Originally Posted by pranamama
another note, take a copy of your agreement with you when you go to sign. Look over all the pages to make sure they start and end at the same places as your copy, then, sit down and read the entire agreement before signing it.
I would go ask an attorney to review it. I would specifically ask how easy it would be to have the portions you want deactivated in court if your ex decides he wants to not play nice later on.
I wonder if he is about to come into some money and doesn't want to give half of it to you.
Yes, I had the same thoughts.
Emily, no normal person deals with divorce this way. We all go into it understanding that this is a long and harrowing process, and that it's done when it's done -- either when *both parties* are comfortable signing or when the clerk of courts sets your trial date and the lawyers and judge actually show up for it. Frankly, I'm beginning to wonder if your guy is mentally ill, and whether you should be looking for a psych eval.
Whatever is happening, though, never, ever sign a piece of paper when you have "gee, this is really weird, but I'm getting the things I want" feelings. That's a surefire way to end up in deep trouble.
momof4peppers is right, too. I'd thought he'd already signed. If not, then I know it sucks to hear, but you have no agreement. All you have is the word of a man who's unreliable and manipulative. Don't kid yourself about what that's worth.
It sounds to me like you've really let him lead for the last few years, and in a way that's giving, but in a way it's also a really easy thing to do. This process -- this divorce process -- is your chance to protect and stand up for yourself and your daughters. It's the biggest chance you'll get. You need to do this from a position of strength, not like a rabbit being chased into what you think is a safe corner. People don't chase rabbits into safe corners; they chase them into traps, or chase them out and slam the door shut. You really need to stand up now, with all the weight and power that you really have, and be the savvy, bearish mama.
If your stbx genuinely wants to do alimony, homeschooling, primary custody, a car, and all the rest, this month or three months from now won't make a difference. If he doesn't want to do them, then it doesn't matter what you sign or when; you'll be right back in court. You have no reason to rush. And I bet you he's freaking out at you like this because he knows perfectly well that you have no reason, and don't have to rush, so his only chance is to scare you.
In Step 2, btw, he threatens you with trying to take away all custody of the girls by having you evaluated as crazy. Don't pay any attention to that one either. I would however document all of his flipflopping around, and if you have an agreement that the two of you have worked up, I would keep it. It's going to be very hard for him to show that he thinks you're dangerous when he was willing to hand over custody to you a few months before, and in fact decreased his visitation voluntarily. You'll know he's really desperate when he tells you he's only going to work under the table so you'll never see a dime of child support. Again, pay no attention. Ulysses, mast.