Originally Posted by One Art
plus lots of documentation.... but I've been starting to fizzle out on that, it is so hard to keep up the energy necessary to be so negatively focused in that way... I'm figuring I'm going to have to just note the really awful stuff. I'm not even sure how much energy I have for showing inconsistencies in spending time with the girls; I'm just not sure it's worth my time and energy to focus on things like that).
1st of all... hugs to you. I know you don't feel strong, but you are. You are allowing yourself to feel... that takes strength. And you've done an amazing job. I'm glad this part is over for you.
I wanted to comment on that quote. From what I've read from a bunch of your posts, our exes have a lot of qualities in common. I have done the same thing with fizzling on documentation at various times. Things will seem peaceful for a while, or I'll just get tired, or I just won't want to think about him or focus on the negative, like you say. And I always regret it. I am continually surprised and amazed at the things my ex lies about and twists around... conversations, order of events, factual stuff that he just repaints in his own weird reality. I don't know if he is blatantly lying or so messed up that he actually believes himself. But either way, I am trying really really hard now to just document everything. And it really stinks. Things I never thought would matter he somehow twists around and uses against me to get his way later... I wouldn't slack on the documenting for now. Maybe just come up with some efficient system so it doesn't take up so much space or energy in your life. That is what I think I need to do. I'll let you know if I have any good ideas. You can do the same!
Be kind to yourself. This is the beginning of new and wonderful things. But in order to be ready for those you have to let yourself and feel and process all of this just like you are. You're doing great.
Maybe (just a thought, totally ignore me if I'm wrong!!!), what you really need from your mom instead of her telling you how strong you are is for her to mother you and let you feel ok about not feeling strong. Have her take care of you a bit. Tuck you in, fix dinner for the girls, bring you a snack in bed, kiss your forehead, let you cry. Just a thought. If this is true, maybe you could just tell her that. Or maybe you need someone, a friend or someone, who can do that for you. Pretend you have the flu!!! It's not quite right that we can be expected to go to bed with something as minor in the grand scheme of things as the flu, but with divorce we are expected to be strong and soldier on!!! How odd!?!
Anyway, whatever it is that you need, I hope you provide it for yourself. And hang in there.