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Gifted toddler question

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
Hello - I am looking for parents that have gifted kids that I might be able to get some help from. I have a very bright 2 and 1/2 year old girl, who is going to be tested for gifted, and I just need some one to talk to who has been through what I am going to be going through. Anybody out there?
post #2 of 15
We all probably think our children are gifted .

What constitutes gifted? I know my dd is very bright...she's been talking since 9 months but I'm not sure she's gifted. What things do they test on?
post #3 of 15
Thread Starter 
She shows many traits of being gifted, and her doctor has asked that she be assessed. Of course we all think that our children are wonderful, gifted, bright children, and they all are. I am looking to find out others opinions on whether or not they think my daughter is gifted, or to get on and brag about what things she can do. I am looking for support, or advice from other parents who have been through what I am going through. It can be a bit of a challenge dealing with such a bright child.
post #4 of 15
Sorry, I was just trying to help .

I hope your post wasn't written as rudely as it comes across. When you say you are looking for someone to give their opinon I assume you meant to say you *arent'* looking for someone to give their opinion?

You say it can be a bit of a challenge dealing with such a bright child and for all I know, we could be going through the same things. But, since you felt my question was asking you to "brag" or that I wanted to determine whether or not she's gifted, I'll leave this post and hope for you someone else will answer correctly.

Good luck.
post #5 of 15
I don't know what you mean by "gifted" either. Can you explain?
post #6 of 15
Thread Starter 
No It wasn't meant to come accross rude, I apologize if it did. Yes it was supposed to say that I "am not" oops, that is what I get for typing at 7:30 in the morning. By gifted I mean....well she shows many traights of being gifted. She has been talking since before one, she is now 2 and a half, and has the vocabulary of a four year old. She says things like "Let's sit down and have a conversation." She recognizes all primary and secondary colors. She has her address, phone number, and birthday memorized. SHe knows her full name, mine, her Grandfathers and her Grandmothers. She memorizes books. She is beginning to comprehend time. She can give me directions on how to get to the zoo from our house, or how to get to church, she tells me street names to take and what direction to take them (turn left on Garrison to Highway 6 to Indiana to get to church). She learns very quickly, when I tell her something new she picks it up within three lessons. She has an excellent memory, almost photographic. At 18 months old she remembered her first birthday party. Her energy is NON STOP, she goes and goes and goes from 7:30 in the morning till 10 or 11 at night. She has a very active imagination, one that runs wild, she is a princess, she is Captain Hook, Christopher Robin, and she doesn't just pretend to be these people, for the time being she is this person. You have to call her by that name in order to get her attention, she has to dress like them, she talks in accents like they talk, she emphasis her speach the way she hears them speak. She is perfectionistic. Her life and the schedule she leads has to be the exact same every day or it throws her off. At 2 and a half she is recognizing letters, and the sounds that they make. She says things like c is for cat and m is for mommy, using the sounds that the letters make, not the actual letter it self. She has a huge reperitoire (sp) of songs memorized. From "I have Confidence" from the Sound Of Music to "Angels We Have Hear On High" to "We Three Kings" to everyday toddler tunes. She tells jokes, she questions everything that I tell her, and then seems to actually get it. I could go on and on. I just was hoping that some one out there would know of a support group or a web site that deals with kids like this. Or has discovered a school that works well with kids like this.
post #7 of 15

Gifted Child challenges

You're talking about my son, who is two...three in June!!! I hear in your last post your pride, amazement and frustration, and I feel the same way. My son can pick up a song after hearing it once, and sing it again on key. If I change the lyrics of familiar songs around, he corrects me! We have "real" conversations. Yet, I feel I can't share any of this with my friends because I get the feeling they think I'm just bragging, or exaggerating...if only! Sometimes when he's in a group of other children his age, he really sticks out. Over and over, because he is so bright and also tall, I feel expectations are placed on him that do not respect his actual age, and emotional level. Sometimes by me!!! I struggle constantly to remember he is only two, even as he plucks out the notes on his zither by studying the patterns of dots, or explains the Easter Bunny is only a man in a suit (I never told him that!)

I rarely check the boards, but lately, I, too have wondered if I should have my son tested. I got a book of self-assessment tests from the library, and could check off almost all of the attributes of giftedness. Yet I feel having him tested would just be a way to quantify for other people what I clearly observe. Often I feel I have no one to relate to about my son, and it is lonely. As much as I try to focus on the "child" in "gifted child', rather than the gifted, I don't want to hold him back. At the same time I don't want to push him.

I don't know if this helps. I have no wisdom to offer, only wanted to let you know, I am groping in the dark as well.
post #8 of 15
My question would be this: What is the purpose of testing? If your child is then labelled 'gifted' or not, what is going to happen next. If the result will be that you will receive some support, advice, or help, then that's great. If it's just for a label, I'd tend to be wary.

I can understand how difficult it must be for you. Dd is only 18 months but stuns me with the things she understands and can do. Fortunately she is rather shy with other people, so they don't often get to see what she can do. I sometimes find it awkward with parents of children the same age.

I can identify with what you are going through. For a while I wanted to hold dd back and not feed her the information she craves, because I want her to be 'normal'. Then I realised that my job is to help her to achieve her potential, whatever that happens to be.

In a professional sense, as an educationalist, I am always wary of the label 'gifted'. I have worked with hundreds of children and have known many with great ability, and many whose parents labelled them gifted, but few that I would have considered to be so. Gifted programmes in the US seem to use the label 'gifted' very readily. My concern would be to get help with how to ensure that your daughter develops emotional intelligence along with IQ - I'd read Daniel Goleman's book, if you haven't already, for an overview of what it means to be emotionally intelligent.

I'd go and ask more questions about this assessment before you go ahead. What will they test, and how? What is the purpose? What will they do if they decide your child meets their criteria for 'gifted'? Will a label get you the help and support that you need? If the purpose is to accelerate her and push her hard, I'd be very careful. Let her develop naturally, by aiding and facilitating her learning not by 'teaching' her. Make sure she gets lots of opportunity for play and socialisation.

Hope this is of some help and that you get the support on these boards that you understandably need. Good luck!
post #9 of 15
I agree with Britishmum about the labelling phenomenon. However, I am an extremely curious person by nature, so I might do the test just to "see".

I was labelled "gifted" when I was your dd's age. Two months shy of my 3rd birthday, I sat down and read the newspaper out loud. I also read books and road signs. When I was 3 I would tell my older brother things like "We musn't call mom and dad "mommy" and "daddy" anymore. We're much too old for that." I broke it to my brother, who was 2 years older, that mom and dad were buying the Christmas gifts. Stuff like that. But I didn't turn into a genius; my IQ is only around 138 (not that IQ has much to do with anything). In school, I did the Talnted & Gifted thing for a while, but I wasn't interested in any of it. I suppose my only real talent lies in langauge.

You're dd does sound very bright.

Edited to add:
I have been thinking about this today, so I looked for some articles on the Net.


And a discussion forum you might appreciate:

post #10 of 15
Thread Starter 
Well, let's see, how to put this, I won't mind if my child doesn't test to be "gifted. It''s not the label that I am looking for or even worried about. We are having some real issues, she is so bright, and I am having a hard time figuring out what to do with her, to keep her busy. Not only that, but emotionally, she is also advanced to a point, and I keep forgetting that she is only 2. My discipline techniques aren't working very well (I am trying to use Love and Logic and Attachment Parenting). She seems to be taking in the emotional levels of frustration that I am having with her at a much deeper level than I would expect a two year old to do. We co sleep and last night, after yet another fit of her hitting me in frustration and me trying every thing I could think of to get her to calm down, she told me, "I want to go sleep with another Mommy in a different house." Then later she told me that "All the joyful is gone." My heart just broke in two. How she knows to say these kinds of things is beyond me. I already know the signs of gifted. I've read the articles, I've gone to web sites..... Right now I am feeling like a failure of a Mommy. It's really hard to help her relate when her world is spinning so fast around her, and she can comprehend so much on the "educational" side and the emotional side is so huge to grasp. Am I making any sense?
post #11 of 15
Raengray - The reason I put up a link to the discussion board is that you don't seem to feel like you're getting the answers you want here.
post #12 of 15


When I read your last post the first thing that came to mind is, "wow, what a spirted child!"

Have you read "Raising Your Spirited Child"? I have a pretty precocious child, but I don't think he is "gifted". He is however very high-need.

Some of the ways that you describe your daughter reminds me of things that I read in this book. The author gives you great solutions for how to handle these type of children - which are almost always gifted in some way.

Since your question seems to be about how to help your child manage her self, I would have to highly recommend Raising Your Spirited Child.

Good luck!
post #13 of 15
Raengray - Your description of what your daughter says when she is unhappy reminds me so much of my own dd. She is only 18 months old, but will tell me 'Mummy sad' and 'I'm sad' if something upsets her. She takes things so seriously that it breaks my heart sometimes.

I did worry for a while that she is feeling frustrations and hurts more deeply than other children. But then I wonder, on the other hand, if the reality is that I just know how she feels because she can tell me, rather than cry or scream. (But she does her share of that too!)

For example, she had to have a blood test today. All the way home she kept telling me "Owie, owie," then 'Owie all done", then 'Daddy, owie, all done' (meaning she wants to tell Daddy about it.) Then she recounted every 'owie' that she has had, that I have had and that Daddy has had in the past. One day she dropped a toy on her foot and showed me, but I didnt think much of it. The next morning I noticed a mark on her foot, and she told me quite clearly how it had happened - I struggled to recall the event, as it was not a major 'owie' as far as I knew. These things are common in our house, she was really upset when I hurt my foot and still checks daily to see if the bruise has gone - I tell myself that at least I know that she is developing empathy!

I often wonder if she is suffering more because she understands so much, but maybe she just has the language to tell me rather than cry or just accept it. And maybe being able to process through language makes life easier - we'll never know, but just because she can share what she feels doesnt mean it feels any worse - it might even feel better than having to deal with it in silence!

I''m not trying to dismiss your difficulties and frustrations, just tryign to look at it from another angle. It must hurt when your daughter says such profoundly sad things, but it doesnt necessarily mean that she feels things any harder, just that she can express it.

Hope this makes sense.

Parismaman, those links were really useful - thanks!
post #14 of 15
I agree with Iguanavere, try reading "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (she also has "Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook)

I would also recommend this book: "Living with the Active Alert Child" by Linda Budd
There is a chapter on the eleven traits of an active alert child (one of which is brightness) and another chapter on how your child learns.

I was trying to figure out what my DS had, finally at 3.5 yo I discovered he is spirited and active alert, now I've got the books, go to a monthly seminar, and I have the support.

Hope this helps.
post #15 of 15
My son has shown incredible depth and intelligence since the beginning. People remark on it often. Besides this he is so into nature, it is his element. His philosophical and spiritual depth is amazing. He is 5 and from himself understands his place in the world and claims that we are all God, all is God and he knows his role here. 'To love others and help Mother Earth'. Talk about coming in with a purpose!

As a balance to his 'giftedness', we surround him with nature which grounds him and takes him out of his bright little head. This way, the answers to his questions are from the Earth, not from books (although we do read books).

I assist in a Waldorf Kindergarten which he attends 3 days a week. Waldorf nurtures the imagination in children. The place where children need to be. There is plenty of time later for letters, numbers, the left side of the brain, which neurologically doesn't kick in until 7 or so. Yes, perhaps children show interests before this in those realms, but it is my belief that one should redirect this energy towards the imagination and the natural world. Believe me, there is plenty of time for all that!

Sometimes when we say that our children will not be held back from 'learning' all these things, we are not looking into all the resources and personal complicity we offer them. Perhaps so much of our 'facilitating' their intelligence is unconscious and not in our awareness. I am not saying to hold them back, but to redirect when possible towards balance so that the child's other intelligences can come forward.

Intellectual 'giftedness' is not complete. Therefore the best thing one can do for such children, actually all children is to nurture the whole child, and to remember that imaginaltion is the most special gift of all.

Finally, labels don't serve anyone. Sounds like your child is 'gifted', you know this and that is enough. Letting her know this though is another matter. Working with that tremoundous amount of energy is again another matter. My suggestion is to join a parent support group perhaps with similar issues. Learning new ways to parent can be tremoundously helpful.

Good luck!
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