I'm in OB Hell

[skg_7]

Hey Mamas,

I've been off the MDC grid for a while, just trying to sprint to the finish line at work (last day was Friday).

I just read all your fascinating updates.

As for me, I've just officially been transferred from my team of midwives to the care of whatever OB is on call at the hospital when I go into labour. This is on account of having a placenta that is 2mm (yes, 2 mm) into the "iffy" zone near the cervix.

The BRUTAL part is that I had worked out a proposal that the first OB seemed pretty much OK with, which was that I would labour at the hospital on account of the slightly elevated risk, but that my midwife would remain in charge unless or until there was a sign of a problem, at which point I would be transferred instantly to the OB on call. Win-win, I figured.

But the OB today who was aksed to give her opinion as a back-up to the first OB just didn't like it and said no. End of story. I was bitchy and fesity and challenged her to give me a good reason not to go with the prior plan (there's precedent for it in Quebec) and she really couldn't.

It boils down to liability, politics and ego. Basically she doesn't think anyone but an OB is smart enough to determine what constitutes too much bleeding in labour, I guess.

She actually said, "Looking at everything, I think you're probably going to be fine to deliver vaginally but we're going to treat you as if you will need a c-section." Ah... right. That's what I just love about you OBs! Let's plan for a problem and see evidence of one even when it's not there!

I'm struggling so hard to accept that one 32-year-old OB's opinion is now my fate. God help me when I go into labour.... It all comes down to luck of the draw: which OB is on call and how trigger-happy are they?

It's everything I didn't want. I had a homebirth beautifully planned out. So disappointing to have to birth in a hospital, and now under the care of a random OB.

OK - that's my rant. Thanks for listening. I'm going to spend my energy now on changing my point of view so that I can get back to a peaceful place. There's no point stewing in anger, and I don't want baby to stew in it, either.

BTW -- am 38 weeks and 1 day. Seeing small signs of the forward march to the big day, but nothing is too imminent, I don't think.

Sarah

[mandalin24kd]

At least your armed with knowledge mama!!!! That's a whole lot more than most women in your position have!! KWIM?

Will your midwife be with you during labor no matter what? Just make sure you have an advocate that knows what you want and what you don't. And that has the knowledge to size up the situation and give it to you straight if they need to!

Your going to be great!!!

[franjapany]

Ugh! So sorry to hear that...!
I'd be so disappointed too, especially if it is such an obvious OB-ego thing... I really hope everything goes well and you will have a wonderful birth even if it has to be in hospital. sending you good vibes and wishes :!

[Halfasianmomma]

Sarah, I emailed you.

[Kylahroo]

I am so sorry, Sarah. This sounds awful. How comfortable do you feel laboring at home (or in the hospital parking lot) as long as possible? If you could somehow wait to enter the hospital until baby was crowning or near crowning, there'd be little they could do.

You could also be checked at the hospital, but not be admitted. If you're not admitted, they don't have control over you. Walk the hospital and its grounds, but wait until the last minute to be admitted.

I don't know. All sounds easier in theory than it would be in reality!!

[BirthFree]

My mouth was agape at the other OBs b.s. she fed you. Oh my gosh I would be SO angry I think I'd see red. "We'll treat you as if you need a c-section"... wth??? PEEEEEUKE. That is so why I have a general strong dislike for OBs, people like that. Argh!

It sounds like you know your stuff though - but for goodness sake, that sucks.

[PiesandAbrosmama]

I hope you manage a beautiful birth despite all the up hill battles.
Thinking of you!

[*Karen*]

I agree with Tanya, just go at the very very last second. Then if there is a bleed you can get it covered, but the actual birth can be basically a UC at the hospital. Good luck mama.

[sunmamma]

I would feel so totally frustrated. I hope you have gotten to a better place with it all. I know it must be so difficult to get back to that peaceful place, but the fact that you are aware that is where you need to be is great. I am sure you will get there. And remember, this is YOUR birth, and will remain so no matter what! I like the idea of stepping through those doors right when you are ready to pop that baby out...the walk to the doors may be a challenge, but nothing sompared to what you could potentially face with some know-it all OB, right? Sending you lots of love and patience.

[BlueMoonBean]

I don't have any idea how to even begin to deal with that. What a lack of respect for you and your knowledge of yourself and your body. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with that. I think you're right in avoiding allowing yourself to stay subsumed in anger, although that sounds so HARD to me. Jeez, who wouldever have thought that 2mm (millimeters!!) could possibly be so important. Ugh.

Maybe you could spend your emotional energy in manifesting what WILL happen and avoiding thoughts of that particular OB? I've always been told that our bodies can't negotiate "negative" proposals (ie - "I *won't* get sick" isn't as effective as "I am healthy").

I wonder whether it would be worthwhile to approach the midwife and receptive OB again and emphasize that your care will be much more compromised (from their perspective) by your reluctance to approach them when you need care, b/c you feel like they don't trust/listen to you? Maybe you could convince them that you'd be a much better (read: more compliant) patient (from their perspective), if they allow the midwife to attend you? Agree to come in earlier in labor, keep them more updated, etc.... Just brainstorming here. Otherwise, I agree w/ pp... avoid the hospital until as late as possible and give them the least opportunity to interfere with you and your processes.

I'm truly sorry that you're having to fight this fight. Stay feisty. It will truly help. Keep searching for the person who will listen to you. Even a nurse on your side during labor can be a great help. Take care and know that you're in my thoughts.

[skg_7]

You all rock. I feel so validated and supported by your responses. So thank you.

I have no updates yet, but am seeing my great and very experienced doula tomorrow morning. Will strategize with her. I'm definitely leaning towards the "stay away from the hospital as long as possible" angle, but haven't given up on re-approaching the first OB to see what she can do or say that might make me feel more at ease.

I guess life/God/the universe has a reason for all this. I think it's that hardest or concepts (for me): surrender. And I don't mean giving up and giving in and becoming a door mat, but just surrendering the negativity, surrendering the need for control (to a large extent) and definitely surrendering the angst. Ironically, I think this is the path back to a place of power.

Phewf.... Not easy. Half of me, in all honesty, wants to seek out that bitchy OB and slap her both literally and verbally. It's not a pleasant feeling! So I will try to be like water and find a new path, a path of least resistance.

Thanks, again, mamas.