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I fell apart tonight, update post #110 - Page 6

post #101 of 131
Wishing you peace today Emily, I know it may not feel very peaceful, as your trucking the kids off to daycare and starting your training, but I send you my love!
post #102 of 131
I've been thinking of you all day, and hoping that it was as calm as it could be. I'm also wondering if your inlaws are really going away for a month if you're just able to hang in there until they're gone. I suspect that your drama will decrease dramatically once they're no longer bugging your STBX every spare moment of the day.

Just remind yourself that you are an amazingly strong woman! and you CAN do this!
post #103 of 131
Thread Starter 
Hey mamas, thanks so much for your support and thoughts! I am much too tired to post very much right now, and it looks like this week is going to be a whirlwind, but I will update when I can. I do hope there is some more peace with my xILs gone.... I did not end up filing today, but I did talk to my lawyer, and I have some deep thinking to do before I make my next move... I will be back. (Oh, and dds did great at daycare, I am so glad I found this daycare provider, she's amazing).
post #104 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by emilyrose View Post
Hey mamas, thanks so much for your support and thoughts! I am much too tired to post very much right now, and it looks like this week is going to be a whirlwind, but I will update when I can. I do hope there is some more peace with my xILs gone.... I did not end up filing today, but I did talk to my lawyer, and I have some deep thinking to do before I make my next move... I will be back. (Oh, and dds did great at daycare, I am so glad I found this daycare provider, she's amazing).
I just want to say I am proud of your strength and that if you need to vent or chat please feel free to reach out to me... while I don't have specific advice to offer I can be an ear or shoulder that is only an email or phone call away.

Also I am very excited that your dds did well in childcare that is a HUGE burden lifted!!! Best of luck with everything.
post #105 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by emilyrose View Post
Hey mamas, thanks so much for your support and thoughts! I am much too tired to post very much right now, and it looks like this week is going to be a whirlwind, but I will update when I can. I do hope there is some more peace with my xILs gone.... I did not end up filing today, but I did talk to my lawyer, and I have some deep thinking to do before I make my next move... I will be back. (Oh, and dds did great at daycare, I am so glad I found this daycare provider, she's amazing).
==============

we are here for you - keep us in the loop when you are up to it .. and come back often for support
post #106 of 131
Thanks for updating us. I'm so glad you talked to your lawyer. And I think it will help you that you're so busy this week. The busier you are, the faster time seems to fly.

Remember you are an amazing strong woman. You put the needs of your dds first, and that always wins out in the end.

Sending calming, strengthening, empowering vibes your way.
post #107 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by emilyrose View Post
Hey mamas, thanks so much for your support and thoughts! I am much too tired to post very much right now, and it looks like this week is going to be a whirlwind, but I will update when I can. I do hope there is some more peace with my xILs gone.... I did not end up filing today, but I did talk to my lawyer, and I have some deep thinking to do before I make my next move... I will be back. (Oh, and dds did great at daycare, I am so glad I found this daycare provider, she's amazing).
I'm so glad the daycare thing is working out so well! I will be thinking about you. Stay strong.
post #108 of 131
I really glad the daycare thing worked out for you!
post #109 of 131
(((hugs)))
post #110 of 131
Thread Starter 

short update... longer one on Tuesday probably...

Hey mamas.... I haven't updated, or even posted very much, because I needed to do my own processing.... I must thank all of you, however, for your insights and support. I really owe a lot of my courage to stand up for myself to you mamas who were rooting for me, so thank you.

I did not end up hiring a lawyer. "My" lawyer talked to me on the phone and basically told me that what I was going though was not unusual (the important thing to note here is that I live in a small town with a lot of crime and a very very low rate of men who ever pay child support or do well by their children or ex-wives/girlfriends. I wish I was exaggerating, but I'm not, unfortunately, so it makes my case look comparatively tame) and still encouraged me to do it with stbx, ourselves, because I had come up with a good, solid plan, and it would be worth it if stbx signed it. So that is what I have done, but with a much stronger backbone....

fortunately, also, stbx's parents left town... and lo and behold, a couple weeks into their departure, stbx brought the car back, into my driveway, with the title signed on the back by his dad (so obviously it was signed beforehand... I only have speculations about why.... though stbx did try to pull a couple more "if you divorce me by next week you can have the car." Yuck. I declined, and held my ground.)

Anyway, at some point I told stbx that I'd be willing to shoot for July 1st as a tentative date to file everything together. So we've been having some heated phone discussions, but we've managed to work it out, and I have no idea what it looks like to him, on his end (though I do know he thinks he's being incredibly gallant and over-the-top generous, which he tries to remind me of at every opportunity), but on my end I'm satisfied, so it looks like we'll be filing on Tuesday (4.5 months since stbx left).

So now I am terrified, and I feel this enormous ball of grief rising up in me, and I am not ready to let it out. And I have to keep telling myself why it is better this way, even though it was not my choice, but now, with Tuesday looming before me, these reminders feel hollow, devoid of meaning or memory, and all I feel is anguish coming from deep down inside me, like a faraway train, that will just blast up and out of me after it is done on Tuesday...... I am not afraid of being alone, or anything like that (though we'll see how that part goes when I move), but I am sad and empty, and when I do pickups and drop offs I feel so much loss and feel so intensely that my girls deserve a whole family.....

Anyway, this is already longer than I intended it to be. Thanks again for all the support, mamas, and thanks for reading this. I will be back.
post #111 of 131
I've been wondering how you were doing. Thanks for the update, mama. I'm thinking of you. Stay strong.
post #112 of 131


You ARE strong! And you will let the pain in when you are ready and feel safe to do so. And then you will start to move through the pain.
post #113 of 131
Thread Starter 
Thanks mamas. I am very sad today. We got the papers notarized a little while ago, and tomorrow we will file.... I never thought I'd be a single mother of two children (one of them 5 soon!) at the age of 26. It feels very surreal......
post #114 of 131
i'm here for you
post #115 of 131
I just read through this whole thread. I am glad to hear that things seem to be working out more smoothly for you.

One question, can you really get a divorce by 4pm on a weekday? I never divorced - was always single - I do know that in my state once you file, you need to wait one year before you get a divorce decree so I was suprised that he could say "I want to be divorced by 2pm Friday". Maybe that's the way it works in other states???

~ Maggie
post #116 of 131
Thread Starter 
Yes you can get a divorce right away here. There is no waiting period of any kind. You can't go before a judge without all the paperwork, and with a wildly unfair plan, but if you have your papers and the judge is available, he reviews them, and you are done. If he doesn't happen to be available, he might take a few days, or a week, but it is all very fast. I actually really wish my state did require a year separation first, it makes a lot of sense in so many ways... and not for the chance of reconciliation, though I'm sure that might be good for some, but just for the time to figure out what works and what doesn't, and what you need to be planning for.......

Anyway... I'm a mess, mamas. I am rapidly fraying around the edges, and I was an absolute mess with my girls, and I had a flip out/panic attack at stbx most of the evening. Yikes. We're still set though, I have the legal papers, notarized, and a few important recordings, should I ever need them in the future (plus lots of documentation.... but I've been starting to fizzle out on that, it is so hard to keep up the energy necessary to be so negatively focused in that way... I'm figuring I'm going to have to just note the really awful stuff. I'm not even sure how much energy I have for showing inconsistencies in spending time with the girls; I'm just not sure it's worth my time and energy to focus on things like that).

Anyway, I made the mistake of wearing eye makeup today. It's crazy, once I wiped off the first raccoon face, I kept having to wipe off more! I didn't realize mascara and eye liner could spread and spread endlessly. I would've thought the first flood would've taken care of it. I will not wear any tomorrow. In fact, I have no idea how to dress; that must sound so crazy, that I'm thinking about clothing, but honestly I feel like I should wear all black, except that the black summer things I have are way too dressy, and everything else is fall/winter clothing. I got married in a salvaar kameez, perhaps a different one for divorcing? I am so out of it, in case it is not already apparent. I feel completely incoherent. I am in for a ride, I expect.... some more flooding for a few months. I totally shocked my mom today when I bit her head off, and she took it personally, so I bit it off some more, which I feel bad about because she's been so supportive. But I felt so resentful that she and everyone else keep telling me how strong and graceful I'm being, when I'm just trying to keep my head above water, and strong isn't nearly it, and graceful is just plain laughable. I guess they are in for some of my gracelessness now.

I didn't want this. And more than anything, I didn't want this for my girls. (I hate it when people ask if there's a chance for reconciliation... I just hope people are bombarding stbx with that question).
post #117 of 131
I am so sorry!!! Big hugs for you!!! I don't have a lot of good advice, but just take it one day at a time.
post #118 of 131
Hang in there, mama.
post #119 of 131
OP - drawn to the thread in the random way of MDC. I've read it through and am sad for you. Be strong.

Your user name....Elizabeth Bishop?
post #120 of 131
hang in there mama. this too shall pass.
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