O I said that he was still using anything he could to try to get to me, and she said that he would keep on doing it, and that maybe I should just go and get it over with, and that even if he turns around and files for full custody or something, he could do that regardless of whether we go the lawyer route or not, so what's the big deal?
Let me give you an example of "significant". Lots of rich kids don't get access to their trusts until they're 28, 30, or 35. Which is sensible of the parents, who -- if they're wise -- also don't tell the kids about the trusts' existence until shortly before the date at which the kid gets control of the money. The parents say nothing because they don't want to encourage their kids to just hang around waiting for money to drop on their heads.
Suppose two things. Suppose your ex is about to gain access to a trust, and suppose his folks don't like you. They know you guys have had trouble. They also know that if you're still married when he gains access to the money, and you divorce, you walk away with a big fat chunk of this marital asset. They don't want to give you anything. So one day his dad sits down with him and lays out enough of the deal to convince your ex that he needs that divorce pronto, and to give you whatever you want so long as it happens fast. His dad also impresses upon him that his mission is to avoid giving away a large chunk of change to you, and presents it as a test of your stbx's manhood. After all, the old man knows how to show a woman her place; his son should, too.
If there's something like this involved, then whatever sentiments are driving stbx and his family, you want that money. That, and not your ex, will allow you to homeschool the girls, buy a house, and so on. That'll be your backup when your ex takes you back to court and you need to hire a lawyer again. If nothing else, that'll force your ex to pay you considerably better c/s than a social worker's salary would.
And the very last thing you want is a rich, vindictive, crazy ex when you have no money and a poor family.
I know a woman who lived that story; she's a professor of women's studies now. It was a hell of a long ugly road she had to take to get there, through welfare and chronic illness, and in the end she's dependent on her new guy, who...well, i don't think she can afford to admit to herself how much of the family responsibility he dumps on her so he can go off whenever and have his career. Or how it sucks to deal with his various emotional problems. Yes, ironic, given the discipline.
So don't let him shoo you off the marriage before you're ready. You'll find out, in time, what all the hurry was about. Meantime, just get comfortable with the fact that this is going to be an ordinary divorce fight, and that probably he's not tenacious enough to make this truly miserable. Tell your mom to relax, and get used to thinking in terms of legal spaces -- in some he can interfere with you, and in others he can't.