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post #21 of 38
6/4/08 at 2:00pm
Man, i couldv'e used these last months when I was verbally attacked by a friend of a friend.

She HATES BF, to a point you can't even bring it up w/o her flying off the handle (of her broom...). I said something about how DS was quite sick the first year of his life and she yelled "SEE?!?!?" like it was my fault! I wanted to say "Oh, my BF caused his Meningitis and hip dysplasia?" Some people are ridiculously ignorant.

IMO, people like that go so overboard because they feel guilty and are trying to over-compensate and/or rationalize their bad behavior.

"Jesus was breastfed" - PRICELESS.
post #22 of 38
6/4/08 at 4:39pm
I usually don't say anything. If at all, I say "Wow! they are very fortunate! Ear infections are just awful."
post #23 of 38
6/4/08 at 4:53pm
Thread Starter 
Well the smoking argument wouldnt work with the person I had in mind because she is a smoker and thinks smoking is just fine.
post #24 of 38
6/4/08 at 5:55pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by SAHDS View Post
Man, i couldv'e used these last months when I was verbally attacked by a friend of a friend.

She HATES BF, to a point you can't even bring it up w/o her flying off the handle (of her broom...). I said something about how DS was quite sick the first year of his life and she yelled "SEE?!?!?" like it was my fault! I wanted to say "Oh, my BF caused his Meningitis and hip dysplasia?" Some people are ridiculously ignorant.

IMO, people like that go so overboard because they feel guilty and are trying to over-compensate and/or rationalize their bad behavior.

"Jesus was breastfed" - PRICELESS.
Exactly. I agree. I usually respond to those comments with, "That's great," and leave it at that.
post #25 of 38
6/4/08 at 6:10pm
How do I respond?

I just don't engage people like that. Maybe that makes me a bad lactivist (but I don't think so). It's just not my style to argue with a fool!
post #26 of 38
6/5/08 at 1:10am
Quote:
Originally Posted by FREEmom1120 View Post
In my opinion people listen to anecdotes more than statistics, especially when it supports their lifestyle decisions.

How many people have I seen eat extremely unhealthily, smoke, etc and say their grandparents did it and lived til 98? Lots.

People like what they can see with their own eyes.

I personally take all studies done on humans with a grain of salt because of the infinite amount of outside influences, but that's just the statistics nerd in me.
this is interesting. i have run across a lot of those "my parents/i did so and so and i/my kid turned out just fine," people myself.

i would counter their anecdote with anecdotes of your own, even if they are made up. "wow how lucky! my best friend was formula fed and she has all kinds of ear infections and allergies. poor thing. my sister in law was breastfed until she was two and she's never had any sort of health problem at all! i know more people who follow the patterns of the scientific data but there are always exceptions to every rule!"
post #27 of 38
6/5/08 at 9:24am
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post
How do I respond?

I just don't engage people like that. Maybe that makes me a bad lactivist (but I don't think so). It's just not my style to argue with a fool!
ROFL!!!
post #28 of 38
6/5/08 at 1:47pm
i would probably ask them if they felt so secure in their formula feeding why do they feel they need to justify it to me and compare her childrens health with the health of bf babies? ok so i wouldnt say it but i would think it.
post #29 of 38
6/5/08 at 11:56pm

Why is it always about whether they get sick or not?

BF to me is sooooo much more. When I come across people who say things like this, I tend to just focus on the nurturing part of the relationship. It just feels so natural, so primal. To know the feeling of your baby taking milk from you, as the sole provider, is so powerful. It's what I'm drawn to do as a mother, as a women. It makes people think about what it's really all about. Besides, I like my food fresh, natural, and homeade, so why would I want my baby too have anything less!
post #30 of 38
6/6/08 at 12:49am
Quote:
Originally Posted by 1littlebit View Post
i would probably ask them if they felt so secure in their formula feeding why do they feel they need to justify it to me and compare her childrens health with the health of bf babies? ok so i wouldnt say it but i would think it.
I personally just think insecurity comes with being a new mom a lot of the time and doesn't necessarily reflect whether or not we're actually making good decisions for our family.
post #31 of 38
6/6/08 at 1:02am
People like to feel justified in thier choices and some must attack others to feel that way. My exsil one day said, "I think it's funny that you were so paranoid about B and he's been so sick and I wasnt and S has been so healthy" (she smoked while pregnant whereas I would not even go into someones home that smoked, even if they werent at that time, becuase that smell is still in everything). I just looked at her for a moment then said, "Really? You think its FUNNY that my son has been sick?" Asthma runs in my family, whos to say he wouldnt have had it much worse? Oh, and I also had the thought about who knows about later? Studies have linked repitory problems that dont even crop up until people are like 40 back to being exposed to smoke in utero or as a baby.

My mom is one of those who thinks ff is just as good and that people like me just make women who "cant" bf feel guilty. This is based on my statment that MOST, not ALL (cuz some woman truly cant ) but most woman COULD if they had the knowledge and support to do so, but unfortunately, they dont. She interpreted this as me saying all women can and are horrible mothers if they dont, or something I guess. Whatever. To hear her tell her, the MAJORITY of women just CANT do it. If that were true, the species would have died out before Gerber came along (to which she says nope, they all used cows milk and wet nurses, sure, hunters/gathers had cows to milk and babies can drink that with no problem (where does she get this stuff?)
post #32 of 38
6/6/08 at 1:56am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
How do you know those BF babies wouldn't have been even sicker if they'd been FF? How do you know those FF babies wouldn't have been even healthier if they'd been BF?
yea that!

plus i respond respectfully.i judge, but i keep it to myself. live and let live. i don't get defensive when i discuss breastfeeding or anything else i practice, like GD or family bed or no circ. i take that back, i get righteous about circ. i have a 4.5 month old intact ds, and i really get angry about it, that it's still even legal. if someone does it after i know they know better, it's a deal breaker for me. /rant.

when people are defensive to me, or try and bully me about their practices, i think it's usually out of insecurity and i try and blow it off.
post #33 of 38
6/6/08 at 2:06am
Quote:
Originally Posted by anudi01 View Post
BF to me is sooooo much more. When I come across people who say things like this, I tend to just focus on the nurturing part of the relationship. It just feels so natural, so primal. To know the feeling of your baby taking milk from you, as the sole provider, is so powerful. It's what I'm drawn to do as a mother, as a women. It makes people think about what it's really all about. Besides, I like my food fresh, natural, and homeade, so why would I want my baby too have anything less!
well said! ITA ! bfing is so much more than just mere nutrition, just like natural birth is so much more than getting a baby out of your body. it's so hard to explain that though! it's hard to tell someone we women actually get robbed as mothers and women when we don't get the chance to experience that overwhelming rush of love of giving birth naturally, and that amazing bonding that happens as a nursing mother. it's so amazing, and important.

my mama, who ffed all her kids, said recently to me, that watching me nurse my children was one of the most beautiful and loving things she's ever seen. she tells everyone she knows about how her grands were/are ebf, and how awesome and natural it is, and how she wishes she'd known how wonderful it is so she couldve done it.
this from a lady who told me while i was preg. with dd, "nursing is disgusting!"

people usually come around if given the chance. and if they don't, well.
their loss.
post #34 of 38
6/6/08 at 2:24am
"really?" that's what i would probably say. "really?" said half listening pretending i'm thinking about something else. it is my standard "let's not go there" answer. i'm not one to battle back. if someone is truly interested then i'll explain the research and the other aspects of bfing ( nurturing etc). if they're spoiling for a fight. pfft...buh bye.

i did once have a friend say in a very huffy manner something like that ff was as just good as bf and i said "like McDonalds is as good as an organic grassfed steak. which would you choose?"

she totally said it because she was excusing her own choice to ff- a choice i didn't even care about to be honest until she said that. as far as i'm concerned you do what you want and i'll do what i want but at least be honest with yourself and don't make it about me.
( and i agree with everything *Erin* said)

i think people who say these things do it in defense of their choices. their "guilt" is not my problem. it really is all about them.
post #35 of 38
6/6/08 at 3:15am
Quote:
Originally Posted by go0ber View Post
i have run across a lot of those "my parents/i did so and so and i/my kid turned out just fine," people myself.
I cannot say how much that line bugs me. When someone says "I turned out just fine." I want to yell "I don't want just fine for my children; I want the best!"
post #36 of 38
6/6/08 at 3:28am
I usually just say "wow, that's interesting; very unusual if you look at the research. . ."
post #37 of 38
6/6/08 at 1:22pm

Sometimes the recepticle matters

There are many reasons for this and sometimes with the ear infections it is the absence of a real nipple.
post #38 of 38
6/6/08 at 1:56pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by muppet729 View Post
My favorite is my MIL saying that so-and-so's kids were ff and they have PHd's and are super smart, etc and SIL's kids were bf.... then she kind of trails off. Finally I blurted out, "What are you saying? SIL's kids are dumb as rocks?"
Oh my gosh...this made me laugh so hard that I choked on my chai tea. Tears are running down my face...and my 2 1/2 year old thinks I'm crazy. Thanks a lot.
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