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I fell apart tonight, update post #110 - Page 7

post #121 of 131
Thread Starter 
Thanks for the support mamas...

claras_mom, yes! It seemed like an appropriate username, considering where I am in my life right now...
post #122 of 131
hugs momma!

I can see that advantage of a waiting period but I do wish I could get this divorce over with quicker. It's taken forever to get the paperwork done and it's still not done after a year and then it will still be 6 months to be final. There's just too many points of questioning, of having to go over it all one more time over and over. It would be good to just have it done quick, like yanking off a band-aid and then going off to heal from it. The way we're doing it is like a spash of salt on my not-yet-healed heart every couple of months.
post #123 of 131
I am happy to see an update because you have been on my mind. It seems like this may be best for all of you even though it hurts like hell now...

You have all of us her supporting you and though it has been tough you have truly been the best YOU can be for you girls considering all you STBX has done.
post #124 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by One Art View Post
Thanks for the support mamas...

claras_mom, yes! It seemed like an appropriate username, considering where I am in my life right now...
It didn't hit me right away, but when it did, I thought, "she'll be okay with such strong words in her head."

FWIW, I think you should wear whatever makes you feel strong and confident. Good luck today.
post #125 of 131
Thread Starter 
It's done. I'm divorced.
post #126 of 131
Well....I'm happy and sad for you. I hope things keep moving up (for the most part) from here on out.
post #127 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by One Art View Post
plus lots of documentation.... but I've been starting to fizzle out on that, it is so hard to keep up the energy necessary to be so negatively focused in that way... I'm figuring I'm going to have to just note the really awful stuff. I'm not even sure how much energy I have for showing inconsistencies in spending time with the girls; I'm just not sure it's worth my time and energy to focus on things like that).
1st of all... hugs to you. I know you don't feel strong, but you are. You are allowing yourself to feel... that takes strength. And you've done an amazing job. I'm glad this part is over for you.

I wanted to comment on that quote. From what I've read from a bunch of your posts, our exes have a lot of qualities in common. I have done the same thing with fizzling on documentation at various times. Things will seem peaceful for a while, or I'll just get tired, or I just won't want to think about him or focus on the negative, like you say. And I always regret it. I am continually surprised and amazed at the things my ex lies about and twists around... conversations, order of events, factual stuff that he just repaints in his own weird reality. I don't know if he is blatantly lying or so messed up that he actually believes himself. But either way, I am trying really really hard now to just document everything. And it really stinks. Things I never thought would matter he somehow twists around and uses against me to get his way later... I wouldn't slack on the documenting for now. Maybe just come up with some efficient system so it doesn't take up so much space or energy in your life. That is what I think I need to do. I'll let you know if I have any good ideas. You can do the same!

Be kind to yourself. This is the beginning of new and wonderful things. But in order to be ready for those you have to let yourself and feel and process all of this just like you are. You're doing great.

Maybe (just a thought, totally ignore me if I'm wrong!!!), what you really need from your mom instead of her telling you how strong you are is for her to mother you and let you feel ok about not feeling strong. Have her take care of you a bit. Tuck you in, fix dinner for the girls, bring you a snack in bed, kiss your forehead, let you cry. Just a thought. If this is true, maybe you could just tell her that. Or maybe you need someone, a friend or someone, who can do that for you. Pretend you have the flu!!! It's not quite right that we can be expected to go to bed with something as minor in the grand scheme of things as the flu, but with divorce we are expected to be strong and soldier on!!! How odd!?!

Anyway, whatever it is that you need, I hope you provide it for yourself. And hang in there.

Take care,
Robin
post #128 of 131
Quote:
Originally Posted by One Art View Post
It's done. I'm divorced.


:
post #129 of 131
hugs. the worst is over. now begins the recovery. let yourself grief, take offers of help and give urself credit...it's a new begninning....
post #130 of 131
Thread Starter 
Thanks again mamas. I'm actually amazed by how long this thread is and how many views it has... when my IRL support is not happening, it definitely helps to make me feel like there are mamas out there in the ethers who are supporting me. I feel odd today, empty and not quite believing.... it felt real enough yesterday, but today it doesn't feel real at all........ I thought it would be this huge grief process, and now I can see it's going to be wierd and erratic and disorienting. Yuck.

I was talking to another woman yesterday, whose husband wants a divorce, and she said something that struck me. She has a mother-in-law whose nastiness rivals that of mine (though mine is now xmil, yeah!), and she said her MIL is the "other woman." I thought, wow, that about sums up my situation right there. It is so wierd and twisted and bizarre, but it's true. Yuck.
post #131 of 131
damn that was quick! i hope to have mine finalized by the 2 year mark.

living well is the best revenge has been my motto. really helps sometimes.

take your time with the grief--feel it all--journal, cry and take baths and walks in the woods if that is your thing at all. there is another side--things aren't always "happily ever after" there but there is a new "once upon a time". you are in my thoughts.
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