sit up and hold the baby, while Thor and Anna sleep by me. Unless Thor is OK with sleeping by the baby while I nurse sidelying. He's so cuddly, though! I had a friend who had four kids and she lined them all up in bed for naps together... I thought that was such a cute image, though I can't imagine my kids going to sleep like that.

Oh, and definitely no more than 3 kids here. I have realized that 3 is my max and I am happy to be having 3, only 3 and no more than 3.

Jen, the dreams could be a future child! Could also just be your brains doing wacky things. Like the other day I dreamed that I gave birth and the baby was all furry, like a cat. I feel like I totally knew that I was meant to have 3 kids, though. It's weird, but I just knew it, and I don't really know how to explain it.

Becca -- I remember totally being freaked out by Charlotte's Web, to the point of where I never wanted to see it again!
post #162 of 202
Thread Starter 
Would Thor sleep with Anna? T is very much looking forward to little brother being old enough to cuddle in bed. Of course, I can't believe that Thor still TAKES NAPS. Do you feel that green wave moving westward toward you? That's me, green with envy. T stopped napping in March, exactly when I needed the extra rest because I was freshly pregnant.
post #163 of 202
Happy Belated Birthdays to Anna, Oz, Mielle, Robin, and Cecilia and anyone else I have failed to mention. It is hard to believe that David will be 4 years old in two days. He was supposed to be born on the 8th but Hurricane Jeanne caused everyone to go into labor except for me so my induction got bumped to the 10th. Now if he would just quit with the whining!

Homeschool co-op starts for us tomorrow. I can't wait! David is old enough to participate in the classes now.
post #164 of 202
Quote:
Originally Posted by JenInMpls View Post
\So I am wondering if this is a future kid?

eta: follow-up ultrasound this morning confirmed: most definitely a boy

Now what all the dreams about... I have no clue.
OK Jen. Here's my theory and you tell me (twenty years from now) if it's right. This is based on our family folklore and nothing else whatsoever. But why not muddy the waters even more!?!

My mom said that early in each pregnancy she got a sense of the gender of all five of her children. It was very clear and consistant thru the pregnancy. And, she was correct. With one exception. She thought that my brother was a girl.

Fast-forward several decades: my brother, when he was thirty-five years old, realizes that he is NOT straight, is indeed gay, and comes out. He's the only one of her kids who is gay.

Later, when I'm pregnant with Lulu, and we're talking about dreams, all this comes up. My mom theorizes that the reason the gender dream was misleading in my brother's case was because of my brother's sexual orientation.

It seemed plausible to me though hard to say why. If part of who we are is who we love... perhaps that was what my mom was picking up on, and then misinteprated it as gender ... in the dream. Pretty trippy!

Background: My mom herself is gay, too.


OK... so! Perhaps that's the significance of the dreams? Lil peanut's going to be part of The Family? Mazel Tov!



Liz
post #165 of 202
Thread Starter 
Well, that will cheer Jo to no end.

Doesn't explain the hydrocephaly which thankfully was very apparently NOT PRESENT.

I had a different dream once too in which Jo and I met our baby girl a day and a half after she had been born, and we named her Rose... I am wondering if we are going to adopt a third?! We've always said 2 is enough but perhaps that's biologically speaking...

I don't know. I'll stay open to the angels speaking through dreams but frankly I'm darn pleased that technology proved my dream inaccurate today.

In Sept 04 land, does anyone have a child they get in a good groove with during the day and then their partner comes home and partner and child are combative all night? T and I can have a great day, and then Jo comes home and within about 20 minutes she's insisting, he's resisting, and he ends up being forcibly carried to his room where he has to sit for 3 minutes until that timer beeps and I am tired of our evenings being filled with beeping timers and crying child, especially when we have a decent enough day with each other at home. I don't know what to blame it on - rigidity? The stupid laptop that she's always got in front of her? Just different parenting styles? When he's alone with one of us at a time, he's always better... when we're both home, it's all tempers and punishment.

Friend of mine once said that for friends of hers, baby #2 was the best thing for kid #1 because the expectations dropped radically and kid #1 could just be herself. Lord I hope that happens with us, too...
post #166 of 202
Jen, have you heard of the ring test? I know there are several versions out there... However, a friend of mine showed me one years ago that seemed pretty accurate when she tested it on her 5 aunts and grandmother. It tested accurate for # of children and gender in the corresponding order. Unfortunately for mine it showed that I would have 6 children. Well I doubt that's going to happen. The whole concept though has me thinking about what it means. If you're wondering... here's the way I've done the ring test... Standing up, hold a ring (or metal object... like a paperclip) and put it on a string (like sewing thread... if you get a durable or strong string/rope it makes it harder for the ring to swing around). Then dangle the ring so it's directly in front of your uterus... about 3-6 inches from your body... it can be more to one side or another... But you'll know when you find the spot because the ring will move itself around in a circle. So first it will do the circle thing (the in between/deciding part), then it will show the gender of your first child (front to back... away from you and toward you... is considered boy...) then when it is ready it will start swinging in a circle... then to any other children in the order of circle then gender then circle then gender.... When it is DONE it will actually STOP swinging. Think of it what you will it's my only party trick, and it's neat to watch... especially since mine goes on for 6 kids.

On another note, after babysitting a 4 yo last year I have seen the challenge of picking movies. On one hand they are getting older, yet they are more emotional at this age goes along with their greater knowledge of the world. Last spring I bought a used copy of the movie Spirit, about a horse... Oh wait it's about the west being settled by soldiers and the fighting with natives, and the horse taken from his family... Yep, a BIG mistake on my part. So I'm waiting to introduce movies with those types of conflicts or scenarios until L is perhaps 5.
post #167 of 202
Someone had asked if I would be babysitting any other kids... and really at this point I'm taking the time to catch up around the house, help my husband get his business organized and growing. Plus I've got a little gig buying computer parts for my brother's company. And I'm going to retry selling children's books again this year. So even though we're tight for money, I think we're going ride this out for a little while and see how it goes. Plus it's nice to have my time all for ourselves again... somewhat.
post #168 of 202
Quote:
Originally Posted by JenInMpls View Post
In Sept 04 land, does anyone have a child they get in a good groove with during the day and then their partner comes home and partner and child are combative all night? T and I can have a great day, and then Jo comes home and within about 20 minutes she's insisting, he's resisting, and he ends up being forcibly carried to his room.
We have the same dynamic. thoughts...
1- Anytime after four in the day is a crankier time. Fatigue sets in and behavior declines. Both for the kids and the parents. More tears.

2- Is T mirroring tensions between you and Jo? Are you resentful of Jo or vice versa for parenting style? Is T picking up on this resentment and channeling it?

my dh is very dissociated with the kids at times and I resent it (i have to be ON all the time then). tension results... kids pick up on it and cry.


3- are there unresolved tensions in your marriage? that gets picked up to and channeled by the kids. If night time is your family time all three together ... perhaps that's what's happening w/T.



Anyway, I say.... well.... I tend to not be parenting the kids simultaneously w/my husband if I can help it. It's either him or me. Yes, we do special family things together, but as for routine evening stuff.... it's either him or me. Or I will take one child and he'll take the other. That way my resentments over parenting styles and other issues do not get picked up and magnified by the already exhausted kids.

It's not optimal, I agree. But it's realistic.

Then you can have awesome special all-together family time on the weekends, when every one is rested.

Liz
post #169 of 202
Thread Starter 
Liz, you probably hit the nail on the head there. I am so sick and tired of working all day to have a fairly happy household (not to say that we don't have our own altercations during the day, but for the most part, we get along) and that when Jo comes home, within a maximum of a half an hour, T has not moved fast enough, jumped high enough, or come quick enough and it escalates into a fight. Or carried her shoes to the back door or run upstairs to get something for her because she doesn't want to go up there herself. (As a kid who had to fetch and carry all the time for her mother, I hate the idea of children as runners. It's a personal thing.)

I feel like I can't tell her "hey, how you're parenting doesn't work" because she already feels like she's at less of an advantage because I'm the one who has spent years working with thousands of kids. And she is not open to correction or even gentle suggestions from me - they are interpreted as nagging. She considers me to be to soft and lax on him and tells me I give in to him too much. What she interprets as "giving in" I call "picking my battles". Every other stay-at-home mom I know says that battle-picking is the key to staying sane when you are home all day with a child.

The big open question yesterday that was bugging me was "when are you going to do the things you've promised you would do?" - she promised on Saturday she'd clean the cat box, and now it's Tuesday. (I'm going to go do it right after I finish here. It's not fair to the cats.) She told me twice on Sunday when I asked her to bring laundry down to or up from the basement that she would, and she didn't. She was going to get the stitch ripper and pull all of the goofy unnecessary patches off of T's neckerchiefs, and she didn't. All she seems to have time for in the evenings is obsessively checking her downloads of BBC programs - and then watching them after T has gone to bed. I like watching one of them with her, since that's about all we get for together time. I go to bed by 10 and she stays up til usually midnight because she hates the fact that she doesn't get any time in the house without the kid around. Earlier in my pregnancy I would stay up later just to hang out with her but I can't do it anymore, I'm too tired.

I guess I just need to talk with her, but I always get the defensive wall when I try.

This morning my son said nothing nice to me. Sound familiar? :

T: (naked, carrying wet diaper) "Where's my garbage can?"
J: "Downstairs. I emptied it last night."
T: (sticks out tongue) "bleah."
J: "Can I fold that up for you before you throw it out?" (Since he's about to just plunk the wet diaper into our garbage)
T: "NO! I'm getting dressed. My pajamas were wet."
J: "That's helpful that you're getting yourself dressed."
(a few minutes later, whining and struggling noises as he can't find the arm hole of his t-shirt. I go into his room to find him putting on a t-shirt and about to put on shorts. The current temp here is about 45 degrees.)
J: "Honey, I know you like shorts, but it's getting to be fall now, and you need long pants."
T: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
(I can't give in on this one. His class goes out to play around 9:30 and it won't have warmed up past 60 by then - or maybe even past 50 - who knows? So he tries for about 3 minutes of whining and screaming to convince me that he's wearing shorts.)
J: "Which pants would you like? Jeans? Or flannel pants? Or some other soft pants?"
T: "I'M WEARING SHORTS!"
J: "I know you want to, but it's too cold out. Now which pants did you want?"
T: (whining - very important - it's either whining or yelling) soft pants soft pants SOFT PAAAAAAAAAANTS!"

So he puts on a pair of his flannel pants - we need about 5 pair of these pants, I'm sayin'! - then we have the same fight over socks (he wants to just go barefoot and wear sandals) and then another over a long-sleeved shirt.

When he finally picked out a pair of socks for himself because he got the choice of "you pick or I pick and don't throw the socks all over because then you'll lose your chance to pick", I went downstairs and Jo managed to cajole him into a shirt. I couldn't take it anymore.

Either he slept poorly, or he is getting sick, or he is holding it together so hard at school that he is releasing this way at home.

I am sorry to fill your ears full of my constant complaining. I had a lousy night's sleep too despite having the whole bed to myself (Jo folded the futon down and slept in T's room) because the cat woke me around 4 to tell me that there was no food in the bowl. I'm going to go take a nap now. Yes, at 9:15 AM.
post #170 of 202
Oh Jen, I'm sorry, I hope things get better soon. You and Jo just need a big blow out and then a cry/hug/love session followed by a plan to make things better. If it makes you feel better, Cecilia is going through the same trauma in changing clothes now that it's cooler.

Liz, I want to see pictures of your puppies. I love Newfies- I can't imagine 2 of them!!! How big is your spread?!
post #171 of 202
We have lots of drama over here over clothes. David is constantly whining and complaining about clothes.

Any of you dealing with sleep issues? David all of the sudden has a fear of snakes. He hasn't been sleeping well at night. He tells us that he has scary dreams. Last night around midnight he climbed into bed with us but was quite adamant about not going back to his own bed. Since he has a full sized bed on the bottom bunk, I might start sleeping with him until these fears subside.
post #172 of 202
Clothes , OMG, you should see Thor go through Anna's entire wardrobe and try on every dress she has. He actually has "fashion shows" where he comes down and shows us each dress while modeling it very attractively. Tony calls him zoolander sometimes. No, but seriously, the kid loves dresses, sparkly things, flowery things, anything girlish! The other day though he put on one of anna's nice dresses and promptly ripped it because of course it's too small. Then he also ripped a pair of her pajamas, so I've started trying to limit the anna clothes wearing, just so he doesn't destroy her wardrobe!

Jen, believe me, I count my blessings every day that Thor still naps. If he doesn't nap, he falls asleep on the couch about 5pm. So him, Anna and I nap together everyday at about noon. I usually only sleep for like 30-40 min, but they sleep for a good 2 hours! Oh, and about the Jo/T combativeness -- does she give him some good floor play time not long after she gets home? He might be acting out because he wants her attention. You mentioned the laptop -- I have to be careful of that because it's so easy just to veg out in front of it while the kids do whatever, or watch a movie, and it quickly becomes apparent that they want to be read to, or played with, etc.

OK, so is anyone else having a hard time envisioning their kid going to preschool?? I am seriously sort of freaking out about it. I was going to do a coop with Thor but decided against it because of the time involved. With the baby and Anna it just seemed like too much. So now I'm looking at a drop off one two days a week. I've heard nothing but rave reviews of it, and we went and looked at it today, and it seemed fine, great teachers, they encourage transitioning the child to the school, etc., only about 12 kids. But still, I couldn't shake this feeling like I didn't want to let him go! Like I was worried he'd be lonely, that it would be difficult for him... I guess I will still try it and go with it, as long as he seems OK, but I don't know, I have this lingering sort of "bad" feeling. Maybe that's why I have always felt drawn towards homeschooling. I don't know what to do!
post #173 of 202
Quote:
Originally Posted by AugustineM View Post
OK, so is anyone else having a hard time envisioning their kid going to preschool?? I am seriously sort of freaking out about it. I was going to do a coop with Thor but decided against it because of the time involved. With the baby and Anna it just seemed like too much. So now I'm looking at a drop off one two days a week. I've heard nothing but rave reviews of it, and we went and looked at it today, and it seemed fine, great teachers, they encourage transitioning the child to the school, etc., only about 12 kids. But still, I couldn't shake this feeling like I didn't want to let him go! Like I was worried he'd be lonely, that it would be difficult for him... I guess I will still try it and go with it, as long as he seems OK, but I don't know, I have this lingering sort of "bad" feeling. Maybe that's why I have always felt drawn towards homeschooling. I don't know what to do!
I never wanted my DC to go to preschool...but Jaden is LOVING it. She doesn't even want me to pick me her up. I think it really depends on the kid...she always wants to do something everyday and asks 'where are we going today?'

I was worried about things like being separated from her, her being exposed to more germs when we are about to have a new baby, etc. but I just can't obsess over those things. She needs to have fun.

If your LO is social I think it's a good thing.
post #174 of 202
Jen -- I too agree that some of the T / Jo dynamic might go away if Jo could spend 15 or 20 min just with T when she gets home. I know Andrew will totally act out if he's not getting any Dave time after work, and we had to have the "what is appropriate for a 4 yr old?"talk, too.

Augs -- I was really nervous about sending Andrew to playschool because he's always been so seperation sensitive, but he started yesterday and he really loved it. I think its a hard time right now, because our kids are becoming more outward focused -- more interested in exploring the world and being on their own / with other kids / with other adults than with us. I felt guilty about dropping him off, but he had fun, and I enjoyed the time with just Aaron. Aaron actually coloured, instead of just throwing markers everywhere, becuase I could supervise him a bit more. I think its one of those things where you have to gauge it by what they're ready for, not by what you're ready for.

Andrew had his fourth birthday this weekend. We had three families over and played a few games, had a treasure hunt, and otherwise just let them play in the yard, then had cake and presents. It was nice and low key. I always feel guilty inviting people to birthdays. I don't know why, becuase I love going to them, but I feel bad inviting people to come to a kids party and buy my kids presents, you know?

Andrew and Aaron are getting really cuddly lately. Its super cute. They pull one of the cushions off the couch, grab the blanket out of Andrew's room and snuggle under the blanket, or lie on opposite ends of the couch, with pillows under their heads and one blanket between them. They are so sweet together when they are playing nicely, and so horrible to each other when they are fighting or not getting along.

Ah, the seasonal clothing battle. I'm really bad. I just say "Okay, you can wear shorts and short sleeves, but don't complain if you're cold. I'll pack baby legs and a sweater for you if you need them." Usually in ten min. or so he'll ask for his baby legs or sweater and next time he'll listen. Or he'll just be cold. Terrible, I know, but I've just decided that I"m not tolerating arguing or whining anymore.

Happy birthday to all the four year olds! Its so hard to believe our babies are little kids now.
post #175 of 202
I finally went and got some stuff for Jaden's b-day party. I decided to do it at the park since it will be the week before my due date and I don't want a bunch of kids in the house while I'm trying to keep it half-way clean and all of us healthy.

I bought supplies to make ribbon wands for the girls and I bought cool paper for folding paper airplanes for the boys. I was trying to stay cheap since we so many other expenditures this month....I thought they were good ideas. I wanted to do little containers of body glitter made from aloe vera gel but the containers at Michaels were $20 for 30 which was way too much and too many. I'm thinking about reusing some of the little mini containers of play-doh that we have for the glitter though...what do you think? tacky?

I also got a pack of 50 cards at Michaels that are super cute and were only $10 so I'm going to use those for invites and print the info to glue into the inside of the card.

Other than all that...Jaden is loving preschool. I practically have to drag her out of there. I'm glad that bedtime is getting earlier now since it's getting dark earlier. I'm trying to get Jaden into bed by 7:30 otherwise we get start on meltdown and it ends the night on a not-so-sweet note.
post #176 of 202
Thread Starter 
boys like ribbon wands too
post #177 of 202
Quote:
Originally Posted by JenInMpls View Post
boys like ribbon wands too
not these boys. They are more like the : type.
post #178 of 202
Thread Starter 
oh, well, then, I guess they can be glorified swords? Feast of St. Michael *is* just around the corner...
post #179 of 202
Isn't everything long and pointy a glorified sword or spear? It sure is around here.
post #180 of 202
Thor looooooooves ribbon wands! He saw some today at the music class we were at and I practically had to drag him away.
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